“If there is no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to one another.”
— Mother Teresa
It has been a month or so ago now, but I had a client send a question that I thought you may have stumbled across as well. Sharing it here, with you, felt right.
This client reached out to me because she had been chided on her Instagram account for sharing a spiritual experience. We will call her Monica. Monica received a sign from spirit and she also had a reading that helped her realize that these signs were possible. Someone commented on Monica’s post using Leviticus as a reference basically stating she couldn’t be a good Christian if she sought the services of a medium.
The verse the commenter used was,
“Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.”- Leviticus 19:31
Monica asked how I dealt with things like this when they happened to me or if I had advice for her.
This has no easy answer and maybe there is no answer at all. I prayed on it for some time and one thing is for sure, I know I am not here to debate the Bible. That is definitely not my place. I won’t even begin to try. I can share some important things that mediumship and life have taught me, though. Some of what I shared with Monica, I will share here with you today in case you have wondered about this dilemma yourself.
Here are some of the important things.
The important thing about life and faith is that we all get to make our own decisions.
The important thing about a relationship with God, the Universe, etc. is that it is between you and God and no one else.
For me personally, the important thing about my mediumship gift is that it has brought me closer to God. I hear Him crisper and clearer than ever before. That can’t be a bad thing.
The important thing about answers is we don’t have all the answers and we might not ever in our lifetime.
There is bad in everything, but the important thing is, there is way more good in everything. It is all perspective.
The important thing about grace is that we should offer it to ourselves and others.
The important thing about what other people think about us is none of our business.
When people try to steal our light, our joy, the important thing is that we recognize and acknowledge it and then do not let them take that from us.
I try my best to live with a Jesus heart and a deep faith in the Lord. I hear His voice in my heart and it guides me to the next best choice. He knows my heart better than anyone else and the important thing is that is what matters. The good news is that goes for you, too.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what other people think, do your best, you won’t have all the answers, but offer yourself and others grace in finding your way because we belong to one another; that’s the important thing.
This is a story that is told multiple times a week. Details are omitted to scrunch it into the allotted time. It is the story I tell before each reading; the story of how I got started doing readings for other people. I want to share it here in its entirety because I think just once it needs to be written down with all the details in place.
It was a regular day like any other. I was in grad school and had made a great friend. The kind that you meet and you already feel like you have known each other a hundred years. We had most of our classes together. We talked about lots of things; I had my first child in grad school and she had been teaching longer than I; married longer than I. She always had the best advice; but one day our conversation turned to one of her students. A student that had leukemia. An eight-year-old little boy whom she tutored. I had no idea when we started talking about Matthew the impact he would have on my life.
As my friend shared her worries and experience with Matthew and his family, I shared more about my gift with her. Opening something inside of myself I had held so close. Trying to share what little wisdom I had to bring comfort to the unthinkable situation that was facing this family, facing Matthew.
Matthew gained his angel wings in July of 2007.
A few months later my friend told me that I should share my gift with this family. That they needed my help.
Crazy town; I told her. Crazy people do things like that. I didn’t think I could help and I was sure that if I did everyone would think I was crazy. No one can talk to spirits for real. The things that happened to me were just random and I wasn’t about to do them out loud in front of the world. I played small and it suited me just fine. I had a sweet little life at this point. Two kids and a new job; I was moving forward into my sweet, quiet life comfortably.
So, I told her no. I thought that would be the end of it.
Sometimes you don’t hear when God is laughing at you. Chuckling at the notion that you think you have some control over what you are meant to do.
God and Matthew had different plans for me. Matthew was helping Him put those plans into motion.
Matthew began to show up everywhere. He was in my car; my kitchen, woke me up at night because I kept having the same dream. I would reach out for a tombstone that wasn’t there and carved into the rock were symbols I didn’t recognize. Each night I would trace them with my finger drawing symbols into a phantom tombstone.
Finally, I asked Matthew what he wanted. He had a family that loved him, why in the world was he spending all this time around me?
He asked me to talk to his mom. He asked me to help his family. Said he had something for his sister and turned into a butterfly and fluttered away.
God knew if He sent me a child I would listen. God knew if He sent me a small boy that I would say yes. That with shaky legs, sweaty hands and my stomach in knots I would drive 40 miles into unknown territory and try to help this boy reunite with his family.
Arriving made everything worse. Encountering the eyes of this mother and father who had lost half their hearts and a whole child to Heaven was almost unbearable. What if this didn’t work? What if I was crazy? What if I just heard and saw things that didn’t really exist? I started praying in my head like a crazy woman. Dear God, please let me help this family. God please let this bring them some comfort. God please let this be real. God please don’t let this family down.
It took a good twenty minutes to get comfortable. Twenty minutes of small talk and looking at a few pictures. Matthew showed up right away, but I had never seen energy move so fast. I couldn’t slow him down enough to hear what he was saying. And then something shifted.
I started to hear him clear as day. I started to see him in his blue striped shirt and the wide grin expand across his face. He told his family about things he did in the house to let them know he was around. He described the item that he was buried with since I would have no idea what it was or how to pronounce what it was called. Matthew relayed to me the item he wanted his sister to have. He shared things he hoped for his family and wanted for the future.
We drove to his grave because of my dream. I had chills over my whole body as I stepped into the reality of that dream. Stepped into a solid, tangible reality I had only seen in dreams. I explained to them about the symbols Matthew wanted on his tombstone. His dad drew multiple samples on a napkin; skeptical trying to prove this was really happening; only one set of symbols represented what I had verbalized to them. Without hesitation, I pointed to the second set of symbols. The ones I had traced into stone night after night in my dream. Those were the ones. The ones Matthew wanted on his stone.
Then a little dog showed up and of course it had been theirs. Of course, that dog was with their son playing chase and being a constant companion.
That day changed my life. That day put me on a course with God’s plan for me. It unfurled my path; a path I had refused to step onto for 15 years.
When I was fifteen a line of spirits formed around me. A line. They would reach out one by one; tell me I was going to help them and I would shake it off. It couldn’t be. How could I tell people out loud this is me? I talk to dead people, seriously? I couldn’t handle the criticism. I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready that day either and it would be about five years after this first reading for strangers that I would help other people out loud. Matthew never gave up. He would visit from time to time and nudge me down this path. Encourage me to keep the channels open; to pay attention to spirit.
When I first started giving readings he would be there with me. Cheering me on. Letting me know I was right where I was supposed to be. Eventually he handed those reigns off to my loved ones, but from time to time he still peeks in; still says hello with that wide grin across his face and his head tilted slightly to the right. Always dressed in the latest trends and his jet-black hair just a bit spiky in front. It always makes me smile.
Matthew helped me get to where I am today. Matthew taught me how to listen. He helped me understand how this gift would work. Reaffirmed that as much as I am here to help the living that I work for spirit. That I am here to translate the messages of spirit to their families. When I give a reading I always let spirit lead. Spirit starts with their agenda, their messages; and those messages may not always be what their loved one may want to hear, but without fail they are always what their loved one needs to hear. Without fail loved ones end up finding a way to make sense out of the words and pictures that spirit gives to me. Spirit finds a way to make me feel both physically and emotionally what they want me to translate. God always leading the way; allowing this miracle.
I hope that what I do; that each reading pays Matthew back somehow. That he knows that this is how I say thank you. That I am forever grateful for his determination and patience. That it is not lost on me that a boy, not yet nine, changed my life in such a profound and wonderful way. Thank you, Matthew and thank you sweet family who welcomed me into their lives unsure of what that day would hold. Thank you all for changing my life and being the first step on my journey. Thank you for sharing your son with me and with the world.
It’s those words that almost ended one of my most important friendships. Those words split my soul. I didn’t think I was needy. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Low self-confidence – yes. I have that. I get that. But I never saw myself as draining or needy. And I never expected to hear that from someone I thought cared about me.
Funny, I haven’t been able to escape those words for over a decade. They hit a chord, deep in my soul.
It is probably true that I seek external validation of my worth. But I am human. And I like to hear that I am good at what I do or that I am loved and appreciated. I guess some people don’t need that to thrive, but it sure helps me be the best me. Those words don’t bother me so much anymore. It is just a part of my human-ness and it is okay to want to hear how other people feel about you. To know that what you are doing makes an impact or that you are an important person in someone’s life. To know you are wanted. That is okay and it doesn’t make you needy; it makes you human.
I also find it a bit ironic that I would get into a career as a medium where people seek validation. A career where you cannot validate its authenticity with tangible proof.
Being released from those words just recently happened. This past weekend I attended the James Van Praagh workshop. At this workshop, he asked us to do a mediumship exercise where we did a reading for ourselves and ask for messages from spirit that we need to hear.
I don’t often ask for messages for myself. I ask to see glimpses of my own loved ones to know they are okay. To feel them around me. Same things everyone else asks, but I don’t ever sit down and try to do an actual reading for myself like I would for a client and this is exactly what James asked us to do.
After lunch I headed outside and said guide me to the spot where I need to be. I kid you not I walked directly to this tree that had a statue of St. Francis of Assisi who is the patron saint of animals. This is my papa’s saint. It is also the prayer that I have been repeating most often. In fact, I had read it three times that morning before attending the retreat and had read it each morning prior to that.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Landing at this spot was no accident. I sat down and found a quiet centered place in my mind and heart and asked for a message from spirit.
The first thing that I saw was an elephant. She was beautiful. She walked toward me and extended her trunk. Her rich brown eyes were deep. I could see each wrinkle in her trunk and could feel her warm breath. Immediately I heard a voice that echoed my own heartbeat. “You are exactly where you need to be.”
A peaceful calm washed over my whole soul.
Then she evaporated and behind her were all four of my grandparents. Each in pairs holding hands, smiling and waving. My papa stepped forward and said, “We all love you and we are all with you.”
My heart nearly exploded. Often I wonder if they are proud of me. I wonder what they think of me sharing my mediumship with others. What they think of me as a parent, friend, daughter, wife, human. In that moment, when I heard his words, my heart nearly exploded because their love washed over me. Completely unconditional. They were so happy and so glad to see me.
I share this experience because I think we all need love and validation. I think each of us needs these things to grow and become the best versions of ourselves. You don’t need to be ashamed of wanting these things or asking for them. You don’t need to wait for someone to tell you to do something nice for yourself; you should just be doing it because you deserve time, attention, and affection as well.
There are many people who do this naturally, but one thing I have learned about parenting and motherhood is often we as parents have to put ourselves last to insure that the needs of those we love are met and accounted for. It is important for us to remember to take a day or an hour or ten minutes and do something that helps remind us that we are loved and nourish ourselves so that we can move forward.
You are not needy if you do this. You are human. You are worth it.
This past week I started reading Rick Warren’s A Purpose Driven Life. See, I think we all want to define our purpose. After watching his TED Talk, I was intrigued. It is a 40 day challenge of sorts going through a chapter a day. Day 2 had me pretty excited. With a title like, “You Are Not an Accident” I am thinking it will help bring me clarity with my purpose. Warren writes, “God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes.”
Well, that is good news.
See, in my life I have been fighting against feeling like a crazy, freak of nature for 39 years. My first memories of conversing and experiencing spirit were at two. I saw a man in my room that I later recognized as a great grandfather. Spirit was a large part of my existence. But if you hear voices, society tells you are crazy. If you speak to the dead you are a sinner and most likely a con-artist or really crazy.
So hearing that God doesn’t make mistakes; something I believe, but reading it in print makes me feel more at ease. I was made on purpose for a purpose. My intuition tells me it is to use this ability to help people. It is to comfort those that are grieving.
But, alas, by Day 3 I find the hiccup; using a psychic is a “dubious method” to find purpose in life.
Granted, that isn’t my intent when I share my gift, but sometimes spirit is trying to guide you towards your best self and those ideas are shared.
Still my heart sinks. Why can’t God and Mediums coexist?
My heart and soul knows that God loves me. My heart and soul knows that God made me just this way on purpose. I know it isn’t my business what other people think. I know I shouldn’t care. But I do. I care that something I hold so dear is seen as such fraud, a con. I know there are people who are frauds and cons; that happens in every single profession.
Then, I sort of surfed YouTube looking at some medium videos and guess what? There were serval videos that literally were created to just debunk mediums that are on TV or do Stage Shows. One magician, who used to con people as a “medium” shared his tricks. I wanted to throw up. It made me sick to my stomach. But we can’t look away from a train wreck can we?
I know there are greater problems in the world. That this silly doubt and quest of mine to find like minded, authentic mediums is not important in the scheme of things and shouldn’t really weigh in on what I choose to do going forward, but it still keeps creeping up. It still enrages me that we can’t be taken at our word.
There is so much in this world we still can not prove. There is still so much we do not know for sure. My ability to receive messages from the other side astounds me. It doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t be possible, but it is. Maybe there will never be proof in this life. Maybe I am a dubious sinner or a God created miracle exactly on purpose. I choose to believe the later. I chose to believe we can’t prove faith and we don’t have to. I choose to keep going down this path to see where it leads, because each step I take leads me to one miracle after another. Each step I take leads me to be more me than I was the day before.
Bottom line, I know some people need proof, but in the end I don’t need tangible proof. I know what I know and that is good enough for me.
Lately, I have been working on listening to my inner voice and trying to be deeply observant of what it tells me and what the universe places into my life.
Since the beginning of this blog I have been trying to document my journey to an authentic life and share the lessons that I am learning and today it hit me: I am unlearning. What does that mean?
It means that we start out knowing an awful lot. As children we are deeply connected to light and spirit. We are connected to one another and trusting. That is how we are meant to be, you know? That is what the Universe/God wants for us (I use Universe and God interchangeably, but really whatever divine power you believe in I believe it is all one in the same so you can input your word for the Divine in place of mine as it suits you).
We are born knowing the light and basking in it. The world changes that in us. But the good news is we can always reconnect to that light; we just have to choose to do so. We can do it through choice, grace and being present to witness the light. Then you just hit repeat on that cycle, and baby you got it.
That is what I have started to do. I am surrendering my life to love and light and allowing the Universe to deliver me to where I need to be and the things I need to know. You have to be present. You have to be watching. I know I am getting somewhere when the signs show up and say, “Hey Michelle, you are NOT losing your mind. You are right on track. Keep paying attention and I promise you are going to change the world.”
I had to go into San Jose today and I felt like listening to something uplifting. I figured why not listen to some TedTalks.
I happen across Gabby Bernstein’s mini Ted Talk. You can watch it here. It was definitely a sign. Her truths resonated so clearly. So clearly in fact, I had a spiritual awakening listening to YouTube. So many things fell into place and I had an epiphany of understanding. I know what I know and it is the TRUTH regardless of what anyone else might think. It is my truth and if I choose to live it I will lead an extraordinary life filled with love and joy. Come on who doesn’t want that?
I am going share a little of that epiphany with you.
Gabby starts her talk by explaining that she is worried about the time she has to give her talk, but after mediation this nugget of wisdom is revealed, “Tell your truth and time will expand.” You guys, remember when you were little and you felt like you had all the time in the world. That is because you were connected to the light. You had all the time in the world to learn what you needed to know. We need to let go of fear and believe and trust in the Universe that we have all the time we need to fulfill our purpose. Live our truth and time will expand.
She continues by saying that, “when inspiration is your guide you become a miracle worker.” Amen sister!
When we allow our creativity to run free without interference from fear of what other people might think amazing things happen…miracles happen. Think about the great people who have graced this world with their wisdom. Martin Luther King Jr. I am sure people thought he was crazy. Sure one day everyone will live in harmony. They probably still think he is crazy. But I believe him.
Mother Teresa. Come on, I am sure there were people who in the beginning were like, really you are doing to go live with the poorest of the poor and the sick? It took her two years to get approval, but that didn’t stop her.
I am sure we can think of a million others where the same logic applies – they followed their dreams and the calling of the Universe despite what other people thought and in doing so they changed the world. As I am listening to Gabby’s talk and thinking of people I consider heroes and mentors; they all have one thing in common they all follow their “crazy” callings. I am a medium. I speak to spirit. It doesn’t get any stranger than that, but when I lean into love, when I listen to my inner voice I see me speaking to thousands of people. I see me with a microphone in hand and several books under my belt. If I lean into love this life of my dreams is real. It is my truth. I know I am on my way to find it.
That truth can’t be any crazier than the advice I gave one of my dearest friends this morning…”It’s like Taylor Swift says, ‘the haters gonna hate’ which is basically what Mother Teresa says when she says, ‘do good anyway’. People are going to tear you down. People are going to say nasty things. People are going to disbelieve what you are capable of, but if you live in a way that you are constantly taking the next right step toward good people won’t believe them and so what if they do? You know you are doing the next right thing. God knows you are doing the next right thing and in the end that is all that matters.”
And if in one day I can compare the wisdom of Mother Teresa, Taylor Swift and Gabby Bernstein and see the sign of an angel on a Mexican Food Truck in front of me letting me know I am on the right path, than guess what?! Miracles can happen and we need to remember to believe in them just like when we were kids. Anything is possible. I believed in true love and love at first sight and I held out for it. I knew it had to be out there and it was. Did it show up like I expected? Nope. Was it when I expected? Nope. But that is how the Universe works. If you ask and believe it delivers, just in its own way.
Miracles happen every day and every minute. Offer yourself the willingness to be open to them, the grace in missing them, and the knowledge that you will have the chance to choose again. Unlearn that misery and strife are a part of life. We are here connected to each other and the light to do good and be joyful. That is my truth and I choose to live that every day regardless of what else gets thrown down at my feet.
Hoping my truth, vulnerability and authenticity help you on your journey –
So I am reading a little Gabby Bernstein and really focusing on preparing to go back to doing readings on a regular basis.
I am supposed to be vulnerable here, to speak the truth. It isn’t always easy to bear your soul, but it’s what I said I would do.
The truth is I am afraid of failure. I never wanted to be the medium that couldn’t give someone a reading.
And that happened.
And it was awful.
Worse than I imagined.
But I lived.
And I have done successful readings after said failure.
Still, fear grips me every.single.time.
As I stopped today and spent time in meditation reflecting on Gabby’s words; a lightbulb of clarity clicked on in my soul.
These words tumbled out of me…
God called me to this task on purpose. I cannot fail as long as I make my best forward effort. He has given me divine love. With divine love I am unstoppable. I have faith He will lead me where I need to go. I am loved completely and trust that I will be guided to do the most good with my life. I choose to learn through love.
This doesn’t mean the fear is gone, but it does mean I can look at it and call it by name. It does mean that I can face it and move beyond it.
Thanks, Gabby. Thanks, Universe. Thank you, God.
Choosing to learn through love and I hope you are, too.
P.S. Hopefully divine love includes not going to hell for spelling Mother Teresa’s name wrong. Whoops.
What is your take [on Heaven]? And what have you learned from being the mediator for spirits?
To answer that question, it is important to get a little back story. I think it is important to understand the source behind my answer.
Becoming a medium wasn’t in my lifelong goals and dreams. It became something I am extremely proud of. It is a gift I hold dear. It has also become my dream to help as many people as possible. To be the best medium that I can be. It is work I take seriously and hold in the highest regard. In my youth; however, it was something I spoke of little and felt more comfortable keeping to myself.
Now, the road wasn’t an easy one and I often took the path of least resistance in the beginning; I am human after all. But, God asks more of us. God asks us to follow Him into the dark and help shine his light unto the world. I know that is what God has asked of me.
When I decided to share my gift with the world I was terrified. In fact, I went to see my therapist and discussed this at length with her. In her wise way she told me that the path was already clear and I just needed to see it for myself. She asked me to follow her in a simple exercise. She said, “I want you to close your eyes and just focus on your path.” Over the next few minutes she continued to ask, “Who is leading you? Where are you? What is happening next?”
I closed my eyes, and asked God to guide me and instantly I was in a meadow filled with white and yellow flowers and tall grass. A breeze was gently caressing my cheek and the light that surrounded me was the brightest and warmest I had ever felt. I looked down and I was on an unpaved road; it was packed down beige colored dirt with stones and pebbles, and in some areas the grass had grown high and wild covering the path. I could see no other tracks or footprints on this path.
When I looked up ahead of me to see who was leading me, there was a man dressed in a white robe with dark flowing hair. He turned back to make sure I was still following and gave me a radiant smile. His eyes were the color of dark, rich honey and they reflected a warmth in his soul. I immediately knew I could trust him. In fact, I felt like I had known him all my life. He travelled the path ahead of me without ever having to watch where he stepped. His sure footed-ness let me know he had travelled this path before.
He stopped every so often and reached out into the grass and each time he did a child rose. He would usher me to touch them on their head just as he did. These children began to flock around me. A sense of purpose filled my soul.
My therapist asked me to open my eyes. She then asked me to relay what I had seen. Just before I opened my eyes, the man nodded at me. He told me it was time.
I know this could have been my imagination working overtime, but what I saw that day, in that moment felt real and tangible. There are still moments I can feel the way the blades of grass brushed against my hand as I passed. I can still see the light shining down and wrapping itslef around me warming and filling my soul. The faces of those children shining up at me and the support as they fell in behind me on the path.
I believe God is leading me down the path toward sharing my gift; I believe God is always guiding me to share the messages he wants delivered through spirit. It is always Him that I ask for guidance and strength to work with both spirit and the people who ask for my assistance. It is always Him.
So, while I may not be an expert on Heaven, I feel that what spirit has shown me is coming directly from the source. What they describe is love. Heaven is love. It is unconditional, ever-growing, never-ending love. Spirit arrives to open arms and they are instantly washed over with love and warmth. It fills their soul to the brim and all fear vanishes.
Heaven is a place where each spirit is welcomed and nourished with all that they need. Everybody is in. Not one soul is left in the dark.
What I have heard in reading after reading is that while Heaven is open to all and everyone is welcome; there are privileges and jobs assigned to a soul based on their journey both here on Earth and in Heaven.
A soul may be required to complete tasks and provide assistance to other souls based on what they have experienced or neglected in this life. While another soul is open to choose and explore Heaven because of how well they lived their life here on Earth. I always get the sense that all is forgiven, but not forgotten. A soul is always required to work through unfinished business and learn valuable lessons that may have been missed or overlooked while on Earth.
I have had the opportunity to speak to hundreds of spirits and all with different ethnicity, religion whether devout or atheist, of all different sexual orientation, all different ages and genders and all of their descriptions of Heaven have the items I discussed above in common.
Jesus came to teach us how to treat one another; how to wash away sins; how not to judge one another. His message was simple; his message was love.
Heaven is love. It is unconditional and non-discriminatory. Heaven is a place we can all look forward to. But it is also a place where we will be held accountable for how we treated others and we will be lovingly guided to heal our souls and the souls of others we may have affected.
For me, God is everywhere. God is in every church, synagogue, mosque, pew, park bench, school, creek, ocean, river, lake, home, mind, heart, every nook and cranny where there is space; God is there.
Like with anything else that truly matters, we cannot use money or material possessions to purchase our place in Heaven, we have to earn it with our words and actions. We all get a ticket, but that doesn’t mean we get to ride for free. We have to do well here. We have to pay attention here to ourselves and others. We have to lift people up and be a part of a community. God is always paying attention and while we are held accountable for our actions; we are always welcomed home.
So in answer to your question; Heaven is love and we are all welcome there. What we do there is up to us; based on how we lived our life here. We are always forgiven and always welcomed with open arms.
One of my sweetest clients wrote to me the other day and she included these questions in her email to me. She wrote to me about dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. She has witnessed these first hand and wants to know what happens to the soul when bodies are afflicted with these conditions. Many of you know that Alzheimer’s is a disease that hits incredibly close to home for me. So these questions resonated with me and I wanted to answer them here for anyone else that wanted to know about souls, too.
Over the past two and half years I have delivered messages from souls who are still in a body here on Earth. These souls had or have bodies afflicted with mental handicap or illness, Autism, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, strokes, cancer, paralysis, and other conditions in which the body and mind deteriorate and the soul may seem to be trapped.
What I have learned, mind you I am no expert – nor do I presume to be – I am just sharing what my experiences have taught me. In this case it seems that the soul continues to remain vibrant and unscathed by what may happen to the body. Our bodies may not be able to withstand these conditions over time, but our souls can.
A soul is tethered to its body – connected by an invisible pull or in some cases I have seen an actual thread. But this does not mean that a soul exists solely inside a body while it is alive.
Did your mind just explode a bit?
Mine does, too – every. single. time.
So let me explain by example. I have met with clients who have loved ones who are still living and are afflicted with dementia, Alzheimer’s or who may even be in hospice care on the verge of their ascent to heaven. These souls can communicate with me even though their bodies cannot and even though they are still in a living body. Again, a bit mind-blowing. I try to explain it by saying: I speak soul. So I don’t talk to the dead or just deliver messages from heaven – I speak soul. So if your soul chooses to speak to me I can hear it.
So these souls have delivered messages to me about what they want to be buried in, what pictures they would like at their funerals, how they know who is caring for them and the sacrifices that they have made. These souls exist both in and out of their human forms. They can see and feel what is happening around them. They can feel their loved one’s care and concern for them.
It is important to note that these souls do not feel trapped. I have communicated with these souls both before and after they have crossed over and they speak of how they were visited by other souls while they were alive. Somehow their souls exist in both Heaven and Earth. They exist and feel unencumbered.
For example, one spirit came through to me and told me how when he was alive he would often awake in the night and wonder through the house. He was always heading for the front door. He didn’t know why, but we all know that would be treacherous for a man with Alzheimer’s to be on the street in the middle of the night. He relayed to me that spirit loved ones would come to him and would help keep him safe inside his home. They would dance, walk and distract him from his path to the door. From his description of events, it would seem that this idea of a soul being able to experience both worlds – both Heaven and Earth – would seem accurate.
The other item that I think is important to share is this…souls feel no physical pain. Not one soul has ever told me something hurts…instead they always tell me what NO LONGER hurts.
Souls for the most part, are light and at peace. They remember physical pain they experienced, but no longer feel it. I always say it’s like childbirth. Us girls always tell our harrowing stories of childbirth, and yet we do it again and have another one because we remember what it was like, but can’t feel that pain any longer. Or even if you have broken a bone – you remember the pain, but don’t feel it any longer. It is like that.
So if a particular person’s brain failed them at the end of their life, know the soul’s consciousness did not. A soul flows through our bodies, but does not exist because of the body – our bodies are just a casing for our souls – souls have cognition, memory and emotion because they are made up of energy; they do not experience physical pain the way we do.
I speak soul and it is my understanding that a soul does not die. It can change, evolve, grow, but it does not die. A soul is always becoming, it is infinite. Our souls are always on the horizon of new emotion or understanding.
Souls abhor when I say they are dead or if I describe what I do as speaking to the dead. They ALWAYS correct me – they are LIVING. They exist. Souls are always alive.
So my sweet, dear client first I am so sorry for your struggles and what your family is going through and what it has been through. I hold space in my heart for you and send healing prayers. Know that even though I may not be right next to you; that I am here step in step with you and if you need someone to just listen; I am here.
But a great woman also told me to not just be sorry, but to be active. So for me, my way of being active was answering this question that you sent to me. My way of being active is sharing what I have learned and to continue to bring some peace to both bodies and souls. May this help answer your questions and bring you some comfort.
I guess my first memory of spirit is when I was two. There was a man in my room. He seemed harmless, but was a tall, balding, thin old man that would come in my room near bedtime each night. Sometimes I would wake up and he would just be there. Even though I could see him clearly I knew he didn’t quite belong. I would go get my mom and beg her to stay and sleep with me. She never saw what I did, but sometimes would stay in my room to calm me back to sleep.
Many years later I would see a picture of my great-grandfather and the mystery of who was in my room each night was solved.
We moved to Spokane when I was three and things got crazier. We happened to live in a neighborhood with a great deal of negative activity. There was a house at the top of the street that a nasty old woman lived in. Funny enough I asked my parents about this house just a few weeks ago and they said it never existed; but I could see it plain as day. It must have been a house that was there before they built our neighborhood. She was not happy to have all the houses nearby and it wreaked havoc. Her negative energy drew in other negative energy.
It was at this house that I was chased to my room regularly by what I would call a demon. It was just a negative male spirit who would appear like a large black dog with red eyes and chase after me down the hall. I know that sounds crazy, but if there were a good sketch artist at hand I could still describe the form precisely.
This is also the house where I had my first dream that relayed to me how I had died in a past life. I watched my lifeless young body be thrown into a pit with other bodies. We were diseased and had to be disposed of after our death. We were all thrown into this pit without a marker. It was somewhere outside of Austria.
Not too long after that we moved to Colorado, I started kindergarten. The bus stop was at the top of our street and after my baby sister was born I often had to walk home by myself. A man with cowboy boots with spurs would often follow me home. He scared me because I didn’t recognize him and I asked him to stay further behind me and to please make the spurs quiet. He obliged like a good cowboy and continued to stay behind me for many many years. He followed me many places and didn’t like when I was left alone.
While all of this seemed normal to me a part of me knew not everyone; especially adults could see what I could see. Many of the kids around me could see things, too even though we didn’t discuss it. I did tell my BFF in kindergarten. But by first grade no other kid that I knew could see the things I could.
We were at recess one day when I turned to my friends and asked whose dad that was on the playground. There was a man in his forties watching the kids play. None of them saw who I was talking about, not one. That is when I decided it was time to stop talking about what I could see to anyone else.
It would be at least ten years before I spoke to anyone besides family about what I could see again.
“If people enjoy what you’ve created, terrific. If people ignore what you’ve created, too bad. If people misunderstand what you’ve created, don’t sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you’ve created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motive, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest – as politely as you possibly can – that they go make their own [flipping] art. Then stubbornly continue making yours.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
Elizabeth Gilbert and my sweet wise-owl friend who lent me Ms. Gilbert’s book just might have given me the best gift ever; a permission slip to stop caring what people think. How liberating is that?!
It is probably about time that I say out loud and with full certainty I absolutely love speaking with spirit. I never stopped acknowledging or talking to spirit because I liked it. It was comforting and in all reality built my faith more than any church I have attended. Using my gift is like fully breathing. It is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes or the color of my skin. Fear kept me back from using it publicly for 35 years. How silly! How immature! Who cares what other people think?
I mean really.
Here I was saying I was the biggest skeptic in the room and then feeling hurt when people would say things like, “It was wonderful. 90% of what was said made perfect sense”. I would hang on to that 90% like what the hell – why do they need a claim to 10% was pure nonsense?! Well of course they did because I set the example! So stupid.
I let my fear of what other people thought be my own crutch. And I hate crutches! I will be that old lady on her scooter with a souped up engine and streamers on the handles. Did I mention it will also most likely be hot pink with glitter? Well it will and I will ride it and laugh with pride. Because who cares what other people think?
Well guess what – if I don’t care what other people think and if I really dig down deep; I am not skeptical at all. The most amazing things have happened when I have freed myself from doubt and embraced my gift with my whole heart.
Like this week for example, I was struggling because I was giving a damn what people thought. Reacting to the output of my work – which I cannot control by the way – I can only do the work and what happens after is not my responsibility. I have nothing to do with how people interpret what is said or their experience with my specific gift. I can only do it to the absolute best of my ability and with the purest of heart and then continue on doing the work.
But I digress, I was struggling with things and you know what? The universe answered. It always does. Each reading this week offered me insight.
I had read that speaking to the dead was a sin and not a gift from God. There was discussion that said that when these spirits come through they say everything is all right and then basically you are off the hook to live a good and decent life. That is not the case! The readings this week reinforced that. Spirits came forward to talk of how they have to pay for their mistakes, how they are held accountable. Others came through talking of how they get to meet with religious leaders of all faiths. How they come together to teach other souls how to continue grow spiritually even in heaven. They talk of a hierarchy of things. There are angles that come through that bring words of praise and compassion, but also talk of caution of our faults.
But most importantly, my faith, what I experience as God is present in every single reading. I don’t allow anything different. That is all that matters. I know that and so who cares what other people think? That isn’t my problem; it is theirs. I can only control my reaction and I chose not to react. I chose to continue on with my principles and faith as I see fit.
But above all else; I know that without a doubt something miraculous is happening when I give a reading. There are things I cannot possibly know; that the person I am talking to does not know. They have to talk with relatives to confirm. I have even had a reading done myself when the medium knew something I couldn’t and I asked my family to find it to be absolutely true.
So here is the vow I am taking;
I have to share messages from spirit and I have to write. These two things make me whole.
These two things bring me joy and I love them both immensely. I will not let fear rob me of my joy in doing these things.
I will not let perfectionism destroy what I know I am perfectly capable of doing. I will do these things because I love them no matter what may come.
I will not be afraid to look ridiculous or sound foolish. I will speak my truth to the best of my ability. Everyone has that right as a decent human and I do to.
It is what I love to do; it is what I must do.
I will not complain or feel angst over this anymore. I don’t feel angst about it at all; I have only ever had angst because I was worried about what people thought and I really don’t want to worry about that any more. I have enough to worry about and now I can scratch that off my list. No more apologies.
I will believe I am worthy. We are all worthy and so that means so am I.
I speak soul; I offer messages from the other side for healing; I can help those who grieve and it is absolutely as invaluable to me as the air I breathe. I will do it because I adore it regardless of what other people think.
wurd.amen.to new freedom from fear and all that jazz!
No, no I am not going to be writing about alcohol and children.
I wanted to take a moment and address the question that I get on a n almost daily basis which is “Michelle, my son/daughter sees spirits what should I do? How do I handle this?”
To be honest, I have no idea. (Insert sarcastic font). I know I am a great help and very comforting; it’s a gift and a curse. (End sarcastic font). But when it comes to parenting if you have read the other entries in this blog you know I am flying by the seat of my pants.
Don’t get me wrong; I am a good parent and I do my best, but I make mistakes like everyone else that is the name of this parenting game. The other gotcha is that what works for my kids and my family might not work for your kids and your family. On top of that what works for one child may not work for another child. There is more than one answer and more than one right way to help a child.
Which leads me back to why I have no idea what to say when you ask me how to respond to your child when they are experiencing spirit. There is more than one right answer and you know your own child and family dynamic better than I do. There is not one answer that fits the bill.
What I will try to do is share with you things that have helped me along the way and maybe they will help guide you to finding the answer you seek.
1. It is my belief that 90% of imaginary friends are not imaginary. This is just a good rule of thumb. When I was two a man would be in my room or around me often. Like any good parent; my parents would often check things out and tell me nothing was there. But I saw someone; someone who was as real to me as they were. Sometimes it is helpful to get more information before you discount what might be possible.
2. Listen – if your child feels like you are a good sounding board then they will tell you everything. This is a good thing. I know having someone to talk to saved me. It is freeing to have someone to confide in and you definitely feel less alone.
3. Try not to knock it – you may not want to draw too much attention to it; but don’t tell them it isn’t possible. They truly are experiencing something real if they are telling you about it. They are also scared and trying to navigate through what they are experiencing. If you discount it then they feel as if there is something wrong with them.
4. Let them know they have the power – Make sure your child knows they have the power to ask any spirit to leave them alone. Children often think they have to listen or are at the will of someone who is older than them. Make sure that they know they have the power to pray for help or even ask a spirit to leave them alone. They are the king/queen of their domain here on Earth and they can ask any spirit to leave them alone for any reason.
5. Take away the fear – sometimes just letting a child know that most of the spirits that visit them are loved ones or guardians can help make them less afraid of the unknown. If you have pictures of ancestors get them out and let your kids take a look. You might be surprised at who they are able to recognize and tell you about.And this helps them to recognize who they might be seeing helping them to be less afraid.
6. Love them – you know your child, your belief system of your family best. Follow your intuition and it will guide you to the right things to say and do for your child.
These tips helped me and they are things I use with my own children. Hopefully this gives those of you that have asked me this question additional guidance.
Do you ever hit every single red light? I am not talking just in one trip out, but continuously for a week.
Have you been out and about and swore that you saw a passed loved one only to take a second look and it was not them at all? The person didn’t even really look like them all that much, but when you saw them the first time they were a dead ringer.
Do objects in your house, like your keys, go “misplaced” even when you know you put them in specific spot?
Are you frequently changing your lightbulbs? Or do you have lightbulbs that pop?
Do you catch a whiff of a loved ones perfume, cologne, or cigarette smoke from time to time?
Are you electronics always on the fritz?
Do you ever get strong cravings for things that someone that passed loved, but you didn’t really ever like?
Do sightings of birds, insects or specific skylines catch your eye and you just know that your loved one made that appear just for you?
Are you constantly finding specific objects like feathers, buttons, or coins?
These are all common signs from the other side. When I say they are constantly communicating with us; that is not an understatement. I have come across all kinds of signs both through readings and personally.
I have lost all four grandparents and miss them deeply. One of my grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer’s for years before she passed. She raised 6 kids and even though I only have 4, I long for her guidance all the time. For the first three years that we moved to Gilroy and I was carting around my 4 and doing school drop off I would cry once the house was quiet because I just missed her so much and would send my questions to the heavens up to her, but I did not get an answer. I know she was listening; and even answering, but my own pain caused me to miss her signs.
I have been able to open my heart more and more the last two years and with guidance from other mediums have been able to connect to my grandmother more and more. What is odd is I feel her all around me now. But it started with my unusual craving for Diet Dr. Pepper. If you know me I have never liked diet soda. I would drink anything but. Lately however, I have to have Diet Dr. Pepper. I think it is her way of telling me this little drink helped her cope day to day and it can help me, too. I am a bit of a caffeine junky.
I am also constantly craving Doublemint gum. This was her gum of choice. She always had it. It is not my favorite gum, but I feel the need to have some on hand all the time and no other gum tastes as good as that gum. I have been fighting my weight gain and I think this is her way of saying have some gum on hand it helps.
There are so many ways that our loved ones try to come through to help us and guide us. They often literally whisper in your ear to help your intuition know the best choice for your soul. If your gut is telling you something it is wise to listen. If you feel something and can’t explain it – you just know – that usually means something.
There are many ways that signs can be discounted or explained away. That is the easy part. Believing is the hard part. Trusting in something you can’t see; believing in what you know is true even when you can’t prove it. That is what is hard for us; accepting something is real without being able to prove it. Believe anyway.
Spirits have ways of saying hello through numbers. If you are awoken at the same time every night or constantly look at your clock every day at the same time that is your loved one saying hello. If your phone seems possessed and you even receive strange calls and no one is on the other line, your loved one has called to say hello.
Dreams are a common way our spirit loved ones connect to us. Even if the dream doesn’t always make sense and we can’t remember what is said, but everything else about the dream feels so real then you connected with them. We are so open in our sleep and they can reach us a little more easily than when we are awake.
If you aren’t seeing these signs, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It may mean you aren’t ready to see them yet; your pain and grief can block some of these things from sinking in. Your brain is wired to protect yourself from pain and so it creates blocks so that our emotions are safe guarded. Your loved ones are around you. You are a big part of their heaven.
Your loved ones are just a thought away. If you think of them; they receive the call and are right there for you. Always.
I would love to hear about the signs that you have received from loved ones and I know that sharing them will help others, too. So share in the comments or on my FB page. I can’t wait to hear your stories.
When I think about readings and how to describe them my first image is of a fingerprint. No reading is ever exactly alike. Each soul is unique, each message is different and I never know what to expect.
I am sure that some of you have been to or at least seen a reading via TV. There are numerous TV shows about and even led by mediums now. One thing to keep in mind is just as every reading is distinct so is every medium. There are commonalities sure; but it is my experience that each has their own style and precise set of gifts. Each has their own medium fingerprint if you will.
Many of you have asked what a reading is like for me. I will do my best to explain my side of a reading.
Some people have asked me things like do I need objects or pictures to do a reading. Some have asked if I go into a trance or deep meditation to do a reading. For me I don’t need any objects or pictures. I do not go into a trance; I just open up my heart and quiet my mind. For me seeing spirit is like breathing. I don’t have think about it; I just do it. I have to think and work hard NOT to see spirit.
Spirit is emotional. Trying to rationalize with spirit is like trying to redirect a tantrum throwing two-year-old; possible but a lot of work. If I just feel and let my intuition (a.k.a. soul) guide me then communication opens up.
But let me back up for a minute. Yesterday I talked about how at 15 I knew what spirit wanted me to do. At fifteen a line began to form. I know that seems strange, but there is literally a line of spirits that was and is waiting to speak with their loved ones through me.
Some people wonder how with almost zero marketing and very little effort I can have a side business that keeps me busy doing this. Spirit is leading the charge. They are organizing this from the other side.
I let spirit lead. What I mean by that is that I don’t call out to spirits that a client wants me to connect with to get started; I am present to do the reading because spirit led me there. So just as I am helping the living here to have some peace, I am also helping spirit to have peace and deliver the messages that they are so desperately trying to communicate to their loved ones. It almost always matches up that who the client wants to communicate with is who comes through first.
Spirit is all around us. Spirit is constantly trying to communicate. People often think that because they can not sense a loved one’s spirit that they are not around. That isn’t the case. We cause the block.
Our soul and hearts seal up and harden to create a wall that not even spirit can access. The loss of a loved one causes grief and unexplainable pain. Our hearts and souls create the wall to cope and continue to move forward. Allowing spirit access means we have to open up emotionally for them to get through and often grief can prohibit that. So spirit is there; we cause the block.
At the start of the reading I just open up to spirit that is present and I let them tell me who is going to communicate first and then I just become the translator. I spew out everything I am given. Sometimes it is images. Sometimes spirits are chatty and I am literally repeating everything I hear. Sometimes it is actual emotion – I feel the body’s death and can relay that and any other emotions that spirit sends me. I can see, hear, feel, and smell spirit. That’s right I can smell spirit.
Believe me, I am scientific in nature, I know that a great deal of this seems impossible. Rest assured that what I have experienced over the last two years is anything but. Spirit has shown me that they can communicate anything from telling a loved one that they should slow down they are going to get a ticket to letting me know the specific way they communicate with their loved one or how that loved one communicates with them – even when it is something as that sounds as crazy as a pile of rocks. They know what they want on their tombstone and can point it out – and this was in Chinese writing – I shocked myself when I picked this out of several Chinese characters correctly. Or they can tell me the item that the client has that belongs to them in detail. Or they know about family dynamics and weigh in on what might be happening. Things I could not possibly know about before hand and sometimes not always in agreement with what the client was hoping to hear. Spirit has their own agenda when they communicate and they deliver the messages we NEED to hear; not always the ones we were expecting or wanting to hear.
For years, I tried to explain what was happening to me or around me. As a child I just accepted that I was communicating with spirit and I was truly happiest then. As I got older I started to wonder if I was delusional or maybe just so good at reading people that I could actually read their minds and feelings; but then things I would say would not register with them at all until weeks later when they would find out what I was talking about through a relative or even something that spirit said would happen did in fact take place. So several years ago I stopped trying to explain it and went back to accepting it just like I did when I was a child. I can not even begin to tell you the peace, the joy, the wonders that the universe seems to deliver to me when I just believe and let spirit and God guide the way. It is quite simply miraculous. There isn’t any explanation other than the impossible is possible.
So a reading is just me opening up to spirit – I tune them out most of the day because they are literally everywhere – and then I let them start communicating. I relay everything that comes through, I am just a translator, and then I leave that with the clients I am conducting the reading for hoping that it brings them peace.
It is really something to see how excited spirit is to connect. They are always grateful. They don’t always make perfect sense right away, but 99% of what they say seems to be dead on from what I hear back from my past and current clients. I am always in awe.
What is also fascinating to me is that spirit is teaching me as I go through this as well. They are often delivering messages directly to me through readings; answering my thoughts and questions.
When we open up our hearts and follow our soul (a.k.a. intuition) there are no limits to what is possible.
These beliefs have been a part of the human experience as far back as Egyptian times. And yet there are as many non-believers as there are believers around the world. While these ideas are still shrouded in skepticism there was a recent study conducted regarding the notion of our conscious (the scientific word for our soul) and how long it lasts after death.
In an article published by the Telegraph in October of 2014 by Sarah Knapton scientists surveyed individuals who suffered cardiac arrest. 140 of these patients were surveyed after being resuscitated and they experienced conscious awareness for up to three minutes after they were presumed dead. It warranted enough scientific evidence to continue this study.
It seems my entire existence has been a study of life after death. My first experience with spirit was when I was two. A man would be in my room around bed time or even when I awoke in the middle of the night. My parents couldn’t see him, but to me he was as real as they were.
At three I began to dream about death. My first dream culminated with my lifeless six-year-old body being tossed into a mass grave as I looked on from up above. While that body was not the one my soul was currently living in; I knew it was my body just the same.
These experiences continued throughout my childhood. I would be followed, approached, and awakened by spirits my whole life. I would sense someone’s death before it happened. This was something I did not discuss. You learn early that these are not ideas and experiences people share. You learn early that you are alone in what you can see and experience.
But I never stopped paying attention to spirit and became obsessed with ghost stories, mediums and I guess in a way death. To me I was closer to spirit than I was most people.
At fifteen I knew what spirit wanted me to do with this gift. I knew what God wanted me to do with this gift; what He had been preparing me for. I was not ready. In fact, it would be many years before I was ready to begin to deliver the messages from spirit to their loved ones.
It was nearly 7 and a half years ago that I did my very first reading. Everything about the experience changed me in many ways. The doubt and feeling that I was crazy would subside substantially. And even more so only a few months later when I saw a medium at a health fair. I sat in the chair across from him and his first words to me were, “You are a medium. You are supposed to being doing what I am doing, but on a much larger scale.”
And so my journey began. Two years ago I began to book readings with people so that I could deliver messages from spirit. Over the next few blog entries I will share some of what I have learned with you. It is what spirit wants me to do. I am being guided yet again to share more and reach more people.
Heaven is all around us; we are a part of heaven. Spirits are around all the time; everywhere. I see them with you in the mall. I see them at their graves comforting loved ones. I see them shopping with you at the grocery store, in movie theaters, on the sidewalk, in the park, in the front yard, at church, there isn’t a place I haven’t seen a spirit. Spirit easily moves in and out of our lives on a regular basis. After over a hundred readings I can say with certainty that they tuck you in at night; they are at your weddings, parties, holiday gatherings. They gain energy from your joy and love and can literally feel your pain and sorrow.
The ability to communicate with spirit is a gift, not one that should be taken lightly. It is something we are all capable of to varying degrees. My particular gift allows me to give spirit a voice – I speak soul if you will. I do this for them and for God. God allows me to deliver these messages. It is through Him that this is possible.
Am I still scared to share. Yes. I am still worried that people will look at these writings with closed hearts and minds. Yes. But it is spirit that is asking me to open up even more and I trust in God and in spirit that sharing these experiences will help others a great deal.
Heaven is all around us.
Life after death exists.
For me there are only more answers and hopefully for you, too.
My friend, Katrina, is to put it mildly…amazing. She recently attended a writing retreat where she was asked to write about a life changing experience/person and she chose to write about a reading she had with me. I thought it might be interesting for you to read about a reading from the other side of the table. The following is a guest post by Katrina.
I’m sitting at my kitchen table, photographs splayed out across its scratched wooden laminate surface. My friend Michelle sits opposite me, furrowing her brow and deep in thought. If anyone had come across us,we looked like we were in the middle of a scrapbooking jam.
When Michelle speaks, it’s clear we are not creating a collage from my photos.
“Your uncle really loves this photo. He wants you to remember him like this. He was really happy on his wedding day and he’s proud of his beautiful head of hair.”
I laugh as I look at the 1977 photo of him with a beautiful head of blonde hair, wearing a white tuxedo with bellbottom flared trousers; I stop as I remember the last image I saw of his head as he lay in his coffin at the funeral home: shiny, cold, and rigid.
Disbelief claws its way into my mind but quickly dissipates as Michelle goes on to tell me more messages my uncle has for me, ranging from comical to mundane to knowing some of my deeply personal and never before verbalized thoughts.
The week before Michelle and I were having lunch when the topic of ghosts came up. She says she believes in them. I say I don’t, but I press her for more information out of curiosity. She confesses she has been able to see, hear, and talk to spirits since she can remember. She’s never told me this before and I am flattered she trusts me with such a vulnerable confession. Michelle goes on, telling me she has learned to switch it off and would prefer to live her life without that being a part of it. I ask her some more questions and we say goodbye.
Two days later Michelle calls me to say that our lunch conversation temporarily opened her to spirit communication and there’s a man who is adamant he speak to me. He gives no other details other than his appearance – a full head of blonde hair and some bellbottom pants. Those details don’t ring any bells in my consciousness and I tell her than man must be there for someone else. I hear her pause, then say, “He didn’t want to have to show me this, but he’s showing me a tree was involved in his death.”
Tears fill my eyes as I instantly connect this is my Uncle LaDon, who died unexpectedly in a freak accident two years ago when I was six months pregnant with my daughter. He had been pruning a large tree when a massive branch fell at just the right angle to his unprotected head, killing him instantly.
I rarely speak of him so Michelle has never heard me talk of his death. I carry grief from losing him and guilt from not seeing him more the last time I had the chance ; those feelings are still fresh and cut me at my core.
As I look back across Michelle across my kitchen table, I’m struck by how “normal” she looks but what incredible things are coming from her mouth. Good friends since starting graduate school together four years prior, I see her as my peer in many ways – a mom, an elementary school teacher, a wife, and a fun friend to play Bunco with. But she clearly has an amazing gift as well.
Michelle delivers messages that evening from my uncle that validate our close bond, that tell me he’s with me all the time, that he’s happy in his new existence, and he loves me. The guilt I had previously carried in my soul dissipates, with an almost physical feeling of weight lifting off me. I still feel sad I can’t see him, but my grief is transformed knowing he’s still with me.
Michelle nervously looks at me across the table as we finish the reading and says, “I never know if I’m just imagining all this stuff or not.” I am in awe of what she is able to do and wonder how she can possibly doubt herself after being spot on about every single thing she said to me over the past two hours. My whole belief system has just been challenged and awakened in the most significant way it ever could be. In my heart I know this is just the beginning of her journey to embrace her gifts, continuing to transform my life and changing the lives of others for years to come.