What I have learned about heaven so far…part 4

What I have learned about heaven so far…part 4

When I was about four, my grandmother took me to church with her. I remember walking up to the building as everyone entered. You had to park on the lot below the church. On the outside, it seemed enormous. The doors were so big, and wide I hadn’t ever seen a house with doors that big anywhere else. It was modern in a 1960s sheek way. The roofline was slanted. There was a big round window. It didn’t look like what my imagination conjured up as a church. It was not the typical white building with a cross on top. And it was missing a big ol’ church bell.

I remember feeling like I didn’t belong because everyone seemed to know everyone there. I could hear their hellos and see their head nods at one another. But my grandmother had taken my hand in hers, and I felt safe. As people entered, they dipped their hands in little dishes of water and dabbed it on themselves. In front of us, there were more big doors. As we entered those doors, I stared at all the shiny, caramel pews. Off to the side I noticed another room. It had a big window. It seemed to house all the mothers, children and babies. 

“Why do they have a separate room for the children?” I asked her. I was worried that I would have to go stand in that room. 

“They have the babies in there if they cry, so they don’t disrupt mass.” She answered me.

We walked in, and everyone started kneeling before they entered the pews. They made gestures with their hands over their faces and chest, and then they proceeded to sit down. My grandparents did this every night when they said grace at the dinner table. I remember thinking, do I do this, too? Do I have to know how to do this to sit down? Will everyone know I don’t belong?

I knelt, but didn’t make the hand gestures. Then followed my grandmother into the pews. I wasn’t sure about this place. It was too quiet. A little too shiny. And why was the place where God stood so far up at the front?

But then, I looked up.

On the wall was a cross. Hanging from it was a man.

I should have been scared because the man looked sad and hurt. His head hung down at his chest. But I knew this man. Everything about him felt familiar. I knew the energy of this man. This man felt like God. The God that didn’t stand way out in front of everyone, but right next to them. And up really close. The God that whispered and whirled behind the spirits that spoke to me. This man felt like home. I immediately liked him.

I started to worry about him. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t like the way his head hung down on his chest.

While I was thinking this, right before my eyes he looked up. He came to life! He looked up at me. He smiled, and winked. I smiled back. My four-year-old brain did not doubt for one minute that this man had somehow come to life, smiled, and winked at me. His smile and playfulness let me know I was right where I was supposed to be, and he was just fine. I immediately settled into the pew. I was no longer worried or scared.

After the service, which included a lot of kneeling, peace be with yous, and more kneeling and chants that I didn’t know the words to, I asked my grandmother about the man on the wall. She said, “Oh, that’s Jesus.”

“Oh,” I said. I knew a little about Jesus. I knew that he was God’s son. My mom read stories from the Children’s Bible to me before bed sometimes. My four-year-old heart burst with pride that day. Jesus was my friend, and he liked me. Church felt like a place where I could find Jesus and we could be friends. 

Then, as time went on, that memory became something I convinced myself I imagined. Jesus doesn’t talk to four-year-old girls. Jesus doesn’t smile in church, and he most certainly would never wink! Oh, the blasphemy! 

So, I laughed at myself for imagining such a thing. 

And as time passed, I started wondering what was wrong with me. Why did I hear voices? Why did I see things, people that other people didn’t see? Why did I know when someone was sick? Why did I know when someone was going to die? How was it possible that I saw ghosts everywhere? How was it possible they could talk to me? Why did all this happen, and why had God made me so broken? Certainly, Jesus couldn’t like me very much. Certainly, I wasn’t the type of girl who would get into heaven.

I spent years in self-doubt. I spent years denying what I felt, what I saw. I spent years in hiding.

And then something miraculous happened. A nine-year-old little spirit boy, named Matthew, whose name just happens to mean gift from God, started visiting me. He would wave and smile. He would run around my son as he played. He would pop-up out of the clear blue in the front seat of my car and say, “Hi.” And he would give me the same dream, over and over, for weeks. Waking me up and then waving and smiling at me. He never let up. Until one day he said, “I need you to talk to my mom.” And finally, I caved. I couldn’t say no to his nine-year-old face. Seeing Matthew had made me feel like maybe Jesus does smile and wink. Maybe, I wasn’t crazy after all.

So I found a way to talk to his parents. 

It wasn’t easy. It took a long time for me to believe what I was seeing was real. It took decades. And in that session, with Matthew’s parents, it took minutes that felt like hours to settle and just start sharing what a little spirit boy wanted me to share. 

Even after that meeting, I was afraid. 

What happened couldn’t have been real. This doesn’t happen to regular people. This isn’t something I can talk about. This will ruin the reputation I have built for myself. This will ruin my family. I need to stay quiet, the voice in my brain would admonish me. And even though I helped, Matthew was still in heaven. Why do little boys have to die?

So, I trapped my feelings, my gift, deep down inside myself. But Matthew kept showing up. He didn’t care that I wanted to hide. He wanted to talk to his family. He said he was alive, healthy and happy. Finally, one day he said, “This is what you are meant to do. You can’t change it. You need to tell people.” 

And I listened. I knew it would change everything. Even though I still wanted to play small, I knew this was how I was made. I knew deep down I wasn’t broken. Instead, I had been fearfully and wonderfully made, exactly this way, on and with purpose.

So, I told people. I still didn’t tell everyone. I still made excuses. I still do sometimes.

But mostly I tell everyone now. Mostly, I embrace who I am and how I work. And most importantly, now I know that Jesus smiles in church. Jesus shows up and smiles at four-year-old girls so they will feel like they belong. Jesus winks and smiles to validate that deep down, we do know what God feels like. Jesus shows up for everyone. We don’t always see him because we are too busy dismissing him. We are too quick to say that it isn’t real. That can’t be true. But he shows up anyway.

It’s true. That’s why I am sharing all this. It’s true and real and possible. There is a heaven. Our souls live on. Our loved ones, and ghosts in general, they want us to know they are cheering us on, loving us, and waiting to reunite with us. They want us to know they are alive, healthy, and happy.

So, I know you may not believe me. I know that this might make some people think I am crazy, but I don’t care. Jesus likes me. Jesus thinks I belong here, and he is glad that I am sharing what I know with you because frankly, he likes you, too. 

So what is heaven like, really? Here are the answers to a few frequently asked questions…

What is available to us in heaven? 

Heaven is filled with possibilities. If we live our lives well, and by that, I mean to treat ourselves and others to the best of our ability, then we have lots of options for what happens in heaven. I like to call it a menu of services because souls show me that they have options and choices based on what they accrued during their human lifetime. One soul literally showed me a menu and that they were choosing items off it. Hence, menu of services. Why not take them literally? Maybe it’s really like that.

I know I am going to open a can of worms here, but we can’t buy this menu of services. Not with money. Not with tithing. Nope.

We can only achieve choices for a wonderful heavenly life through action. Love is action and so we must be active in being kind, helpful, respectful, and living the life we are meant to live. So some of you out there angry and spewing hate in 2020, well you need to shape up! Period. Or no soup for you!

What do I mean when I am talking about accruing things off the menu of services? When I talk about accrual, I am talking about how we earn additional heavenly privileges by being the best version of ourselves. First, and foremost, we need to treat others as we would want to be treated. That is truly the golden rule and incredibly important. Also, we need to say yes to our passions. When we say yes to our passions and our hearts, we find our purpose. And if we live out our purpose and we do it while being good to ourselves and others, then we accrue these heavenly options.

When we help others in need, we accrue. When we use our manners, we accrue. When we are faithful, we accrue. Not blind faith where we leave others out and cast damnation and judgement. The kind of faith where we love God and the earth and all of the creatures we inhabit this space with. When we do all this we accrue. When we keep boundaries that protect ourselves from harm, we accrue.

So what can you do with the “points” you accrue? You get to order up choices and amenities off the menu of services. Seriously, it is like you get Motel 6 accommodations versus Ritz accommodations. Want to be a size six? No problem. Want to be a blonde? No problem. Were you happiest at 26? Then bam…you are forever 26. Want to travel the world? Done. Want to live your next life without as much pain? Check. What to choose the way your heaven looks? Check. You can live in a house or spend your days in a forest. You can visit any place in the world or never leave your old town. Want to meet up with your entire family and all live together in heaven? Done. Want to work in the nursery and cuddle babies in heaven? Sure thing. It is all up to you and what your soul most desires. 

When we get to heaven, where do we live? 

In heaven, technically you live there.  However, say that you pass away before your spouse, and you really want to stay close to your spouse on earth. You were married for forty-five years, after all. So you can still live in your old house. Now, that doesn’t mean a soul is stuck or unhappy or not in heaven. Heaven surrounds and encapsulates the same space earth exists in, so a soul can be here and in heaven at the same time. Or you can recreate the place where you are happiest in heaven and live there. Or maybe you want to live outdoors. Or maybe you are happy being a soul and a soul lives in the universe, not in a traditional house. So you just exist. There are so many options. You can even live in a different time. Souls can walk down memory lane literally and live and exist in a different time period. Souls in heaven can truly relive happy memories from their past lives.

What do souls do in heaven?

There are plenty of possible answers to this question. Each soul is unique. Each life is unique. Both of these things determine what a soul might do to entertain themselves in heaven. 

Some treat heaven like retirement and finally rest and recover from the busy life or handwork that they endured on earth. They take trips. They visit places they always wanted to see. They sit by the ocean or lounge in their backyards on their favorite lawn chair. Others need to keep busy. For these souls, there is an endless amount of things to do in heaven. 

There are jobs in heaven. Souls can work in nurseries where baby souls are created and nursed until they are delivered to a womb. There are spirit guides who watch over humans on earth and try to keep those humans on the right track. We do have free will as humans, and we can take a million different paths in life. Still, there are specific experiences our souls are supposed to have in a lifetime. So there are souls in heaven, guides if you will, that try and help lead us to those experiences in the least painful possible ways. 

Some souls help new souls transition into their new life in heaven. Some are warriors who help in battles here on earth. Others are peacekeepers and send peace and tranquil energy down to earth. Some work with souls in heaven as counselors and run the heavenly twelve-step atonement program. Others work to become angels. Some just like to be and are involved in what is going on with their families here on earth.

One of the favorite things that I love to see is when souls show me how prayers reach heaven. It is literally like mail coming in through a post office. They catch the prayers you send. Then they answer them or they split them with other heavenly loved ones and they get to work seeing what they can do to help answer your prayers. Or not answer them; because maybe what is best for everyone. Either way, they get working to take care of those prayers. Of course, God has the final say in all things, but your heavenly loved ones can advocate on your behalf. It truly is a group effort.

To be continued…

What I have learned about life after death…part 3

What I have learned about life after death…part 3

Have you ever been somewhere and thought; I have been here before? Or have you ever met someone and thought, have we met? Even though you knew you hadn’t, something inside you knew you had.

Our souls have memory. And our souls can have multiple human experiences. Yes, that is correct, I am writing about reincarnation. Over this last decade, I have had thousands of conversations with spirits. These spirits have shared many things about life after death. One reoccurring piece of information is that our souls can come back to earth again after our bodies die.

And not just one spirit has relayed this information. Hundreds of spirits have mentioned it. Our souls can return here to earth. Many souls do come back. In the last entry in the series, I wrote about a soul being sent back without a choice. This is so that the soul can finish developing to its highest potential. This is one way that our souls can return to earth to have another crack at the human experience. Yet another way that a soul can return is to choose to come back. 

Yes, dear reader, a soul can choose to come back and live a human life again. This choice can be reached for several reasons. For example, maybe during your time in heaven, you learned that you were terrible at accepting things you could not change. So you decide to come back to earth, and into a life where this lesson will repeat until you get it right. Or maybe in your lifetimes, you have died in childbirth repeatedly, never having the opportunity to raise a child, so you enter a life on earth again to be a mother. Or maybe, you have specific skills that could help bring humankind some peace, so you decide to come back and help keep the peace on earth. 

Relationships can also be the source of reincarnation. For example, several years ago I spoke to a soul who passed as a young teen. It was a tragic accident. He died, saving his sister’s life. This same soul was in a hurry to get back to fill the void in the family. He reincarnated quickly into the soul of a cousin’s son. He just had to be back near his family. Now, God oversees all of these plans. There are no haphazard freeways, without signals or stop signs. These re-entries into human life are part of a master plan. But just like free will here, there is free will in heaven, and sometimes a plan can be modified or change course due to what is necessary for a soul to reach its’ highest potential. Sometimes what is happening on earth can affect a choice, and sometimes what is happening in heaven can affect a soul’s choice. Everything is interconnected.

When we reincarnate, it is also possible to become an animal, insect or a tree. There is no rule that our souls have to eternally be human. Animals also reincarnate, and a soul that was once a dog can become a cat or a horse. As a soul, you can choose if you want to reincarnate. However, this choice and the accommodations of the next life are based on how well you lived your last human experience. All decisions are approved by God, the divine power over the universe. 

Some people also ask, do we have to come back? If you have developed to your highest potential and your soul wants to remain in heaven, then you may stay in heaven. Some souls seek to become angels, spirit guides or just want to remain peacefully in heaven to continue their spiritual development. 

Some clients have asked if our souls reincarnate, how are we reunited with our loved ones in heaven? Great question. This is where things can get a bit tricky. As I have discussed before, our soul’s ratio that inhabits our human body is roughly eighty percent. Our souls are vast and can exist both in our bodies and in heaven at the same time. I know, mind-blowing, and hard to accept. Our souls are always connected to heaven. Our souls can also be connected to other souls here on earth. Souls whether in or out of a body are communicating and knowledgable of what is happening to them. We can live an entire human life with no conscious awareness that our soul is connected to heaven and all that is beyond. In fact, we can be an atheist, without any spiritual beliefs at all, and this connection to heaven is still taking place. 

What this means is that a soul can inhabit a body on earth and also be available to the souls of others in heaven. This is good news. This means that you will always have the chance to connect to a loved ones soul when you transition to your heavenly soul state. Souls can see and know where everyone they love is at all times. They can also be in two or ten places at once. This does take energy so they don’t do this constantly, but it is possible. 

Reincarnation also seems to be impacted by the relationships we have. These relationships can be soul related or because our human experiences were intertwined. To explain further, souls can choose to come into this life by choosing the people/souls they want to be connected to. Often children who have passed tell their parents that they chose to be connected to them in this lifetime. Unborn children who were aborted, miscarried or are on their way to earth, often also talk about how they chose their parents. I know for some people this seems completely outlandish. Those who were raised by abusive or neglectful parents must think there is no way I chose this! And quite possibly you did not. Those relationships could be tied to things that your soul wanted to learn or understand from a human experience. Or bad shit just happens; this is also true. Hopefully we grow from it and find purpose. Just to be clear souls do not deserve or ask to have pain in their lives. God holds you in your pain and walks with you as you fight your way free of it or learn to carry it in a healthy way.

Our souls live on and on. Souls don’t die they are always evolving. They may retire to heaven, or they may keep trying out different human experiences until they reach their highest potential. We are always reunited and tied to our loved ones that we cherish. Some people have asked about harmful relationships and what pieces of those carry on or affect our souls. I will talk about this more in the next chapter of the series. 

What I have learned about life after death so far…Part 2b

What I have learned about life after death so far…Part 2b

The previous post and the discussion about heaven allowing everyone in leads to the question I get all the time if there is a God and heaven, then is there a hell?

This is where things might get a little hard to swallow for some. God forgives everyone all their transgressions. Even serial killers. Even pedophiles. Everyone is forgiven. But, and there is a big BUT, there is work to do on the other side if you have treated people wrongly. All is forgiven, but not forgotten. What does this mean exactly?

When souls die that have behaved poorly in this life, I like to call them developing souls, they are taken to a holding room. In fact, souls have shown me that these developing souls get a glimpse of heaven in all its glory. But they don’t get to stay in that glorious area of paradise. They are pulled aside into this waiting room and told that they have work to do before they can participate in heaven without restriction.

This waiting room is all white. Developing souls are placed in front of a wall that becomes a screen. On this screen, their transgressions are played back. When these images and moments are played back, the soul experiences these moments, not how they felt them in life, but how the person they harmed experienced them. This is to help the offending soul understand and have more awareness of what their actions caused. These images and experiences can include decisions that may have harmed themselves as well. For some, that may seem like hell, but this room is a part of heaven. These images will be replayed and experienced over and over again to these developing souls until they understand and feel remorse and empathy for the pain they caused here on earth. Developing souls continue to see and feel the harm they caused here on earth until it literally soaks in and becomes empathy and compassion.

These developing souls have to atone for their poor choices and bad behavior. Can God be disappointed in our decisions? Yes. Can God be angry with us for harming other people and souls? Yes. But God truly is like a parent in a healthy parent-child relationship. God sets boundaries and rules for our benefit and hopes that we follow them. He tries to teach us and steer us toward his way of loving your neighbor as thyself and doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. Through all this, He understands that during a human experience, our souls can make mistakes. Often these are teachable moments, learning experiences that will help us when the lesson comes around again in our lives. But if we continue to fail time and again, we will have to answer for that disappointment and the hurt we caused when our bodies die. 

Before these developing souls can move onto the other parts of heaven, they must agree to a rehabilitation program. The way spirits describe this program reminds me of the twelve step program used in Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, this may be where that idea came from. We have soul memory, so a soul must have remembered what happened in heaven and thought if it works in heaven, it can work here, too.

What happens if the developing soul can’t or won’t choose to complete the heavenly twelve-step atonement program? 

There is a period of time that souls can stay in that holding room. If they stay past the point of their welcome and cannot find remorse or empathy to God’s satisfaction, the developing souls will be sent to try again. 

This is where reincarnation can come into play; they might get kicked back to earth in a human body to try again. I will write about reincarnation in another piece with more detail, but this is one area where reincarnation can take place. These developing souls don’t get to choose how or when they come back or what type of life they will be provided; they are sent back to face their twelve-step atonement program here on earth. 

What happens if the developing soul chooses to work through their transgressions? 

First a developing soul, must accept their negative choices and take responsibility for their part in the harm that was caused. Then they must agree to follow the program and God’s will. Then they begin a journey to remove all defects of their poor choices and character.

Once that is complete, the developing souls are given a heavenly mentor, whether it is an angel or spirit guide (I will touch on the difference between these two things later), and they work through the remaining steps of the program. What types of tasks are included in the twelve-step atonement program? For example, developing souls may have to follow and try to help a person on earth who struggles with addiction. Or they may have to help a person repair their destructive behavior. 

How do they do this? All souls with positive intentions in heaven can influence the opportunities presented to us with God’s blessing. They can whisper to our intuition and amplify the best version of our soul so that our best choices are louder than any other option that comes forward in our minds. Still, again we have free will, and we can choose whatever we want. But these souls, on the other side, will work to help us. Developing souls in the atonement programs will guide other positive influences into the life of the human they are helping. Developing souls try to do what they can to help that person here reach their highest potential. 

Another step in the program requires education. These souls may also have to go to classes; yes, there is school in heaven; to learn about how to improve their behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and responses for when they come back to earth. Often this is an unlearning of destructive behavior and the reinforcement of positive behavior. It also is therapeutic and allows the developing souls to heal the hurt that caused them to become so destructive in their life here on earth. As they heal in heaven, that opens pathways for more healing here on earth in their ancestors and loved ones. And then their loved ones heal here on earth, and that healing allows for pathways of more healing in heaven. Healing is a full circle experience.

Another step can often be where a medium or another type of channel comes into place. During the healing process, developing souls must apologize for the harm that they caused here on earth. Therefore, a developing soul will find ways to send apologetic messages to loved ones here on earth. They want to confront their behavior and acknowledge their responsibility in causing pain and harm here on earth. 

These developing souls continue to work and learn, growing spiritually, and emotionally. Then they may choose to come back to earth in a body and work through lessons again in order to complete them to their satisfaction and enter heaven the way developed souls do. They want to achieve healing and forgiveness. They want to be a better version of themselves by the end of the process. 

There is forever a mark or scar, if you will, on a soul that has caused series pain and trauma. These souls don’t wear it like a scarlet letter, but our stories are a part of our soul, and we carry them wherever we go through time and space, heaven and earth. This is so that we remember the lessons and retain the spiritual growth of all our lives. Souls are built to completely understand one another, so your story will always be visible to other souls. This isn’t a terrible thing as heaven is a place with more awareness, compassion, and love then heavy-handed judgment. 

I have come into contact with a few developing souls in my lifetime. These souls can show themselves to us on earth. They do not have free reign or limitless visitations like other souls.

When I was about three, one chased me down the hall of our house in Washington State regularly for the entire time we lived there. It was dark and menacing. It could change shape and look like a wolf with gnashing teeth. But I believed that my bed was bathed in the light of God. I could literally see it, and once there the spirit could no longer affect me. I also prayed for it to leave. It would have to leave once I said those prayers.

Another time, when I was about nineteen, there was a serial killer whose victims reached out to me while I was on vacation hear where they were buried. The man who killed them had died in a motorcycle accident, and he started to visit me. He did not want me to help the girls he murdered. He was dark and brooding. He would visit on and off for roughly a year, trying to bully me and cause fear. If I prayed he could not stay. If I was afraid of him he would grow stronger, but when I lost that fear, when I met him with love and prayer he could no longer visit me.

These souls are often the reason ghosts and hauntings get the scary reputation that they have. These souls make up a tiny percentage, likely 1%, of all spiritual encounters. I think that often these are also considered to be earthbound spirits. People think they are stuck here on earth. They are not. They are interacting with people on earth, trying to wield power. They feed on negative energy, i.e., fear, worry, anger, resentment, etc. If you meet these souls with love, prayer, and without fear, they will leave you alone. You may have to keep asking them to leave, but they will. I also always recommend salt barriers, holy water, and priest visits to help clear unwanted, undeveloped energy from a space. You may have even heard of other techniques, like burning sage, that also works well for this kind of spiritual presence. But these encounters are relatively rare. These undeveloped souls have no real power over what happens here because they have not completed the atonement program. They try to seem brooding and scary because they want us to be afraid. That fear becomes energy that can fuel them. It is often how they also operated in life. But take away the fear and replace it with love and light; they have no way our power to stay.

I told you that it might be hard to swallow that horrible humans get a second chance as a soul, but I think you have to believe in miracles to believe in things like forgiveness and life after death. I think that you have to believe in miracles to keep your faith and hope alive. People all over the world, throughout all times, have built religion out of the faith of a higher being and the miracles that they saw in the world around them. And I think most of us believe in second chances. I think we want people or souls to be held accountable, and they are. But there is also a force in the holy spirit that wants redemption and love to exist in all things.

Faith and religion are important. I think God is more fulfilled if you are faithful, but God is also going to love you regardless of your belief in him or miracles. What really matters is how we treat one another. We are judged for our actions here and held accountable. We are made to atone for them in the next life. It truly matters who we are here. Our character and actions extend past this life.

God is love, hope, and possibility in motion. Heaven is real, and it is all around us. Heavenly souls are supported, loved, protected, and have continued growth. God and our loved ones in spirit want us to know about what comes next. It is something that has been shared throughout the ages and will continue to be shared. Our human experiences can change and alter our heavenly experiences.

In the next post in this series, I will explore reincarnation. 

To be continued…

What I have learned about life after death…part 2A

What I have learned about life after death…part 2A

If you have been reading along, dear reader, then you have a general idea about the end of life and what is happening to both soul and body. 

Then let’s shift our attention to what happens when our soul goes through the light and enters heaven. 

To do that, I have to talk about God, and faith, and miracles. So if you are faint of heart when it comes to these topics, maybe make sure you haven’t eaten recently so you don’t throw up a little in your mouth. Or go over to Instagram and scroll through your friends memes instead. I get it sarcasm can be my jam on occasion instead of serious, sappy stuff. But if you show up here, you also know that depth is where I live. Any way…we were talking about what happens when we get to heaven.

In my experiences with spirit, there is discussion of a higher power. Spirits describe God as a supreme being who oversees all and is the keeper of the master plans in all forms of life. All life comes from this source, and it is the ultimate power in the universe. Even heavenly souls look to this source for guidance and solace.

Spirits won’t tell me a lot about what God looks like, but they convey an awful lot about how God feels. God is love. God is light. God is acceptance, compassion, and boundaries. God truly loves us unconditionally and wants what is best for us. God has created all things, and God doesn’t believe in exclusion. God is forgiveness and immortal. God is awareness without severe judgment. 

God is not hellfire and fury. Don’t be too disappointed, I know there are days I want a wrathful and vengeful God, too. The pain and trauma that can be inflicted by humans is unfathomable and sometimes even I want that punished by a God who is fire and brimstone. God does see all things and God never forgets. I am not saying God holds grudges, but God is aware of what you have done and who you are. God is watching listening and ever present.

However, God is a being that can be reasoned with and accepts requests in the form of prayer. God doesn’t require belief in order for you to be accepted into the kingdom of heaven. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love God. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love yourself. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love others. God pours love into you until you find that you can and will try to love again. God is the hope, resilience, and strength that is in the depths of your soul. God is what bubbles up when you sit still and remember what you are made of and choose to rise.

Some people find God in church communities and that can be a marvelous, resplendent thing. But, sometimes you can’t feel or see God inside those walls. Sometimes you aren’t even invited in. Some churches exclude and make people feel small or unworthy. That isn’t God’s plan, and even though He may be in the people who assemble there, he could still be difficult to see for those that are excluded. God may seem absent because of the hate or exclusion, but God is there trying to change the hardened hearts of the world. He is trying to whisper more love into their hearts. God is no exceptions; all are welcome. 

But do not worry if you struggle to sense God in your life; there so many places you can witness God. It just takes practice and patience. 

You can witness God…

In the giggling, bubbly laughter of children at play

The way sun warms your face on a clear, crisp day

In the excitement and wonder of birth 

In the soft whispers of your heart as your toes touch the dusty earth

In a long, full fresh breath

In the quiet stillness of death

In the fresh, sweet aromas of a home-cooked meal and the sustenance it provides

In the way a seedling sprouts in your garden or how a squirrel plants a nut just wherever its’ instinct decides

In the way, a breeze ripples through the redwoods and makes it seem as if they are conversing about the creatures in their branches 

In the light of the sun as it dances

In a long embrace

In the salt of your tears as they stream down your face

In the sound of the ocean; crashing and calm all in the same motion

In the long-forgotten corners of the deepest, darkest parts of the world

In each other’s eyes

In a helping hand

In a smile

In despair

In a prayer

In love

In hope

Even in moments that all is lost, God is there with you wrapped around your soul with all His might.

God is here.

God is there.

God is everywhere.

But God also doesn’t shrink away from those bad or awful things that happen to us. God is there, holding us and comforting us through the storms of our lives. He never leaves us even when we rage and fight against him. God never gives up. God never tires. God is forever and ever tries. 

If you noticed, I am using the male pronouns to describe God, but I get the distinct impression that God is genderless. God is all things. God is possibility. God is both male and female. God is neither male nor female. God is all things all at once. God is everything. 

We all go to heaven, and God is our biggest cheerleader. God wants us to be the best version of ourselves and never loses hope that this is possible. God loves us so deeply and completely. There is nothing like this kind of unconditional, never-ending love. It is all-encompassing. And it NEVER fails. Never. 

There are two pieces to the rest of this blog post. The first piece describes what happens if you lived a positive life, what entry to heaven is like. The second piece will explain what happens when you die if you caused harm and torment here one earth. Therefore, I have broken into two posts. The second part will appear tomorrow. But you aren’t surprised I had trouble with brevity, are you? I mean, really, it is me writing this piece after all. 

Scenario one, you lived a great life, and your body has died, and your soul ascends into heaven. 

What do I mean by great life? You lived by the golden rule as best as possible. You were kind. You did your best. You made healthy choices, and overall made a positive impact on the world and in your own life. That doesn’t mean you didn’t make any mistakes. God expects mistakes. God likes mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.

Anyway, for these developed souls, the entry into heaven is a quick and painless trip. Your body is almost instantly restored to the happiest time of your life. You are welcomed by family, friends and other souls you are connected to from past experiences. You get to take a tour of all heaven as to offer. You are shown that you have access to your loved ones on earth. I mean how could heaven be genuinely wonderful if you were separated from the people you love? 

Heaven and earth are connected. Souls in heaven have a view into the lives of human souls and often visit. Visiting privileges have rules, and I will talk about that a bit later, but developed souls can visit their loved ones on earth. Heavenly souls see their loved ones on earth. They hear the thoughts their loved ones think about them. They can hear you if you talk to them. Even better, heavenly souls can experience the emotions their human loved ones feel. Our souls are meant to experience one other completely and once you are in heaven it is possible to just that. 

I have been asked if a soul can be in two places. Absolutely. Souls are vast and can spread across time and space. They can be everywhere and completely present all at the same time. A mentor of mine, James Van Praagh, once explained that the ratio of the amount of your soul that is in your body is the same as the ratio of your pinkie to the size of your body. So, our souls are much, much greater and much, much more vast than the container they can inhabit when we are having a human experience. 

When newly departed souls come through to me in sessions, they share that they can choose a job in heaven. Farmers can have land and grow crops. Nurturing souls can work in heavenly nurseries and hold new souls about to be sent to earth as babies. If you were a baker,  you can bake. If you were a vet, you can take care of the heavenly souls of animals. 

While other souls become counselors, guides, or aspire to be guardian angels. Others are peacekeepers and work to help calm the angry hearts in the world. You may think this sounds strange, but our souls are God’s helpers, and they work alongside God. They align with God’s plan to help create opportunities and pathways for the souls having a human experience to reach their highest potential and the highest good. 

Child souls who have passed due to cancer or other illnesses choose to help welcome souls whose bodies died the same way theirs did. They befriend these souls and become their heavenly companion. Why do they do this? 

Well, souls do grieve their deaths if they are untimely, painful, or sudden. Sometimes they need to work through and process what happened to them and what is happening to their families back on earth. The souls that have come before them on the same path often serve as counselors, confidants, and mentors.

Souls that have come through during the sessions I have with clients have also described different privileges in heaven. I don’t think there are different levels of heaven. Still, I believe there are advantages that are afforded to a soul like Mother Teresa’s versus someone who committed petty theft regularly. I call these things a menu of services. For example, souls who lived a good life, like those I described earlier, can decide what they look like. These souls chose what they get to see and do in heaven. In addition, they have a free pass to visit their loved ones here on earth. What is more, they can design outfits and places that they frequent in heaven. They can be any dress or pant size they want. They can chose their age. They can relive past happy memories and are extremely at peace. I have seen spirits having parties, golfing, fishing, gathered around tables chatting, playing in the kitchens of their childhood homes, standing next to their dream cars, and sitting in their favorite chairs in the homes they lived in on earth.

These souls are also very active in their loved ones’ daily lives if they want to be. They can visit. They can offer comfort and support. They can send signs to the loved ones on earth (you can read more about signs here, and I will write more about it in this series). Souls in heaven love the people that are still on earth and often try to interact with them. They want you to know they are there. They want you to have peace. 

Overall, the menu of services is longer and more robust for those who did the best with their lives on earth. But you can continue to work towards growth and development in heaven and earn more privileges there. Heaven is a place for our souls to recharge, exalt in joy, reconcile our pain, heal, and reconnect with our loved ones. We all meet again in heaven. Heaven is where our souls can exist the way they were meant to when they were created. Heaven is home.

Tomorrow I will talk about what happens when you cause harm here on earth. Heaven is different for those developing souls. Until then, be well y and thank you for reading.

To be continued…

Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Lately, I have been praying a great deal about what I should be writing about. I know I haven’t been corresponding to you all as frequently as I should. Maybe you haven’t even missed it. I guess I worry about that too much. If there is an audience. That they dwindle or are bored of my words. Which is why the book I was writing has sat untouched for months. And the end of the year, which was my deadline to finish, is far gone.

As with anything more significant in my life, like a calling, writing is one of those things. I can’t ignore its pull. There is a voice that keeps telling me I am supposed to write. And the prayers I pray asking what I should write about; the answer keeps being whispered back to me. I am supposed to write about death.

Talk about a topic that no one wants to hear about. The topic probably stops me from writing sometimes too. It can be too much. In Western Culture, we avoid death. The bad news is it can’t be avoided forever. Some people have less loss in their lives, while others are bombarded with loss. But the one thing we all have in common is that it will happen to everyone at some point.

We also push past grief or side step it if we can. Rush it; try to ignore it. Maybe it is because we think we can outwit it; hide it; escape it. None of those things seem to be true, at least not long term or without significant side effects.

It can be an awkward topic even if you do want to approach it or understand it.

It never occurred to me that it would become such a center point of my existence. I guess I started out like most people do, trying to deny it.

Day in and day out, I work to breathe life into death. It is always my goal as a faith-based spiritual medium to do God’s work and light the way into the darkest corners of our grief and loss so that hope can grow there. But it doesn’t change the fact that our lives continue to be wrapped in it.

One thing is certain, grief doesn’t end. Just like love never dies; grief never ceases. We miss our loved ones and long for them our entire lives.

I think it was Anne Lamott that said, “But what if the great secret insider-trading truth is that you don’t ever get over the biggest losses in your life?” Isn’t that the truth? We never get over the biggest losses in our lives. They shape us, move with us, are in us.

Grief does evolve; I think that might be true.

Last fall I got to spend some days among the Redwood Trees in the Santa Cruz Mountains and they reminded me of grief. They reminded me of us.

Redwood Trees are giant, long-living creatures that tower over everything in a forest, and they force you to take them in. They are hard to ignore. From their strong aroma to their massive size, to the needles and cones that fall from them, you are forced to recognize them, just like grief.

Redwood Trees are also mostly fire-resistant. Did you know that? I didn’t before that visit. Of course, repeated fires can cause damage and create hallows called “goose-pens” that are found around the base. Grief definitely damages us, but we survive, whether we want to or not, and continue to grow around the pain even though the marks of it remain on our surface or maybe even at the root of us for the rest of our lives. Grief goose pens, if you will.

Grief like a Redwood is majestic in its own right because grief is love. Did you know that the germination of Redwood Trees from their seeds isn’t very high? The fastest way to grow a new Redwood Tree is from a stump sprout. Because their root systems are so strong these stump sprouts have a better chance of success because they can easily connect to that strong underground root system. That underground root system is like love. So even though grief looms in our life, seemly crippling us, new roots will shoot up all over and force us to keep moving on, changing our emotions. That is love at work. Love for our heavenly loved one, love for those here that keep us going. Giving hope to new moments in our life. Allowing us to honor and promote our deceased loved ones in the new ways we begin to show up in our changed lives. It is because of them we can grow.

Sometimes grief can wrap us in a fog so dense it is seemly endless. Lonely. But what we often don’t know until this fog of grief has lifted, even if temporarily, is that the harder moments prepare us for the beautiful moments where the most radiant amounts of joy find us. And these intertwined grief-stricken and joy-filled moments create their own forest of memories. Memories that sustain us in the physical world where we breathe life into our loved ones. We carry them with us wherever they go, and so they go on. Grief isn’t just pain, it is a legacy of love that will last for hundreds of years. Just like a Redwood Tree.

Redwood Trees have shallow root systems and these roots can grow to be hundreds of feet long and even intertwine with the trees around them. Just like us. We may not be able to see those surface connections in grief, but we become intertwined with those around us who are also experiencing that loss and pain and we stand along side those that witness our losses and stay connected to them forever.

Redwood Trees do die and they can tumble to the ground. When a Redwood Tree falls it can take other trees with it. Some have described the grunts, cracks, crashes and groans of a Redwood Tree falling as a symphony. What happens when a Redwood Tree falls is that it begins to allow for extra light to reach the forest floor. New trees can begin to grow from the fertilizer that becomes of the decomposing tree. Animals can find homes in the newly fallen tree. The tree may no longer be standing and “breathing” among its peers, but it still provides nourishment and opportunity to the forest it belonged to. Just like us. We will see the dead tree, our lost person, everywhere we step for almost all of our days, but that loss allows us to incorporate that person’s beliefs into our lives or creates a new perspective for us so that we can shine light on others to help them grow and flourish in ways we may not have understood before.

We share stories of our lost loved ones with our friends and family, and they share those stories. Our loved ones in heaven are given new life as they travel through these memories and continue to become a part of new experiences.

We will never stop missing them, but we will go on. We will hurt, but we will grow. And they will live on in us, our stories, and by how we remember them in our actions.

Death is scary. Loss is awful. But lives are beautiful. Legacies are legendary. We can breathe life into the spaces and hollows that grief leaves and learn to live with our losses in a way that can make life sweeter and more full.

I guess, I have to keep writing and talking about death. Life after death both on Earth and in Heaven. I pray it lifts someone up in their pain. I pray they feel heard and loved through their deepest moments of sorrow. I hope that what I do, what I write about makes someone feel a little less lonely. That they maybe can see through the fog of grief for a moment. That they know it will never be the same again, but it isn’t the end either. There are beginnings to still be had. Miracles to see and find. Life continues and death is inevitable. But there is something beyond this place and our souls continue to stay connected to one another. Just like the magic and mystery of a Redwood Forest there is something deeper and indescribable about how life and death intertwine.

Until next time,

Love never dies…

Love never dies…

A few weeks ago, our house was in the throws of ordinary sickness. But it can still be exhausting. I had spent two nights mostly awake, caring for sick children. One with croup. One with the stomach flu. And as I dragged myself out of bed with a stuffy nose and groggy head, it took all my effort to slapdash an outfit together and make myself presentable.

I had an appointment that had been booked out for about twelve weeks. This particular client had met with me before, but she reached out to me when her mother was dying. I felt it best to wait before meeting with her, her sister, and her father. She contacted me again after her mom had passed, and we set a date to meet a bit before Thanksgiving.

All of my sessions are important. Still, in this case, we have mutual friends in common and past history, add to that the holidays, and she had just had to sit with her dying mother, a relationship that is so important to all of us; I really wanted to make sure this went well. I said an extra prayer for strength since I was slightly sleep deprived then set off to meet them.

They arrived and after introductions I walked them back to my office. I was in awe as they each found a place to sit in my little office. The steely strength that only love can build rested securely in each one of their souls. Grace be to God, their loved one arrived and started to describe herself, heaven, and deliver messages for each of them.

The sheer power of her spirit was astounding. The depth, earnestness, and ardor these four people had for one another was breath-taking. To witness this kind of fortitude in a premature loss like this one, at this time of year, was definitely atypical.

It rocked me awake. On this Eve of Thanksgiving, this session brought me right into the present. What I witnessed about love that day, I am sharing with all of you; in hopes that it will sustain you the same way it does me.

I sat in awe and wonder as I delivered messages from their beloved, who had been in the afterlife for roughly three months. This spirit was so at peace. So full of hope and love. She was the most content spirit I have ever spoken to this quickly after transitioning to heaven. When I asked her how se was okay, she told me it was faith that let her feel so calm and content. When I shared this with her family they were not surprised. They said she had been like that through her entire illness.

This mother who gained her angel wings came forward not to share things she wished she had said because she had said them all. She spent every day loving her family and rested in a deep faith that whatever happened to her would be okay. She spent her days focusing on her family and nourishing them with memories and warmth. So whatever we are doing right now, if it isn’t that, we need to make more time for it. You won’t regret it. You don’t want to miss your people more because you didn’t make the most of the time you had here.

Love is the strongest element in the universe. It is built out of kindness, compassion, trust, and hope. Love doesn’t die. Our bodies may stop working, but our souls continue on, and what comes through is love. To bear witness to the love that existed across the boundaries of heaven and earth during this session was life-altering.

We get one chance at this life, the one we are given. And we grieve a great deal of the time we are an adult. We grieve relationships, people, opportunities. We mourn the past, present, and future. We focus on the hustle and bustle and monotony of life because we must. It is how we persevere.

What happens though if we live in the present? What happens if we act from a place of love and believe in miracles? What happens if we live right now?

Love happens. We can feel and experience things we never thought possible. Of course, it doesn’t allow us to escape pain; in fact, grief is love. They are two parts of a whole.

This family who sat in my office grieving and navigating a new normal had more composure, compassion, and gratitude for one another than I commonly see. Why? Because they spent the time, they had together physically making moments. Saying the things that they wanted to say. They counted on one another and honestly shared and showed up for one another. And they continue to do that.

They live in the present with their loved one in heaven. She is a part of everything, even though it hurts, even though it is hard.

Grief is a fingerprint, and no two loses, even for the same person, are alike. Unfortunately, you can’t go around grief, you can’t go under grief, and even if you try to avoid it, you find yourself face to face with it eventually. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it. Whatever time or path that takes will be unique. However, one thing I find to be a commonality are those who find a way through often ask for help, say what they need, face regrets head-on, and genuinely use love as their center and grounding force to guide them. Both with the loved one in heaven and the surrounding people they have here. And they live in the moment. They take life moment to moment. Just like the family, I was able to visit with on Thanksgiving Eve.

Love is worth it all. Love truly wins because it never dies. It is what allows you to experience one another across heaven and earth. It is what binds us together through it all.

I know this season can be hard. I miss my people, too. We will never get over our loved ones. We carry them in our hearts, minds, souls, and we grow around the holes they leave behind. Those holes are where love has left its impact.

Grateful doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about being able to witness miracles day in and day out. Awe of what love can help us endure leaves me speechless.

I hope that you find a way to live in the right now. To love your people both near and far with a vulnerability that allows you to say the things that will matter across space and time and leave you without regret. My wish for you is that you believe in miracles and have hope that anything is possible. Your words, thoughts, love it all reaches heaven. Your loved ones are with you if you can find a way to believe that their love will guide you through your grief.

Your angel loved ones are sending the little hummingbird that shows up on a cold December afternoon. They are the energy displayed by the two flickering lights on your Christmas tree, even though the rest of the strand is fine. They are visiting in a vivid dream where every detail is remembered. They are present in the smell of their favorite aftershave or perfume. They are showing you they can still exist past what life holds for us here. To give you hope to show you a way through, to let you know they miss you, too. To remind you, they will never leave you, and love never dies.

Keep going through it; even though the light at the end of the tunnel is heaven when you will finally have peace and everyone is reunited; there is still joy, life to be lived, hope, fun, and things to look forward to on the journey through, here on Earth. It is different because it will forever be through the lens of loss, but that doesn’t make it less than; it just makes it different.

May you have peace in your heart this holiday. May you have family, friends, and loved ones to help guide you through and the faith to believe the signs they send you along the way are real examples of their love because love lasts forever.

Bless you this holiday season in whatever life may hold for you.

What I don’t talk about…

What I don’t talk about…

As a spiritual medium, I get plenty of questions asked of me. But the one thing people consistently ask me is if what I see scares me.

The answer to that question is mostly no.

What I primarily talk about with people are the best parts of what I get to experience daily. The parts where there is healing, love, and light from Heaven seeping into our Earthly lives. The part where loved ones from Heaven share their stories and bring laughter and smiles so that their loved ones here can cope just a little bit better with the loss.

But the truth is, sometimes it is just a bit too much. Sometimes I don’t understand why I see what I see, or why spirit tells me what they do.

People think this ability is some on-demand satellite dish that I have some control over. It is not that way at all. Spirit says what they want when they want, how they want, and I am just a conduit for that energy and message. I can’t just dial up Heaven and ask whatever questions I want. I can’t just ask a soul to show up and tell me things. There is a method to this, and it is that they are in charge. They send people to me, and spirit knows who is coming to see me, and spirit has a set agenda of what and how they are going to communicate. They are the boss of it all. And above that, there is God. There are rules to what souls can share. We aren’t supposed to know everything.

The awareness of this gift all started with unexpected impromptu visits. They have diminished a bit because spirit now knows I have office hours, but there are still unexpected visitors.

Even when the visits are expected, the messages that are delivered aren’t always easy to receive.

Spirit often conveys how they died, and not all death is smooth. I have witnessed murders that were video recorded, been asphyxiated with a telephone cord and hit in the head with the receiver, stabbed, assaulted, then murdered, shot, hit by cars, in car accidents, slipped and fallen off a cliff among other things. Felt Parkinson’s, Cancer, pneumonia, several drug overdoses, liver failure, strokes, aneurysms, septic shock, total organ failure, Alzheimer’s, heart attacks, and the like. This part is often not explained in detail during a session if I can help it. I try to get enough of the information so that I can relay some knowledge to my client and leave out the parts that aren’t necessary to relive. And spirit is gentle with me, only showing me enough so that I understand. There isn’t physical pain associated with these visuals. Still, there is an emotional aftershock as some of these incidents leave an imprint on my soul. How could they not? And it is scary. I can’t believe what human beings are capable of. But some of it I have relived first hand. It is brutal.

This started a long time ago, but I am not sure I will ever get used to it.

When I was about three, I started having dreams I didn’t quite understand. They were of places and people I had never met. Often I would awake, and there would be a visitor in my room that I recognized from the dream. Only one such visitor has ever been able to take that dream and turn it into a healing message for their family. That is Matthew. Other than that, for 38 years, I have had hundreds of dreams that I can’t turn into a healing message or even sometimes make sense of myself.

Just like with anything else to do with spirit, these dreams come one at a time, in clusters, or not all and always on spirits’ schedule. They seem to have no rhyme or reason as to why I am given the knowledge or visit.

Needless to say, even now as an adult, I like light to be present enough when I am sleeping that if I am awoken, I can make out what type of figure is in my room. I am not afraid of the dark, just averse to it. I want to be able to identify the beings in my room when I am jolted awake. My kids literally scare the ever-loving crap out of me because I always expect a ghost. So I guess I am the opposite of most people. I am less scared of the ghosts and more frightened by the actual, living, physical beings that wake me.

Recently, these dreams have been acting up again. Turned themselves up a notch. I think these spirit visitors are preparing me for something, but I don’t know what yet. And for some unexplained reason, I feel compelled to write it out here on the Internet.

First, I dreamt of a missing child who was murdered. That one was connected to a session I had, so I dismissed it. Then a few nights later, I dreamt of an elderly man who was also killed. He even gave me his name, which to me, is a big deal because names don’t always come through for me. I Googled him, and he has since been found as well as the parties responsible, so I wasn’t sure why he wanted to show himself to me. These things just happen to me, and I am not sure what to do with this knowledge.

And then a visitor started showing up and is still around me. He first showed himself by touching my arm in the middle of the night and saying, “You know I wouldn’t have died if I had, had my cell phone.”

It was so clear, in my sleep state, I actually thought it might have been my oldest son, but I knew within seconds that the voice didn’t match his, but the height and build did. And the visitor wasn’t visibly present to me once I was fully awake. Still rattled, I knew it wasn’t my oldest son, but checked on all of my children anyway. They were all sound asleep in their beds. It took me hours to fall back asleep. Who was this young man? Did he just die? Was there something I could do? Why did he pick me? Did I know his family? Was he going to come back? Did it all even really happen, or did I imagine it?

Then a few nights later, I dreamt of a basement in a house near what looked like a sort of man-made lake. There were water skiers and jet skiers out on the lake, and the house was sort of up on a hill. I knew I wasn’t in a place I had ever been before, but I was being led through this property by someone who lived there. I knew the house had access to this lake and that it was one of the features that made this individual that was taking me on tour love it so. He loved the water. Then he showed me an orange dirt bike up on blocks in the corner of the garage. There was something a little odd about that. I think he wanted to use it, not have it sitting there. But it stuck out to me because you don’t typically see dirt bikes on display in houses.

Then I woke up. I knew someone was with me in the room, and I looked down at the foot of my bed to see a young man with long hair swept across the front of his forehead and smiling the best smile. He was so young, maybe nineteen or twenty. I was trying to catch his name, he said something and all I could make out was andy something. Instantly I knew he had been murdered. And then he vanished right before my eyes.

I thought maybe he would be connected to a client that was coming to see me and tried to put this dream and visit out of my head. But I knew his sweet face would forever be imprinted on my brain.

The next day as I was picking my son up from soccer practice, I started listening to Culpable, a podcast my husband recommended for me. I had just finished Confronting, and he thought I might be interested in this one, too. I was driving and thinking about dinner, homework, and what was left on my to-do list, so I was paying attention, but it was also just so sad that I think I was just half-listening until there was a description of a basement. Somehow this basement was so vivid in my mind. It was like I had been there before. And at the end of the description, the interviewee states in the corner of this basement up on blocks was an orange dirt bike, and chills went up and down the back of my spine.

I turned off the podcast and just decided not to listen anymore. The young man from this podcast might just be the person visiting me. But that couldn’t be right, could it? Why would he do that?

As I lay in bed later that night talking with my husband and telling him about the experience, he doubtfully listening with a hint of you are losing your marbles type of vibe, so I reached over to my phone and Googled Christian Andreacchio. I dropped the phone when his image came up. It took me at least ten minutes to halt my trembling body and pounding heart.. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the young man that had been sitting at the end of my bed.

I didn’t want to go to sleep. I didn’t want another dream. This wasn’t something I could do anything with. I tossed and turned.

Several days went by, and I refused to listen to the podcast again.

Then something told me that it would be okay if I started back up. I wasn’t going to be able to get the messages to anyone, and if I didn’t want him to visit, I could just ask him not to, right?!

Well, as I was jogging uphill and listening to another episode, Christian’s uncle is being interviewed, and he is talking about trying to find Christian’s phone. I immediately blurt out, “He didn’t have his cellphone. They took it from him.” Yes, I audibly said this one my run. I talk to myself. No surprises there.

And in the next few minutes of the podcast, it is revealed that Christian’s phone was found in someone else’s custody. And immediately, I knew why the spirit in my room had said, “You know I wouldn’t be dead if I had, had my cell phone.” It was all just for that moment. He wanted me to know without a doubt that it was him that had come to visit me. It was all just so I would know at that moment he had been speaking to me all along. He isn’t releasing new, unknown information to me; he was just trying to validate himself to me in a way I would understand who he is.

My husband thinks I am crazy. Heck, I think I am crazy. I don’t know why these things happen. Even after almost four decades of these types of things happening to me, I don’t know why.

And I have listened to several real crime podcasts, and I watch Cold Case Crime shows, and the victims in those shows haven’t come to visit me. Just this sweet, young man. He is the first.

I know it is hard to believe. I am having a hard time believing it myself. But tonight, as I listened to another episode in the car, his mom read an open letter, and Christian appeared in my front seat and held my arm while she read the letter. “Tell her I heard it,” he said. He is nodding at me as I write this.

It does scare me. It does worry me. What am I supposed to do? What does spirit need of me? I don’t seem to be able to provide it. I don’t seem to be able to understand it. I don’t seem to be able to release it in a way that makes a difference.

I guess the best thing to do is to listen. I listened to Matthew finally, and that led me here. What do I know? I just have to continue to be the messenger and deliver what I believe to be accurate and let the rest sort itself out.

My heart aches for this family. My heart aches for Christian. My heart always aches for those souls whose lives are lost in such senseless ways.

I guess I can just be there for him. Listen as he needs me to and hope I do what he needs.

But these are typically the things I don’t talk about. These are the pieces that don’t fit into the puzzle. Maybe if I talk about all the things, perhaps that will matter somehow. Perhaps it matters to them. I have seen and felt their deaths. They are not alone. I am with them in their last breaths. I am with them as they show me their stories, and when they need me to talk about it, I guess it is time to start talking about it.

I can tell you they are okay. Every one of these souls that have had unspeakable things happen to them have been radiant, kind, well adjusted. They are happy and loved. They are at peace, just wanting to help their loved ones here.

I do say that death is my best friend. Maybe it’s true, maybe these souls just need a friend, and I am here to listen. If that is the case, I will keep listening. I will share what I know and hope that helps them to do what they need to do. And now, I guess I will talk about the things I don’t usually talk about, and continue to speak life into death, even when I don’t understand why. Maybe I don’t need to.

Thanks for listening,

Surrender – there is no answer key to life

Surrender – there is no answer key to life

“When am I going to die?”

“When is __________ going to die?”

“Should I have another baby?”

“Am I going to have another baby?”

“Are we moving?”

“Should we move?”

“Should I be married to my husband?”

“I am thinking of switching careers; is it the right thing to do?”

These questions are none of my business! In fact, I think I visibly cringe when people ask me these things. Friends ask, clients ask, and they aren’t asking for my opinion; they want access to the divine plan. And I wish I was making this up, but people literally ask me when they are going to die or a loved one might die. I loathe this question as I do the others. BECAUSE THEY ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS! WE AREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW OR WE WOULD KNOW.

For some energy workers or healers, maybe that is how their gig works, but for me; I work for God. That is my gig. And the divine plan is only revealed through Him. Since I am not Him, I do not have access to this plan. I don’t want access. My purpose is to allow you to connect and find a deeper faith that your loved ones are still with you.

Spirit, your loved ones, aren’t sharing the future 411 during a session with me either. They may share this with you. But that isn’t what they chose to share during a session with me, because again, it is none of my business. The information they do share is their opinion about what is currently happening in your life.

For those of you that ask these questions…there is no answer key. There is no right or wrong. The only thing we must NOT do is hurt other souls. We are to follow that golden rule – treat others as you would want to be treated. Treat ourselves well. Do our best moment to moment.

You, on the other hand, have all the answers. And you have access to HIM through faith and your own soul; so you will have much more information about the future and the decisions that you need to make than anyone else. We forget that we have to rely on ourselves and what we know to be true. We get to journey through this life, and we have to live for an eternity with the decisions that we made here; and we know ourselves better than most, so it is up to us to access faith, listen to our own soul and make sure we make the decisions that are going to suit us best.

We are a soul having a human experience.

And when things happen to us as they will; life is truly out of our hands in many ways, we have to surrender control. We then can only rely on what we can control. Ourselves. So you can follow your own intuition; your own faith, and make your own next best decision. No one can make that for us. Including spirit. It is up to us. End of story. No one else has to live with our choices the way we do. And when we chose to have faith, follow that internal compass that is our soul, and allow faith to be our guide, we will always find the answers that we need.

The good news is for those of you that are recovering perfectionists like myself or maybe even still a perfectionist, there is no wrong choice. Just treat other people well, and if you make a choice that doesn’t agree with you or you don’t like, guess what? You can remedy it. You can try again. You can do something different. You can make a new choice. You are not stuck. Each moment is an opportunity.

So trust yourself. Look within and move forward. You got this!

Until next time,

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What happened when I chose faith over fear

What happened when I chose faith over fear

Recently I was asked to speak at event organized by one of my favorite business owners, Ahnna Goossen. She owns Yoga Bella and the Acupuncture and Herbal Clinic in Gilroy. The evening was a beautiful event that included Qi Gong instruction (there is a class each week at Yoga Bella) and sound healing with the amazing Dallas at S.I.M.M. If you have not experienced a sound bath you are missing out. There are classes at Yoga Bella every other Tuesday with Dallas and I highly recommend trying one. The night ended with a quick little Q & A with yours truly.  I have linked to Yoga Bella and S.I.M.M.’s webpages above so you can check each of them out. Ahnna will be doing a monthly workshop showcasing different speakers and healers. I for one, can’t wait for the next one.

I thought I might share here some of what I shared that night.

For years, and I mean decades, I literally ignored my calling. I hung up on it and blocked it repeatedly before I shifted my perspective and allowed me to become who I was meant to be.

That perspective shift came when I decided to choose faith over fear. I decided to listen to the whispers of my own heart and be my authentic self. I decided to write, and I became a truth-teller. In becoming a truth-teller, I had to tell the truth about what I saw and felt around me.

In deciding to tell the truth, it allowed me to open up and listen to an eight-year-old spirit boy who told me that I was meant to help other spirits like him. And that led me down a path where I decided to believe what I knew was true about God and embrace that He doesn’t make mistakes, he built me this way on purpose with purpose, and I am His vehicle. I deliver the messages He wants me to provide. And that has led me to where I am today. I have chosen faith over fear.

Does that mean that I am going to know what comes next instantly? No.

Does that mean I am going to be the best at what I do right away? No. But with hard work and dedication, I can be great at what I do. And so can you.

Does that mean everything will be perfect every single day? No.

But it is worth it to live outside of your comfort zone and believe that you can do hard things. Believe that you can have the life you want. The rewards outweigh the negative experiences. I can speak from experience on that. There is good, hard, harsh, ugly, and incredible, amazing, miraculous, joy all in the same life.

How do we choose faith over fear?

We listen to our feelings. That doesn’t we mean we ignore logic, it just means we trust what we know and believe to be true in our hearts. The more you listen, the louder that voice gets.

We do things afraid because fear is a liar that will keep us small.

We believe in the impossible. Do you know how many times I have heard that I was crazy, that I am going to hell, that it is impossible to talk to spirit, I have lost count and stopped counting?

Sometimes we want validation before we leap. And like my good friend Heather says, “Validation is only for parking baby!” She might not add the baby, but she is feisty and fun, so I added it for her. We can’t wait for validation, we have to believe those whispers in our heart and have faith we know what we know for a purpose. We feel what we feel for a purpose.

I read something Bob Goff said, which was, “God isn’t surprised we want more confirmation. He just hopes we don’t get stuck waiting for it.”

It is okay to be looking for that confirmation and to appreciate it when we get it, but we can’t sit around waiting, stuck, doing nothing that serves our purpose until we get the affirmation we need. And most of the time we just have to believe we know what we know and that is good enough to take the next step.

We also tend to believe that there is a right path and a wrong path. The truth is there is only one path, a path of life. We have free will and get to decide what we do next, but just because we take the long way or make a mistake doesn’t make it wrong, we are learning along the way. As long as we are not hurting ourselves or others, we are on the right track. That is the only genuinely wrong thing we can do; hurt another soul. And when we do that we have to do what we can to make it right. But I digress. There are nine hundred billion million (yes, I am aware that is not a real number) ways to get from point A to point B in life, and the joy is in the journey. When we surrender and have fun with not knowing what is next, but just allowing ourselves to do the next best thing moment to moment then we usually end up right where we need to be precisely when we are supposed to be there.

Here is what happened when I decided to choose faith over fear and surrender my control. I learned that

  • Heaven is all around us, not some distant far off place. We are a part of heaven.
  • Spirit delivers messages to their loved ones in a myriad of ways and is continually speaking to us whether we think we are hearing them or not. Signs are all around us; you just have to believe in them.
    We are built to understand one another. Soul has a language all its’ own. A soul doesn’t need words to communicate, and that means that our spirit loved ones can communicate with any living thing to get our attention. They are energy, and they can use that energy to connect with us in a multitude of ways. It also means our souls are communicating with one another here. Just because we are in a body doesn’t mean our souls stop talking.
  • Love never dies. We don’t die. Our bodies stop working, but our souls go on and on and on.
  • I can do hard things, and my purpose is to be my most authentic self no matter what. Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.
  • I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

What happened when I started working for spirit; I witnessed miracles. Are there tough sessions? Yes. Are their clients I can’t help? Yes. But like I said before the positive experiences, the lessons learned, far outweigh the negative.

  • My client Donna was able to understand why her daughter’s car crashed the night she died, and finally, this last year visit her daughter’s grave on her 26th birthday and play her favorite song “When the lights go down in the city” and know that her daughter heard her. Donna knew that she could reach her daughter anytime she wanted. Something she hadn’t done in all the years since her daughter passed.
  • Helped my client Lauren connect with and grieve her mother. In fact, her healing led to her building a new business this past year. If you haven’t heard about Cranes for Kristina, you need to check it out. Her Business Facebook page is here. Lauren turned her pain into hope in the form of her beautiful origami cranes and is changing the world every single day she is out in it breathing.
  • My friend Katrina didn’t believe in ghosts. She believed in heaven, but not that spirit was here communicating with us. While we were in grad school, her uncle started visiting me. When I told her what he looked like she didn’t believe it was him until I said, “He didn’t what to tell me this, but he said a tree was involved in his death.” And having never told me about her uncle LaDon being hit and killed by a falling tree branch she nearly dropped the phone.

Fear will bind you to believe in only what you can see. It will keep you in other people’s comfort zones, and there is so much more to life than what we can see and the societal norms we are bound by. My wish for you is that you find your center, your truth-telling, authentic badass, self. That this more profound connection to yourself and your faith lead you to follow your dreams and the life you want to live. That it guides you to a more fulfilling understanding of life and allows you to surrender to living in the moment and making the choices you know to be best for you. Choosing faith over fear leads you to become who you always knew you were.

Until next time,

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5 Things You Should Know Before a Reading

5 Things You Should Know Before a Reading

After hundreds of readings, I still get so many questions about what to expect at a session. I thought it might be helpful to compile some things you should know if you are going to book a session with me. The five items below will help you understand what may or may not happen in a session.

1. These sessions are about healing:

Spirit wants us to know they are still alive and thriving. That they are at peace and good things are happening for them. They want us to know they are okay.

2. Be prepared for the unexpected:

Spirit is going to talk about what they want to talk about. They have an agenda and are present to deliver messages that you need to hear. Be ready to talk to someone who might not have been on your list and be prepared to listen to things you may not have expected to hear. Just a heads up.

3. Seeing a medium is not about proving spirit is real or seeking specific information:

Many people come to me and want advice, want to know the future, and want specific validation…this is NOT how spirit works. When people seek an appointment with a medium for these particular things; they are often disappointed. However, many times, these things are given. It is usually in an unexpected way, so go to an appointment with an open mind and heart. You will be pleasantly surprised.

For Example: There was a woman that came to me, and we spent a good twenty minutes in a group session talking with her father. He missed her greatly and told her many of the things he had seen since he passed. He shared messages about family that he was concerned about and even gave her some advice about what he could see happening emotionally with her. When we got to the end of the session, she said, “I just don’t know if I can believe that was my dad. This whole time I have had his ring in my pocket and I told him that he needed to say I had it for me to believe.”

Well, bummer! That is the number one mistake that you can make. Spirit isn’t coming through to prove to you they are real. They are coming through a medium to tell you things THEY think are important. You have to believe of your own volition and if you don’t, well then you don’t. Nothing they say or do is going to change that.

The moral of this story is, mediumship is not a validation tool. If you go on a mission for answers, you will likely be disappointed. But if you go to an appointment with an open heart and open ears, you will get what you need. Spirit always supplies you with exactly what you need. That is just how the universe works.

Another Example: In a session several weeks ago, I met with a woman who wanted to hear from her sister and brother. As I shared messages with her from spirit; her mother, a spirit, waited patiently. Then the spirit mom asked if she could speak. The client I was meeting with said, sure. Her mother went on to share that she was sorry and that she was working on being a better soul. She continued to say that when they met again, she hoped that her daughter would be proud of the progress she had made.

My client was shocked that her mother had even shown up! She couldn’t believe that her mother was admitting that she needed to work on herself. This message gave my client a great deal of peace. She came ready to listen, didn’t know what to expect, and felt she was given so many meaningful messages and even some from her mother, who she thought wouldn’t show up at all. Moral of the story: be ready for the unexpected.

4. You are the interpreter and I am just the translator – spirit messages don’t always make sense on the spot:

You know those magic 8 balls? Yeah, those balls that you tip upside down ask a question and get a vague answer? Sometimes a reading can be like that. Spirit comes ready to talk about specific things on THEIR agenda, it might align with yours and it might not. They may also say things that don’t seem to make sense or even seem that significant, but to them, it is precisely what they want to share at that moment.

For Example: I was at a reading, and a grandmother came through. She described a pile of books and talked about how books were essential to her. Come to find out she was a librarian. But her whole message to her granddaughter was to please use the bookmarks that she gave her; dog-earing the pages made her crazy! No joke. So, you have to just be ready to get what you get.

Another Example: When you go to talk to spirit, there are certain things that they won’t help you with. You are here on your own journey to make your own decisions. I have had people come to me and ask if they should have another baby, leave their husband, move, go to a specific college, etc. Guess what? The only person or soul that can answer those types of questions is you! This is your life and your journey. If spirit doesn’t bring this stuff up on their own; and they won’t directly usually, then it is absolutely none of their business and something you need to figure out.

5. Know the difference between a Medium and a Psychic:

Mediums can be psychic. Make sure when you are booking an appointment if you want to talk about the future that you are seeing a psychic or a psychic medium. That would not be me. I have chosen just to practice mediumship. It is my experience that spirit can only showcase our opportunities or possibilities. Everything I have seen has led me to believe we have free will, and that means we could do something that spirit didn’t count on. And our lives are attached to a million variables and those can change in a way spirit didn’t expect. So, with that being said, even if spirit brings up the future, it is just to highlight possibilities that exist in that exact moment.

However, it is always my hope that meeting with me aids in the grieving process and brings comfort and peace.

If you do book an appointment with a straight up medium like me, come with an open heart and mind. Spirit will share with you precisely what you need to know at that moment. If you are willing to hear what is being shared, then there is always something to gain. Write things down and reserve judgment until later.

Spirit gets you there if you decide to show up. I firmly believe that. So if spirit sends you my way, I look forward to seeing you.

Until next time,

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How to live with a ghost…my thoughts on how we can coexist with energy

How to live with a ghost…my thoughts on how we can coexist with energy

Can you imagine being kicked out of your house?

The place where you watched your babies take their first steps. The home where you celebrated holidays, birthdays, and took pictures of your babies as they ventured off to graduations, dances, first dates. Your grandchildren laughed and ran through the halls, sharing cousin secrets and playing board games well into the night before they had to go back to their parents.

Your husband of 48 years carried you over the threshold of this house and then you carried box after box of your belongings and carefully crafted them into a home. You cooked your first Thanksgiving turkey here, hoping to impress your mother in law and it turned out dry, but everyone savored each bite and knew you spent hours in the kitchen. It became the center of a running joke for years to come until you became the master of the kitchen and everyone counted down the days to sitting around your dining room table to celebrate a holiday.

The bedroom at the end of the hall is where you slept beside your best friend for 44 years. He always made you laugh, even when you were upset with him. It is where he passed away while you held his hand and hospice managed his pain. It is where you took your last breath before you met him in heaven. You spent your final moments on earth in that room with your two daughters, your son, and five grandchildren, six if you count the one on the way, as they circled you and shared their most favorite memories. More than peace filled your heart as your eyes closed one last time.

And now there is a new family inside your home. One you have grown to love. They have made this their forever home and have decided to put their own spin on it. You are happy they love this home as much as you, but you want to visit your memories and now this family is telling you to leave. They cannot see you, but they feel you. And how can they not, your heart, your soul is embedded in the fibers of what makes this house a home.

They are doing everything to cleanse your energy out of the home. They have saged, cleansed, and even politely asked you to stay away. You now have to hide in the far corners of the only other place besides heaven that feels like home — the one place where all your earthly dreams came true.

Most of us don’t think an awful lot about who came before us. Maybe a bit if we are learning something in history and studying for a test or filling out our family tree. The majority of this planet was inhabited before us. I know I am Captain Obvious right now, but it is an important detail we often neglect. The one time we do start to think about it is when we can feel another energy in our space. Now the energy itself doesn’t make us uncomfortable, I am not talking about Alcatraz level energy, but just knowing something is there we can feel, but cannot see, can leave us thinking we need to clear out that energy.

Yes, I know some people say that spirit gets stuck and you need to get them to leave and go into the light. I do not believe that spirit gets trapped. I believe all spirit is welcomed into heaven. (Don’t get too worried about this topic just yet, there is a post to come about what that means because obvi Ted Bundy is not hanging out with God like they are best buds, but I bet God loves Ted like He loves all his children as only a Creator could.) Or maybe you just watched The InBetween on NBC, and you think that all spirits that visit have the ability to drown babies and are angry, haunted souls; absolutely not the case in the least. Souls have people they love here. They would miss us and heaven wouldn’t be heaven if we were severed from those we love most, not ever seeing them again, right? Right. And those that have lived the best they could and treated people well have access to visit; it is one of the perks of heaven or so I have heard.

I know, I know, you are dead so why do you need to visit your house, you have heaven. First off, spirit isn’t stuck here and hanging out in your home because they like you; usually, it’s because they like the space and are visiting a memory or just visiting the space itself and they way it made them feel when they were here on earth in a body.

Now they may have also decided they like you and like the way you are caring for something they love. So they may have formed an attachment to you as well. And I think we need to look at these relationships positively. Lisa TerKeurst, wrote the following in her book Uninvited, “[r]elationships don’t come in packages of perfection, relationships come in packages of potential.” Spirits that come and visit us are typically loved ones, family, friends, people we knew, but sometimes there are spirits attached to the space we choose to live in and they visit there as well. This can be the home or the land. But these relationships, even one-sided, can be helpful to us. And as such we should look at these relationships as packages of potential. Spirit is often trying to communicate something useful if you feel their presence. It could be merely letting you know you are watched over to something more urgent; for instance, you need to pay attention to your surroundings. Maybe there is something that needs to be replaced or fixed on the property. Perhaps there is a particular type of weather coming they want you to know about. They might be offering assistance in the form of the energy flow of the home itself and maintaining the property and it’s positivity. They could even be watching over your health and the health of the loved ones in the home. It could even be something as small as waking you up to go sleep in your own bed instead of in the chair with the T.V. on.

I know that spirits can be scary. We can’t see them; we don’t typically understand them and our bodies generally respond with a flight fear response because that is what would keep us safe from an unknown entity. We initially act out of fear, like prey, but that is our survival instinct kicking in. Spirit almost always is visiting with the best intentions. My advice, is that we need to look at most spirit, like most people, most spirit is good and wants what is best for you. They come with healing, happy, helpful energy.

Therefore, I think we need to make peace with the energy around us.

What can you do? Here are a few things I do a few things to make the energy in the space feel at peace. I pray. I know you might be an atheist. It doesn’t matter. All prayer or intent is captured by our Creator. So pray anyway, ask the universe, or God, to protect your space and bathe it in white light. Imagine the light flowing around every corner and every space in the house. Into the dark corners of the hall closet, and wrapping the walls inside and out. Take a minute to see this light fill every space. Then begin your prayers. Pray that God, or the Universe, only allows energy into the area that has the highest intentions. That the energy inside act as peace and comfort to all who enter. Ask that these positive energetic vibrations be maintained and protected. Most important use your words in the prayer and make sure you believe every word. That is important. It is key. If you are faking it here, energy will know it and it won’t listen. Like energy attracts like energy, so make sure you are filled with positivity and belief while you do this exercise.

The energy of the space should be cleared and at peace after you have finished. Mind you, I do this pretty regularly if not daily, you may still have some energy that is in the house you don’t recognize. If you are comfortable trusting the universe or God that the energy in your home is meant to be there, then you are all good. But if for some reason you still feel uncomfortable there are few more things you can do.

First, you can say in your head or out loud the rules you have for any energy that inhabits your home. It is your home after all, and your space now which means you can impart your rules on said space. These rules might include no unwanted noises, touches, or awakenings at night. It could include only loving thoughts in the space. You get to decide what you want in your residence, so use your specifications in your words and be clear.

And if that still doesn’t make you feel comfortable and you think you are dealing with something that isn’t listening or mindful of your needs; you can resort to a full clearing of energy. For me, that is asking with love that the energy leave the space, be firm and ask out loud. Remind the energy that they are loved and there is a place for them, but since they do not follow your rules, they cannot stay. I like to tell them if they decide to follow the rules and have good intentions they can always come back, but rules are rules and if they don’t follow them then they cannot stay. Remember, you have the power to ask the energy to leave and keep it at bay; it is your space and your rules. Ask God or the universe to keep this energy away. You can then place salt around the outside of your home. It is a deterrent to undeveloped energy and a visible symbol that only white, pure, loving energy is allowed in the space. It will create a barrier. Salt is also a natural collector of negative ions, in a scientific sense, and is great to keep out to thwart unwanted energy. You can also purchase himalayan salt lamps for use in your home. This will help to continually keep the energy in the home clean and fresh.

In addition, you can get holy water and bless each window in the house by dipping your finger in the holy water and making a cross on each window. As you do that pray or have intentions that only loving energy, pure white light, may be reflected and encased in the space. If you feel more comfortable having a priest or clergy member do this, you can ask. It isn’t as crazy a request as you might think. People ask this of priests more often than they admit.

If you want more ideas on how to cleanse a space and enrich the loving energy of an area, click here to link to an article by The Energy Muse Blog. I especially love the helpful hint of keeping selenite in the home. I have some in my office and at home. Selenite is a crystal. It is gypsum or soft calcium sulfate crystal that is white and slightly transparent in appearance. It has been known in ancient times to heal and bring one to the highest, best version of their self. It is used today for many of the same purposes and is a useful crystal to have near by to keep energy pure and clean.

Lastly, keep up the practices mentioned here of only allowing positive energy in your space. This means boundaries in the physical world as well, make sure you keep the same rules for humans you do for spirits because everything is energy. And most important, YOU have the power to make a space your own. It is up to you and your ability to believe that you can.

In general, I think we should always enter a space with love and positivity in our hearts. I have taught my kids that they should always leave a place better than they found it. It is up to us to have compassion in our hearts and look to the potential of spirit relationships. Especially if we are living in a place they inhabited before us. We can and should coexist as the first option. As with many Native American belief systems we need to respect and learn to live in harmony with all living things, seen and unseen. Spirit is usually there to help not harm and they are just passing through. There for a visit. If you can find harmony with that then you just might find more positive energy around you than you expected.

Best wishes until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven: Part 3

Snippets from Heaven: Part 3

“Maybe we can disarm the fear, stress, and anxiety of what dying represents.”

 -Juan Castaño

When I was twelve, I woke up in the middle of the night to find a Native American Man perched on the floor of my room. His deep brown eyes peered straight to my soul. His wrinkled face was stoic and still. The two gray, silver braids on each side of his head stretched all the way to the floor. He held a deerskin drum between his feet and began to speak in a language I didn’t recognize.

I looked past him to my mirrored closet doors, and instead of a human reflection, all I saw was a ball of light shining there. It looked like a star. Light shone out of this ball in four different directions giving it a diamond-shaped appearance.

Even though this wasn’t the first time I had seen a spirit in my room in the middle of the night; I closed my eyes counted to three and repeated, “I am not crazy” three times.

When I opened my eyes, he was still there. I wish I could say I dared to listen, but like any other twelve-year-old girl, I just wanted to fit in and be “normal.” No one else I knew experienced things this way. He kept speaking, and I continued to refuse to listen. I squeezed my eyes shut again and begged God for sleep. “Please God, please take this man away and let me sleep.” I knew without opening my eyes that the man was receding back into heaven because his voice was slipping away into the stillness of the night.

Because this was common, I fell back asleep shortly after. However, my praying that night didn’t stop the messages the chief would keep trying to send.

One afternoon, not too many weeks later, my mom ran a quick errand with my sisters, and I stayed back to finish homework. As I sat on the couch working on my assignment, I began to hear a commotion in the street. Hollers of men and horses hooves moved closer and closer to my house with a fury of speed. I peeked out the blinds to see a fight going on around me. Arrows whizzed past my window. I sunk back into my couch. “None of this is real,” I said aloud to myself. And in response, the spirit world flexed its muscles to show just how real it is. The walls of my house seemed to fade away, and there I was sitting on my couch in the middle of a valley – no longer did buildings and homes dot its landscape. Instead they had been replaced with open spaces and an occasional mighty oak tree.

Native American men (most likely members of the Amah Mutsun tribe) were trying to push back some rancheros. The Amah Mutsun men were fiercely protecting one man in particular. I had seen this man before. His deep brown eyes pierced my soul, his gray silver braids hung long at his sides, and his wrinkled, stoic face showed defiance and deep sorrow as if he could already see the future that would befall his people.

I buried my head in my hands and closed my eyes and asked again to be free of these images. I wasn’t scared. I was rarely frightened when these things happened. I was ashamed. I did not want to be different. Why did I keep seeing these things I could tell no one about? What difference could I make knowing these things? This cheif…his final resting place not far from my home…how did knowing that make a difference? And who would believe me if I tried to share this knowledge?

“I am sorry,” I said aloud to the chief, “I don’t know what to do.”

The chief continued to visit me on and off, but if he ever spoke again, I never heard it.

I often wondered what would have happened if I had been brave enough to listen, brave enough to be different and open. The next time I vowed to listen more carefully. I promised to share the spirit’s story.

I didn’t have to wait long, as was usually the case. A few months later right before my thirteenth birthday, a young girl came to visit and told me all about what it felt like to die young and how she died. I typed down every word I heard and then sent it off to a local college publication; passing it off as a fictional story I wrote. Be kind, I was a kid and still couldn’t figure out how to tell people what really happened, but this was progress. I was sharing her story with others.

Unfortunately, it was rejected. And again I wondered why? Why was this all happening?What good is seeing and knowing when no one will listen?

These types of events happened again and again throughout my life. It was only recently that I began to finally understand the purpose; to finally understand what spirit had wanted me to know all along.

About a year ago, I was in a session, and I thought, “Oh no, here we go again.” I was worried to relay what I was seeing to the two women who had come to visit me that day. Yes, dear reader, even I understand how far-fetched this all sounds, despite the fact I live it.

What was appearing to me slowly were two old shoes. Ancient shoes. As I started to get a clearer image of this man, who introduced himself as Edward, I noticed he was wearing short baggy pants with knee-high socks and a stiff white shirt that had a sort of frill around the wrist. He told me he was from 1620. And the word, “Mayflower” kept crossing my mind and I saw a ship. I literally thought to myself, there is no way I can tell these two women what I am seeing. But as I always say now, I am obligated to share the things spirit relays to me in a session. So, I prefaced my telling them, with “This may sound crazy, but…”

To my surprise, the two women had just finished a branch of their family tree and had been researching their ancestry for months. What they had recently found, was in fact, Edward. A distant relative who was in fact on the manifest of the Mayflower itself. We were all elated. I could not believe I was speaking with a soul who was hundreds of years old. We were all a bit giddy and teary-eyed. They were so excited that the work that they had done had led Edward to our session. He thanked them for connecting him to their family tree. He was happy to be found and spoke about how his values and his pride in his family still carried many of those values today.

It was after that session that I started to put together another piece of the spirit puzzle, See our loved ones in spirit, our ancestors, we are all tied together, and they want to be remembered. Giving our loved ones a place in the present gives them strength.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie Coco, but it details how we need to remember spirit to help them to continue to exist and be able to visit us here on Earth. It showcases this through the tradition known as El Día de los Muertos, or “Day of the Dead.” (To learn a little more about this tradition click here.)

What spirit has been teaching me all this time is how important it is that we remember them. They gain strength and can feel our positive remembering energy even in Heaven. When we make a place for our loved ones in spirit, here in the present, we are helping them to thrive in Heaven. We offer them an invitation into our lives and enrich their Heavenly experience. We all need one another, they need us here, and we need them there. The connection between us does not die. Our history, our ancestors are alive within our souls. We are connected to them and breathe new life into their souls when we remember.

Maybe if we start to remove spirit and death from the shadows and corners of our life here on Earth, perhaps it can begin to enrich our experience here, too. Maybe we can remove the fear. Maybe we can see death as the transition it truly is for our soul; a way onto another life. A life without a body, time or space, just a life connected to all other life. Our loved ones in spirit regardless of how old, are not lost to us; they live within us and around us.

Love and light, until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven: Part 2

Snippets from Heaven: Part 2

On a Monday evening in July, I was making my second call of the day for a phone appointment. I never know what to expect in any session. As per usual, I only knew Michele’s name and nothing more. She had contacted me via email and given me just the details that she would like an hour session and phone was fine with her.

She had patiently waited a month to speak with me. During the session, we were able to connect with her father.

If you don’t know already, dear reader, I remember little about each appointment.

I know I enjoyed speaking with her dad and was in awe of his ability to connect so clearly with her as he had only been in heaven a short time. His messages were filled with love for his daughter, and he expressed a great deal of joy. I recall liking him and connecting with him in a way I would a new friend. I loved the comfort and peace that rested so firmly in his soul. But even more, I enjoyed his humor and that he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to give me a hard time.

As the session ended, Michele’s dad said,  “Thank you for calling me.” I relayed this message and I then thanked Michele, as well. And Michele said, “I think he is talking to both of us.” I was a bit confused and didn’t have to wait long for Michele to clarify.

She said that she and her dad shared a love of all things spiritual and had always wanted to go see a medium together. They didn’t know who they wanted to see and about a month before Michele’s dad passed away, he called her. During the call, he said he had just spoken to a friend and had found their medium. He told her to write down the contact information. Michele was excited and wanted to know when they were going to make an appointment to see this medium together. He told her that she should go see the medium first, by herself. She was confused about why they couldn’t go together. She shrugged it off. But when her dad passed a month later, it all became clear. She felt that he had found the medium that he, himself wanted to communicate through.

Then Michele said words that blew my mind, “The medium he found was you.” And I heard her wave a paper in her hand. Then as I expressed disbelief, she messaged me the below picture.

By the way, I may have asked for proof – I know I am totally the skeptic, and it is entirely ironic please remember my post on offering compassion before passing judgment; I am a human after all. 

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Shared with consent from Michele

But there it was. Michele shared with me that her father and chosen me to speak through. I am still in total awe.

Not only is it remarkable to me that he picked me himself before he passed, but it also came at such a perfect time. As messages from spirit tend to do.

As you all know, I struggle with faith and how I fit into that picture often. (If you are new, dear reader, now you know and if you are an old friend, dear reader, you, of course, understood that already.) I love God, I knew God before I understood how to explain Him. And yet, I am some sort of abomination to those whose faith has them cling to literal interpretations. I have made my peace with God because it is only His opinion that matters. Only He knows my heart inside and out. Only He knows my soul with complete clarity. And He is my creator; so He knows I was made just this way with purpose and intent. Anyway, it still stings when I get messages about how people are praying for my soul and that they hope I don’t go to hell for what I do. And it still stings to be made fun of and reprimanded that I do this for personal gain. But I don’t think I would be human if it didn’t hurt.

Regardless, I had once again been thinking about my sessions and was wondering with a heavy heart if I was on the right path; if I was making a difference. And this reading happened. Literally not an hour after I had pondered those thoughts with a heavy heart. Here was spirit saying not only did they want to communicate with me; but I was being selected by them explicitly. My heart still bursts with honor and love. I can’t even imagine; out of all the souls that they could choose; they will pick me. And this beautiful reminder; helped me to remember just to keep going forward, helping one person at a time; doing the best I can right where I am and that, no matter what anyone else says; that alone is enough.

What else struck me about this was, Michele continued to connect the dots between spirit and how they chose to communicate. She sent me the following message (*names have been changed to protect their identity):

“Not sure if you remember Monica* – she came in a few weeks back, with her mom on the phone. She’s my girlfriend who’s father passed 10 days after mine,… My dad brought them into your life as well. When you said your 2 friends told 2 friends, I thought about how my dad’s friend told him, he told me & I told Monica*,… It’s amazing to step back and think about how life works and how we are all connected to each other.”

I think we forget how connected we are to each other. I think we forget that underneath our skin and bones is a soul, and that soul is intertwined with the other souls here on Earth deeply and profoundly. I think when we remember this; we remember to treat others with grace, and compassion, I believe when we remember this hate evaporates and only love can remain. We know each other at a soul level in a way our brains can only just begin to comprehend. And our souls are speaking to one another. And all the while our loved ones in Heaven are guiding us and working with one another to make sure we are loved and protected from Heaven, too.

I will close this with the same words I used when I messaged Michele back:

“We can tear up together. You are not alone. I am thanking him; over and over. He thinks it is appropriate, too. He absolutely thinks he deserves all the credit. The grin on his face is priceless!”

Hopefully, you will remember joy, love, and light are ever-present around you. Your loved ones are not lost; they are alive and well, thriving in Heaven finding ways to continue to be a part of your daily lives; holding you close and dear as ever. You are not alone.

Love and light, until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven (Part 1)

Snippets from Heaven (Part 1)

I wanted to share with you some snippets from heaven. Since I have changed my line of work, I have noticed an increase in the number of miracles that I witness. One of these miracles is the resilience of the human spirit.

If you have watched the news at all last week, you have seen the story of the orca whale that has carried her dead calf for days. (If you haven’t read the story you can click here to read it). This story hit my heart like a target.

My journey with mediumship began because a little boy in spirit named Matthew; wanted me to help him connect to his family. So the first people I ever met were bereaved parents. I still cannot imagine what that kind of grief feels like, but this mama orca carrying her 400 pound baby day after day, a baby she grew in her womb for 17 months and was only able to see alive for half an hour; I think this captures visually the kind of grief a bereaved parent experiences.

Over the past five years, a good majority of my clients have been bereaved parents. To watch these parents live with the loss of their children is devastating and yet at the same time inspirational. These parents carry such intense grief, that grows and changes, that consumes and envelopes, and yet they grow and change around the pain they carry with them. They turn it into power and create change or bring about more goodness in the lives of others. Never will I be able to capture into words what this looks like. The statue below (shared at totallybuffalo.com) says what that this grief feels like better than my words ever could.

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Click here to be taken to the original source

Which is why I want to share some stories with you. This piece will be the first of several to follow. I can’t promise they will be in order – I may be moved to post other blogs in between, but there will be more of these.

These stories have allowed me to have a greater understanding of the communication from heaven. I want you to have that experience, too. I think we can all understand that there is a soul inside each of us that lives beyond our bodies; and that maybe, just maybe it is our soul that allows us to grow around our grief. It is our soul and its connection to the souls in heaven that help us here to cope with our loss and find a new way to survive.

Delia and David

I met Delia on a Tuesday in June. She came to my office for a session and like most people I meet; I didn’t know her last name, where she was from, who referred her or why she was there. And in like fashion, I rarely remember details of a session, but Delia and I spoke for a while, person to person, after the meeting, and she shared with me how some of the things her son, David had relayed through me, made sense to her.

These moments with clients are such a gift to me. I love to hear how the messages that I help translate are connected to real life events here on Earth. Plus I enjoy hearing about the lives that each of the spirits that speak to me, lived.

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David Surfing – shared with consent from Delia

Delia shared stories with me about David. His love of surfing, his son, and just how he was an all around great person. One of the things David conveyed to her through me, was that he left her signs with wings. He sent her these wings so she would always know when he was near and how much he loved her. I didn’t understand how he could make angel wings appear from up above, but he insisted that was what he was doing from heaven.

After the session, Delia explained to me that she saw angel wings in the sky all the time. Delia told me that “in [her] living room a Tiffany lamp over 30 years shines Angel wings on the ceiling [only] when turned on 6 months after [David] passed.” She feels these wings let her know that David continues to love her from heaven.

Below are pictures she shared with me so that you could also see the angel wings David sends his mom from heaven (the below photos were sent to me from Delia and shared with her consent):


I loved hearing these stories and knowing that what David shared through me on that Tuesday in June had brought Delia some comfort.

I want to share a little bit about Delia, too. She is a mom and grandmother. She has two children in addition to David. She is active in her grandchildren’s lives, and she is the most joyful person you could meet. You would never know her story by looking at her. She is patient, a great friend, and always ready and willing to help others in need; no matter how much her own heart is hurting. She helps to let David’s son continue to know his dad. She wants to insure that his son always knows and feels his father’s love for him.

Over the next few weeks, I thought about Delia and her son David a great deal because his death was so tragic and the connection between mother and son was so powerful; I was in awe of Delia’s strength and David’s ability to connect with his mom.

Then, through July, I started to see my own images of angel wings in the sky. Unfortunately, mostly when I was driving so, I couldn’t capture them. But I finally was able to take a picture of one such experience (shown below). I hadn’t seen Delia’s photos yet, but I remembered the wings and wanted to share with her that I was hearing from David, too. Spirit loves to be included in the present day world; not just remembered in the past. It always feels so important to me to let these parents know that their children in heaven still have an active impact on the world today and change my life in such significant ways.

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The day this photo was taken, I had a client come to visit who happened to be a friend of Delia’s. Which of course, is also how spirit works, connecting all the dots and making sure their message is hitting  home.

I shared with Delia’s friend that I had been seeing the angel wings for several weeks and that I would call up to heaven, “Hi, David” each time. Delia’s friend shared with me how the session that I had with Delia had helped her to heal in new ways and that there had been a noticeable difference in her. David’s connection and the things he shared with her had given her peace. He found a way to mend Delia’s heart just a bit so that she could grow around her grief a little more.

As I thought about that, I realized that this was David reaching out to me to say thank you for being a small part of that. And in full circle, I reached out to Delia later that day to share my photo; to which she shared her photos with me and now she is letting me share David with you.

I am sharing this with you because I want you to know like I do, that spirit can do anything, and God wants us to feel their love. I always say, how could Heaven really be an exceptional place if we were cut off from our loved ones here.

Of course, there are ways spirit can communicate and reach us. Of course, God wants that for us. He sent his only son to Earth out of his love for us. God can understand the kind of grief that bereaved parents feel. He holds that grief close to His own heart. He will always find ways for spirit to reach and heal us here on Earth. David and Delia are an example of this kind of love in motion. That our transition to the other side cannot severe love – that love is something that can cross through the veil between heaven and earth.

Love and light, until next time,

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How do you know if spirit is with you?

How do you know if spirit is with you?

Today, I took a little me time. Well, mostly.

I had to run to Target to get some things for the kids and their teachers to end out the year, but I wandered a bit since I had the morning to myself. Inherently I wanted to rush because there is a laundry list of things to do and appointments to get to, but something kept whispering to me to take my time and amble through. As I was leaving the grocery section, something told me to turn right. So, I did.

Sure enough, as I was walking down the aisle, a dear friend was walking right toward me. Within minutes we were in deep conversation about life, depression, motherhood, and friendship. It buoyed me up in a way nothing had in days.

On my way home, I was pondering this encounter and feeling grateful when another push came into my mind. Something urged me to change the radio station. And as I did, I hear Brett Eldridge live on the Highway. I leave it for a second. He is just talking, and not singing. As I go to change the channel, I hear this gentle, “wait” from deep in my soul, so I do.

Brett starts talking about Frank Sinatra. He alerts the listeners that he has decided to end his live concert (via radio) with a song by Frank Sinatra, In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning. He says he wants to end on this song for all those fans that feel lonely and are up nights and can’t quite sleep or are thinking about why are they here, etc. And he sings only this part of the song,

In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the girl
And never even think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You’d be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That’s the time you miss her most of all

Well, let me pause for a minute here and tell you my grandma was a huge fan of Ol’ Blue Eyes. His records were regularly playing in their house, and she would always tell you he was the best singer of all time.

To top that off, I have been feeling desperately lonely lately. No good reason to feel lonely, but just a feeling wedged in the pit of my stomach.

To hear this today, I know my grandma was reaching down from heaven to remind me that I am not alone. And it is no secret that the line “that’s the time you miss her most of all” is the last line sung. My grandma would want to be missed. It was so her to send Frank on Country radio to me today to remind me I am loved, and she is nearby. Plus running into such a dear friend so unexpectedly; it was spirit working to let me know I am not alone.

I know some people may say that is stretch and that the song doesn’t have anything to do with a grandma being missed, but I assure you I was her girl and she was mine. It makes perfect sense to me and when it comes to signs that is all that matters. Signs only need to make perfect sense to you.

So how do you know that spirit is all around you? Well, nothing I can tell you will make you believe; but that is the way to know – you just have to believe they are there.

Heaven is not some far off distant place; we are a part of it. I mean really, could you imagine a heaven where you had no access to more than half of the people you loved most in the world?

Typically, souls in heaven have family here on Earth that they love and miss. So of course, we are a part of their heaven. They can visit and interact with us, and they do. They are sending messages in any way that they can; using whatever tools that they can find. Wouldn’t you if you could?

Spirit delivers messages to their loved ones in a myriad of ways.

For one, spirit/soul doesn’t need words to communicate, and that means that our spirit loved ones can communicate with any living thing to get our attention. Animals, insects, plants, trees, the wind, water, rocks. Whatever has energy running through it, spirits can access. So you may see a particular bird, insect, or flower all the time. You may find a specific rock or wind chimes may sound when there is no apparent wind. All of these are signs and spirit’s way of saying hello to you.

And that is not all. Since energy can run through electronics, too, these can be used to deliver a message that spirit is close. You may have lights dim and get bright in your house; printers not work; poor Internet connection with no explanation; interrupted and dropped calls, these are all signs from spirit. Now, don’t get me wrong – sometimes things go on the fritz, or the power goes out, but typically with a sign, we feel or sense that something is behind it. Remember when I said soul/spirit doesn’t need words to communicate, well there it is. There is usually a sense of knowing that comes with a sign. You often will think of the person you miss or feel them near right after or before the sign. And again, sometimes you aren’t thinking of them, but they tie in a song that is connected to them or their name in a way to get your attention and let you know it is them; like my grandma did today.

Spirit can do many things. One of their favorite ways to communicate is called ghosting. I know, I know, spirit has a great sense of humor. Ghosting happens when you are out and about and out of the corner of your eye you see someone. Instantly you think; “Gosh, that looks like grandpa“.

When you look again, carefully, that person doesn’t look anything like your grandpa. You could have sworn that they did the first time you saw them. Well, a spirit will stand in front of a living person in a body, and for a moment you can “see” them there. This act is called ghosting and one way they try to say hi to you.

Spirit has a way of moving energy in a space as well. So I am sure this dates me, but for those of you know it; the penny scene from Ghost is an example. See below…

While spirit can’t entirely communicate with us in as blatant a way as Sam does; they can communicate in pretty powerful ways by moving objects. Why can’t they do what Sam does? Well, there are rules. I have asked and I feel based on the explanations that I have received, the answer is that we aren’t supposed to have proof. We have to take their existence on faith. It is part of the deal.

Regardless, they do move things. Whether it is a photo, or your keys or opening a door – which I have seen with my own eyes. They move things to get our attention. Sometimes, they can “move” things without moving them at all. For example, you might hear a knock on a door in the house, or a cupboard shut, or a door open or close, but there was no movement. You might hear footsteps and feel someone in the room. They do all of these things not to scare you, unless you have someone in your family with that kind of sense of humor, but to reassure you that they are with you.

And above all of that, sometimes, spirit uses a channel – whether it is a person like me or an unsuspecting friend or relative to get their actual emotions and words right to you. You may bump into someone, and they will tell you something that you know came from your departed cousin or sister. You know those words feel and sound like someone on the other side.

Another way spirit can communicate is with numbers. This one seems out there I know, but because I can feel energy whether it is a spirit or person or animal or plant or rock I sense the power that runs through things. If you are like me, you get this and if you are not like me, yet understand matter and atoms –  you understand there is energy in everything. So with that being said, numbers have energy. They vibrate with a frequency that is tangible. Spirit can access these frequencies – each number has a different vibration – and they can use numbers as a way to communicate. This can be through a clock and time; or it can be numbers on license plates, numbers found on receipts or deli ticket numbers. They will use a number to announce their presence in your life.

Truly spirit wants you to know they are with you. They are not dead, but living and thriving in heaven. They get to visit you every single day. You are a part of their heaven. Spirit is interacting with us all the time.

I had a friend ask, “What if I don’t feel like I have ever gotten a sign?

To that I say; first, you may be discounting things and explaining them away. For spirit, this is discouraging. It takes a great deal of energy for a soul to leave you a sign and communicate with us here. They have to slow way down and put a lot of focus into getting a message across. If they aren’t rewarded, with acknowledgment from us here there is no energetic feedback and signs can’t be repeated or delivered as often. And that can make it seem like they aren’t happening for you. BUT, there are no coincidences. (If you don’t believe me, I suggest you read this post here.) You know what you feel. If something strikes you as being a message or sign; acknowledge it.

If you still don’t feel like you have had any symbols or messages from the other side, ask for something in particular. I think you will be surprised. They will find a way to answer that call. It may not be exactly how you asked for it, but an answer will be delivered.

It is crucial for us here to remember that spirit has their own agenda and from what they tell me a particular set of rules they have to abide by when communicating. We can’t have expectations. We need to be open and willing to accept what is offered.

For example, I once was at a group reading where a woman who had listened to me relay messages from her dad for ten minutes discount every word. She ignored it because he didn’t bring up the ring she had brought with her in her pocket even though other people in the room heard the validity of his messages.

We have a choice in this life; we can believe that anything is possible and that somehow our loved ones can reach us or we can choose to need facts and exact information.

Did you know that Harry Houdini would often discredit spiritualists in the town he visited if they didn’t mention the one word he told his mother to say to him when she died? So, spiritualists would perform or approach him in town, and if they didn’t deliver that specific message from his mother, then he would ruin them. This made me so sad. What if? What if the spiritualist missed the message – sometimes it is hard to hear everything from spirit – what if his mom was in a hurry and said something without mentioning the word? Spirit can forget things, too. What if he missed something just because he was only looking for one certain word and hurt people in the process?

I don’t want to be Houdini when it comes to what is on the other side and what is possible. But the choice is up to you. I choose to believe.