Far to fall

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Recently someone asked why I go to see a therapist. I wasn’t sure how to answer that question right away. After thinking about it; it came down to the fact that I don’t think I am worthy. I feel like I am a constant failure.

When I started to think about why this was the case – from the outside looking into my life – it looks near perfect. Happy marriage, four healthy kiddos, a job, a house in a nice neighborhood, and lots of people who care about me. So why would someone like me feel like a failure?

Expectations. Incredibly high expectations.

Today on my run, I observed people walking their dogs, doing crafts in their garages, washing cars, playing basketball, and even doing yard work. It hit me that if I completed any of those tasks on any given day that it wouldn’t be enough. I would have to complete all of them and then some to feel like I had a successful day.

It is sheer craziness. That is why I need to see a therapist – I need to learn how to feel satisfied and comfortable with the tasks that I complete; not judge myself based on the list that was left undone.

In the Brene Brown Course I was taking there was a journal prompt to write about worthiness. In The Gift of Imperfections, she writes “worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites…” She gave a journal prompt that said to write our worthy statements that we say to ourselves. “I will be worthy if/when…”

I easily wrote…

“I will be worthy when I am thin.”

“I will be worthy when I have enough energy to do it all.”

“I will be worthy when I am a published writer.”

“I will be worthy when I have a lot of friends.”

But here is the kicker; Brene said that once we wrote those statements down we had to cross them out and write “I am worthy NOW” next to each one. Weird how freeing it was to cross off each of those statements, to let them go.

We are worthy right now. God created us each as we are – just the exact right amount of enoughness. I am enough. You are enough. We are worthy right now.

Try this little task yourself. You might be surprised and I would love to hear about it.

Worthy right now-

M