Seemingly All Together – My Messy Beautiful

Seemingly All Together – My Messy Beautiful

afourytale-my messy beautiful

“I have to admit, I found you rather intimidating when I first met you. You just seemed like you had it all together: career, four great kids, good marriage.” My friend of two years relays to me over coffee.

That image, the one people see of me is so far from what resides deep under my skin.

To the outside world looking in, my life looks pretty darn good; and it is; I have a lot of greatness in my life.

Fab marriage.

Four hilarious, smart, healthy kiddos.

Fruitful career.

Faithful and supportive friends and family.

All those things are beyond wonderful and I appreciate each ounce of that in my life (most of the time – sometimes you will find me hiding in my closet); I know that in an instant that can all change. None the less, I still cringe when I hear people describe me as “having it all together.” That just isn’t humanly possible, which is a good thing because in all the in-between that is where the beauty lies.

I want people to see the whole beautifully imperfect me. The one that has dishes in her sink and on her counter, piles of laundry to both clean and fold. Toys strewn everywhere, while I struggle to fold a fitted sheet and then decide to just put it away in the mangled mess that I made of it. Walls full of kid art and an over abundance of family photos.The mom whose kids forget their manners and have to be HOUNDED to clean their room. Kids who bicker with each other day in and out. A family that some weeks eats out more than we eat in. A mother of sweet babies who forgets to remind them to brush their teeth on occasion because holy goodness bedtime is exhausting.

Silly

But more than that, I want people to know that I fight daily with a LOUD, colossal, ill-tempered, relentless bully named DEPRESSION. I struggle with body image and weight gain to the point where I have difficulty looking in the mirror. Which unfortunately won’t get any easier because 18 months ago I had lost 22 pounds and yesterday I got on the scale. It is all back. EVERY SINGLE POUND. That made today an extremely hard day; because despite the fact that I have already run over 100 miles this year my stress eating has gotten the better of me once again. I am going to lose the weight again, I can fight this fight and win. I can. But today I am wallowing a bit, but that is the person that I want people to see. The one that wallows even when other people suffer from so much more. I am only human.

Bottom line, my life is absolutely beautiful while at the exact same time a whirling, jumbley mess. I choose to wear my imperfections on my sleeve because we need to show each other our true selves. Once we can all do that, the jig is up baby and we can all just be our happy, messy, beautiful selves for all to see.

We can do hard things

Living out loud in a messy beautiful way,

M

Thanks to Glennon at Momastery for introducing us to one another through the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!
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I think what I would miss most is the ordinary, day-to-day bustle

“It occurred to me that if I were a ghost, this ambiance was what I’d miss most: the ordinary, day-to-day bustle of the living. Ghosts long, I’m sure, for the stupidest, most unremarkable things.”
Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake

I think we all want to be remembered. It must be written in our subconscious or part of our DNA, but we have a common need to be noticed and remembered.

These days that need has catapulted into something more extravagant; almost everyone wants to be famous. Between social media, reality TV and the news it seems like just about everyone has some claim to fame these days. And if they don’t already have a claim to fame they can quickly get one; or so it seems.

I noticed this in myself on Friday, while I was scrolling down through my Facebook newsfeed and came across a picture on Jen Hatmaker’s Facebook page (if you aren’t familiar with Jen Hatmaker you can check her blog out here). She was standing with other writers; one of which happened to be Glennon Melton Doyle – and if you don’t know who she is check out her blog here. And if you do know who they are; I know you felt like I did. I was knee-deep in envy. I so wanted to be in that picture!

The infamous FB picutre Click it to be taken to its original source
The infamous FB picture
Click it to be taken to its original source
I thought about this a lot since Friday. I started out thinking about how I want so desperately to be a well-known author. But the more I thought it about it, the more silly it seemed to HAVE to be extraordinary. To have to be famous or how much that even counts really. So many things have become so OVER the TOP extraordinary these days that maybe there is something to just being ORDINARY.

For instance, you can’t even get into a four-year college any more without being a 4.2 valedictorian, concert pianist, who also happens to volunteer twice a week at the local convalescent home and lettered in field hockey.

Our young kids are so over scheduled with soccer, guitar, language lessons, extracurricular math programs and robotics camps on top of school in the hopes that they will be extraordinary, they don’t even know what it is like to just play.

I think we have forgotten how extraordinary it is to be ORDINARY; to sit content in the daily hustle and bustle of our average lives and find peace in that. We are so busy trying to be someone famous and special that we have forgotten that we are already special to begin with.

I think I would much rather be the voice of the ordinary, the voice of being content with what we have, the reminder for all of us that we are already extraordinary because we are unique and have our own personalized God Given Gifts than one of the extraordinary that HAS to be famous.

There is so much beauty in our lives already that we don’t have to add fame and flash and paparazzi to make a difference or be remembered. We just have to be ourselves and open our eyes to what we are already doing every day.

To find comfort in the simple beautiful moments of laughter, goodnight kisses, a job well done, a phone call from a friend, fresh-cut flowers, a warm bed and clean sheets to sleep in.

Or for example, letting our little ones pick their own clothes, so they can express their independence…

3 year old fashion
3-year-old fashion
Mike Wazowski
Mike Wazowski
Our remembering that one little love story created something magical…

The ring
The ring
Pumpkin patch maze
Pumpkin patch maze
Daddy and Z with the perfect tree
Daddy and Z with the perfect tree
Or watching the world through a child’s eyes…

photo 2(17)
kite flying in Newport Beach
Thanksgiving bead necklace making
Thanksgiving bead necklace making
A 3 year old created castle
A 3-year-old created castle
Being with your best friend
Being with your best friend
Or just remembering to look at the beauty of the world around us…

Sunset at the beach
Sunset at the beach
The view from the top of my street
The view from the top of my street
A handwritten note from one of my favorite bloggers
A handwritten note from one of my favorite bloggers
My desk
My desk
It is definitely what is in the small stuff that is going to be remembered and cherished. So after much thought; I don’t want to be in that Jen Hatmaker picture any more. I would much rather be the girl I am; whose life is ordinary and filled with small, magical extraordinary moments.

Your ordinary friend,

M