Pieces…

“Getting found almost always means being lost for awhile” – Anne Lamott

Lately there have been so many ideas whirling and twirling in my head it has been difficult to get them down on paper.

I feel like there are all these pieces of me that have been so spread apart I am not sure how to hold them all together.

Starting this new side business is definitely taking its toll.

I think if it were just a side business and not being an interpreter for the dead it might not be so difficult. For one, you sound loony toons just saying that. Secondly, the living expect so much of the dead. Just because they have died doesn’t make them any different from when they were living. Their soul is still their soul. Also sometimes their message is just that they are still around there may be nothing more than that and it may not be as profoundly said as you hope it will be.

The living also expect so much from me. They expect me to be an all-knowing, all-seeing guru that can tell them whatever it is they want to know. I am human after all and I am just the messenger.

Seeing the dead can definitely make others skittish around you. Most people treat me the same, but some people avoid me or worse – question my character and authenticity.

This piece of me definitely carries a thin glossy line of web to all the other pieces of me. Having such an interesting relationship with death has always made me a tad bit different from other people.

I have a fierce love for my family and would much rather be home with them than anywhere else in the whole wide world. And to say that I am an introvert is an understatement. My time spent with other people is mostly spent in observation mode. I always feel like an outsider.

It’s difficult to explain how doing this work makes me feel. Helping other people in this unique way is indescribable. At the same time, as I help each person I feel like I absorb some of their pain and grief. Lately this weight has left me lonely and lost. I have also been sick so that could be part of why the last three weeks have seemed difficult as well.

When I started doing this, I listened to my heart and acted on intuition. I have continued down that road – running after people to give them business cards because a spirit asks me to and opening up to someone and offering a reading because their deceased loved one haunts my thoughts and dreams. This kind of brave is so very far out of my comfort zone.

I think just the load that I am carrying is weighing me down. I am grateful for this load and how I am able to provide for my family and that I have an abundance so that I can help others. Yet still, sometimes I just feel a little lost, a little shattered and less put together than I would like to be.

Being a medium is what I was born to do; I know it – there are just days when my skin doesn’t feel thick enough, my heart doesn’t feel strong enough, and somehow I wind up swimming in grief wishing for a soft place to land where someone will understand what it is like to talk to the dead just for a few minutes. Where someone will know how to help me and guide me…and I will feel just a little less lost.

I guess the best thing to do is take the advice of someone who has been in my shoes…

“If you let people break your spirit and detour you from your path, then you have not been true to yourself or those you’re here to touch, those who believe in you.”
― Allison DuBois

or maybe just from someone I think is a great writer and speaker…

Brene

 

or my daughter’s current favorite person Taylor Swift and just shake it off because the haters gonna hate.

Sincerely,

 

– not a jackass whisperersignature

Never give up…

Never Give Up!

So I think I may have been wrong. I had written awhile back that I would not do readings. This last Saturday I did my third official reading. Once again, I surprised even myself.

A friend of mine had a friend that wanted to get in touch with someone who passed and I agreed to meet with them. We had a great lunch at a super little restaurant. She was calm and easy going even though I know she wanted to get right to it. It was so nice to have a chance to get to know each other before we started the reading.

Prior to the meeting I wrote down some impressions and did not have high hopes for the meeting because I wasn’t sure what would come through – what I was seeing wasn’t 100% clear and I am always worried what I will be able to offer the living won’t be what they are after. I always have to remind myself that as long as I keep my faith in God and follow the light then the message that will come across is always what is meant to be.

Low and behold her dad came through with flying colors. He had so much to say and I can’t believe I was able to deliver so much of his message to her. It was one of the most amazing, surreal experiences that I have ever had.

What was even more awe-inspiring to me is that her dad had a message for me, too. Near the end of the reading the woman hands me several papers that she wanted me to have. One was a prayer in her father’s handwriting that I hope to share with you all once I get permission from her, but it absolutely reaffirms everything I have felt during my journey to “live out loud”.

In addition was the passage below:

Sharing

And the last item was the photo at the top of this blog. “Never Give Up!” Just when I was beginning to think I was on the wrong path and that I should stop walking down the path of writer/medium/living out loud rookie – I go out on a limb, meet with this awesome woman and she hands me a message from her father.

I know – “GET OUT OF TOWN” – I am still a little shell-shocked from the whole thing myself.

I know you are thinking – “details. I want details,” but I feel like readings belong to that spirit and their loved one so I don’t feel comfortable sharing a story that isn’t really mine to tell. I will share two things with you though.

One, I often forget 90% of what was said during a reading. It is kind of like an out-of-body experience and you are trying so hard to just focus on the spirit and relay what they are saying that you aren’t actually paying attention to what they are saying. Which in fact is a good thing, because you don’t want to taint what is said so to speak – you need to deliver their message as is without any outside interpretation.

The second thing is – I take on the mannerisms of the deceased. This always happens and I don’t notice it until well into the reading. As I get comfortable with a spirit I start to notice how they stand or sit. I pick up on their gestures and use them while I talk. I am often also able to pick up on their phrasing and inflection.

It was truly an amazing experience and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. Why a regular girl like me gets to be a part of something so much bigger I am not sure, but man do I appreciate every second of it.

Never give up-

M