Big mistakes and bravery

Several years ago I started to disarm myself. Piece by piece I set down my armor. I came out of hiding and decided in order to live fully I must be seen fully. That is why I started this blog and even named it “afourytale” – a fairy tale; four kids – a..four..ytale…get it.

I didn’t want the cliché version of a fairytale; I wanted to rewrite the standard fairytale. Fairytales aren’t beautiful stories with happy endings. Fairytales are messy, unkept, broken stories that do not always have perfect endings. When I read how the little mermaid really ended in her becoming foam on the ocean; my heart crumpled. But I think we need to rewrite these stories with more modern versions of truth. Fairytales are our lives – they are hard, broken, beautiful, messy, lonely, noisy, colorful tales of truth and vulnerability.

I wanted to share that even with all of the mess that life can bring our perspective can create that story into a fairytale. And in order to do that; I was going to have to set down my armor and show all the sides of myself and my life. I couldn’t hide behind perfectionism any more. I didn’t want to be seen as perfect anymore. In fact I had come to despise that word and every time someone would describe me that way I would cringe. I had to shed the armor and leave perfectionism behind me.

Now disarming myself and shedding my armor is something I have found that I have to relearn on a regular basis. My default button is to run and hide. It is so much easier to grab my armor, steel myself and let things bounce off of me and not feel.

After three years of constantly setting down my armor a strange thing has happened. Now when I try on my mask and armor it doesn’t fit right. Something feels askew.

Each time I try to put on my armor or retreat to its steely protection I hear loud and clear these words from the Universe: “Fear not. Remember.”

When I hear these words I set down my armor and go out into the world feeling extremely unprepared, totally naked and yet fully alive. I let what comes hit me and instead of retreating I feel each inch of it and decide not to let others dictate how I feel about something, but to define it for myself.

For instance, yesterday I was called selfish. It stung. It hurt fiercely. But I decided instead of retreating, instead of hiding my hurt, to fully listen to how it was said and decide for myself – is that how I define me?

I take things personally. Does that make me selfish? No, it makes me human. I do not have to change that I take things personally. I am a person after all. I just need to make sure the person that I am talking to; knows that I am hearing them as well.

I am not selfish. My truth is that I am kind, super extra feely, and that being personal and feeling everything that comes at me is how I best process the world. If I just allow myself to feel only what other people expect me to and to only react the way other people expect me to, then I am right back in my armor and that is not how I want to live my life.

Being brave is setting down your armor and being your true self. Brene Brown uses the Teddy Roosevelt quote about going out into the arena:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”  – Theodore Roosevelt

Life is the arena; where we show up leaving our armor behind and let our blood and sweat show for all to see. When we do that we can become connected to one another. We can also become whole. We become fully alive.

Why am I telling you all this? I tend to make mistakes on a large-scale. I tend to make mistakes that affect other people and not just myself. Not on purpose mind you. I go in with my whole heart and do my very best. Daring greatly if you will. But I have also learned that if something doesn’t feel right then it isn’t something you should keep doing no matter what.

About a month ago I tried to do something I thought I always wanted; only to find that it didn’t fit anymore. It wasn’t who I was any longer; it was only who I thought I was. It was a part of me that fit into my armor. And since I can’t wear my armor anymore without feeling completely ridiculous and askew; this activity didn’t fit me either. I had to say, “No thank you; this isn’t what I want.” It was hard. It was scary. It was also just right for me. Being brave sometimes means saying no thank you, that’s not for me even when everyone else is watching.

And last but not least, being brave also means asking for help. A group of my friends decided to get together. I couldn’t fathom trying to join them. I felt like bad company and thought it would just be a bad idea to go. “No one wants to see me any way. I won’t be missed,” I thought.

The words of the universe stirred in me again…”Fear not. Remember”… and I began to reevaluate my thoughts. Ah-ha! There I go again defining myself using other people’s ideas. What do I want? What is best for me? And my answer changed. I wanted to go. I was still scared and nervous that I would chicken out at the last-minute. I know some of you think this rather silly to be scared of your own tribe, but letting myself be seen by the people I love is terribly difficult, because what if they woke up today and decide they don’t like me anymore. They can see all of me now and if they don’t like me after they have seen everything then what? Fear of pain, fear of rejection still creeps into my soul and takes away my courage to be seen.

So instead of retreating and hiding – my default – I sent them a group text. “Guys, I want to go tonight. But I am scared I will decide to hide here at home instead. Can someone please come pick me up so I can’t back out.” And guess what; someone came and picked me up. Everyone rallied behind me. Everyone understood.

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I can’t live in my armor anymore. I have to live in the arena. My soul is the only thing that feels true any more. Just because my armor doesn’t  fit doesn’t stop me from trying to slink back into it mind you.

Armor has many names…perfectionism, fear, hatred, addiction – the things we use to numb are armor. The things we use to hide ourselves it is all armor. You have to know what your armor is to know how to take it off and set it down.

I have had many people comment on my courage and bravery the last year and I never thought this was me. “I am just a girl,” I say. “I am just trying to take the next best step for me.” But I have taken time to define bravery for myself.

Being brave is….

not letting fear dictate your choices

not defining who you are by other people’s standards

taking your next right step

remembering who you are

remembering to ask for help

setting your armor down and stepping into the arena unprepared, raw and wide open.

I guess by that definition I am brave. But I am also just a girl trying to take the next right step. But I am not doing it in the quiet darkness, steeled against the world. I am doing it here, and in the arena, and out in the open for all to see. Some days that feels really difficult, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So here is to big mistakes and bravery because I have more to make and more to learn.

Fear not.Remember –

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afourytale

#nailedit

#nailedit

Today was my fault…all of it.

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Let’s start at the beginning. It was one of the days where I woke up feeling like I was going to crush it. I was dressed, ready, lunches were made on time and my husband was taking all the kids to school. I had my 8:00 team conference call and was set and ready to go.

Of course, during the call I get thrown the loop of speaking because a teammate lost her voice, but that doesn’t throw me because I know the topic and it’s my team I can talk with them without feeling like I am going to screw it up.

Mistake Number 1.

I was too confident.

Some constructive criticism is given about a new feature being developed and I answered in a way that didn’t sound helpful. Then when I asked if there were any other questions the line was silent and I quipped that I scared everyone off because of how I reacted. This is all in fun of course because everyone on my team knows there was no malice behind my response.

But then this starts it off…

The theme of the call quickly turns to everything being my fault. And to be honest this year it has definitely felt like I have had an abnormal number of screw ups and mishaps. I had already been wondering why everything seemed to have so many hiccups…it just seems like each day there is something that goes awry whether professionally, personally, or both.

What kinds of things????

My husband has had a ton of unexpected changes at work.

We have had stomach flu, the flu, and been to urgent care and the emergency room all this year. Mind you 2016 has only included 10 weeks.

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I am more forgetful than ever. We had tickets to Disney on Ice with my family – spaced it. Totally forgot. There was a birthday party for one of my son’s very best friend’s tonight – work got crazy, Brian took the care unexpectedly to get tires, I was on the phone the majority of the day and at 7:00 tonight at the end of dinner I remembered that we had the party – which by the way had ended an hour earlier.

Last night I threw a clothes party and the location had been moved. I thought I notified everyone, NOPE. I forgot to tell one person. She went to the wrong place because…yep you guessed it; it was my fault. And that I hurt someone’s feelings, that I had made someone feel so left out just because I can’t keep who I texted and included on the group text straight…it just isn’t okay! Awful…just plain awful.

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Left for drop off at school and forgot I didn’t change out of my slippers. Yep, this is the photo I took after I got home.

So tonight as I was feeling like the biggest jerk ever, but trying to keep the perspective that even though I had forgotten things, been sick, and trying to let things go; I walked up the stairs to see dog diarrhea on the landing. Thankfully husband cleaned it up, but still which dog was it? The dog I added to our family of course, so once again it was my fault.

Well the thing of it is I can linger in the bizaster of it all (blizzard + disaster = a big, hug disaster) or I can look at the bright side and say at least I am doing “it’s my fault” well. I mean this is the Shit Storm of 2016 and I am at least surfing through it with a positive attitude so far. If it is my fault at least I am failing big and not little, right. 🙂 That all I can do is try and laugh through it because I can’t change what has happened. I can try to fix things moving forward with apologies and not making the same mistakes again, but I have to keep on the bright side of things right?

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Thank goodness this hangs above my desk. It is from my sweet husband.

So,  with all that said I will be wearing this shirt to my next team meeting …

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Source is CaliLoveWear an Etsy Shop.

 

And drinking out of this mug next week…

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And setting so many reminders on my stinking calendar that if you pass me I will be buzzing because a reminder will be going off.

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#natilingitonedayatatime,

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November Lessons 2014 Style – Juggling

November Lessons 2014 Style – Juggling

November

I guess the good thing you guys is that I am learning something here. Slowly, oh so slowly these lessons are sinking in and leaving me a stronger, wiser human. Not to say I am not making some of the same mistakes twice, I am human after all, but I catch myself in the mistake now and say, “Uh-oh, here I go again.” and I redirect myself, you guys.

That is it, like parenting a toddler, I redirect myself and that is still learning. Catching yourself, being aware and making quicker steps to resolve what is happening. And so with all this wiser knowledge I bring you my November lessons (the wiser in this sentence is intended to be sarcastic, we really need to design some sarcastic font):

Click to go to NY Mom's World Blog - original source for this photo
Click to go to NY Mom’s World Blog – original source for this photo

1. All the things

So I have a problem that I know all my readers are aware of; I try to do all the things. Before you scold me, listen. I have done all the things so far in life until recently. That is what tricks us into thinking we can do all the things.

As a kid we do all the things. We play, go to school, have friends, spend time with family, play a sport maybe and it is mostly seemingly successful. As a young adult we do the same things and just juggle in some bill paying, house cleaning and in a short time we swap out school and a low paying job for just a job. Then slowly we add in a relationship (for some of us, some people don’t want a serious relationship and that is totally fine) and possibly some kids.

So let’s get to that part for a second. I got married, went back to grad school while I was teaching and had a baby. Now I shifted to working part-time while I did this the second year, but I still juggled all the balls pretty successfully. I added another child and took on an out of the home full-time job and still juggled all the balls pretty successfully. See this tricky life, making you think you can juggle all the things.

Then, I went and had twins. Wha-bam! Balls started falling to the ground all over the place. I was surviving said juggling failures and learning that life is about learning from mistakes and there is beauty in the mess, blah, blah, blah. I know I shouldn’t blah, blah over the sentimental wise stuff, but you have heard all that before in my previous lessons.

So here is where, I got tricked you guys…I had been juggling all the things, I started dropping a few balls thinking oh you are supposed to drop a few it’s okay, and then I started to add more things. A blog, a turtle, a dog, Holiday Cheer, a side business and then it became just sheer chaos.

You can't tell by these two right now that it is chaotic around here.
You can’t tell by these two right now that it is chaotic around here. P.S. the puppy does have her own bed she chooses to sleep as close to our other dog as she possibly can without our other dog moving away.

So here I am neck-deep in the chaos and I am not sure I can let anything go, but taking care of myself at this point. Those of you who see me on a regular basis are seeing that is the case because my weight is back on these days. Mind you, I am also writing this at 4 in the morning while drinking a coke – yep that ball has dropped my friends, and like Jack Handy says, when you drop your keys in hot lava let them go, let them go because they are gone!

I have made some mistakes at work this past week that I am not happy about; mistakes I would not have made four and a half years ago. I wallowed in them a bit, but I learned from them and adjusted things so as not to make those mistakes in the future.

Giving up one of my other things though isn’t really an option for me. I love being a mother. The kids are for the most part doing pretty darn fabulous I might say. Two successful parent conferences, and the twins speech therapist wants me to teach parenting classes, so I must be doing something right even if I do forget to comb both the twins hair most days. I love being a wife and adore my husband. Honey please stay married to me even though I am terrible about refilling the soap – I know that drives you crazy and that you have to do all the dishes all the time – I love you dearly I am just a bad juggler.

Love my husband

I love writing this blog. It is sporadic at times and that is because I am juggling other things, but this is important to me. Writing in here keeps me real, keeps me open and ensures that I continue to shatter the walls of perfection, by just being who I am out loud for all to see. Maybe in me doing that others will, too. Take off your masks and let’s all just be bad jugglers together and help each other pick up the dropped balls.

My side business is my dream job, as hard as it is at times, so I have to keep pursuing that; even if it never pans out more than what I am doing now.

And the day job keeps my family fed, a roof over our heads, and really is a fantastic job because I am able to work from home. I mean really I can’t let either of my jobs go by the wayside.

So, I have decided that I may not be able to do all things well, but I have to keep trying to do all the things I have right now the very best I can. That is all I can do, that and make sure I never let myself get a puppy again. She is cute, but that one really tipped the scales in my time management.

2. Find your tribe

Girls weekend update, for those of you that haven’t heard – it was glorious.

Friendship has always been tricky for me. When we moved away from my soul mate, best friend in the fourth grade I didn’t ever let myself get close to another human like I did with her. This past two years, I have worked to make some solid friendships and rekindle some important, older ones. I have found a tribe of friends that I cannot live without.

These fabulous, amazing, kind, forgiving women are all so important to me. They support my craziness, love me any way (that is a big one because you see from the above lesson I am a horrible juggler which means I can sometimes seem like a flaky friend), and they show up all the time.

I had two of them check in on me this week just to check in! Amazing feeling.

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The husband asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I told him I wanted to throw a little party and he about fell off the couch. I am pretty sure the look of shock on his face matched the one he had when my obstetrician told him we were having twins.

But, that is just it; I can’t imagine having a birthday without my people. My people are so much a part of my life now. I love all my people. So if you don’t get an invitation it is because I am a bad juggler and do what my people do: just invite yourselves over for dinner, really that is what my people do and I love them even more for it.

my tribe

3. It is none of your business what people think of you

One of my dear friends tells me and others all the time, “It is none of your business what other people think of you.” For a while I have to admit this saying bothered me. Not the way that you think either, I wasn’t worried so much about doing certain things because of what people would think of me; I mean I leave the house in sweatpants and a ponytail. I was more worried that people wouldn’t think I was kind. Being kind to others is important to me and that was my worry. I thought if I didn’t always do the right thing by way of being kind or courteous to other people then that was an issue and so I worried about what people thought because I wanted to make sure their needs were being met.

But here is the thing; I am constantly telling my daughter to stop telling everyone else what to do and do what she needs to do and everything will fall into place. That is the same thing as not making it your business what other people think of you.

How is it the same? Well if you just do the best you can and always try to be the kind of person that you want to be then everything will fall into place.

See I have worked at being the kind of human I want my kids to become and in doing that I have made friends and rebuilt old friendships. I have started giving back to other people and always try to put kindness first. Do I sometimes still lose my temper or put my frustration before my compassion – of course. But I try to remedy any issues that may cause and I have learned that even when you make mistakes people see you for what you really are anyway. Be yourself and worry about yourself, the rest will fall into place.

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4. Personal Grace

This one is simply said, but difficult to put into practice. I mentioned earlier how I made some mistakes this week, well offering myself grace was incredibly difficult. I had one of my worst bouts with depression in twenty years. I couldn’t offer myself grace or compassion. I was angry, frustrated, disappointed, and well I felt plain worthless. I took that out on those I loved most because when I was feeling those things it was clear to those I live with. They saw it. They felt it.

If instead I I had just said to myself – “you made a mistake, how do you fix it? Okay, let’s fix it and not make the same mistake again” and then moved on – no big deal. It was because I wallowed in it, let myself be so disappointed and frustrated that caused all the trouble.

Grace, offer yourself grace for your mistakes and it really is an easier road.

And that my dear readers wraps up my November lessons. I need to keep on keeping on, offer myself grace because really when I am juggling all the things that is pretty impressive and when something drops I pick it back up again – also pretty impressive. So my life is carefree compared to the struggles of others; it is still my life and my struggles therefore it is okay if I wade through some days instead of surfing the tide. My wise friend who tells me not to concern myself with what others think of me also tells me that everyone is just doing the best they can and I think she might be right about that, too.

Doing the best I can each day,

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Sister's Baby
Sister’s Baby

 

P.S. I know this shouldn’t be a P.S. but seeing a baby being born is one of the best things ever. My sister had her second baby this month and she let me stay in the delivery room – I know she is amazing – and I was able to see this sweet baby come into the world. Unbelievable, so earth shatteringly cool. 

 

 

Round here…

I lose my voice from time to time, because I start over thinking things. I have been trying to make this blog a better place for readers to stop. I want this blog to mean something to someone else; to have purpose and so I have been really struggling with the purpose of this blog. Struggling with who the audience is. Struggling with writing what they want to read. I even struggle with the whole notion of writing, but I think I was born to write – I am compelled to write against my better judgement. Somehow I always find myself behind this keyboard writing a message that comes from my spirit; my intuition – there is no logic or exact plan to what I write. And somehow by that same grace more than 100 people stop here. Visited and have decided to stay and follow what I write. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping. Thank you for validating my intuition that I am supposed to be here typing away.

In this space I write about random things like how I cut my hair and I really don’t like it. I cut about 6 inches off and died it dark brown. The picture below was my inspiration, but it did not turn out like that; damn that Katie Holmes and her cute little hair cut. Any way, I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror thinking, “Good God, I need to call someone in case I die like this so they can put a nice wig on me or have someone dye this mop blonde again. Oh I hope that is even possible.” But after deeper introspection I realized I would want to be remembered as the girl who was brave enough to try something totally different. Remembered as the girl who believed it’s just hair and it will grow back. So no need to worry – we can keep my hair as is mortician.

Katie Holmes Hair Cut
Katie Holmes Hair Cut

This blog talks about how I see and hear and feel dead people. Spirits have communicated with me all my life and yes, it is REALLY REAL (yes, that is opposed to fake real which is a whole other blog entry). The spirits don’t scare me (mostly) what really scares me is how some people react; what really scares me is getting the message wrong and delivering it incorrectly to the loved one. What really scares me is that I might be meant to be a medium on a large scale and I am not sure that I am brave enough. I am just not sure God chose the right person, but I remember God is all knowing and she doesn’t make mistakes even if we happen to think it’s possible. So here I am stuck in a debate with my intuition and fear. My intuition is winning already obviously because here it is in black and white for all of you to read. Spirits speak to me. No hiding now.

I write about how I make a zillion mistakes with my kids. But that sometimes the new things I do are making a difference – like this note my daughter wrote me two weeks ago.

We can do hard things
We can do hard things

Worthiness. I write about how my worthiness is a tight rope and God’s Grace is my net and that somehow I am trying to turn that tight rope into a bridge (preferably wood covered out in the country- but that doesn’t really matter I just like visual). About how I worry that my lack of worthiness is setting a bad example for my children.

I share bad pictures of signs I made out of gift bags.

Drinks well with others
Drinks well with others

I write about seat warmers and that even though I live in California where they should be worthless I love them. Absolutely adore them. I guess that makes me beyond spoiled, but it doesn’t change that fact that I love them.

yes, they are on high
yes, they are on high

I write about how I need to be a better listener. That I suck at conversation. That I use so many “I”s in this blog it actually makes me cringe because I am not that self centered and yes I can hear you laughing through the Internet.

Silly illogical things from out of the blue are often the topic of this blog. For example, someone once said that they hated self pity. Why that still bothers me 6 years later is probably because I think many people think depression is a form of self pity. Depression IS NOT self pity – depression is illogical self hatred. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain – we can’t help it, we don’t like it, we don’t do this for attention, it truly is just how we are born. I write about stuff like that.

I write about how a six year old dying, a six year old I had the privilege of meeting once, went to heaven this past week has completely knocked me off balance. How I am so concerned for her family, not only today, but for two years, ten years, twenty years from now when all the attention they are receiving fades and how they will have to find a new normal – if that is even possible. I write about how that scares me to death and that feeling of helplessness – that I don’t want to ever be one of the people that forgets – I write about that.

This blog is about my struggle with weight and that I lost that battle this week to a box of freaking Somoas. Stinking Girl Scout Cookies – and I let them win. How I think I am a food addict. I am always hungry, never full. I am thankful it is just food and not some other horrible demon.

That my house is run by three-year-old dictators (please don’t tell them that – I am not sure they really truly know that yet) and that every day my life is mostly made up of negotiations with them.

  • How am I going to keep them in their clothes? My youngest thinks hanging out in his underwear is totally cool (please those of you that think this is totally cool, do not encourage him – he will have to wear pants in public).
  • How are we going to get to school without a fit? Is nap time going to be successful?
  • What I am going to find outside of the bathroom today?

And how most nights lately I collapse into sleep the minute I hit the pillow because I am spent – 100% completely spent.

Ridiculous, boring problems. Regular life. Grace and forgiveness. Failing out loud. Learning to love myself and love others better in the process. Wanting to become the adult I want my children to become. That is all here…and I write it out because I think that society is too caught up in making things look good; we need to remember that life is messy, hard and that is what makes it so great. I would like this blog to be a place where readers can come and hear honesty, feel like they can share honestly, and also see some of themselves here. Know they aren’t alone out in the world that messy and hard and beautiful are what real life looks like.

Thanks for reading,

M

Checking in on the check list

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” –Tony Robbins

So back in January I wrote out a list of things I wanted to get better at this year. It is always good to check in and see how you are doing on those goals and re-evaluate make sure you stay on track. So here it goes…

1. I am going to lose 15 more pounds…

Well, I went sideways on this one – I gained back 10 pounds and now have 21 pounds to lose total now. I know the math seems funny, but I lost a total of 22 pounds and I was hoping to hit a goal weight that I have in my head. I am now 21 pounds from that goal weight. One day right, maybe. Sometimes I think I just am not supposed to be thin. I am a stress eater, who loves comfort food and trying to fit in as much exercise as I need is a little crazy. I am training for a half marathon that is in October so at least that keeps me moving.

2. I need to manage myself better…

I said I would try to make at least 30 minutes of me time a day – I am have gotten better about this. I used to spend weekends focused on laundry and grocery shopping; I no longer make that the focus of my weekend and try to spread out laundry during the week a bit more and make quick trips to the grocery store. I definitely take more time than I ever have in the past to do things I would like to do.

3. Mommy & me time….

This one has still been a tough one – making time for each child each week. There is time at bed time for sure, which is good. I do make a good effort to connect with each child each day to talk about what is going on with them. I still need to do better on this one, but it is a focus.

4. Oooo la la…

This one was time out with my husband – at least once a month. Doing pretty well on this one – we have gone out more often than we have in the past, but we also enjoy hanging with our kids – we are a little crazy that way.

5. Monthly lessons…

I was supposed to write down my lessons each month – I lumped the whole summer together – that counts, right?!

6. RAKs…

Random Acts of Kindness – I am definitely better at this, but need to keep it up. We need more good in the world. I mean how can I combat Miley Cyrus antics and demonstrate to my children there are better ways to have people talking about you than your twerking moves in a nude-kini.

7. More home cooked meals…

I have definitely made more meals and tried more recipes. We still eat out more than we should, but I am making strides on this one. I have found pancakes I love and bacon wrapped chicken is easy and delicious.

8. Pray out loud…

We say grace at dinner almost every night – we talk more about talking with God and praying. This one still needs more work.

9. Get ready, get set…

This was an effort to make myself look more presentable. I am far from a fashionista, but I am not in sweatpants and work out gear as often as I used to be. I know, I was really hoping to make it on What not to Wear before it went off the air; since that didn’t happen I had to at least better my wardrobe so it was at least presentable. It is hard when you are losing and gaining weight. Doing the best I can with what I have on this one. I did do something a tad crazy and decided to become a brunette after being a blonde my whole life. Not a fan favorite from the feedback, but I like it. I like that it is against the trend a bit and it fits my personality a bit better; I think.

10. Make better mistakes tomorrow…

This is an epic fail – if anything this has gotten worse not better. I was supposed to work on letting myself off the hook. Not happening. Maybe one day.

I often think of others that inspire me to be the best version of myself. Christopher Reeve said, “Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” I believe, that is all. I just believe and have hope. So if I just keep these things in mind I can stay on a steady path to improvement.

– A true day dream believer and check list maker and re-checker and professional word maker-upper

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P.S. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog.