The truth…

The truth…

So I am reading a little Gabby Bernstein and really focusing on preparing to go back to doing readings on a regular basis.

I am supposed to be vulnerable here, to speak the truth. It isn’t always easy to bear your soul, but it’s what I said I would do.

The truth is I am afraid of failure. I never wanted to be the medium that couldn’t give someone a reading. 

And that happened. 

And it was awful. 

Worse than I imagined. 

But I lived. 

And I have done successful readings after said failure.

Still, fear grips me every.single.time.

As I stopped today and spent time in meditation reflecting on Gabby’s words; a lightbulb of clarity clicked on in my soul. 

These words tumbled out of me…

God called me to this task on purpose. I cannot fail as long as I make my best forward effort. He has given me divine love. With divine love I am unstoppable. I have faith He will lead me where I need to go. I am loved completely and trust that I will be guided to do the most good with my life. I choose to learn through love. 

This doesn’t mean the fear is gone, but it does mean I can look at it and call it by name. It does mean that I can face it and move beyond it.

Thanks, Gabby. Thanks, Universe. Thank you, God. 

Choosing to learn through love and I hope you are, too.

Good night,

P.S. Hopefully divine love includes not going to hell for spelling Mother Teresa’s name wrong. Whoops.


The messenger

The messenger

Vague

Amazing

Insightful

Wise

Funny

Wordy

Transparent

Authentic

Relatable

Lunatic

Bully

Hate

Hypocrite

Liar

Monster

Sinner

Fraud

Stupid

Ignorant

Racist

Words are so powerful. Each of us has either been lifted or defeated by a few simple words.

Since an early age I have had a love of words. I love the shape and sounds of them. I have been in awe of their power both spoken and written. Words can stir people into action and bring people to their knees.

What I find amazing is the contrast of what we crave as human – positive affirmation and what we consume and download in mass quantity by choice – negativity.

Reality TV – Real Housewives, Real Crime Dramas, 24 hour Media Coverage of anything awful. These are highly watched, highly rated programs.

Ever read comments on social media posts? I know you do. One thing that always strikes me is those comments can get negative really quickly. People who are “friends” can exchange words through a screen that can alter their relationship. Words can create emotional wounds that are never forgotten.

It is interesting to me that while we want so much to be loved, accepted, and understood we purchase and buy into so much visual and auditory negativity. That we can quickly and angrily type messages to one another that are full of rage and hurt.

Many struggle with self-love. That has always been a struggle for me. Always. I need the Chip Gaines voice of self-confidence! Regardless of how we feel inside, it is how we treat others that matters when our time is up. I have that information on pretty good authority.

It is okay to disagree with one another, of course. We have to be open to critique. We can learn a great deal through the sharing of different opinions. It can change us for the better. Plus the world would be boring if we were all exactly the same. But it is paramount that we are respectful in our dissent. It isn’t open season for a personal attack because your opinion differs from another; especially in a world where tearing others down is becoming the norm; we must restrain from attacking one another and stick to thoughtfully and respectfully stating our difference of opinion.

Positivity starts and ends with us. If we focus together to be positive in our rhetoric and our actions that will change the world. Great leaders, local and worldly, are remembered by their actions, of course, but also by the words they chose to speak. And so are we. Maya Angelou was right when she said that people will be remembered by how they make others feel. Our words carry our emotions into the world. 

If we are going to change the tide of a nation it must begin by how we choose our words and actions. The frequency of the energy we radiate is the frequency of the energy that comes back to us. It is important to choose our words and tone carefully. There are people who I admire who have defined themselves as warriors and neighbors when it comes to their delivery of love and good news.

I think some of us are messengers. I am a messenger. Those of us that feel compelled to write and speak. Those of us that are filled with a knowing that we must share; we are the messengers. With the choice to share our words and have them read and then spread like fire we must remember that those words have power to build and to break. My choice is to deliver messages of hope, faith, peace, love and vulnerability. I choose to be a messenger that connects and builds. Some messengers are making the choice to breathe negativity and fuel a fire that continues to divide and separate. They think the power of potent and open hostility is what is going to spur change. It just breeds contempt and mistrust.

I know that when the warriors, neighbors, and messengers all move in a direction of positivity and love it will turn the tides of that flame. The good that flows through their actions will extinguish the pain and division. There is more good in this world than bad. I feel it in my bones; I know it in my heart, I see it in the quiet day to day actions of the people in my community. We have to stop paying attention to the negativity. Stop allowing its voice to roar.

So my friends, neighbors, warriors and messengers choose carefully and wisely and with a compassionate heart to listen as you work. To spread and share compassion and positivity so that we can build bridges to one another and continue to make this world a better place for each and every soul in it. It starts and ends with us.

With hope,


 

The time when acupuncture broke me

The time when acupuncture broke me

So I have been going to acupuncture for the past few months. It has really helped me. I know some people think it is whack and that I should probably see a real doctor, but after years of seeing doctors with no avail; I followed my soul and it led me to Anna. Plus, I am beyond what people think. I know this is working and I am all over people thinking I am crazy. Crazy is my jam.

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Ahnna is amazing. She is sweet and smart and best of all she listens to every word I say and she believes me.

Each time, I have gone something miraculous has happened. A little piece of me keeps getting put back together. The first time she truly set my energy right; I felt lighter and more centered than ever.

A few appointments later we talked about healing and how to make sure that I am also taking care of myself. Anna shared with me the work of Florence Scovel Shinn. Florence lived in the early nineteen hundreds and was a teacher and healer of sorts who prescribed words to people. You heard me right; she prescribed words. See crazy is my jam. Prescribing words is so simple and so right on the money.

Florence felt that what you put into the world came back to you – if you ask you shall receive. Sound familiar? There have been many before and after her that shared that same philosophy. Regardless, I think it is pure genius. Getting back to Anna, she incorporates Florence’s thought into her practice and has a blessing bowl filled with words that patients/clients can take on their way out.

Like I said we had been working on me taking better care of me during my session and on my way out, Anna said, “Don’t forget take a word.”

So, I reached in my hand and pulled out a word. Turned out it was just the word I needed – ‘beautiful’. That was the beginning of a transformation in me.

At the next appointment we did some serious energy cleansing. I know this will sound crazy, but she truly cleaned out all of this heavy weight I had been carrying in regards to being a medium.

Even though I believed in my gift at each of the reading appointments I went to I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop for the jig to be up; I guess maybe I didn’t feel deserving of the gift and that at some point it would be taken away. On top of that, I always felt the need to prove to people what I did was real and well there just isn’t an exact science to mediumship.

While she worked, Anna talked about the history behind mediums, healers, and empaths and how those people, especially women, were persecuted throughout history and even killed for using their gifts. She felt that I needed to let go of all that history and weight. She kept saying it was okay for me to do what I did and that I needed to be comfortable with it. I didn’t need to carry the past burdens of other women like me with me to each reading any more. Something inside me snapped. I wouldn’t fully understand until later what exactly, but I left that day and pulled the word ‘faith’ from the blessing bowl. I clutched it tight in my grip because my intuition sensed I would be needing it.

That was one rough week, none of my readings went well. My sales job had some huge surprises I hadn’t expected. I was trying to navigate those hurdles and feeling overwhelmed. I was emotional and more exhausted than I had been in some time. Something had to give. By the end of that week I was closing down my medium business and choosing to focus on my family to rein it in an attempt to slow my life down.

What also happened in the time between then and my next appointment seemed ordinary, but I think it was another message whispering, yep you are on the right path.

I became obsessed with Fixer Upper on HGTV. We were able to watch the show as a whole family and it was just so wholesome and authentic. Two things that soothe my soul. During those few weeks, I received an email about The Chip and Joanna Gaines Story being on audible and I bought the book. It was great because we all listened in the car and Chip and Joanna read the book. I was moved to tears more than once. Not that anything that was happening to them was happening to me, but so much of what they were reading aloud hit home.

One of the main chords of the book is Joanna listening to her intuition and always choosing to put her family first. Another way the universe is letting me know I made the right choice. And I kid you not, I finally got to the dentist after skipping several appointments and what was on TV in the room they took me to, Fixxer Upper.


I know I seem to be talking about two different things, but I am not. We are given little messages each and every day and my messages keep intersecting. So the other day when I went to my acupuncture appointment I explained to Anna how I thought my last appointment broke me, but in a good way. She obviously didn’t like that at all. But it had. It broke my misconceptions about myself. The last remaining threads that were holding me back from true joy and happiness were severed and I ended up making choices that helped me choose me and to see my life for its successes and strengths. To help me see myself as beautiful and full of faith. To really center myself and get back to being who I was and focus on that.

That in itself is a miracle.

But, Anna still didn’t like my analogy. So we decided that she had found my reset button and put me back on the path to finding my true joy in life. The small, simple every day things that matter most. Taking care of me will help me take better care of everyone else.

Anna sent me away with homework like she always does; she printed a page of quotes from Marianne Williamson. The below really hit home with me, so I share it with you, too.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves,’Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually , who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson.

Sheesh, another crazy tidbit I have always felt that I was a part of something bigger that I mattered on a great scale, but tried to shove that feeling deep down. I would always give myself a hard time – “Michelle,” I would say, “be humble you are no more important than anyone else.”

But that is just it. We are all that important. We are all a part of something bigger than ourselves. We all matter on a great scale and how we interconnect with one another is that bigger piece. We all have to shine brightly. Can you imagine what that would look like? All of us doing the best to be our best selves for ourselves and each other? Holy, holy. I want that, but in order to have that I have to start with myself and guess what so do you.

So back to Joanna and her story… Joanna ends the book by talking about how she decided to stop surviving her life and start thriving in her life. Oh my gosh! This is something I say all the time – you have to find your joy. You have to find it and choose it every day. Sometimes you have to choose joy minute by minute. That is just how life is. It can be your darkest day, your darkest hour, your darkest minute and you have a choice to make do you let the dark swallow you up whole or do you choose joy and cling to it with all you have left? I chose joy.

I am choosing to let my light shine.

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What does that mean exactly? I am still choosing my family and putting that first, but I am not going to hide who I am or shrink down in size to heal myself. I am going to continue to shine bright like a diamond (I can’t help it Rhianna has damaged me forever, any time I hear shine bright it now has to be followed by like a diamond) and be my awesome self. Helping others is also my jam. I am going to make sure Holiday Cheer gets off without a hitch and I am going to be more present for my family and friends.

I do think that my path is a forever winding. Last night, I just picked up Jen Hatmaker’s Interrupted and she talks about flipping the way we think and truly being a child of God. I know that I am being spoken to by the Universe. I am listening and praying and somehow all these messages that are flooding in are going to sort themselves out. There are big epiphanies coming I can feel it. Good ones; ones that are going to help fill my life with even more joy and faith.

But for right now the main message I want to share with you is this – choose joy; whatever that is and stop just surviving your life. Do the things you love. I know you have to pay the mortgage, but you don’t have to run yourself ragged doing all the things, making all the beds, scrubbing all the floors, mending all the fences, mowing the lawn every week, whatever it might be that is keeping you from digging into your life and relishing the good parts.

I am also not naive; I know people face real pain every day. People are fighting an up hill battle against disease, loss, pain, grief, or finances. And that can tear you apart and leave you as a shell of your former self. But I have witnessed first hand people in their darkest hour choosing joy, so I know I can too. My advice, you can take time to grab your kids and run out to the front yard to watch the beautiful sunset. You can choose to not lose your cool when the house is mess and instead get everyone involved in cleaning up together – make it a game. You can take your loss and turn it into something worth fighting for. You can take your pain and flip it into helping others. Life can be fun and full of joy. It is all in how you look at it.

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A cup half full kind of girl,

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My side of a reading.

My side of a reading.

When I think about readings and how to describe them my first image is of a fingerprint. No reading is ever exactly alike. Each soul is unique, each message is different and I never know what to expect.

I am sure that some of you have been to or at least seen a reading via TV. There are numerous TV shows about and even led by mediums now. One thing to keep in mind is just as every reading is distinct so is every medium. There are commonalities sure; but it is my experience that each has their own style and precise set of gifts. Each has their own medium fingerprint if you will.

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Many of you have asked what a reading is like for me. I will do my best to explain my side of a reading.

Some people have asked me things like do I need objects or pictures to do a reading. Some have asked if I go into a trance or deep meditation to do a reading. For me I don’t need any objects or pictures. I do not go into a trance; I just open up my heart and quiet my mind. For me seeing spirit is like breathing. I don’t have think about it; I just do it. I have to think and work hard NOT to see spirit.

Spirit is emotional. Trying to rationalize with spirit is like trying to redirect a tantrum throwing two-year-old; possible but a lot of work. If I just feel and let my intuition (a.k.a. soul) guide me then communication opens up.

But let me back up for a minute. Yesterday I talked about how at 15 I knew what spirit wanted me to do. At fifteen a line began to form. I know that seems strange, but there is literally a line of spirits that was and is waiting to speak with their loved ones through me.

Some people wonder how with almost zero marketing and very little effort I can have a side business that keeps me busy doing this. Spirit is leading the charge. They are organizing this from the other side.

I let spirit lead. What I mean by that is that I don’t call out to spirits that a client wants me to connect with to get started; I am present to do the reading because spirit led me there. So just as I am helping the living here to have some peace, I am also helping spirit to have peace and deliver the messages that they are so desperately trying to communicate to their loved ones. It almost always matches up that who the client wants to communicate with is who comes through first.

Spirit is all around us. Spirit is constantly trying to communicate. People often think that because they can not sense a loved one’s spirit that they are not around. That isn’t the case. We cause the block.

Our soul and hearts seal up and harden to create a wall that not even spirit can access. The loss of a loved one causes grief and unexplainable pain. Our hearts and souls create the wall to cope and continue to move forward. Allowing spirit access means we have to open up emotionally for them to get through and often grief can prohibit that. So spirit is there; we cause the block.

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At the start of the reading I just open up to spirit that is present and I let them tell me who is going to communicate first and then I just become the translator. I spew out everything I am given. Sometimes it is images. Sometimes spirits are chatty and I am literally repeating everything I hear. Sometimes it is actual emotion – I feel the body’s death and can relay that and any other emotions that spirit sends me. I can see, hear, feel, and smell spirit. That’s right I can smell spirit.

Believe me, I am scientific in nature, I know that a great deal of this seems impossible. Rest assured that what I have experienced over the last two years is anything but. Spirit has shown me that they can communicate anything from telling a loved one that they should slow down they are going to get a ticket to letting me know the specific way they communicate with their loved one or how that loved one communicates with them – even when it is something as that sounds as crazy as a pile of rocks. They know what they want on their tombstone and can point it out – and this was in Chinese writing – I shocked myself when I picked this out of several Chinese characters correctly. Or they can tell me the item that the client has that belongs to them in detail. Or they know about family dynamics and weigh in on what might be happening. Things I could not possibly know about before hand and sometimes not always in agreement with what the client was hoping to hear. Spirit has their own agenda when they communicate and they deliver the messages we NEED to hear; not always the ones we were expecting or wanting to hear.

For years, I tried to explain what was happening to me or around me. As a child I just accepted that I was communicating with spirit and I was truly happiest then. As I got older I started to wonder if I was delusional or maybe just so good at reading people that I could actually read their minds and feelings; but then things I would say would not register with them at all until weeks later when they would find out what I was talking about through a relative or even something that spirit said would happen did in fact take place. So several years ago I stopped trying to explain it and went back to accepting it just like I did when I was a child. I can not even begin to tell you the peace, the joy, the wonders that the universe seems to deliver to me when I just believe and let spirit and God guide the way. It is quite simply miraculous. There isn’t any explanation other than the impossible is possible.

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So a reading is just me opening up to spirit – I tune them out most of the day because they are literally everywhere – and then I let them start communicating. I relay everything that comes through, I am just a translator, and then I leave that with the clients I am conducting the reading for hoping that it brings them peace.

It is really something to see how excited spirit is to connect. They are always grateful. They don’t always make perfect sense right away, but 99% of what they say seems to be dead on from what I hear back from my past and current clients. I am always in awe.

What is also fascinating to me is that spirit is teaching me as I go through this as well. They are often delivering messages directly to me through readings; answering my thoughts and questions.

When we open up our hearts and follow our soul (a.k.a. intuition) there are no limits to what is possible.

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Wishing you a blessed day,

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Life after death

Life after death

 

Life after death…

Heaven…

These beliefs have been a part of the human experience as far back as Egyptian times. And yet there are as many non-believers as there are believers around the world. While these ideas are still shrouded in skepticism there was a recent study conducted regarding the notion of our conscious (the scientific word for our soul) and how long it lasts after death.

In an article published by the Telegraph in October of 2014 by Sarah Knapton scientists surveyed individuals who suffered cardiac arrest. 140 of these patients were surveyed after being resuscitated and they experienced conscious awareness for up to three minutes after they were presumed dead. It warranted enough scientific evidence to continue this study.

It seems my entire existence has been a study of life after death. My first experience with spirit was when I was two. A man would be in my room around bed time or even when I awoke in the middle of the night. My parents couldn’t see him, but to me he was as real as they were.

At three I began to dream about death. My first dream culminated with my lifeless six-year-old body being tossed into a mass grave as I looked on from up above. While that body was not the one my soul was currently living in; I knew it was my body just the same.

These experiences continued throughout my childhood. I would be followed, approached, and awakened by spirits my whole life. I would sense someone’s death before it happened. This was something I did not discuss. You learn early that these are not ideas and experiences people share. You learn early that you are alone in what you can see and experience.

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But I never stopped paying attention to spirit and became obsessed with ghost stories, mediums and I guess in a way death. To me I was closer to spirit than I was most people.

At fifteen I knew what spirit wanted me to do with this gift. I knew what God wanted me to do with this gift; what He had been preparing me for. I was not ready. In fact, it would be many years before I was ready to begin to deliver the messages from spirit to their loved ones.

It was nearly 7  and a half years ago that I did my very first reading. Everything about the experience changed me in many ways. The doubt and feeling that I was crazy would subside substantially. And even more so only a few months later when I saw a medium at a health fair. I sat in the chair across from him and his first words to me were, “You are a medium. You are supposed to being doing what I am doing, but on a much larger scale.”

And so my journey began. Two years ago I began to book readings with people so that I could deliver messages from spirit. Over the next few blog entries I will share some of what I have learned with you. It is what spirit wants me to do. I am being guided yet again to share more and reach more people.

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Heaven is all around us; we are a part of heaven. Spirits are around all the time; everywhere. I see them with you in the mall. I see them at their graves comforting loved ones. I see them shopping with you at the grocery store, in movie theaters, on the sidewalk, in the park, in the front yard, at church, there isn’t a place I haven’t seen a spirit. Spirit easily moves in and out of our lives on a regular basis. After over a hundred readings I can say with certainty that they tuck you in at night; they are at your weddings, parties, holiday gatherings. They gain energy from your joy and love and can literally feel your pain and sorrow.

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The ability to communicate with spirit is a gift, not one that should be taken lightly. It is something we are all capable of to varying degrees. My particular gift allows me to give spirit a voice – I speak soul if you will. I do this for them and for God. God allows me to deliver these messages. It is through Him that this is possible.

Am I still scared to share. Yes. I am still worried that people will look at these writings with closed hearts and minds. Yes. But it is spirit that is asking me to open up even more and I trust in God and in spirit that sharing these experiences will help others a great deal.

Heaven is all around us.

Life after death exists.

For me there are only more answers and hopefully for you, too.

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Rise again…

Rise again…

BelieveOn this Easter morning, I find it fitting to resurrect my blog from the ashes. I have been radio silent since I started my new side business. In the last 10 months I have done over 100 readings for people all over. Some readings were as far as Tennessee and New York while others were right in my own home.

Once I started down this path as a professional medium, it felt like the duct tape came out and that I needed to seal these experiences. Mostly because these aren’t my stories to share, but also partly because I was afraid of how they would be received.

There has been a recent shift and I no longer believe this to be completely accurate. My perspective of these events are mine to share and in some ways need to be shared.

Three weeks ago I had a reading done for myself. I have told you that Allison DuBois did a reading for me when I started this journey 10 months ago and I felt I needed to check in with the other side to see if there were messages for myself that I might have missed along the way.

What transpired was not entirely what I expected. If I am being completely honest, sometimes this feels like a superpower. (Plus as much as I love fairy tales, I love superheroes, too). Any way, I thought one super hero would be able to spot another super hero. This is not the case. At least not so far as I have experienced. Is it a deficiency in a mediums ability to spot another medium; maybe. But I am not entirely convinced.

Any way, it was helpful, but it also made me realize that I don’t need to check in with other mediums to find out what I need to know. I ALREADY KNOW. Mind freaking blowing, I know. We all ALREADY KNOW. We really do; down deep we know the answers to our most pressing soul-searching questions. We know. We just don’t always listen or admit we know.

So, as I turn this short story into a long one, the point is that these are also my experiences to share. Those of you that have pushed me to blog about them you were right. There is a reason that I share though writing and also have this ability to speak to other souls. It isn’t a random occurrence; instead it is exactly the combination the universe wanted.

All of my readings have been intense learning experiences for all the people involved. So I will be blogging again. Telling you my side of the experiences without divulging or revealing the anonymity of my clients. I think it will be good for me to keep a running log of these events and teachings.

I know it isn’t my job to convince the world that heaven is real; as Brene Brown says, I am not a jackass whisperer. This is just a freeing feeling for my soul. I am following my intuition and letting spirit lead as I always do. They want to share as well.

Those that have come before me have paved the path of greater acceptance and maybe by me sharing what I can along the way that will continue for those that follow me.

I am back and ready to share.

Stay tuned…

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