What I have learned about life after death…part 5

What I have learned about life after death…part 5

These past several days, California has seen dry lightning storms that have set our entire state ablaze. And we have more coming.

I have clients and friends who have packed up and left their homes, not knowing what they will return to. While other family and friends are in the “warning” zone. My heart and soul are aching with them. We are literally living in a smoke-induced fog. This on top of COVID and every other struggle that people face in everyday life is just what this year is about, I guess. 

It is hard to imagine that there is a God or heaven when everything around you is literally burning to the ground. When the skies open up and strike down bolts of electricity that set your world on fire, it is difficult to imagine that there is love in heaven. Or that God is good. 

There is one thing I know for sure. After working for spirit for nearly a decade, God is real. God is love. God is on our side. God is good.

I know it doesn’t always seem that way. We are not supposed to live this existence without pain. I know that is terrible news. But it is the unfortunate truth.

Humans are fragile. We are temperamental, breakable, fallible creatures. We can hurt one another. We can kill one another. To top that off, the elements of our planet are strong and untamed. However, humans are supposed to have a human experience.

But humans are also resilient, faithful, caring, empathetic creatures. I have personally watched people not only stand back up after being hit with senseless tragedy but move one step forward day after day. Not always because they want to, but because life keeps moving them forward. But still there can be heart-wrenching pain. And where is God in all this seeming chaos?

I think we need to know amid the chaos that there is something glorious waiting for us. I think we need hope right now. I think we always need hope. And getting to know God has given me that hope. So let me share with you what I have learned about God so far.

What is God like? 

I am sure you have noticed I use He, when I speak about God. God is genderless. God is infinite. God is vast. God is in everything and every place. God is the supreme being. 

Now, I have written before, spirits will not disclose everything about God. But they do let me know a thing or two. 

God can look however she wants. I haven’t seen God, but I know that God is encompassed in a glow of warm, golden light. 

We can talk to God on earth and in heaven. God hears us. She knows our hearts and our most intimate dreams. She speaks directly to us in our human form. You can hear Her in the deep knowing of your own soul. God has an open door policy in heaven, and anyone can speak with Her. She listens to your objections, ideas, concerns, anger, fear, unhappiness, elation, and disappointment as if She has no other care in the world, and you are all that matters. Because simply you are. She can do all this and still manage time, space, heaven, earth, and still have time for everyone else. 

God knows every fault and every perfection. God knows you even if you don’t believe in Her. I am not going to lie, I get the distinct impression it counts if you believe in Her, but I also think that God gets it. Religion is created by humans and thus can be flawed. God knows that to believe in Her doesn’t require you to visit an institution that doesn’t believe in you. Because while She delights when you believe in Her, the thing she delights most in, is Her belief in you. 

God is with you. And not in a placating, hurry up and move on with it way. And most certainly not in a tough-love way. God sits in the pain with you. She can carry so much anguish. She will gladly let you boil over, fall apart, and She isn’t opposed to screaming or throwing things. She gets it. She has seen it all. The truth is God isn’t a stranger to loss; God is a fixture in loss. God is neck-deep in the thick of people’s suffering. God is the one who cries alongside you. God’s heart breaks with yours. God never stops carrying, lifting, coaxing, supporting, nurturing you. God never stops whispering hope. Never. 


God is what we find in the quiet stillness of our hearts before we stand back up. When our knees are too weak to stand on our own, She sends us helpers. The people that offer their hands to lift us back up; God sent them to us. Or even those that carry us across the burning hot coals of our pain. Yes, those are God’s earth angels. God is found in grace of our own forgiveness. God is not the tragedy, God is the rising. 

God has a fantastic sense of humor. There is so much laughter in heaven. And God loves irony. She is not past making something bite you in the ass. Her absolute favorite thing to do is to make you do something you said you NEVER would. She gets a kick out of that. 

God’s divine nature can be a mystery, but I don’t think it was meant to be. She is mighty, all-knowing, and works endlessly to create beauty in all things. She wants to be our best friend; our one and only. She wants us to know her as well as we know ourselves.

She is not hellfire and fury, but she can be angry and disappointed. She doesn’t forget a single thing you have done, but she always knows that you can and will do better when you know better. 

Her light is never-ending. Her heart and intentions are pure. She can also do hard things. Sometimes, she can break you if she has to. She does this so that you can see all your beautiful parts and put yourself back together in a new way. All this is for your benefit, to glorify your life. She is always building you, creating you, and reworking you to have the best and most wonderful life. But you have to meet Her halfway. If you don’t do your part, then you won’t reap any benefits.

God is not evil, mean, or spiteful. God doesn’t hurt you or drill you with lessons. Sometimes bad shit just happens. Earthly human lives can have ridiculous, pointless events. Children die. Houses burn. We lose. God doesn’t want our ultimate destruction.

One way we cope is by seeking meaning. We look to find reasons. I say to hell with reasons. But purpose, purpose can help heal.  Purpose can carry us and leave us less hollow. God likes purpose. 

God absolutely has favorites. You are Her favorite. Always. Every day of the week, no matter what you have done. Because God believes in Her heart of hearts that you can rise to be precisely how She created you to be, the best version of yourself. God is absolutely head over heels for you.

God is welcoming and warm. God is a nurturer, healer, confidant, creator, artist, hope filled architect. When things don’t work out; She is ready. She has patience in spades. Her inability to give up is astounding. 

She is waiting for us all to return home. When you get there, you are enveloped in Her warm embrace. Her voice is the balm for your soul. The aroma of Her essence cascades across you, and you feel home in a way that you never thought you could. Then She smiles, and you become weightless, new again. Life begins when she creates your stardust covered soul. She watches you leave Her. And shines with pride while you grow, learn, live, evolve. And life begins anew when you shed your skin. She greets your stardust soul and wraps you up like you never left. She loved you always. She knew exactly what you needed and wanted you to live. And you finally remember, She was with you all along and that everything will be okay forever and ever. Amen. 

What I have learned about heaven so far…part 4

What I have learned about heaven so far…part 4

When I was about four, my grandmother took me to church with her. I remember walking up to the building as everyone entered. You had to park on the lot below the church. On the outside, it seemed enormous. The doors were so big, and wide I hadn’t ever seen a house with doors that big anywhere else. It was modern in a 1960s sheek way. The roofline was slanted. There was a big round window. It didn’t look like what my imagination conjured up as a church. It was not the typical white building with a cross on top. And it was missing a big ol’ church bell.

I remember feeling like I didn’t belong because everyone seemed to know everyone there. I could hear their hellos and see their head nods at one another. But my grandmother had taken my hand in hers, and I felt safe. As people entered, they dipped their hands in little dishes of water and dabbed it on themselves. In front of us, there were more big doors. As we entered those doors, I stared at all the shiny, caramel pews. Off to the side I noticed another room. It had a big window. It seemed to house all the mothers, children and babies. 

“Why do they have a separate room for the children?” I asked her. I was worried that I would have to go stand in that room. 

“They have the babies in there if they cry, so they don’t disrupt mass.” She answered me.

We walked in, and everyone started kneeling before they entered the pews. They made gestures with their hands over their faces and chest, and then they proceeded to sit down. My grandparents did this every night when they said grace at the dinner table. I remember thinking, do I do this, too? Do I have to know how to do this to sit down? Will everyone know I don’t belong?

I knelt, but didn’t make the hand gestures. Then followed my grandmother into the pews. I wasn’t sure about this place. It was too quiet. A little too shiny. And why was the place where God stood so far up at the front?

But then, I looked up.

On the wall was a cross. Hanging from it was a man.

I should have been scared because the man looked sad and hurt. His head hung down at his chest. But I knew this man. Everything about him felt familiar. I knew the energy of this man. This man felt like God. The God that didn’t stand way out in front of everyone, but right next to them. And up really close. The God that whispered and whirled behind the spirits that spoke to me. This man felt like home. I immediately liked him.

I started to worry about him. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t like the way his head hung down on his chest.

While I was thinking this, right before my eyes he looked up. He came to life! He looked up at me. He smiled, and winked. I smiled back. My four-year-old brain did not doubt for one minute that this man had somehow come to life, smiled, and winked at me. His smile and playfulness let me know I was right where I was supposed to be, and he was just fine. I immediately settled into the pew. I was no longer worried or scared.

After the service, which included a lot of kneeling, peace be with yous, and more kneeling and chants that I didn’t know the words to, I asked my grandmother about the man on the wall. She said, “Oh, that’s Jesus.”

“Oh,” I said. I knew a little about Jesus. I knew that he was God’s son. My mom read stories from the Children’s Bible to me before bed sometimes. My four-year-old heart burst with pride that day. Jesus was my friend, and he liked me. Church felt like a place where I could find Jesus and we could be friends. 

Then, as time went on, that memory became something I convinced myself I imagined. Jesus doesn’t talk to four-year-old girls. Jesus doesn’t smile in church, and he most certainly would never wink! Oh, the blasphemy! 

So, I laughed at myself for imagining such a thing. 

And as time passed, I started wondering what was wrong with me. Why did I hear voices? Why did I see things, people that other people didn’t see? Why did I know when someone was sick? Why did I know when someone was going to die? How was it possible that I saw ghosts everywhere? How was it possible they could talk to me? Why did all this happen, and why had God made me so broken? Certainly, Jesus couldn’t like me very much. Certainly, I wasn’t the type of girl who would get into heaven.

I spent years in self-doubt. I spent years denying what I felt, what I saw. I spent years in hiding.

And then something miraculous happened. A nine-year-old little spirit boy, named Matthew, whose name just happens to mean gift from God, started visiting me. He would wave and smile. He would run around my son as he played. He would pop-up out of the clear blue in the front seat of my car and say, “Hi.” And he would give me the same dream, over and over, for weeks. Waking me up and then waving and smiling at me. He never let up. Until one day he said, “I need you to talk to my mom.” And finally, I caved. I couldn’t say no to his nine-year-old face. Seeing Matthew had made me feel like maybe Jesus does smile and wink. Maybe, I wasn’t crazy after all.

So I found a way to talk to his parents. 

It wasn’t easy. It took a long time for me to believe what I was seeing was real. It took decades. And in that session, with Matthew’s parents, it took minutes that felt like hours to settle and just start sharing what a little spirit boy wanted me to share. 

Even after that meeting, I was afraid. 

What happened couldn’t have been real. This doesn’t happen to regular people. This isn’t something I can talk about. This will ruin the reputation I have built for myself. This will ruin my family. I need to stay quiet, the voice in my brain would admonish me. And even though I helped, Matthew was still in heaven. Why do little boys have to die?

So, I trapped my feelings, my gift, deep down inside myself. But Matthew kept showing up. He didn’t care that I wanted to hide. He wanted to talk to his family. He said he was alive, healthy and happy. Finally, one day he said, “This is what you are meant to do. You can’t change it. You need to tell people.” 

And I listened. I knew it would change everything. Even though I still wanted to play small, I knew this was how I was made. I knew deep down I wasn’t broken. Instead, I had been fearfully and wonderfully made, exactly this way, on and with purpose.

So, I told people. I still didn’t tell everyone. I still made excuses. I still do sometimes.

But mostly I tell everyone now. Mostly, I embrace who I am and how I work. And most importantly, now I know that Jesus smiles in church. Jesus shows up and smiles at four-year-old girls so they will feel like they belong. Jesus winks and smiles to validate that deep down, we do know what God feels like. Jesus shows up for everyone. We don’t always see him because we are too busy dismissing him. We are too quick to say that it isn’t real. That can’t be true. But he shows up anyway.

It’s true. That’s why I am sharing all this. It’s true and real and possible. There is a heaven. Our souls live on. Our loved ones, and ghosts in general, they want us to know they are cheering us on, loving us, and waiting to reunite with us. They want us to know they are alive, healthy, and happy.

So, I know you may not believe me. I know that this might make some people think I am crazy, but I don’t care. Jesus likes me. Jesus thinks I belong here, and he is glad that I am sharing what I know with you because frankly, he likes you, too. 

So what is heaven like, really? Here are the answers to a few frequently asked questions…

What is available to us in heaven? 

Heaven is filled with possibilities. If we live our lives well, and by that, I mean to treat ourselves and others to the best of our ability, then we have lots of options for what happens in heaven. I like to call it a menu of services because souls show me that they have options and choices based on what they accrued during their human lifetime. One soul literally showed me a menu and that they were choosing items off it. Hence, menu of services. Why not take them literally? Maybe it’s really like that.

I know I am going to open a can of worms here, but we can’t buy this menu of services. Not with money. Not with tithing. Nope.

We can only achieve choices for a wonderful heavenly life through action. Love is action and so we must be active in being kind, helpful, respectful, and living the life we are meant to live. So some of you out there angry and spewing hate in 2020, well you need to shape up! Period. Or no soup for you!

What do I mean when I am talking about accruing things off the menu of services? When I talk about accrual, I am talking about how we earn additional heavenly privileges by being the best version of ourselves. First, and foremost, we need to treat others as we would want to be treated. That is truly the golden rule and incredibly important. Also, we need to say yes to our passions. When we say yes to our passions and our hearts, we find our purpose. And if we live out our purpose and we do it while being good to ourselves and others, then we accrue these heavenly options.

When we help others in need, we accrue. When we use our manners, we accrue. When we are faithful, we accrue. Not blind faith where we leave others out and cast damnation and judgement. The kind of faith where we love God and the earth and all of the creatures we inhabit this space with. When we do all this we accrue. When we keep boundaries that protect ourselves from harm, we accrue.

So what can you do with the “points” you accrue? You get to order up choices and amenities off the menu of services. Seriously, it is like you get Motel 6 accommodations versus Ritz accommodations. Want to be a size six? No problem. Want to be a blonde? No problem. Were you happiest at 26? Then bam…you are forever 26. Want to travel the world? Done. Want to live your next life without as much pain? Check. What to choose the way your heaven looks? Check. You can live in a house or spend your days in a forest. You can visit any place in the world or never leave your old town. Want to meet up with your entire family and all live together in heaven? Done. Want to work in the nursery and cuddle babies in heaven? Sure thing. It is all up to you and what your soul most desires. 

When we get to heaven, where do we live? 

In heaven, technically you live there.  However, say that you pass away before your spouse, and you really want to stay close to your spouse on earth. You were married for forty-five years, after all. So you can still live in your old house. Now, that doesn’t mean a soul is stuck or unhappy or not in heaven. Heaven surrounds and encapsulates the same space earth exists in, so a soul can be here and in heaven at the same time. Or you can recreate the place where you are happiest in heaven and live there. Or maybe you want to live outdoors. Or maybe you are happy being a soul and a soul lives in the universe, not in a traditional house. So you just exist. There are so many options. You can even live in a different time. Souls can walk down memory lane literally and live and exist in a different time period. Souls in heaven can truly relive happy memories from their past lives.

What do souls do in heaven?

There are plenty of possible answers to this question. Each soul is unique. Each life is unique. Both of these things determine what a soul might do to entertain themselves in heaven. 

Some treat heaven like retirement and finally rest and recover from the busy life or handwork that they endured on earth. They take trips. They visit places they always wanted to see. They sit by the ocean or lounge in their backyards on their favorite lawn chair. Others need to keep busy. For these souls, there is an endless amount of things to do in heaven. 

There are jobs in heaven. Souls can work in nurseries where baby souls are created and nursed until they are delivered to a womb. There are spirit guides who watch over humans on earth and try to keep those humans on the right track. We do have free will as humans, and we can take a million different paths in life. Still, there are specific experiences our souls are supposed to have in a lifetime. So there are souls in heaven, guides if you will, that try and help lead us to those experiences in the least painful possible ways. 

Some souls help new souls transition into their new life in heaven. Some are warriors who help in battles here on earth. Others are peacekeepers and send peace and tranquil energy down to earth. Some work with souls in heaven as counselors and run the heavenly twelve-step atonement program. Others work to become angels. Some just like to be and are involved in what is going on with their families here on earth.

One of the favorite things that I love to see is when souls show me how prayers reach heaven. It is literally like mail coming in through a post office. They catch the prayers you send. Then they answer them or they split them with other heavenly loved ones and they get to work seeing what they can do to help answer your prayers. Or not answer them; because maybe what is best for everyone. Either way, they get working to take care of those prayers. Of course, God has the final say in all things, but your heavenly loved ones can advocate on your behalf. It truly is a group effort.

To be continued…

Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Lately, I have been praying a great deal about what I should be writing about. I know I haven’t been corresponding to you all as frequently as I should. Maybe you haven’t even missed it. I guess I worry about that too much. If there is an audience. That they dwindle or are bored of my words. Which is why the book I was writing has sat untouched for months. And the end of the year, which was my deadline to finish, is far gone.

As with anything more significant in my life, like a calling, writing is one of those things. I can’t ignore its pull. There is a voice that keeps telling me I am supposed to write. And the prayers I pray asking what I should write about; the answer keeps being whispered back to me. I am supposed to write about death.

Talk about a topic that no one wants to hear about. The topic probably stops me from writing sometimes too. It can be too much. In Western Culture, we avoid death. The bad news is it can’t be avoided forever. Some people have less loss in their lives, while others are bombarded with loss. But the one thing we all have in common is that it will happen to everyone at some point.

We also push past grief or side step it if we can. Rush it; try to ignore it. Maybe it is because we think we can outwit it; hide it; escape it. None of those things seem to be true, at least not long term or without significant side effects.

It can be an awkward topic even if you do want to approach it or understand it.

It never occurred to me that it would become such a center point of my existence. I guess I started out like most people do, trying to deny it.

Day in and day out, I work to breathe life into death. It is always my goal as a faith-based spiritual medium to do God’s work and light the way into the darkest corners of our grief and loss so that hope can grow there. But it doesn’t change the fact that our lives continue to be wrapped in it.

One thing is certain, grief doesn’t end. Just like love never dies; grief never ceases. We miss our loved ones and long for them our entire lives.

I think it was Anne Lamott that said, “But what if the great secret insider-trading truth is that you don’t ever get over the biggest losses in your life?” Isn’t that the truth? We never get over the biggest losses in our lives. They shape us, move with us, are in us.

Grief does evolve; I think that might be true.

Last fall I got to spend some days among the Redwood Trees in the Santa Cruz Mountains and they reminded me of grief. They reminded me of us.

Redwood Trees are giant, long-living creatures that tower over everything in a forest, and they force you to take them in. They are hard to ignore. From their strong aroma to their massive size, to the needles and cones that fall from them, you are forced to recognize them, just like grief.

Redwood Trees are also mostly fire-resistant. Did you know that? I didn’t before that visit. Of course, repeated fires can cause damage and create hallows called “goose-pens” that are found around the base. Grief definitely damages us, but we survive, whether we want to or not, and continue to grow around the pain even though the marks of it remain on our surface or maybe even at the root of us for the rest of our lives. Grief goose pens, if you will.

Grief like a Redwood is majestic in its own right because grief is love. Did you know that the germination of Redwood Trees from their seeds isn’t very high? The fastest way to grow a new Redwood Tree is from a stump sprout. Because their root systems are so strong these stump sprouts have a better chance of success because they can easily connect to that strong underground root system. That underground root system is like love. So even though grief looms in our life, seemly crippling us, new roots will shoot up all over and force us to keep moving on, changing our emotions. That is love at work. Love for our heavenly loved one, love for those here that keep us going. Giving hope to new moments in our life. Allowing us to honor and promote our deceased loved ones in the new ways we begin to show up in our changed lives. It is because of them we can grow.

Sometimes grief can wrap us in a fog so dense it is seemly endless. Lonely. But what we often don’t know until this fog of grief has lifted, even if temporarily, is that the harder moments prepare us for the beautiful moments where the most radiant amounts of joy find us. And these intertwined grief-stricken and joy-filled moments create their own forest of memories. Memories that sustain us in the physical world where we breathe life into our loved ones. We carry them with us wherever they go, and so they go on. Grief isn’t just pain, it is a legacy of love that will last for hundreds of years. Just like a Redwood Tree.

Redwood Trees have shallow root systems and these roots can grow to be hundreds of feet long and even intertwine with the trees around them. Just like us. We may not be able to see those surface connections in grief, but we become intertwined with those around us who are also experiencing that loss and pain and we stand along side those that witness our losses and stay connected to them forever.

Redwood Trees do die and they can tumble to the ground. When a Redwood Tree falls it can take other trees with it. Some have described the grunts, cracks, crashes and groans of a Redwood Tree falling as a symphony. What happens when a Redwood Tree falls is that it begins to allow for extra light to reach the forest floor. New trees can begin to grow from the fertilizer that becomes of the decomposing tree. Animals can find homes in the newly fallen tree. The tree may no longer be standing and “breathing” among its peers, but it still provides nourishment and opportunity to the forest it belonged to. Just like us. We will see the dead tree, our lost person, everywhere we step for almost all of our days, but that loss allows us to incorporate that person’s beliefs into our lives or creates a new perspective for us so that we can shine light on others to help them grow and flourish in ways we may not have understood before.

We share stories of our lost loved ones with our friends and family, and they share those stories. Our loved ones in heaven are given new life as they travel through these memories and continue to become a part of new experiences.

We will never stop missing them, but we will go on. We will hurt, but we will grow. And they will live on in us, our stories, and by how we remember them in our actions.

Death is scary. Loss is awful. But lives are beautiful. Legacies are legendary. We can breathe life into the spaces and hollows that grief leaves and learn to live with our losses in a way that can make life sweeter and more full.

I guess, I have to keep writing and talking about death. Life after death both on Earth and in Heaven. I pray it lifts someone up in their pain. I pray they feel heard and loved through their deepest moments of sorrow. I hope that what I do, what I write about makes someone feel a little less lonely. That they maybe can see through the fog of grief for a moment. That they know it will never be the same again, but it isn’t the end either. There are beginnings to still be had. Miracles to see and find. Life continues and death is inevitable. But there is something beyond this place and our souls continue to stay connected to one another. Just like the magic and mystery of a Redwood Forest there is something deeper and indescribable about how life and death intertwine.

Until next time,

Love never dies…

Love never dies…

A few weeks ago, our house was in the throws of ordinary sickness. But it can still be exhausting. I had spent two nights mostly awake, caring for sick children. One with croup. One with the stomach flu. And as I dragged myself out of bed with a stuffy nose and groggy head, it took all my effort to slapdash an outfit together and make myself presentable.

I had an appointment that had been booked out for about twelve weeks. This particular client had met with me before, but she reached out to me when her mother was dying. I felt it best to wait before meeting with her, her sister, and her father. She contacted me again after her mom had passed, and we set a date to meet a bit before Thanksgiving.

All of my sessions are important. Still, in this case, we have mutual friends in common and past history, add to that the holidays, and she had just had to sit with her dying mother, a relationship that is so important to all of us; I really wanted to make sure this went well. I said an extra prayer for strength since I was slightly sleep deprived then set off to meet them.

They arrived and after introductions I walked them back to my office. I was in awe as they each found a place to sit in my little office. The steely strength that only love can build rested securely in each one of their souls. Grace be to God, their loved one arrived and started to describe herself, heaven, and deliver messages for each of them.

The sheer power of her spirit was astounding. The depth, earnestness, and ardor these four people had for one another was breath-taking. To witness this kind of fortitude in a premature loss like this one, at this time of year, was definitely atypical.

It rocked me awake. On this Eve of Thanksgiving, this session brought me right into the present. What I witnessed about love that day, I am sharing with all of you; in hopes that it will sustain you the same way it does me.

I sat in awe and wonder as I delivered messages from their beloved, who had been in the afterlife for roughly three months. This spirit was so at peace. So full of hope and love. She was the most content spirit I have ever spoken to this quickly after transitioning to heaven. When I asked her how se was okay, she told me it was faith that let her feel so calm and content. When I shared this with her family they were not surprised. They said she had been like that through her entire illness.

This mother who gained her angel wings came forward not to share things she wished she had said because she had said them all. She spent every day loving her family and rested in a deep faith that whatever happened to her would be okay. She spent her days focusing on her family and nourishing them with memories and warmth. So whatever we are doing right now, if it isn’t that, we need to make more time for it. You won’t regret it. You don’t want to miss your people more because you didn’t make the most of the time you had here.

Love is the strongest element in the universe. It is built out of kindness, compassion, trust, and hope. Love doesn’t die. Our bodies may stop working, but our souls continue on, and what comes through is love. To bear witness to the love that existed across the boundaries of heaven and earth during this session was life-altering.

We get one chance at this life, the one we are given. And we grieve a great deal of the time we are an adult. We grieve relationships, people, opportunities. We mourn the past, present, and future. We focus on the hustle and bustle and monotony of life because we must. It is how we persevere.

What happens though if we live in the present? What happens if we act from a place of love and believe in miracles? What happens if we live right now?

Love happens. We can feel and experience things we never thought possible. Of course, it doesn’t allow us to escape pain; in fact, grief is love. They are two parts of a whole.

This family who sat in my office grieving and navigating a new normal had more composure, compassion, and gratitude for one another than I commonly see. Why? Because they spent the time, they had together physically making moments. Saying the things that they wanted to say. They counted on one another and honestly shared and showed up for one another. And they continue to do that.

They live in the present with their loved one in heaven. She is a part of everything, even though it hurts, even though it is hard.

Grief is a fingerprint, and no two loses, even for the same person, are alike. Unfortunately, you can’t go around grief, you can’t go under grief, and even if you try to avoid it, you find yourself face to face with it eventually. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it. Whatever time or path that takes will be unique. However, one thing I find to be a commonality are those who find a way through often ask for help, say what they need, face regrets head-on, and genuinely use love as their center and grounding force to guide them. Both with the loved one in heaven and the surrounding people they have here. And they live in the moment. They take life moment to moment. Just like the family, I was able to visit with on Thanksgiving Eve.

Love is worth it all. Love truly wins because it never dies. It is what allows you to experience one another across heaven and earth. It is what binds us together through it all.

I know this season can be hard. I miss my people, too. We will never get over our loved ones. We carry them in our hearts, minds, souls, and we grow around the holes they leave behind. Those holes are where love has left its impact.

Grateful doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about being able to witness miracles day in and day out. Awe of what love can help us endure leaves me speechless.

I hope that you find a way to live in the right now. To love your people both near and far with a vulnerability that allows you to say the things that will matter across space and time and leave you without regret. My wish for you is that you believe in miracles and have hope that anything is possible. Your words, thoughts, love it all reaches heaven. Your loved ones are with you if you can find a way to believe that their love will guide you through your grief.

Your angel loved ones are sending the little hummingbird that shows up on a cold December afternoon. They are the energy displayed by the two flickering lights on your Christmas tree, even though the rest of the strand is fine. They are visiting in a vivid dream where every detail is remembered. They are present in the smell of their favorite aftershave or perfume. They are showing you they can still exist past what life holds for us here. To give you hope to show you a way through, to let you know they miss you, too. To remind you, they will never leave you, and love never dies.

Keep going through it; even though the light at the end of the tunnel is heaven when you will finally have peace and everyone is reunited; there is still joy, life to be lived, hope, fun, and things to look forward to on the journey through, here on Earth. It is different because it will forever be through the lens of loss, but that doesn’t make it less than; it just makes it different.

May you have peace in your heart this holiday. May you have family, friends, and loved ones to help guide you through and the faith to believe the signs they send you along the way are real examples of their love because love lasts forever.

Bless you this holiday season in whatever life may hold for you.

Snippets from Heaven: Part 3

Snippets from Heaven: Part 3

“Maybe we can disarm the fear, stress, and anxiety of what dying represents.”

 -Juan Castaño

When I was twelve, I woke up in the middle of the night to find a Native American Man perched on the floor of my room. His deep brown eyes peered straight to my soul. His wrinkled face was stoic and still. The two gray, silver braids on each side of his head stretched all the way to the floor. He held a deerskin drum between his feet and began to speak in a language I didn’t recognize.

I looked past him to my mirrored closet doors, and instead of a human reflection, all I saw was a ball of light shining there. It looked like a star. Light shone out of this ball in four different directions giving it a diamond-shaped appearance.

Even though this wasn’t the first time I had seen a spirit in my room in the middle of the night; I closed my eyes counted to three and repeated, “I am not crazy” three times.

When I opened my eyes, he was still there. I wish I could say I dared to listen, but like any other twelve-year-old girl, I just wanted to fit in and be “normal.” No one else I knew experienced things this way. He kept speaking, and I continued to refuse to listen. I squeezed my eyes shut again and begged God for sleep. “Please God, please take this man away and let me sleep.” I knew without opening my eyes that the man was receding back into heaven because his voice was slipping away into the stillness of the night.

Because this was common, I fell back asleep shortly after. However, my praying that night didn’t stop the messages the chief would keep trying to send.

One afternoon, not too many weeks later, my mom ran a quick errand with my sisters, and I stayed back to finish homework. As I sat on the couch working on my assignment, I began to hear a commotion in the street. Hollers of men and horses hooves moved closer and closer to my house with a fury of speed. I peeked out the blinds to see a fight going on around me. Arrows whizzed past my window. I sunk back into my couch. “None of this is real,” I said aloud to myself. And in response, the spirit world flexed its muscles to show just how real it is. The walls of my house seemed to fade away, and there I was sitting on my couch in the middle of a valley – no longer did buildings and homes dot its landscape. Instead they had been replaced with open spaces and an occasional mighty oak tree.

Native American men (most likely members of the Amah Mutsun tribe) were trying to push back some rancheros. The Amah Mutsun men were fiercely protecting one man in particular. I had seen this man before. His deep brown eyes pierced my soul, his gray silver braids hung long at his sides, and his wrinkled, stoic face showed defiance and deep sorrow as if he could already see the future that would befall his people.

I buried my head in my hands and closed my eyes and asked again to be free of these images. I wasn’t scared. I was rarely frightened when these things happened. I was ashamed. I did not want to be different. Why did I keep seeing these things I could tell no one about? What difference could I make knowing these things? This cheif…his final resting place not far from my home…how did knowing that make a difference? And who would believe me if I tried to share this knowledge?

“I am sorry,” I said aloud to the chief, “I don’t know what to do.”

The chief continued to visit me on and off, but if he ever spoke again, I never heard it.

I often wondered what would have happened if I had been brave enough to listen, brave enough to be different and open. The next time I vowed to listen more carefully. I promised to share the spirit’s story.

I didn’t have to wait long, as was usually the case. A few months later right before my thirteenth birthday, a young girl came to visit and told me all about what it felt like to die young and how she died. I typed down every word I heard and then sent it off to a local college publication; passing it off as a fictional story I wrote. Be kind, I was a kid and still couldn’t figure out how to tell people what really happened, but this was progress. I was sharing her story with others.

Unfortunately, it was rejected. And again I wondered why? Why was this all happening?What good is seeing and knowing when no one will listen?

These types of events happened again and again throughout my life. It was only recently that I began to finally understand the purpose; to finally understand what spirit had wanted me to know all along.

About a year ago, I was in a session, and I thought, “Oh no, here we go again.” I was worried to relay what I was seeing to the two women who had come to visit me that day. Yes, dear reader, even I understand how far-fetched this all sounds, despite the fact I live it.

What was appearing to me slowly were two old shoes. Ancient shoes. As I started to get a clearer image of this man, who introduced himself as Edward, I noticed he was wearing short baggy pants with knee-high socks and a stiff white shirt that had a sort of frill around the wrist. He told me he was from 1620. And the word, “Mayflower” kept crossing my mind and I saw a ship. I literally thought to myself, there is no way I can tell these two women what I am seeing. But as I always say now, I am obligated to share the things spirit relays to me in a session. So, I prefaced my telling them, with “This may sound crazy, but…”

To my surprise, the two women had just finished a branch of their family tree and had been researching their ancestry for months. What they had recently found, was in fact, Edward. A distant relative who was in fact on the manifest of the Mayflower itself. We were all elated. I could not believe I was speaking with a soul who was hundreds of years old. We were all a bit giddy and teary-eyed. They were so excited that the work that they had done had led Edward to our session. He thanked them for connecting him to their family tree. He was happy to be found and spoke about how his values and his pride in his family still carried many of those values today.

It was after that session that I started to put together another piece of the spirit puzzle, See our loved ones in spirit, our ancestors, we are all tied together, and they want to be remembered. Giving our loved ones a place in the present gives them strength.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie Coco, but it details how we need to remember spirit to help them to continue to exist and be able to visit us here on Earth. It showcases this through the tradition known as El Día de los Muertos, or “Day of the Dead.” (To learn a little more about this tradition click here.)

What spirit has been teaching me all this time is how important it is that we remember them. They gain strength and can feel our positive remembering energy even in Heaven. When we make a place for our loved ones in spirit, here in the present, we are helping them to thrive in Heaven. We offer them an invitation into our lives and enrich their Heavenly experience. We all need one another, they need us here, and we need them there. The connection between us does not die. Our history, our ancestors are alive within our souls. We are connected to them and breathe new life into their souls when we remember.

Maybe if we start to remove spirit and death from the shadows and corners of our life here on Earth, perhaps it can begin to enrich our experience here, too. Maybe we can remove the fear. Maybe we can see death as the transition it truly is for our soul; a way onto another life. A life without a body, time or space, just a life connected to all other life. Our loved ones in spirit regardless of how old, are not lost to us; they live within us and around us.

Love and light, until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven: Part 2

Snippets from Heaven: Part 2

On a Monday evening in July, I was making my second call of the day for a phone appointment. I never know what to expect in any session. As per usual, I only knew Michele’s name and nothing more. She had contacted me via email and given me just the details that she would like an hour session and phone was fine with her.

She had patiently waited a month to speak with me. During the session, we were able to connect with her father.

If you don’t know already, dear reader, I remember little about each appointment.

I know I enjoyed speaking with her dad and was in awe of his ability to connect so clearly with her as he had only been in heaven a short time. His messages were filled with love for his daughter, and he expressed a great deal of joy. I recall liking him and connecting with him in a way I would a new friend. I loved the comfort and peace that rested so firmly in his soul. But even more, I enjoyed his humor and that he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to give me a hard time.

As the session ended, Michele’s dad said,  “Thank you for calling me.” I relayed this message and I then thanked Michele, as well. And Michele said, “I think he is talking to both of us.” I was a bit confused and didn’t have to wait long for Michele to clarify.

She said that she and her dad shared a love of all things spiritual and had always wanted to go see a medium together. They didn’t know who they wanted to see and about a month before Michele’s dad passed away, he called her. During the call, he said he had just spoken to a friend and had found their medium. He told her to write down the contact information. Michele was excited and wanted to know when they were going to make an appointment to see this medium together. He told her that she should go see the medium first, by herself. She was confused about why they couldn’t go together. She shrugged it off. But when her dad passed a month later, it all became clear. She felt that he had found the medium that he, himself wanted to communicate through.

Then Michele said words that blew my mind, “The medium he found was you.” And I heard her wave a paper in her hand. Then as I expressed disbelief, she messaged me the below picture.

By the way, I may have asked for proof – I know I am totally the skeptic, and it is entirely ironic please remember my post on offering compassion before passing judgment; I am a human after all. 

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Shared with consent from Michele

But there it was. Michele shared with me that her father and chosen me to speak through. I am still in total awe.

Not only is it remarkable to me that he picked me himself before he passed, but it also came at such a perfect time. As messages from spirit tend to do.

As you all know, I struggle with faith and how I fit into that picture often. (If you are new, dear reader, now you know and if you are an old friend, dear reader, you, of course, understood that already.) I love God, I knew God before I understood how to explain Him. And yet, I am some sort of abomination to those whose faith has them cling to literal interpretations. I have made my peace with God because it is only His opinion that matters. Only He knows my heart inside and out. Only He knows my soul with complete clarity. And He is my creator; so He knows I was made just this way with purpose and intent. Anyway, it still stings when I get messages about how people are praying for my soul and that they hope I don’t go to hell for what I do. And it still stings to be made fun of and reprimanded that I do this for personal gain. But I don’t think I would be human if it didn’t hurt.

Regardless, I had once again been thinking about my sessions and was wondering with a heavy heart if I was on the right path; if I was making a difference. And this reading happened. Literally not an hour after I had pondered those thoughts with a heavy heart. Here was spirit saying not only did they want to communicate with me; but I was being selected by them explicitly. My heart still bursts with honor and love. I can’t even imagine; out of all the souls that they could choose; they will pick me. And this beautiful reminder; helped me to remember just to keep going forward, helping one person at a time; doing the best I can right where I am and that, no matter what anyone else says; that alone is enough.

What else struck me about this was, Michele continued to connect the dots between spirit and how they chose to communicate. She sent me the following message (*names have been changed to protect their identity):

“Not sure if you remember Monica* – she came in a few weeks back, with her mom on the phone. She’s my girlfriend who’s father passed 10 days after mine,… My dad brought them into your life as well. When you said your 2 friends told 2 friends, I thought about how my dad’s friend told him, he told me & I told Monica*,… It’s amazing to step back and think about how life works and how we are all connected to each other.”

I think we forget how connected we are to each other. I think we forget that underneath our skin and bones is a soul, and that soul is intertwined with the other souls here on Earth deeply and profoundly. I think when we remember this; we remember to treat others with grace, and compassion, I believe when we remember this hate evaporates and only love can remain. We know each other at a soul level in a way our brains can only just begin to comprehend. And our souls are speaking to one another. And all the while our loved ones in Heaven are guiding us and working with one another to make sure we are loved and protected from Heaven, too.

I will close this with the same words I used when I messaged Michele back:

“We can tear up together. You are not alone. I am thanking him; over and over. He thinks it is appropriate, too. He absolutely thinks he deserves all the credit. The grin on his face is priceless!”

Hopefully, you will remember joy, love, and light are ever-present around you. Your loved ones are not lost; they are alive and well, thriving in Heaven finding ways to continue to be a part of your daily lives; holding you close and dear as ever. You are not alone.

Love and light, until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven (Part 1)

Snippets from Heaven (Part 1)

I wanted to share with you some snippets from heaven. Since I have changed my line of work, I have noticed an increase in the number of miracles that I witness. One of these miracles is the resilience of the human spirit.

If you have watched the news at all last week, you have seen the story of the orca whale that has carried her dead calf for days. (If you haven’t read the story you can click here to read it). This story hit my heart like a target.

My journey with mediumship began because a little boy in spirit named Matthew; wanted me to help him connect to his family. So the first people I ever met were bereaved parents. I still cannot imagine what that kind of grief feels like, but this mama orca carrying her 400 pound baby day after day, a baby she grew in her womb for 17 months and was only able to see alive for half an hour; I think this captures visually the kind of grief a bereaved parent experiences.

Over the past five years, a good majority of my clients have been bereaved parents. To watch these parents live with the loss of their children is devastating and yet at the same time inspirational. These parents carry such intense grief, that grows and changes, that consumes and envelopes, and yet they grow and change around the pain they carry with them. They turn it into power and create change or bring about more goodness in the lives of others. Never will I be able to capture into words what this looks like. The statue below (shared at totallybuffalo.com) says what that this grief feels like better than my words ever could.

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Click here to be taken to the original source

Which is why I want to share some stories with you. This piece will be the first of several to follow. I can’t promise they will be in order – I may be moved to post other blogs in between, but there will be more of these.

These stories have allowed me to have a greater understanding of the communication from heaven. I want you to have that experience, too. I think we can all understand that there is a soul inside each of us that lives beyond our bodies; and that maybe, just maybe it is our soul that allows us to grow around our grief. It is our soul and its connection to the souls in heaven that help us here to cope with our loss and find a new way to survive.

Delia and David

I met Delia on a Tuesday in June. She came to my office for a session and like most people I meet; I didn’t know her last name, where she was from, who referred her or why she was there. And in like fashion, I rarely remember details of a session, but Delia and I spoke for a while, person to person, after the meeting, and she shared with me how some of the things her son, David had relayed through me, made sense to her.

These moments with clients are such a gift to me. I love to hear how the messages that I help translate are connected to real life events here on Earth. Plus I enjoy hearing about the lives that each of the spirits that speak to me, lived.

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David Surfing – shared with consent from Delia

Delia shared stories with me about David. His love of surfing, his son, and just how he was an all around great person. One of the things David conveyed to her through me, was that he left her signs with wings. He sent her these wings so she would always know when he was near and how much he loved her. I didn’t understand how he could make angel wings appear from up above, but he insisted that was what he was doing from heaven.

After the session, Delia explained to me that she saw angel wings in the sky all the time. Delia told me that “in [her] living room a Tiffany lamp over 30 years shines Angel wings on the ceiling [only] when turned on 6 months after [David] passed.” She feels these wings let her know that David continues to love her from heaven.

Below are pictures she shared with me so that you could also see the angel wings David sends his mom from heaven (the below photos were sent to me from Delia and shared with her consent):


I loved hearing these stories and knowing that what David shared through me on that Tuesday in June had brought Delia some comfort.

I want to share a little bit about Delia, too. She is a mom and grandmother. She has two children in addition to David. She is active in her grandchildren’s lives, and she is the most joyful person you could meet. You would never know her story by looking at her. She is patient, a great friend, and always ready and willing to help others in need; no matter how much her own heart is hurting. She helps to let David’s son continue to know his dad. She wants to insure that his son always knows and feels his father’s love for him.

Over the next few weeks, I thought about Delia and her son David a great deal because his death was so tragic and the connection between mother and son was so powerful; I was in awe of Delia’s strength and David’s ability to connect with his mom.

Then, through July, I started to see my own images of angel wings in the sky. Unfortunately, mostly when I was driving so, I couldn’t capture them. But I finally was able to take a picture of one such experience (shown below). I hadn’t seen Delia’s photos yet, but I remembered the wings and wanted to share with her that I was hearing from David, too. Spirit loves to be included in the present day world; not just remembered in the past. It always feels so important to me to let these parents know that their children in heaven still have an active impact on the world today and change my life in such significant ways.

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The day this photo was taken, I had a client come to visit who happened to be a friend of Delia’s. Which of course, is also how spirit works, connecting all the dots and making sure their message is hitting  home.

I shared with Delia’s friend that I had been seeing the angel wings for several weeks and that I would call up to heaven, “Hi, David” each time. Delia’s friend shared with me how the session that I had with Delia had helped her to heal in new ways and that there had been a noticeable difference in her. David’s connection and the things he shared with her had given her peace. He found a way to mend Delia’s heart just a bit so that she could grow around her grief a little more.

As I thought about that, I realized that this was David reaching out to me to say thank you for being a small part of that. And in full circle, I reached out to Delia later that day to share my photo; to which she shared her photos with me and now she is letting me share David with you.

I am sharing this with you because I want you to know like I do, that spirit can do anything, and God wants us to feel their love. I always say, how could Heaven really be an exceptional place if we were cut off from our loved ones here.

Of course, there are ways spirit can communicate and reach us. Of course, God wants that for us. He sent his only son to Earth out of his love for us. God can understand the kind of grief that bereaved parents feel. He holds that grief close to His own heart. He will always find ways for spirit to reach and heal us here on Earth. David and Delia are an example of this kind of love in motion. That our transition to the other side cannot severe love – that love is something that can cross through the veil between heaven and earth.

Love and light, until next time,

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How do you know if spirit is with you?

How do you know if spirit is with you?

Today, I took a little me time. Well, mostly.

I had to run to Target to get some things for the kids and their teachers to end out the year, but I wandered a bit since I had the morning to myself. Inherently I wanted to rush because there is a laundry list of things to do and appointments to get to, but something kept whispering to me to take my time and amble through. As I was leaving the grocery section, something told me to turn right. So, I did.

Sure enough, as I was walking down the aisle, a dear friend was walking right toward me. Within minutes we were in deep conversation about life, depression, motherhood, and friendship. It buoyed me up in a way nothing had in days.

On my way home, I was pondering this encounter and feeling grateful when another push came into my mind. Something urged me to change the radio station. And as I did, I hear Brett Eldridge live on the Highway. I leave it for a second. He is just talking, and not singing. As I go to change the channel, I hear this gentle, “wait” from deep in my soul, so I do.

Brett starts talking about Frank Sinatra. He alerts the listeners that he has decided to end his live concert (via radio) with a song by Frank Sinatra, In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning. He says he wants to end on this song for all those fans that feel lonely and are up nights and can’t quite sleep or are thinking about why are they here, etc. And he sings only this part of the song,

In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the girl
And never even think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You’d be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That’s the time you miss her most of all

Well, let me pause for a minute here and tell you my grandma was a huge fan of Ol’ Blue Eyes. His records were regularly playing in their house, and she would always tell you he was the best singer of all time.

To top that off, I have been feeling desperately lonely lately. No good reason to feel lonely, but just a feeling wedged in the pit of my stomach.

To hear this today, I know my grandma was reaching down from heaven to remind me that I am not alone. And it is no secret that the line “that’s the time you miss her most of all” is the last line sung. My grandma would want to be missed. It was so her to send Frank on Country radio to me today to remind me I am loved, and she is nearby. Plus running into such a dear friend so unexpectedly; it was spirit working to let me know I am not alone.

I know some people may say that is stretch and that the song doesn’t have anything to do with a grandma being missed, but I assure you I was her girl and she was mine. It makes perfect sense to me and when it comes to signs that is all that matters. Signs only need to make perfect sense to you.

So how do you know that spirit is all around you? Well, nothing I can tell you will make you believe; but that is the way to know – you just have to believe they are there.

Heaven is not some far off distant place; we are a part of it. I mean really, could you imagine a heaven where you had no access to more than half of the people you loved most in the world?

Typically, souls in heaven have family here on Earth that they love and miss. So of course, we are a part of their heaven. They can visit and interact with us, and they do. They are sending messages in any way that they can; using whatever tools that they can find. Wouldn’t you if you could?

Spirit delivers messages to their loved ones in a myriad of ways.

For one, spirit/soul doesn’t need words to communicate, and that means that our spirit loved ones can communicate with any living thing to get our attention. Animals, insects, plants, trees, the wind, water, rocks. Whatever has energy running through it, spirits can access. So you may see a particular bird, insect, or flower all the time. You may find a specific rock or wind chimes may sound when there is no apparent wind. All of these are signs and spirit’s way of saying hello to you.

And that is not all. Since energy can run through electronics, too, these can be used to deliver a message that spirit is close. You may have lights dim and get bright in your house; printers not work; poor Internet connection with no explanation; interrupted and dropped calls, these are all signs from spirit. Now, don’t get me wrong – sometimes things go on the fritz, or the power goes out, but typically with a sign, we feel or sense that something is behind it. Remember when I said soul/spirit doesn’t need words to communicate, well there it is. There is usually a sense of knowing that comes with a sign. You often will think of the person you miss or feel them near right after or before the sign. And again, sometimes you aren’t thinking of them, but they tie in a song that is connected to them or their name in a way to get your attention and let you know it is them; like my grandma did today.

Spirit can do many things. One of their favorite ways to communicate is called ghosting. I know, I know, spirit has a great sense of humor. Ghosting happens when you are out and about and out of the corner of your eye you see someone. Instantly you think; “Gosh, that looks like grandpa“.

When you look again, carefully, that person doesn’t look anything like your grandpa. You could have sworn that they did the first time you saw them. Well, a spirit will stand in front of a living person in a body, and for a moment you can “see” them there. This act is called ghosting and one way they try to say hi to you.

Spirit has a way of moving energy in a space as well. So I am sure this dates me, but for those of you know it; the penny scene from Ghost is an example. See below…

While spirit can’t entirely communicate with us in as blatant a way as Sam does; they can communicate in pretty powerful ways by moving objects. Why can’t they do what Sam does? Well, there are rules. I have asked and I feel based on the explanations that I have received, the answer is that we aren’t supposed to have proof. We have to take their existence on faith. It is part of the deal.

Regardless, they do move things. Whether it is a photo, or your keys or opening a door – which I have seen with my own eyes. They move things to get our attention. Sometimes, they can “move” things without moving them at all. For example, you might hear a knock on a door in the house, or a cupboard shut, or a door open or close, but there was no movement. You might hear footsteps and feel someone in the room. They do all of these things not to scare you, unless you have someone in your family with that kind of sense of humor, but to reassure you that they are with you.

And above all of that, sometimes, spirit uses a channel – whether it is a person like me or an unsuspecting friend or relative to get their actual emotions and words right to you. You may bump into someone, and they will tell you something that you know came from your departed cousin or sister. You know those words feel and sound like someone on the other side.

Another way spirit can communicate is with numbers. This one seems out there I know, but because I can feel energy whether it is a spirit or person or animal or plant or rock I sense the power that runs through things. If you are like me, you get this and if you are not like me, yet understand matter and atoms –  you understand there is energy in everything. So with that being said, numbers have energy. They vibrate with a frequency that is tangible. Spirit can access these frequencies – each number has a different vibration – and they can use numbers as a way to communicate. This can be through a clock and time; or it can be numbers on license plates, numbers found on receipts or deli ticket numbers. They will use a number to announce their presence in your life.

Truly spirit wants you to know they are with you. They are not dead, but living and thriving in heaven. They get to visit you every single day. You are a part of their heaven. Spirit is interacting with us all the time.

I had a friend ask, “What if I don’t feel like I have ever gotten a sign?

To that I say; first, you may be discounting things and explaining them away. For spirit, this is discouraging. It takes a great deal of energy for a soul to leave you a sign and communicate with us here. They have to slow way down and put a lot of focus into getting a message across. If they aren’t rewarded, with acknowledgment from us here there is no energetic feedback and signs can’t be repeated or delivered as often. And that can make it seem like they aren’t happening for you. BUT, there are no coincidences. (If you don’t believe me, I suggest you read this post here.) You know what you feel. If something strikes you as being a message or sign; acknowledge it.

If you still don’t feel like you have had any symbols or messages from the other side, ask for something in particular. I think you will be surprised. They will find a way to answer that call. It may not be exactly how you asked for it, but an answer will be delivered.

It is crucial for us here to remember that spirit has their own agenda and from what they tell me a particular set of rules they have to abide by when communicating. We can’t have expectations. We need to be open and willing to accept what is offered.

For example, I once was at a group reading where a woman who had listened to me relay messages from her dad for ten minutes discount every word. She ignored it because he didn’t bring up the ring she had brought with her in her pocket even though other people in the room heard the validity of his messages.

We have a choice in this life; we can believe that anything is possible and that somehow our loved ones can reach us or we can choose to need facts and exact information.

Did you know that Harry Houdini would often discredit spiritualists in the town he visited if they didn’t mention the one word he told his mother to say to him when she died? So, spiritualists would perform or approach him in town, and if they didn’t deliver that specific message from his mother, then he would ruin them. This made me so sad. What if? What if the spiritualist missed the message – sometimes it is hard to hear everything from spirit – what if his mom was in a hurry and said something without mentioning the word? Spirit can forget things, too. What if he missed something just because he was only looking for one certain word and hurt people in the process?

I don’t want to be Houdini when it comes to what is on the other side and what is possible. But the choice is up to you. I choose to believe.

 

 

The feather and the bird

The feather and the bird

A Thursday night several months ago, I had a session with a client. Her father, who was in spirit, stepped forward to share messages with her. During the session, he showed me a brown and white feather. It was rather large; about 12 inches in length and while there was white rippling though it the majority of the feather was a deep brown like worn leather.

He told me that this feather was a sign he gave his daughter to let her know that he was with her. My ego butted in since I had never seen a feather like this before; I wasn’t sure if they were real, and told her I wasn’t sure about the validity of this message, but that is what her dad was showing me. She said it made perfect sense she saw them all the time. Not that I said this out loud, but I didn’t really believe it, I hadn’t ever seen anything like that. The reading continued on as they do, but I still held onto the fact that I hadn’t ever seen a feather like that before.

The next day we left on a camping trip and that Saturday morning my husband and I took a walk on the beach as my aunt and uncle were with us and agreed to watch the kids. I was excited! It was like a little mini date; with four kids those are hard to come by.

As I was walking, each step I took I saw one of the feathers that the father had shown me during the reading that Thursday night.

I was in awe.

I saw one every few steps. Over and over again I was shown this feather.

Now, I am going to digress for a second. My husband was with me and he has never seen me do a reading and he still believes in coincidence. I have learned that there are no coincidences. Each event happens on purpose and with purpose. And of course, like any good wife I could not resist to take this opportunity to let him on what I thought was a message from spirit straight to me. Obviously to remind me not to doubt their messages and to keep my ego quiet.

I turn to him and say, “Can you believe this? Look at these feathers. These are the feathers I was telling you about. I have never seen them before and now there are right in front of me with each step I take.”

“We are at the beach and there are a lot of birds here. There are going to be feathers everywhere.” He answers with the tone that sounds just like an eye roll.

As we pass another one, I speak up again.

“Right in front of my foot and nowhere to each side? Really? What will it take for you to believe this isn’t a coincidence?” Exasperation saturating each word.

“There would have to be a big, dead, brown bird right in front of me to believe that.” He says with a laugh.

We continued down the beach and there were more feathers. I was disappointed I had left my camera back at the trailer and could not take any photos, but I have also learned that is how miracles work; we often have to believe without proof. After looking at the tide pools for a bit we turned back.

We began to follow our exact footprints back the way we came. There are no other people on the beach that day since it is pretty overcast and dreary. It is late fall after all.

As we are walking, I start to see a large mass ahead of us. As we near closer to the mass we notice it is in fact an animal. As we come upon it we are able to decipher exactly what it is.

A big, dead, brown bird.

Yep, a big, dead, brown bird and it is right next to our footprints. It was not there on the way out. I give my husband a look and take a mental note not to leave my phone behind anymore. Man, I wish I had a picture of this! I know, I know, I tell spirit…I am not supposed to have to prove these things. I am just supposed to accept them as they come.

“That is a dead bird,” he says.

“Don’t look at me. That bird’s life is on you.” I say.

He walks over to the bird and apologizes.

“Now do you believe there are no coincidences?” I ask.

“I will give you a 60/40 chance on that one.” He answers as any good husband would, but I can tell this one shook him a bit more than that.

You ask and you shall receive. Spirit messages are everywhere and the more you pay attention; the more you are open to them, the more they reign down on you with abundance. Even when it is a big, dead, brown bird.

Be careful what you ask for…

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Worry, fate and signs from heaven

Worry, fate and signs from heaven

There are moments when I am alone with my thoughts and usually that is a good thing, but sometimes my mind starts to stir with worry. Usually I am pretty good about focusing back in on the present. I know it isn’t healthy to live in the past or too far in the future, but to focus right here in the present. But today my mind wandered to my family. I started to think about my grandparents. Missing them, but that turned my thoughts toward my own future.

Both of my grandmothers had strokes and Alzheimer’s. My mom’s mom had early onset Alzheimer’s and for twelve years she lived with this disease. It struck right at the onset of her retirement; just after all 6 kids were out and on their own. I know it could not have been easy for her. But what I know more than anything is that it would have hurt her so much more to see those she loved in pain. She put everyone else before herself. She was selfless and kind. She was one of the best women I have ever known.

When we had the twins she had already passed and I longed to call her and ask her how she maintained her sanity with six kids. I only had four and I felt like I was barely holding it together. I wanted her advice so badly.

As fate would have it, I I did get the chance to ask my grandfather about her; about how she managed to keep it all together raising six kids the last time I saw him. The twins weren’t even in the picture yet, but somehow I had the wherewithal to ask. He told me he would get home from work and without saying anything she would just go get in the car and drive. He laughed as he said it. He said he always wondered if she would come home.

So there were days as the twins were older about 18 months, Brian would get home and I would just get in the car and drive. Drive and pray to her that I was doing enough; pray for her guidance to watch over me as a parent. To help me through. To know if she lost her cool, to see if she had tricks and tips on how she split herself into so many directions. I wanted to raise my kids to be as kind, honest, and loving as she had raised hers to be.

During this time I dyed my hair dark brown because I didn’t want to have to color it as much. After seeing me a few times, my aunt told me how much I reminded her of my grandma, that having my hair darker I even kind of looked like her. Well if that wasn’t just the greatest compliment I could ever receive!

Over the past six years, I have had some medical hiccups. They can’t pin point any one thing to be wrong, but my whole body is out of whack and we are still trying to figure it out. About six months ago, a growth started on my nose.

The growth turned out to be noncancerous, it is what young children and infants have – we always called them strawberry birthmarks. The technical term is hemangioma and it is a noncancerous collection of blood vessels. It is rare in adults. My grandmother had a growth on her nose that was removed, my mom said she would have likely been my age. I remembered the zigzagged white scar she hated so much, but that I loved because it was a part of her. Sure enough it most likely was the same type of growth.

Thinking about her today, I wondered that if I am like her I have sixteen years until early onset. Sixteen years of a life of remembering. I don’t want my family to see that. I don’t want them to have to take care of me like that. So I started praying to her again. To God. Please don’t let my family suffer that fate, please give them more time. Don’t make them have to watch that. Don’t make my parents have to watch that again. How awful that would be. I know that I can endure anything, but I don’t want that for them. I have seen it and I don’t want that for them.

Do not ask me to remember

As soon as I said my last word of my prayer a white fluffy feather floated past my windshield at the stop sign. I thought there is no way that is a sign even though I have started finding feathers like that recently, still I shrugged it off. The next stop sign there was a hummingbird that hovered above my car. My dad’s dad always sends hummingbirds. The next stop sign a blue jay flew right in front of my car from one tree to the next. My other grandmother sends me blue jays. And I started to think that my fate will be different.

Those signs hopefully will spur me to learn whatever I can and get off my butt and work harder to do what I have to, to out run that fate. Those signs from heaven reminded me that I have a good team up there looking out for me. They will take care of my family and me. They will help us.

These signs gave me hope. These signs helped me realize I do not want to go down without giving myself the best possible chances. So I need to take better care of myself. I think that means more changes and better will power, but there is a damn good reason for me to make those things happen. That isn’t the future I want for my kids and I definitely want to know my grandchildren.

Morbid post I know, but I write here for me to release those things that roll around in my brain. To work through my fears so that I can face them and deal with them. That’s all. I just need to come here to let it all out.

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Thanks for reading if you got this far and don’t worry about me; just venting a fear that wraps hold of my heart from time to time. Today heaven sent me lots of signs to let me know my prayers are heard and that I am loved and cared for. My angels were there to let me know not to worry and to just live.

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Signs from Heaven

Signs from Heaven

Do you ever hit every single red light? I am not talking just in one trip out, but continuously for a week.

Have you been out and about and swore that you saw a passed loved one only to take a second look and it was not them at all? The person didn’t even really look like them all that much, but when you saw them the first time they were a dead ringer.

Do objects in your house, like your keys, go “misplaced” even when you know you put them in specific spot?

Are you frequently changing your lightbulbs? Or do you have lightbulbs that pop?

Do you catch a whiff of a loved ones perfume, cologne, or cigarette smoke from time to time?

Are you electronics always on the fritz?

Do you ever get strong cravings for things that someone that passed loved, but you didn’t really ever like?

Do sightings of birds, insects or specific skylines catch your eye and you just know that your loved one made that appear just for you?

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Are you constantly finding specific objects like feathers, buttons, or coins?

These are all common signs from the other side. When I say they are constantly communicating with us; that is not an understatement. I have come across all kinds of signs both through readings and personally.

I have lost all four grandparents and miss them deeply. One of my grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer’s for years before she passed. She raised 6 kids and even though I only have 4, I long for her guidance all the time. For the first three years that we moved to Gilroy and I was carting around my 4 and doing school drop off I would cry once the house was quiet because I just missed her so much and would send my questions to the heavens up to her, but I did not get an answer. I know she was listening; and even answering, but my own pain caused me to miss her signs.

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I borrowed this pic Aunt Lisa – I hope that is okay, but I thought this was a perfect picture of Grandma

I have been able to open my heart more and more the last two years and with guidance from other mediums have been able to connect to my grandmother more and more. What is odd is I feel her all around me now. But it started with my unusual craving for Diet Dr. Pepper. If you know me I have never liked diet soda. I would drink anything but. Lately however, I have to have Diet Dr. Pepper. I think it is her way of telling me this little drink helped her cope day to day and it can help me, too. I am a bit of a caffeine junky.

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I am also constantly craving Doublemint gum. This was her gum of choice. She always had it. It is not my favorite gum, but I feel the need to have some on hand all the time and no other gum tastes as good as that gum. I have been fighting my weight gain and I think this is her way of saying have some gum on hand it helps.

There are so many ways that our loved ones try to come through to help us and guide us. They often literally whisper in your ear to help your intuition know the best choice for your soul. If your gut is telling you something it is wise to listen. If you feel something and can’t explain it – you just know – that usually means something.

There are many ways that signs can be discounted or explained away. That is the easy part. Believing is the hard part. Trusting in something you can’t see; believing in what you know is true even when you can’t prove it. That is what is hard for us; accepting something is real without being able to prove it. Believe anyway.

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Spirits have ways of saying hello through numbers. If you are awoken at the same time every night or constantly look at your clock every day at the same time that is your loved one saying hello. If your phone seems possessed and you even receive strange calls and no one is on the other line, your loved one has called to say hello.

Dreams are a common way our spirit loved ones connect to us. Even if the dream doesn’t always make sense and we can’t remember what is said, but everything else about the dream feels so real then you connected with them. We are so open in our sleep and they can reach us a little more easily than when we are awake.

If you aren’t seeing these signs, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It may mean you aren’t ready to see them yet; your pain and grief can block some of these things from sinking in. Your brain is wired to protect yourself from pain and so it creates blocks so that our emotions are safe guarded. Your loved ones are around you. You are a big part of their heaven.

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Your loved ones are just a thought away. If you think of them; they receive the call and are right there for you. Always.

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I would love to hear about the signs that you have received from loved ones and I know that sharing them will help others, too. So share in the comments or on my FB page. I can’t wait to hear your stories.

Sincerely,

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