In the beginning…

In the beginning…

I guess my first memory of spirit is when I was two. There was a man in my room. He seemed harmless, but was a tall, balding, thin old man that would come in my room near bedtime each night. Sometimes I would wake up and he would just be there. Even though I could see him clearly I knew he didn’t quite belong. I would go get my mom and beg her to stay and sleep with me. She never saw what I did, but sometimes would stay in my room to calm me back to sleep.

Many years later I would see a picture of my great-grandfather and the mystery of who was in my room each night was solved.

We moved to Spokane when I was three and things got crazier. We happened to live in a neighborhood with a great deal of negative activity. There was a house at the top of the street that a nasty old woman lived in. Funny enough I asked my parents about this house just a few weeks ago and they said it never existed; but I could see it plain as day. It must have been a house that was there before they built our neighborhood. She was not happy to have all the houses nearby and it wreaked havoc. Her negative energy drew in other negative energy.

It was at this house that I was chased to my room regularly by what I would call a demon. It was just a negative male spirit who would appear like a large black dog with red eyes and chase after me down the hall. I know that sounds crazy, but if there were a good sketch artist at hand I could still describe the form precisely.

This is also the house where I had my first dream that relayed to me how I had died in a past life. I watched my lifeless young body be thrown into a pit with other bodies. We were diseased and had to be disposed of after our death. We were all thrown into this pit without a marker. It was somewhere outside of Austria.

Not too long after that we moved to Colorado, I started kindergarten. The bus stop was at the top of our street and after my baby sister was born I often had to walk home by myself. A man with cowboy boots with spurs would often follow me home. He scared me because I didn’t recognize him and I asked him to stay further behind me and to please make the spurs quiet. He obliged like a good cowboy and continued to stay behind me for many many years. He followed me many places and didn’t like when I was left alone.

While all of this seemed normal to me a part of me knew not everyone; especially adults could see what I could see. Many of the kids around me could see things, too even though we didn’t discuss it. I did tell my BFF in kindergarten. But by first grade no other kid that I knew could see the things I could.

We were at recess one day when I turned to my friends and asked whose dad that was on the playground. There was a man in his forties watching the kids play. None of them saw who I was talking about, not one. That is when I decided it was time to stop talking about what I could see to anyone else.

It would be at least ten years before I spoke to anyone besides family about what I could see again.

And that is just the beginning,


Who cares what other people think?

Who cares what other people think?

“If people enjoy what you’ve created, terrific. If people ignore what you’ve created, too bad. If people misunderstand what you’ve created, don’t sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you’ve created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motive, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest – as politely as you possibly can – that they go make their own [flipping] art. Then stubbornly continue making yours.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

Elizabeth Gilbert and my sweet wise-owl friend who lent me Ms. Gilbert’s book just might have given me the best gift ever; a permission slip to stop caring what people think. How liberating is that?!

It is probably about time that I say out loud and with full certainty I absolutely love speaking with spirit. I never stopped acknowledging or talking to spirit because I liked it. It was comforting and in all reality built my faith more than any church I have attended. Using my gift is like fully breathing. It is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes or the color of my skin. Fear kept me back from using it publicly for 35 years. How silly! How immature! Who cares what other people think?

I mean really.

Here I was saying I was the biggest skeptic in the room and then feeling hurt when people would say things like, “It was wonderful. 90% of what was said made perfect sense”. I would hang on to that 90% like what the hell – why do they need a claim to 10% was pure nonsense?! Well of course they did because I set the example! So stupid.

I let my fear of what other people thought be my own crutch. And I hate crutches! I will be that old lady on her scooter with a souped up engine and streamers on the handles. Did I mention it will also most likely be hot pink with glitter? Well it will and I will ride it and laugh with pride. Because who cares what other people think?

Well guess what – if I don’t care what other people think and if I really dig down deep; I am not skeptical at all. The most amazing things have happened when I have freed myself from doubt and embraced my gift with my whole heart.

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Like this week for example, I was struggling because I was giving a damn what people thought. Reacting to the output of my work – which I cannot control by the way – I can only do the work and what happens after is not my responsibility. I have nothing to do with how people interpret what is said or their experience with my specific gift. I can only do it to the absolute best of my ability and with the purest of heart and then continue on doing the work.

But I digress, I was struggling with things and you know what? The universe answered. It always does. Each reading this week offered me insight.

I had read that speaking to the dead was a sin and not a gift from God. There was discussion that said that when these spirits come through they say everything is all right and then basically you are off the hook to live a good and decent life. That is not the case! The readings this week reinforced that. Spirits came forward to talk of how they have to pay for their mistakes, how they are held accountable. Others came through talking of how they get to meet with religious leaders of all faiths. How they come together to teach other souls how to continue grow spiritually even in heaven. They talk of a hierarchy of things. There are angles that come through that bring words of praise and compassion, but also talk of caution of our faults.

But most importantly, my faith, what I experience as God is present in every single reading. I don’t allow anything different. That is all that matters. I know that and so who cares what other people think? That isn’t my problem; it is theirs. I can only control my reaction and I chose not to react. I chose to continue on with my principles and faith as I see fit.


But above all else; I know that without a doubt something miraculous is happening when I give a reading. There are things I cannot possibly know; that the person I am talking to does not know. They have to talk with relatives to confirm. I have even had a reading done myself when the medium knew something I couldn’t and I asked my family to find it to be absolutely true.

So here is the vow I am taking;

I have to share messages from spirit and I have to write. These two things make me whole.

These two things bring me joy and I love them both immensely. I will not let fear rob me of my joy in doing these things.

I will not let perfectionism destroy what I know I am perfectly capable of doing. I will do these things because I love them no matter what may come.

I will not be afraid to look ridiculous or sound foolish. I will speak my truth to the best of my ability. Everyone has that right as a decent human and I do to.

It is what I love to do; it is what I must do. 

I will not complain or feel angst over this anymore. I don’t feel angst about it at all; I have only ever had angst because I was worried about what people thought and I really don’t want to worry about that any more. I have enough to worry about and now I can scratch that off my list. No more apologies. 

I will believe I am worthy. We are all worthy and so that means so am I. 

I speak soul; I offer messages from the other side for healing; I can help those who grieve and it is absolutely as invaluable to me as the air I breathe. I will do it because I adore it regardless of what other people think. new freedom from fear and all that jazz!




Spirits & Kids

Spirits & Kids

No, no I am not going to be writing about alcohol and children.

I wanted to take a moment and address the question that I get on a n almost daily basis which is “Michelle, my son/daughter sees spirits what should I do? How do I handle this?”

To be honest, I have no idea. (Insert sarcastic font). I know I am a great help and very comforting; it’s a gift and a curse. (End sarcastic font). But when it comes to parenting if you have read the other entries in this blog you know I am flying by the seat of my pants.

Don’t get me wrong; I am a good parent and I do my best, but I make mistakes like everyone else that is the name of this parenting game. The other gotcha is that what works for my kids and my family might not work for your kids and your family. On top of that what works for one child may not work for another child. There is more than one answer and more than one right way to help a child.

Which leads me back to why I have no idea what to say when you ask me how to respond to your child when they are experiencing spirit. There is more than one right answer and you know your own child and family dynamic better than I do. There is not one answer that fits the bill.

What I will try to do is share with you things that have helped me along the way and maybe they will help guide you to finding the answer you seek.


1. It is my belief that 90% of imaginary friends are not imaginary. This is just a good rule of thumb. When I was two a man would be in my room or around me often. Like any good parent; my parents would often check things out and tell me nothing was there. But I saw someone; someone who was as real to me as they were. Sometimes it is helpful to get more information before you discount what might be possible.


2. Listen – if your child feels like you are a good sounding board then they will tell you everything. This is a good thing. I know having someone to talk to saved me. It is freeing to have someone to confide in and you definitely feel less alone.


3. Try not to knock it – you may not want to draw too much attention to it; but don’t tell them it isn’t possible. They truly are experiencing something real if they are telling you about it. They are also scared and trying to navigate through what they are experiencing. If you discount it then they feel as if there is something wrong with them.


4. Let them know they have the power – Make sure your child knows they have the power to ask any spirit to leave them alone. Children often think they have to listen or are at the will of someone who is older than them. Make sure that they know they have the power to pray for help or even ask a spirit to leave them alone. They are the king/queen of their domain here on Earth and they can ask any spirit to leave them alone for any reason.


5. Take away the fear – sometimes just letting a child know that most of the spirits that visit them are loved ones or guardians can help make them less afraid of the unknown. If you have pictures of ancestors get them out and let your kids take a look. You might be surprised at who they are able to recognize and tell you about.And this helps them to recognize who they might be seeing helping them to be less afraid.


6. Love them – you know your child, your belief system of your family best. Follow your intuition and it will guide you to the right things to say and do for your child.

These tips helped me and they are things I use with my own children. Hopefully this gives those of you that have asked me this question additional guidance.

Until next time,



Signs from Heaven

Signs from Heaven

Do you ever hit every single red light? I am not talking just in one trip out, but continuously for a week.

Have you been out and about and swore that you saw a passed loved one only to take a second look and it was not them at all? The person didn’t even really look like them all that much, but when you saw them the first time they were a dead ringer.

Do objects in your house, like your keys, go “misplaced” even when you know you put them in specific spot?

Are you frequently changing your lightbulbs? Or do you have lightbulbs that pop?

Do you catch a whiff of a loved ones perfume, cologne, or cigarette smoke from time to time?

Are you electronics always on the fritz?

Do you ever get strong cravings for things that someone that passed loved, but you didn’t really ever like?

Do sightings of birds, insects or specific skylines catch your eye and you just know that your loved one made that appear just for you?


Are you constantly finding specific objects like feathers, buttons, or coins?

These are all common signs from the other side. When I say they are constantly communicating with us; that is not an understatement. I have come across all kinds of signs both through readings and personally.

I have lost all four grandparents and miss them deeply. One of my grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer’s for years before she passed. She raised 6 kids and even though I only have 4, I long for her guidance all the time. For the first three years that we moved to Gilroy and I was carting around my 4 and doing school drop off I would cry once the house was quiet because I just missed her so much and would send my questions to the heavens up to her, but I did not get an answer. I know she was listening; and even answering, but my own pain caused me to miss her signs.

I borrowed this pic Aunt Lisa – I hope that is okay, but I thought this was a perfect picture of Grandma

I have been able to open my heart more and more the last two years and with guidance from other mediums have been able to connect to my grandmother more and more. What is odd is I feel her all around me now. But it started with my unusual craving for Diet Dr. Pepper. If you know me I have never liked diet soda. I would drink anything but. Lately however, I have to have Diet Dr. Pepper. I think it is her way of telling me this little drink helped her cope day to day and it can help me, too. I am a bit of a caffeine junky.


I am also constantly craving Doublemint gum. This was her gum of choice. She always had it. It is not my favorite gum, but I feel the need to have some on hand all the time and no other gum tastes as good as that gum. I have been fighting my weight gain and I think this is her way of saying have some gum on hand it helps.

There are so many ways that our loved ones try to come through to help us and guide us. They often literally whisper in your ear to help your intuition know the best choice for your soul. If your gut is telling you something it is wise to listen. If you feel something and can’t explain it – you just know – that usually means something.

There are many ways that signs can be discounted or explained away. That is the easy part. Believing is the hard part. Trusting in something you can’t see; believing in what you know is true even when you can’t prove it. That is what is hard for us; accepting something is real without being able to prove it. Believe anyway.


Spirits have ways of saying hello through numbers. If you are awoken at the same time every night or constantly look at your clock every day at the same time that is your loved one saying hello. If your phone seems possessed and you even receive strange calls and no one is on the other line, your loved one has called to say hello.

Dreams are a common way our spirit loved ones connect to us. Even if the dream doesn’t always make sense and we can’t remember what is said, but everything else about the dream feels so real then you connected with them. We are so open in our sleep and they can reach us a little more easily than when we are awake.

If you aren’t seeing these signs, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It may mean you aren’t ready to see them yet; your pain and grief can block some of these things from sinking in. Your brain is wired to protect yourself from pain and so it creates blocks so that our emotions are safe guarded. Your loved ones are around you. You are a big part of their heaven.


Your loved ones are just a thought away. If you think of them; they receive the call and are right there for you. Always.


I would love to hear about the signs that you have received from loved ones and I know that sharing them will help others, too. So share in the comments or on my FB page. I can’t wait to hear your stories.




The other side of a reading…guest post by Katrina

The other side of a reading…guest post by Katrina

My friend, Katrina, is to put it mildly…amazing. She recently attended a writing retreat where she was asked to write about a life changing experience/person and she chose to write about a reading she had with me. I thought it might be interesting for you to read about a reading from the other side of the table. The following is a guest post by Katrina.

katrinaI’m sitting at my kitchen table, photographs splayed out across its scratched wooden laminate surface. My friend Michelle sits opposite me, furrowing her brow and deep in thought. If anyone had come across us,we looked like we were in the middle of a scrapbooking jam.

When Michelle speaks, it’s clear we are not creating a collage from my photos.

“Your uncle really loves this photo. He wants you to remember him like this. He was really happy on his wedding day and he’s proud of his beautiful head of hair.”

I laugh as I look at the 1977 photo of him with a beautiful head of blonde hair, wearing a white tuxedo with bellbottom flared trousers; I stop as I remember the last image I saw of his head as he lay in his coffin at the funeral home: shiny, cold, and rigid.

Disbelief claws its way into my mind but quickly dissipates as Michelle goes on to tell me more messages my uncle has for me, ranging from comical to mundane to knowing some of my deeply personal and never before verbalized thoughts.

The week before Michelle and I were having lunch when the topic of ghosts came up. She says she believes in them. I say I don’t, but I press her for more information out of curiosity. She confesses she has been able to see, hear, and talk to spirits since she can remember. She’s never told me this before and I am flattered she trusts me with such a vulnerable confession. Michelle goes on, telling me she has learned to switch it off and would prefer to live her life without that being a part of it. I ask her some more questions and we say goodbye.

Two days later Michelle calls me to say that our lunch conversation temporarily opened her to spirit communication and there’s a man who is adamant he speak to me. He gives no other details other than his appearance – a full head of blonde hair and some bellbottom pants. Those details don’t ring any bells in my consciousness and I tell her than man must be there for someone else. I hear her pause, then say, “He didn’t want to have to show me this, but he’s showing me a tree was involved in his death.”

Tears fill my eyes as I instantly connect this is my Uncle LaDon, who died unexpectedly in a freak accident two years ago when I was six months pregnant with my daughter. He had been pruning a large tree when a massive branch fell at just the right angle to his unprotected head, killing him instantly.

I rarely speak of him so Michelle has never heard me talk of his death. I carry grief from losing him and guilt from not seeing him more the last time I had the chance ; those feelings are still fresh and cut me at my core.

As I look back across Michelle across my kitchen table, I’m struck by how “normal” she looks but what incredible things are coming from her mouth. Good friends since starting graduate school together four years prior, I see her as my peer in many ways – a mom, an elementary school teacher, a wife, and a fun friend to play Bunco with. But she clearly has an amazing gift as well.

Michelle delivers messages that evening from my uncle that validate our close bond, that tell me he’s with me all the time, that he’s happy in his new existence, and he loves me. The guilt I had previously carried in my soul dissipates, with an almost physical feeling of weight lifting off me. I still feel sad I can’t see him, but my grief is transformed knowing he’s still with me.

Michelle nervously looks at me across the table as we finish the reading and says, “I never know if I’m just imagining all this stuff or not.” I am in awe of what she is able to do and wonder how she can possibly doubt herself after being spot on about every single thing she said to me over the past two hours. My whole belief system has just been challenged and awakened in the most significant way it ever could be. In my heart I know this is just the beginning of her journey to embrace her gifts, continuing to transform my life and changing the lives of others for years to come.

Thank you, Katrina for sharing your experience.

Until next time,


Dark Spirits, Baptism & Jesus


My little 4 year-old feet were racing down the hall as fast as they could carry me. Hurdling the baby gate that kept my toddling sister out of my room, I bounded to the bed and hid myself in the covers.

I was so tired of that demon chasing me to bed. 

It popped into my life from out of nowhere. One day no demon, the next day demon. He seemed to like chasing me down the hall and scaring the ever loving wits out of me.

Since moving to Spokane, I had quickly learned that it was filled with negative energy. At least our little neighborhood was. But I grew weary of that little barreling demon pretty quickly.

Just shy of a year of his entrance into my life I learned we were moving. I was excited to leave that awful beast behind. It didn’t take long to discover; however that it could occasionally pop back into my life hundreds of miles away in Colorado. 

One night while my grandparents were watching me, I asked my grandma about scary things other people can’t see. I told her I kept feeling like I was being chased. She told me that whenever I prayed to God and asked for him to remove a spirit he could do that. She assured me that God would keep me safe.

To my little 5 year old brain this was nothing short of a miracle and God became my most favorite bodyguard. God came to my rescue and that demon left my life. 

Roughly fourteen years later on a river rafting trip, I found that there are scarier things than that demon. By this time I had become accustomed to spirit being a daily part of my life. Most spirits that I came in contact with were harmless. None the less I still had not forgotten that evil lurked among us.

During this trip I was visited by several spirits who had been murdered. A serial killer had hunted in this very terrain. It didn’t take long before I was visited by the dark spirit himself. Angry and sinister because of the crimes he committed; he tried everything he knew to scare and haunt my life. Praying this ghost away wasn’t as easy. He would always return no matter how many times he was asked to leave.

But after a few months and lots of prayer I regained the upper hand and he was forced to the very far periphery of my life. 

But it was during this time that I feared I would need greater protection. I reached out to the local Catholic Church and decided I would take the needed classes to become Catholic and was Baptized during an Easter Mass.

Of course this brought solace during my spirit encounters. I found that I had a strong faith in God and a deeper connection to him. Despite that I was easily reminded of how well organized religion and myself cease to agree. Within a couple of years I was no longer a practicing Catholic, but that did not deter my faith in God. It was then that I learned, that even though I was no longer a practicing Catholic God had not forsaken me. Knowing He thinks I am worth each and every breath I take and each ounce of space I occupy is all I needed to know. 

It is with a deep faith in my gift and the knowledge that God loves me no matter what that I tell you this next fact. In a recent reading, Jesus himself came to discuss the matters at hand. Suicide was weighing heavily on the heart of the person who had scheduled the reading. Bitterness and fury had engulfed this young man’s soul and turned his life to pain.

What Jesus had to offer was profound. He told this young man that his life was to be treated as a gift. Jesus shared that our purpose in this world is simply to be ourselves. We are a unique gift and what each of us has to offer is our purpose. He reminded this young man that we are never alone; that we are unconditionally loved and profoundly understood by him. Even in our darkest moments, He is with us. 


I know, I just passed the border of crazy town for some of you. It’s okay; I am good with you thinking that. I know it may be blasphemus for me to say I delivered a message from Jesus to this troubled soul, but I know some of you that know me; know that this must somehow have been possible. 

The reason I share this with you is we need hope. Our country needs hope. We need to know we are not forgotten. We are not alone. Yes, some choose to embrace the darkness, but that doesn’t mean all is lost. Horrible, unthinkable tragedies befall the best most innocent souls, but that doesn’t mean all is lost.

When I flip on the news, I see anger and chaos. When I listen to my neighbors, I sense fear and loss. Ecspecially in our little community, we have lost so many young lives.  So I share this with you; there is something greater than us. This force or being is guiding us toward the best version of ourselves. He will carry the anger and chaos; we do not need to lose hope. We have the power to bring good into this world; even in our deepest pain we can choose to deliver goodness because that is our gift. It is within each and every one of us.

I choose hope,



“Getting found almost always means being lost for awhile” – Anne Lamott

Lately there have been so many ideas whirling and twirling in my head it has been difficult to get them down on paper.

I feel like there are all these pieces of me that have been so spread apart I am not sure how to hold them all together.

Starting this new side business is definitely taking its toll.

I think if it were just a side business and not being an interpreter for the dead it might not be so difficult. For one, you sound loony toons just saying that. Secondly, the living expect so much of the dead. Just because they have died doesn’t make them any different from when they were living. Their soul is still their soul. Also sometimes their message is just that they are still around there may be nothing more than that and it may not be as profoundly said as you hope it will be.

The living also expect so much from me. They expect me to be an all-knowing, all-seeing guru that can tell them whatever it is they want to know. I am human after all and I am just the messenger.

Seeing the dead can definitely make others skittish around you. Most people treat me the same, but some people avoid me or worse – question my character and authenticity.

This piece of me definitely carries a thin glossy line of web to all the other pieces of me. Having such an interesting relationship with death has always made me a tad bit different from other people.

I have a fierce love for my family and would much rather be home with them than anywhere else in the whole wide world. And to say that I am an introvert is an understatement. My time spent with other people is mostly spent in observation mode. I always feel like an outsider.

It’s difficult to explain how doing this work makes me feel. Helping other people in this unique way is indescribable. At the same time, as I help each person I feel like I absorb some of their pain and grief. Lately this weight has left me lonely and lost. I have also been sick so that could be part of why the last three weeks have seemed difficult as well.

When I started doing this, I listened to my heart and acted on intuition. I have continued down that road – running after people to give them business cards because a spirit asks me to and opening up to someone and offering a reading because their deceased loved one haunts my thoughts and dreams. This kind of brave is so very far out of my comfort zone.

I think just the load that I am carrying is weighing me down. I am grateful for this load and how I am able to provide for my family and that I have an abundance so that I can help others. Yet still, sometimes I just feel a little lost, a little shattered and less put together than I would like to be.

Being a medium is what I was born to do; I know it – there are just days when my skin doesn’t feel thick enough, my heart doesn’t feel strong enough, and somehow I wind up swimming in grief wishing for a soft place to land where someone will understand what it is like to talk to the dead just for a few minutes. Where someone will know how to help me and guide me…and I will feel just a little less lost.

I guess the best thing to do is take the advice of someone who has been in my shoes…

“If you let people break your spirit and detour you from your path, then you have not been true to yourself or those you’re here to touch, those who believe in you.”
― Allison DuBois

or maybe just from someone I think is a great writer and speaker…



or my daughter’s current favorite person Taylor Swift and just shake it off because the haters gonna hate.



– not a jackass whisperersignature

Medium isn’t just a shirt size: I see dead people and other random musings from a modern day medium…

Medium isn’t just a shirt size: I see dead people and other random musings from a modern day medium…

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“In Western culture, the ‘miracles’ referenced in scripture seem to have been relegated to the past as if to imply that they were reserved exclusively for certain historical periods.”
― Mark Ireland

I talk to the dead. Since I was two and probably before I have been visited by spirits.

People ask if there are always spirits in a room and the answer is yes. There are just as many spirits in a mall as there are live people at any given time; same with schools, post offices, houses, cars, hiking trails, the dessert.

Can you see animal spirits? Yes. I am often greeted by cats and mostly dogs when I enter someone’s home. Both living and deceased.

A lot of people ask if this has ever bothered me. Do I see it as a gift or a burden. It has never really bothered me; startled me from time to time; unnerved me occasionally and only a very few times actually scared me. I know it is a gift something other people cannot easily do, but I don’t in any way feel special; I am just a girl.

People’s reactions bother me. There anger and disbelief bother me. People tell me not to take it personally, but I do not lie, cannot lie and their outright disdain is sometimes way too much for me to handle. I do feel insulted because never, ever would I want to bring up and discuss a painful loss with another human being for my own profit or benefit. Only have I ever wanted to do this because I thought it may be helpful. Any time a reading does not go well, I want to run and hide and never ever discuss publicly with anyone what I can see. I want to crawl so deep back inside myself that no one will ever see that part of me ever again. The spirits themselves are against that; they are the ones who are constantly saying this is what I am supposed to do and this is a helpful thing, but I would say 90% of the time it doesn’t feel that way. 90% of the time I feel like a crazy person talking nonsense to complete strangers.

Another common question revolves around the spirits themselves. Are there really bad spirits? Just like with people there are good and bad with anything – the same with spirits. There are dark souls. Each soul is on a journey to grow and evolve as a being. Some have a more difficult time than others making the kinds of choices that allow them to be more enlightened. But just like Glennon Melton says, God is forever tries and all soul’s get forever tries to be enlightened souls.

What is heaven like? That is another common question. The best answer that I can give to this question is that heaven has places of pristine beauty and is definitely a place filled with a great deal more peace than Earth. Heavenly beings know no physical pain. I still sense emotional pain from souls but often with a greater understanding to that pain than we have in human form. Heaven is also just another layer in the human world; spirits are around us constantly we are very much a part of heaven.

Do spirits often come to talk with me? Yes.

Do they stop me on the street and ask me to talk to complete strangers? Yes. Spirits are as much a part of my life as the living. Spirits are everywhere in my daily life. I don’t get to pick and choose who I see, but they are there just the same.

Do I think I am crazy? Yes. I am as skeptical as the next person. I am often trying to explain things away and find concrete excuses for the types of things I know or have seen. I am often left with certain things I cannot explain. Having witnesses to these incidents is incredibly helpful because most times I will just discount it to my overactive imagination.

How many mediums are there in the world? Can everyone see spirits? I think everyone is a medium on some level and just like athletes, teachers, chefs, business people, sales people, engineers, etc. some people are just more adept at doing a particular task or occupation in life. We all have the ability to do these things; some of us are just naturally inclined and endowed with certain innate abilities to gravitate and excel at certain things over others.

So many people ask me if spirits can hear their loved ones talk to them and think about them? The answer is yes. And no they do not follow you into the shower. Spirits respect your privacy.

Many people also ask what I experience when I see a spirit. I don’t know all the fancy names of what I can do – I know there are names for each way that you experience spirit, but I am not a student of mediumship in fact I don’t even like the word medium – I would like to be a medium in size, but other than that I don’t really like that word.

But back to the real question: I can see a spirit to the point where I can describe exactly what they look like and pick them out of a picture line up. I can hear them clearly when they speak and even smell the smells they want me to experience. I can taste things and feel things they want me to taste and feel. For example, I have had spirits allow me to feel the softness of a particular blanket between my fingers or smell their favorite food cooking in the kitchen. I experience spirit’s and their energy just as I do the living many times. I have always been able to ascertain the heart or soul of a person only after spending a few minutes with them.

Do I like what I do? That is a difficult question. Some days after bringing someone who is receptive so much hope and peace about the world beyond us, yes I feel like I have done small part to make this world a better place. Days like today after a reading that went completely askew because of doubt and negative energy that clouded judgment and instead of understanding the release of tears and grief it incited anger and resentment; I want to run and hide and never ever talk to any other person about spirits ever again, but I am writing this today because I don’t think I truly have a choice in the matter any more. I truly believe that this is what I am supposed to do, good, bad or indifferent this is a part of who I am and it can no longer be ignored or stifled.

The other day I was asked if I have to go into a trance to communicate with spirit? No, there are no trances involved. I write a great deal during a reading because spirits communicate at a rapid rate. I can often write down what they are trying to communicate faster than I can repeat it. Spirits are pure energy uninhibited by a body and can move and communicate with great speed. Sometimes for them to slow down enough for me to understand them they present images of what they are trying to communicate to me and it is a bit like charades. I often see the things they saw or want me to see so that I can communicate them to their loved ones. They often also say random, nonsensical things that only later come to make more sense.

I know there are many more questions to be answered and that I will probably never be able to fully describe what it is like to have this type of experience, but I am inspired by Mother Theresa and the quote below to keep answering questions and keep trying because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that I was given this gift not only to share it with others but to also try to remove some of the stigma associated with it.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa

Just doing it anyway –




Allison DuBois and Next Steps

Allison DuBois and Next Steps
Click for original source
Click for original source

Last week, I had an extremely special treat. I had a reading with Allison DuBois. If you don’t know who Allison is; she is the real life medium that inspired the TV show Medium. She is also the woman who I went to see when she came to San Jose this past year. I blogged about it here.

Her readings are quite expensive, but my husband and I decided that while it was a bit out of our budget it was a good investment for my side business and to go ahead and do it.

First of all, if you get the opportunity to have her do a reading for you; I highly urge you to take it. Her husband is her booking agent and he is beyond gracious and just really nice to chat with. She is also spot on. Allison is really good at what she does and the reading is worth every penny.

The pieces that I will share are that she gave me advice as we started talking about my side business. What was really intriguing to me was that the advice that she chose to give was pertinent to me and the types of things that I needed to hear. Advice that would help me the most.

Money, Money, MoneyHer top suggestion to me was to “put a price tag on my time”. I have struggled with charging for my mediumship for, well forever. She insisted that I charge and that what I do is not something that just anyone can do. This also fascinated me because I downplay what I can do and often say that everyone can do what I can do. She insisted that I charge, that I was unique and that I have to draw a line and not help friends when they ask for “favors”. She said that they would drain my energy and even if I wanted to help, I had to draw that line. She said if they wanted a reading they had to pay for it; that everyone who wants a reading has to pay for one. She said I needed to draw that line. She ended with, “Your friend will have you on speed dial and call and ask you to find their keys or their cell phone. DON’T DO IT. You need to put a price tag on your time.”

The other item, she discussed with me was to make some policies about how and who I would read. She laid out that I don’t have to take everyone on as a client. I can pick and chose. If there is someone who I don’t think it would be a good idea to read that I don’t have to. This came in handy in a reading already. There was definitely an elephant in the room at my most recent reading and it was a question I didn’t want to answer; so I addressed the elephant and said that I really didn’t want to answer that question even thought I could and that I hadn’t even tried to answer it because I really didn’t want to know the answer myself; I didn’t feel comfortable delivering it. If that reading had been a week earlier, I would have just answered the question feeling that I was obligated. Allison had let me know that I was obligated to answer or read anything that I didn’t feel was right or that made me uncomfortable.

Her advice was plentiful; I have only shared just a couple tidbits here. She was kind, courteous, spent a little extra time with me and told me everything I didn’t know I needed to hear, but that has made all the difference in me moving forward with my business.

Website sneak peak
Website sneak peak

One of which was getting my website done – which she stressed big time – I have built my website. The new reading form is up and my URLs should all be redirected and working by Saturday; and my business will be fully functional.

Off and running,



so small

Some days I just feel small…

like the whole world is just a little too much, like everything about my world is ant sized in comparison to everything else that is going on. Do you ever look at your hands and they just seem tiny, even though they aren’t? Or do you ever just sit in awe at how so tiny your kids are; that they are just so darn little? I catch myself doing that at least once a day. Sitting in awe of how small everything is. But even though I feel small; I also feel a great weight. A weight that everything that happens in the world is interconnected, linked like one gigantic spiderweb.

I wonder if I think about all these things so much because I see things other people don’t believe in; or are too afraid of to want to hear or talk about. What I experience is out of the “normal” realm for most people. If there such a thing as normal – I am pretty sure there isn’t.

For instance, the other night we went to a fundraiser. It was really nice to be out with our friends. However, there was a spirit that just would not leave me alone. I was compelled to talk to the woman who was associated with that particular spirit, but husband  thought it was an all around bad idea. So I ignored the urge to talk to her and it has plagued me ever since. If I am given these gifts; what is it to just have them and not share?

But unfortunately the reverse is also true. Yesterday I did my very first paid reading, so it was the real deal. I was pretty excited about it. I had written 5 pages of info before I even talked to her.

After, I had divulged all the information that I could – mind you, 3 different spirits came through. This reading was still particularly difficult because the person I was reading for was incredibly private and so there were things even the spirits wouldn’t give details about because they wanted to keep those things out of the reading to help their loved one. After the reading I just felt small. Again not sure if what I had told her made any difference.

All the while, I am as certain about doing this as I am that I have two arms. I am supposed to be sharing this knowledge with others.

try again tomorrow

My courage is roaring today, even though after the reading it was whispering to just keep on trying. Which leads me to the exciting news…

I now have a page where you can get your very own reading scheduled. Click here to check it out. Here’s hoping it becomes what I think it can be.

she turned her can'ts into cans

Here is to turning can’ts into cans!





teresa caputo
Teresa Caputo – Long Island Medium
allison dubois
Allison Dubois


James Van Praagh
James Van Praagh

What do all three of these people have in common?

If you said mediums, you are correct. But what is more important is that these individuals have paved the way for someone like me to be more accepted by society. I know a great deal of non-believers and believe me that is what kept me from talking about what I could do for years. I thought people would think I was crazy; they would say horrible things about me.

I am sure that is coming, but so far when I talk about how I am able to communicate with the deceased it is well received. I am grateful to the three mediums pictured above; they have paved the way for this gift to be more allowed in society and more accepted. I am grateful that I can be myself and tell others what I experience.

I never would have thought that I would be trying to figure out how to start my own “practice”, if you will, so that I could do readings for others, but here I am taking the first steps at creating my own business. Sounds like crazy talk, but it will be a reality. Sometimes we are given a gift and we have to honor that gift even if we are afraid of where that will take us.

Baby steps into an unknown future. I am scared and excited all at the same time. I also like how “allowed” sounds a lot like “out loud”. Nice that those two go hand in hand.

We can do hard things

We can do hard things,


Sometimes you don’t get what you want, but you get what you need…

“If you let people break your spirit and detour you from your path, then you have not been true to yourself or those you’re here to touch, those who believe in you.”
Allison DuBois

My new book

I am not a gambler. Taking a bunch of money and betting it on an unknown outcome. UGH! Then coming home with less – PUH-lease – doesn’t that just sound like a good batch of crazy.

I like to have something for the money I spent. Going to the mall for new shoes or out to dinner with a good friend is a much better way for me to spend a good chunk of change. Six months ago, however, I took a gamble. In December, I bought tickets to see Allison DuBois. They were VIP meet and greet tickets. I just had to see for myself if mediums were the real deal.

I know you are just asking yourself, what?! She claims to be a medium how can she wonder if they are real? Well, I do. I have never met anyone else quite like me. My sisters, dad, mom, and grandmothers all had this ability, but no one ever quite like me or at least as completely open about it as I am. So I was curious to see what it would be like to meet another medium.

So for months I have been so excited about going to see Allison. Nervous with anticipation the day slowly crawled up on me. Today I was beside myself with excitement, but did my best to try to play down my emotions. What if I didn’t get a reading? What if she isn’t the real deal – then what?

Well, I am glad I had realistic expectations.

Let’s just start with I did not get read by Allison DuBois. However, the good news is; she is so totally the real deal. When she was reading the people in the room I could sense a lot of the things she was talking about. Her technique, if you will, reminded me so much of myself and I picked up some great pointers.

One of the things I did before the reading started was to write down impressions of what I was feeling from the spirits in the room. First, I knew that a mother was there to connect with her son who had been hit by a car. He was showing my cars in particular a red car.

Second, I knew there was another woman who had lost a child – a son who had died within the last year or so. I picked up some other things as well, but I knew there was a woman there who had an incredibly sad, sad story and needed to be read. She had lost someone violently to an awful death.


Sure enough, the woman sitting in front of me was read by Allison and her son had died. He had been hit by a red car. In fact, Allison had said that she saw him with cars like race cars; just as I had. She also read the woman who I thought had a very sad story and sure enough her daughter had been murdered. Another woman was read whose son had passed 18 months ago.

When the event was over, I was disappointed. I had paid a great deal of money (for me anyway) to go see someone I looked up to; someone who I hoped would confirm that I had this gift as well. I ran into several of the women who had been read at the event in the restroom and in the parking garage and they were just so kind and there was such an air of peace about them. While my logical mind knew they needed to be read much more than I did; there was still some disappointment on this gamble that I had made to meet Allison and have my hopes confirmed.

On the drive home, the one thought that begins my unraveling rippled through my mind –

“You have nothing to offer anyone.”

And so I began to think I just shouldn’t do any of this medium stuff. I should just walk away from it.

As I sat down with my two pieces of Texas Sheet cake to comfort my damaged ego; I flipped on the TV and there it was… “Long Island Medium”. These types of things are not a coincidence. This got me thinking about how when you know something, you just know it. I shouldn’t be looking for third-party validation; I have to believe this in myself to have the strength to be a medium out loud in the open. People are going to be welcoming, but some people are going to call me a fake; a freak or worse. I need to believe this deep in my soul and know that my ability is real.

So I think I got what I needed from my little adventure today – not exactly what I had hoped or wanted, but I got exactly what I needed and that is the knowledge that this gift is real. That I am meant to do this on a large-scale to bring comfort to others. So I know that yet another adventure I am going to embark on in my living out loud journey is that I am going to pursue being a medium. I am supposed to bring comfort to those that are grieving and my gifts should not go unused.

Sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way that we expect, but if we continue to keep our hearts open and listen to our intuition, including the signals around us we will find the answers that we need. I have a great deal of people who believe in me and others who are counting on me that I haven’t even met yet. I just needed to believe in myself all on my own. I had to be at home, if you will, with following my dreams, and I am now. I am at home.

at home

Wishing you luck in finding your own answers,


Never give up…

Never Give Up!

So I think I may have been wrong. I had written awhile back that I would not do readings. This last Saturday I did my third official reading. Once again, I surprised even myself.

A friend of mine had a friend that wanted to get in touch with someone who passed and I agreed to meet with them. We had a great lunch at a super little restaurant. She was calm and easy going even though I know she wanted to get right to it. It was so nice to have a chance to get to know each other before we started the reading.

Prior to the meeting I wrote down some impressions and did not have high hopes for the meeting because I wasn’t sure what would come through – what I was seeing wasn’t 100% clear and I am always worried what I will be able to offer the living won’t be what they are after. I always have to remind myself that as long as I keep my faith in God and follow the light then the message that will come across is always what is meant to be.

Low and behold her dad came through with flying colors. He had so much to say and I can’t believe I was able to deliver so much of his message to her. It was one of the most amazing, surreal experiences that I have ever had.

What was even more awe-inspiring to me is that her dad had a message for me, too. Near the end of the reading the woman hands me several papers that she wanted me to have. One was a prayer in her father’s handwriting that I hope to share with you all once I get permission from her, but it absolutely reaffirms everything I have felt during my journey to “live out loud”.

In addition was the passage below:


And the last item was the photo at the top of this blog. “Never Give Up!” Just when I was beginning to think I was on the wrong path and that I should stop walking down the path of writer/medium/living out loud rookie – I go out on a limb, meet with this awesome woman and she hands me a message from her father.

I know – “GET OUT OF TOWN” – I am still a little shell-shocked from the whole thing myself.

I know you are thinking – “details. I want details,” but I feel like readings belong to that spirit and their loved one so I don’t feel comfortable sharing a story that isn’t really mine to tell. I will share two things with you though.

One, I often forget 90% of what was said during a reading. It is kind of like an out-of-body experience and you are trying so hard to just focus on the spirit and relay what they are saying that you aren’t actually paying attention to what they are saying. Which in fact is a good thing, because you don’t want to taint what is said so to speak – you need to deliver their message as is without any outside interpretation.

The second thing is – I take on the mannerisms of the deceased. This always happens and I don’t notice it until well into the reading. As I get comfortable with a spirit I start to notice how they stand or sit. I pick up on their gestures and use them while I talk. I am often also able to pick up on their phrasing and inflection.

It was truly an amazing experience and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. Why a regular girl like me gets to be a part of something so much bigger I am not sure, but man do I appreciate every second of it.

Never give up-


Questions and answers

click for original source
click for original source

Due to some recent questions that I have received about recent posts I thought I would do a little Q & A. If you have a question that wasn’t answered here be sure to leave it in the comments section and I will most definitely get you an answer.

Question: Do you feel sad when you know it’s the last time you will see someone? Scared? Or no because they’re going to a good place and protected?

Answer: I guess I have mixed emotions. Most often I am terribly sad. I guess too, I hope that I am wrong or crazy or both. The last time this happened is when I met JLK. I had never hoped or prayed so hard to be wrong or off my rocker in my life.

The time before that was the last time I spoke to my grandfather on the phone. I was supposed to meet him for breakfast and a snowstorm had come in and I wasn’t going to be able to make it to see him. I heard his voice through the phone and knew that was the last time I was ever going to speak to him. I didn’t want to hang up and I never cried so hard getting off the phone in my whole life. Roughly a week later he had a heart attack and passed away.

What was strange is that I had visited him the day before and on some level I knew that things were off because I stayed all day as long as I possibly could. Even when he fell asleep in his chair; I just stayed and sat with him. I knew that things wouldn’t ever be the same, but I thought it had to do with my grandmother.  My grandfather and I had visited my grandmother in the nursing home (she suffered from Alzheimer’s) and I knew when I kissed her good-bye that would be the last time I would see her. For her though, I was happy that her soul would finally be free and in a better place. I was sad for all of us who would miss her, but really glad for her. I hadn’t realized until I spoke to my grandfather on the phone the next day that it would be him that would pass first.

Question: Have you ever thought about making a career out of this gift?

Answer: Yes, but the answer currently is no; it is not something I would do as a career.

Question: Are you the only one in your family that can see spirits?

Answer: No – I will leave it at that for now.

Question:  Have you ever seen a negative spirit?

Answer: Yes. I once crossed paths with a man that was killed in a motorcycle accident, and he happened to be a serial killer. He was the only spirit I ever saw rise up from the ground and be a dark almost black figure. All other spirits seem to appear from above and radiate light or be whitish in appearance.

Question: When is the first time you saw a spirit?

Answer: My mom told me I woke her up when I was two telling her there was a man in my room. I remember the first spirits at 3 and then I was 5 when I realized that I was haunted. I often feel like a lighthouse to the spirit world. They know I can sense them and often seem to seek my out as they know I will cross paths with the person they want to deliver a message to.

Question: Can you see whomever you want?

Answer: No. The spirits that I see chose to show themselves to me.

I often talk to my maternal grandmother. She had six kids and I often ask her advice or guidance and I have only ever seen her three times when I wish I could connect with her daily.

The first time was once when she was alive. That may seem odd, but I have a theory about Alzheimer’s and I think that souls of people with Alzheimer’s can actually jump back and forth between heaven and earth, but that is just a theory. Anyway, I dreamt of her the night my grandfather passed away. She was dressing him to go to heaven and told him that she would be right behind him and not to worry. The dream was so vivid. And I knew it was more than a dream because when they realized I was watching it was as if they vanished into thin air. She died about a month after he did.

The next time was when I was getting ready for work. I was pregnant with the twins and she appeared behind me in the mirror just for a second and then was gone.

The last time was in a dream where I had entered a part of heaven I wasn’t really supposed to see. My mom’s cousin who passed came to talk with me and took me to this particular group meeting place. My grandmother happened to be in the adjacent room. I believe she helps trouble souls move up the ranks in heaven ( I will explain that in my next question answer). Anyhow, I had talked with him for what seemed a while when my grandmother entered the room and without saying a word commanded me to leave. I woke up and that is the last time I have seen her.

I can smell both of my grandfathers. I know that may seem odd, but I have found that the energy of our souls can appear in all kinds of ways.

My paternal grandfather also always makes sure I see pennies on the ground. He used to always find pennies when he was living and collect them. Now I always see pennies on the ground when I most need them. I have also had him visit me on several occasions. For awhile he spent a great deal of time around me and stressed that he was worried about my health. I think he helped orchestrate my current working environment because he was worried about my mental health.

But no, I can’t call up the people I want to see. I also try not to push things; I want the spirits to come through with whatever messages they want to pass along without my interference.

Question: What is heaven like?

Answer: I have absolutely no idea. But I do feel like heaven is actually all around us. Secondly, I have a deep belief that there are levels of heaven based on the lessons that a soul has learned throughout its journey so far. I think reincarnation is also involved in this process. Why do I think there is reincarnation, well mostly because I have dreamed of my own past deaths – I only dream about how I have died – I don’t hardly dream about the life itself at all, but each death feels intensely real. I believe that I have died once becuase of a mass type illness – I was buried in a mass grave,  once to a guillotine and four times in childbirth to name a few.

Back to levels of heaven; I think our soul is on its own journey and as it grows and learns it moves to different levels within heaven continuing to grow and learn. For example, I think angels are souls that have learned all that they can learn and are using that knowledge to guide other souls.

– If you have more questions let me know. I am happy to answer them. All of what I know though is based on my experience. I used to read a great deal on the subject, but now I feel that it taints my own experiences so I don’t read about it very much any more. I also have no clue how any of it works and am far, far from an authority on the subject, but I am happy to share my experiences and opinions with you all.

Warm Regards,