What I have learned about life after death…part 3

What I have learned about life after death…part 3

Have you ever been somewhere and thought; I have been here before? Or have you ever met someone and thought, have we met? Even though you knew you hadn’t, something inside you knew you had.

Our souls have memory. And our souls can have multiple human experiences. Yes, that is correct, I am writing about reincarnation. Over this last decade, I have had thousands of conversations with spirits. These spirits have shared many things about life after death. One reoccurring piece of information is that our souls can come back to earth again after our bodies die.

And not just one spirit has relayed this information. Hundreds of spirits have mentioned it. Our souls can return here to earth. Many souls do come back. In the last entry in the series, I wrote about a soul being sent back without a choice. This is so that the soul can finish developing to its highest potential. This is one way that our souls can return to earth to have another crack at the human experience. Yet another way that a soul can return is to choose to come back. 

Yes, dear reader, a soul can choose to come back and live a human life again. This choice can be reached for several reasons. For example, maybe during your time in heaven, you learned that you were terrible at accepting things you could not change. So you decide to come back to earth, and into a life where this lesson will repeat until you get it right. Or maybe in your lifetimes, you have died in childbirth repeatedly, never having the opportunity to raise a child, so you enter a life on earth again to be a mother. Or maybe, you have specific skills that could help bring humankind some peace, so you decide to come back and help keep the peace on earth. 

Relationships can also be the source of reincarnation. For example, several years ago I spoke to a soul who passed as a young teen. It was a tragic accident. He died, saving his sister’s life. This same soul was in a hurry to get back to fill the void in the family. He reincarnated quickly into the soul of a cousin’s son. He just had to be back near his family. Now, God oversees all of these plans. There are no haphazard freeways, without signals or stop signs. These re-entries into human life are part of a master plan. But just like free will here, there is free will in heaven, and sometimes a plan can be modified or change course due to what is necessary for a soul to reach its’ highest potential. Sometimes what is happening on earth can affect a choice, and sometimes what is happening in heaven can affect a soul’s choice. Everything is interconnected.

When we reincarnate, it is also possible to become an animal, insect or a tree. There is no rule that our souls have to eternally be human. Animals also reincarnate, and a soul that was once a dog can become a cat or a horse. As a soul, you can choose if you want to reincarnate. However, this choice and the accommodations of the next life are based on how well you lived your last human experience. All decisions are approved by God, the divine power over the universe. 

Some people also ask, do we have to come back? If you have developed to your highest potential and your soul wants to remain in heaven, then you may stay in heaven. Some souls seek to become angels, spirit guides or just want to remain peacefully in heaven to continue their spiritual development. 

Some clients have asked if our souls reincarnate, how are we reunited with our loved ones in heaven? Great question. This is where things can get a bit tricky. As I have discussed before, our soul’s ratio that inhabits our human body is roughly eighty percent. Our souls are vast and can exist both in our bodies and in heaven at the same time. I know, mind-blowing, and hard to accept. Our souls are always connected to heaven. Our souls can also be connected to other souls here on earth. Souls whether in or out of a body are communicating and knowledgable of what is happening to them. We can live an entire human life with no conscious awareness that our soul is connected to heaven and all that is beyond. In fact, we can be an atheist, without any spiritual beliefs at all, and this connection to heaven is still taking place. 

What this means is that a soul can inhabit a body on earth and also be available to the souls of others in heaven. This is good news. This means that you will always have the chance to connect to a loved ones soul when you transition to your heavenly soul state. Souls can see and know where everyone they love is at all times. They can also be in two or ten places at once. This does take energy so they don’t do this constantly, but it is possible. 

Reincarnation also seems to be impacted by the relationships we have. These relationships can be soul related or because our human experiences were intertwined. To explain further, souls can choose to come into this life by choosing the people/souls they want to be connected to. Often children who have passed tell their parents that they chose to be connected to them in this lifetime. Unborn children who were aborted, miscarried or are on their way to earth, often also talk about how they chose their parents. I know for some people this seems completely outlandish. Those who were raised by abusive or neglectful parents must think there is no way I chose this! And quite possibly you did not. Those relationships could be tied to things that your soul wanted to learn or understand from a human experience. Or bad shit just happens; this is also true. Hopefully we grow from it and find purpose. Just to be clear souls do not deserve or ask to have pain in their lives. God holds you in your pain and walks with you as you fight your way free of it or learn to carry it in a healthy way.

Our souls live on and on. Souls don’t die they are always evolving. They may retire to heaven, or they may keep trying out different human experiences until they reach their highest potential. We are always reunited and tied to our loved ones that we cherish. Some people have asked about harmful relationships and what pieces of those carry on or affect our souls. I will talk about this more in the next chapter of the series. 

What I have learned about life after death so far…Part 2b

What I have learned about life after death so far…Part 2b

The previous post and the discussion about heaven allowing everyone in leads to the question I get all the time if there is a God and heaven, then is there a hell?

This is where things might get a little hard to swallow for some. God forgives everyone all their transgressions. Even serial killers. Even pedophiles. Everyone is forgiven. But, and there is a big BUT, there is work to do on the other side if you have treated people wrongly. All is forgiven, but not forgotten. What does this mean exactly?

When souls die that have behaved poorly in this life, I like to call them developing souls, they are taken to a holding room. In fact, souls have shown me that these developing souls get a glimpse of heaven in all its glory. But they don’t get to stay in that glorious area of paradise. They are pulled aside into this waiting room and told that they have work to do before they can participate in heaven without restriction.

This waiting room is all white. Developing souls are placed in front of a wall that becomes a screen. On this screen, their transgressions are played back. When these images and moments are played back, the soul experiences these moments, not how they felt them in life, but how the person they harmed experienced them. This is to help the offending soul understand and have more awareness of what their actions caused. These images and experiences can include decisions that may have harmed themselves as well. For some, that may seem like hell, but this room is a part of heaven. These images will be replayed and experienced over and over again to these developing souls until they understand and feel remorse and empathy for the pain they caused here on earth. Developing souls continue to see and feel the harm they caused here on earth until it literally soaks in and becomes empathy and compassion.

These developing souls have to atone for their poor choices and bad behavior. Can God be disappointed in our decisions? Yes. Can God be angry with us for harming other people and souls? Yes. But God truly is like a parent in a healthy parent-child relationship. God sets boundaries and rules for our benefit and hopes that we follow them. He tries to teach us and steer us toward his way of loving your neighbor as thyself and doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. Through all this, He understands that during a human experience, our souls can make mistakes. Often these are teachable moments, learning experiences that will help us when the lesson comes around again in our lives. But if we continue to fail time and again, we will have to answer for that disappointment and the hurt we caused when our bodies die. 

Before these developing souls can move onto the other parts of heaven, they must agree to a rehabilitation program. The way spirits describe this program reminds me of the twelve step program used in Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, this may be where that idea came from. We have soul memory, so a soul must have remembered what happened in heaven and thought if it works in heaven, it can work here, too.

What happens if the developing soul can’t or won’t choose to complete the heavenly twelve-step atonement program? 

There is a period of time that souls can stay in that holding room. If they stay past the point of their welcome and cannot find remorse or empathy to God’s satisfaction, the developing souls will be sent to try again. 

This is where reincarnation can come into play; they might get kicked back to earth in a human body to try again. I will write about reincarnation in another piece with more detail, but this is one area where reincarnation can take place. These developing souls don’t get to choose how or when they come back or what type of life they will be provided; they are sent back to face their twelve-step atonement program here on earth. 

What happens if the developing soul chooses to work through their transgressions? 

First a developing soul, must accept their negative choices and take responsibility for their part in the harm that was caused. Then they must agree to follow the program and God’s will. Then they begin a journey to remove all defects of their poor choices and character.

Once that is complete, the developing souls are given a heavenly mentor, whether it is an angel or spirit guide (I will touch on the difference between these two things later), and they work through the remaining steps of the program. What types of tasks are included in the twelve-step atonement program? For example, developing souls may have to follow and try to help a person on earth who struggles with addiction. Or they may have to help a person repair their destructive behavior. 

How do they do this? All souls with positive intentions in heaven can influence the opportunities presented to us with God’s blessing. They can whisper to our intuition and amplify the best version of our soul so that our best choices are louder than any other option that comes forward in our minds. Still, again we have free will, and we can choose whatever we want. But these souls, on the other side, will work to help us. Developing souls in the atonement programs will guide other positive influences into the life of the human they are helping. Developing souls try to do what they can to help that person here reach their highest potential. 

Another step in the program requires education. These souls may also have to go to classes; yes, there is school in heaven; to learn about how to improve their behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and responses for when they come back to earth. Often this is an unlearning of destructive behavior and the reinforcement of positive behavior. It also is therapeutic and allows the developing souls to heal the hurt that caused them to become so destructive in their life here on earth. As they heal in heaven, that opens pathways for more healing here on earth in their ancestors and loved ones. And then their loved ones heal here on earth, and that healing allows for pathways of more healing in heaven. Healing is a full circle experience.

Another step can often be where a medium or another type of channel comes into place. During the healing process, developing souls must apologize for the harm that they caused here on earth. Therefore, a developing soul will find ways to send apologetic messages to loved ones here on earth. They want to confront their behavior and acknowledge their responsibility in causing pain and harm here on earth. 

These developing souls continue to work and learn, growing spiritually, and emotionally. Then they may choose to come back to earth in a body and work through lessons again in order to complete them to their satisfaction and enter heaven the way developed souls do. They want to achieve healing and forgiveness. They want to be a better version of themselves by the end of the process. 

There is forever a mark or scar, if you will, on a soul that has caused series pain and trauma. These souls don’t wear it like a scarlet letter, but our stories are a part of our soul, and we carry them wherever we go through time and space, heaven and earth. This is so that we remember the lessons and retain the spiritual growth of all our lives. Souls are built to completely understand one another, so your story will always be visible to other souls. This isn’t a terrible thing as heaven is a place with more awareness, compassion, and love then heavy-handed judgment. 

I have come into contact with a few developing souls in my lifetime. These souls can show themselves to us on earth. They do not have free reign or limitless visitations like other souls.

When I was about three, one chased me down the hall of our house in Washington State regularly for the entire time we lived there. It was dark and menacing. It could change shape and look like a wolf with gnashing teeth. But I believed that my bed was bathed in the light of God. I could literally see it, and once there the spirit could no longer affect me. I also prayed for it to leave. It would have to leave once I said those prayers.

Another time, when I was about nineteen, there was a serial killer whose victims reached out to me while I was on vacation hear where they were buried. The man who killed them had died in a motorcycle accident, and he started to visit me. He did not want me to help the girls he murdered. He was dark and brooding. He would visit on and off for roughly a year, trying to bully me and cause fear. If I prayed he could not stay. If I was afraid of him he would grow stronger, but when I lost that fear, when I met him with love and prayer he could no longer visit me.

These souls are often the reason ghosts and hauntings get the scary reputation that they have. These souls make up a tiny percentage, likely 1%, of all spiritual encounters. I think that often these are also considered to be earthbound spirits. People think they are stuck here on earth. They are not. They are interacting with people on earth, trying to wield power. They feed on negative energy, i.e., fear, worry, anger, resentment, etc. If you meet these souls with love, prayer, and without fear, they will leave you alone. You may have to keep asking them to leave, but they will. I also always recommend salt barriers, holy water, and priest visits to help clear unwanted, undeveloped energy from a space. You may have even heard of other techniques, like burning sage, that also works well for this kind of spiritual presence. But these encounters are relatively rare. These undeveloped souls have no real power over what happens here because they have not completed the atonement program. They try to seem brooding and scary because they want us to be afraid. That fear becomes energy that can fuel them. It is often how they also operated in life. But take away the fear and replace it with love and light; they have no way our power to stay.

I told you that it might be hard to swallow that horrible humans get a second chance as a soul, but I think you have to believe in miracles to believe in things like forgiveness and life after death. I think that you have to believe in miracles to keep your faith and hope alive. People all over the world, throughout all times, have built religion out of the faith of a higher being and the miracles that they saw in the world around them. And I think most of us believe in second chances. I think we want people or souls to be held accountable, and they are. But there is also a force in the holy spirit that wants redemption and love to exist in all things.

Faith and religion are important. I think God is more fulfilled if you are faithful, but God is also going to love you regardless of your belief in him or miracles. What really matters is how we treat one another. We are judged for our actions here and held accountable. We are made to atone for them in the next life. It truly matters who we are here. Our character and actions extend past this life.

God is love, hope, and possibility in motion. Heaven is real, and it is all around us. Heavenly souls are supported, loved, protected, and have continued growth. God and our loved ones in spirit want us to know about what comes next. It is something that has been shared throughout the ages and will continue to be shared. Our human experiences can change and alter our heavenly experiences.

In the next post in this series, I will explore reincarnation. 

To be continued…

What I have learned about life after death…part 2A

What I have learned about life after death…part 2A

If you have been reading along, dear reader, then you have a general idea about the end of life and what is happening to both soul and body. 

Then let’s shift our attention to what happens when our soul goes through the light and enters heaven. 

To do that, I have to talk about God, and faith, and miracles. So if you are faint of heart when it comes to these topics, maybe make sure you haven’t eaten recently so you don’t throw up a little in your mouth. Or go over to Instagram and scroll through your friends memes instead. I get it sarcasm can be my jam on occasion instead of serious, sappy stuff. But if you show up here, you also know that depth is where I live. Any way…we were talking about what happens when we get to heaven.

In my experiences with spirit, there is discussion of a higher power. Spirits describe God as a supreme being who oversees all and is the keeper of the master plans in all forms of life. All life comes from this source, and it is the ultimate power in the universe. Even heavenly souls look to this source for guidance and solace.

Spirits won’t tell me a lot about what God looks like, but they convey an awful lot about how God feels. God is love. God is light. God is acceptance, compassion, and boundaries. God truly loves us unconditionally and wants what is best for us. God has created all things, and God doesn’t believe in exclusion. God is forgiveness and immortal. God is awareness without severe judgment. 

God is not hellfire and fury. Don’t be too disappointed, I know there are days I want a wrathful and vengeful God, too. The pain and trauma that can be inflicted by humans is unfathomable and sometimes even I want that punished by a God who is fire and brimstone. God does see all things and God never forgets. I am not saying God holds grudges, but God is aware of what you have done and who you are. God is watching listening and ever present.

However, God is a being that can be reasoned with and accepts requests in the form of prayer. God doesn’t require belief in order for you to be accepted into the kingdom of heaven. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love God. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love yourself. God loves you even when you don’t or can’t love others. God pours love into you until you find that you can and will try to love again. God is the hope, resilience, and strength that is in the depths of your soul. God is what bubbles up when you sit still and remember what you are made of and choose to rise.

Some people find God in church communities and that can be a marvelous, resplendent thing. But, sometimes you can’t feel or see God inside those walls. Sometimes you aren’t even invited in. Some churches exclude and make people feel small or unworthy. That isn’t God’s plan, and even though He may be in the people who assemble there, he could still be difficult to see for those that are excluded. God may seem absent because of the hate or exclusion, but God is there trying to change the hardened hearts of the world. He is trying to whisper more love into their hearts. God is no exceptions; all are welcome. 

But do not worry if you struggle to sense God in your life; there so many places you can witness God. It just takes practice and patience. 

You can witness God…

In the giggling, bubbly laughter of children at play

The way sun warms your face on a clear, crisp day

In the excitement and wonder of birth 

In the soft whispers of your heart as your toes touch the dusty earth

In a long, full fresh breath

In the quiet stillness of death

In the fresh, sweet aromas of a home-cooked meal and the sustenance it provides

In the way a seedling sprouts in your garden or how a squirrel plants a nut just wherever its’ instinct decides

In the way, a breeze ripples through the redwoods and makes it seem as if they are conversing about the creatures in their branches 

In the light of the sun as it dances

In a long embrace

In the salt of your tears as they stream down your face

In the sound of the ocean; crashing and calm all in the same motion

In the long-forgotten corners of the deepest, darkest parts of the world

In each other’s eyes

In a helping hand

In a smile

In despair

In a prayer

In love

In hope

Even in moments that all is lost, God is there with you wrapped around your soul with all His might.

God is here.

God is there.

God is everywhere.

But God also doesn’t shrink away from those bad or awful things that happen to us. God is there, holding us and comforting us through the storms of our lives. He never leaves us even when we rage and fight against him. God never gives up. God never tires. God is forever and ever tries. 

If you noticed, I am using the male pronouns to describe God, but I get the distinct impression that God is genderless. God is all things. God is possibility. God is both male and female. God is neither male nor female. God is all things all at once. God is everything. 

We all go to heaven, and God is our biggest cheerleader. God wants us to be the best version of ourselves and never loses hope that this is possible. God loves us so deeply and completely. There is nothing like this kind of unconditional, never-ending love. It is all-encompassing. And it NEVER fails. Never. 

There are two pieces to the rest of this blog post. The first piece describes what happens if you lived a positive life, what entry to heaven is like. The second piece will explain what happens when you die if you caused harm and torment here one earth. Therefore, I have broken into two posts. The second part will appear tomorrow. But you aren’t surprised I had trouble with brevity, are you? I mean, really, it is me writing this piece after all. 

Scenario one, you lived a great life, and your body has died, and your soul ascends into heaven. 

What do I mean by great life? You lived by the golden rule as best as possible. You were kind. You did your best. You made healthy choices, and overall made a positive impact on the world and in your own life. That doesn’t mean you didn’t make any mistakes. God expects mistakes. God likes mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.

Anyway, for these developed souls, the entry into heaven is a quick and painless trip. Your body is almost instantly restored to the happiest time of your life. You are welcomed by family, friends and other souls you are connected to from past experiences. You get to take a tour of all heaven as to offer. You are shown that you have access to your loved ones on earth. I mean how could heaven be genuinely wonderful if you were separated from the people you love? 

Heaven and earth are connected. Souls in heaven have a view into the lives of human souls and often visit. Visiting privileges have rules, and I will talk about that a bit later, but developed souls can visit their loved ones on earth. Heavenly souls see their loved ones on earth. They hear the thoughts their loved ones think about them. They can hear you if you talk to them. Even better, heavenly souls can experience the emotions their human loved ones feel. Our souls are meant to experience one other completely and once you are in heaven it is possible to just that. 

I have been asked if a soul can be in two places. Absolutely. Souls are vast and can spread across time and space. They can be everywhere and completely present all at the same time. A mentor of mine, James Van Praagh, once explained that the ratio of the amount of your soul that is in your body is the same as the ratio of your pinkie to the size of your body. So, our souls are much, much greater and much, much more vast than the container they can inhabit when we are having a human experience. 

When newly departed souls come through to me in sessions, they share that they can choose a job in heaven. Farmers can have land and grow crops. Nurturing souls can work in heavenly nurseries and hold new souls about to be sent to earth as babies. If you were a baker,  you can bake. If you were a vet, you can take care of the heavenly souls of animals. 

While other souls become counselors, guides, or aspire to be guardian angels. Others are peacekeepers and work to help calm the angry hearts in the world. You may think this sounds strange, but our souls are God’s helpers, and they work alongside God. They align with God’s plan to help create opportunities and pathways for the souls having a human experience to reach their highest potential and the highest good. 

Child souls who have passed due to cancer or other illnesses choose to help welcome souls whose bodies died the same way theirs did. They befriend these souls and become their heavenly companion. Why do they do this? 

Well, souls do grieve their deaths if they are untimely, painful, or sudden. Sometimes they need to work through and process what happened to them and what is happening to their families back on earth. The souls that have come before them on the same path often serve as counselors, confidants, and mentors.

Souls that have come through during the sessions I have with clients have also described different privileges in heaven. I don’t think there are different levels of heaven. Still, I believe there are advantages that are afforded to a soul like Mother Teresa’s versus someone who committed petty theft regularly. I call these things a menu of services. For example, souls who lived a good life, like those I described earlier, can decide what they look like. These souls chose what they get to see and do in heaven. In addition, they have a free pass to visit their loved ones here on earth. What is more, they can design outfits and places that they frequent in heaven. They can be any dress or pant size they want. They can chose their age. They can relive past happy memories and are extremely at peace. I have seen spirits having parties, golfing, fishing, gathered around tables chatting, playing in the kitchens of their childhood homes, standing next to their dream cars, and sitting in their favorite chairs in the homes they lived in on earth.

These souls are also very active in their loved ones’ daily lives if they want to be. They can visit. They can offer comfort and support. They can send signs to the loved ones on earth (you can read more about signs here, and I will write more about it in this series). Souls in heaven love the people that are still on earth and often try to interact with them. They want you to know they are there. They want you to have peace. 

Overall, the menu of services is longer and more robust for those who did the best with their lives on earth. But you can continue to work towards growth and development in heaven and earn more privileges there. Heaven is a place for our souls to recharge, exalt in joy, reconcile our pain, heal, and reconnect with our loved ones. We all meet again in heaven. Heaven is where our souls can exist the way they were meant to when they were created. Heaven is home.

Tomorrow I will talk about what happens when you cause harm here on earth. Heaven is different for those developing souls. Until then, be well y and thank you for reading.

To be continued…

Life After Death – What I have learned from spirit so far…part 1

Life After Death – What I have learned from spirit so far…part 1

As a spiritual medium, it is common for me to hear all kinds of questions regarding life after death. I am sure you have questions. We have all thought about our mortality and the hereafter at some point.

People have asked me all kinds of questions. Things like…

What happens when we die?

What do we look like after we die? 

What is heaven like? 

Do we reincarnate? 

How do our heavenly loved ones interact with us in our earthy lives? 

What is God like?

Is there even a God?

Do spirits eat? 

What does the food taste like? 

What advice does spirit have for us here on earth?

Do spirits send signs?

Over the past nine years, and hundreds of sessions, I have learned about heaven and what happens after our bodies die. As I have written before, I believe this information is something that needs to be shared.

Most importantly, death is not something we should fear. When we hear the word ghost, it shouldn’t conjure scary images. Hearing the word haunted shouldn’t give us a shiver. The majority of ghosts are our loved ones and ancestors. Every place is technically haunted. There are spirits everywhere, and God is in all things, so there is an element of spirit in every place. And the majority of these spirits are loving, well-meaning visitors.

My goal over the next several blog entries is to share answers I have received to these life after death questions. I hope they bring you comfort and make the idea of ghosts, spirits, heaven, and all things spiritual a little less scary and instead more comforting.

Let’s start with what happens when we die because, well, that seems a good place to start.

Spirit describes death as merely their soul leaving their human body. The body stops working no matter the type of death, and their soul ascends to heaven. Souls whose bodies die have to leave their bodies. They are seldom given a choice about the matter. People that have near-death experiences see the beginning of this process but can return to their bodies, as it is not their time to enter heaven. Near-death experiences happen and are remembered for the same reason that mediums are able to speak to spirit; so that this knowledge is shared and comfort can be given about what comes next.

When we die, we are not alone. Death isn’t something we experience in a vacuum, no matter how we cross over to the other side. Through my sessions, I have witnessed murders, accidents, suicides, sudden deaths, and slow deaths due to illness. Each time, there are souls from heaven that surround the person who is dying. So, even if another living person isn’t present, a dying person is surrounded by souls from heaven.

Our loved ones who have passed before us, whether we knew them in life or not, are there to greet us and help us cross into heaven. They gather around for a time before we pass and help to get us to the next life. It is often the person we most hope to see that comes near to us as our body shuts down. Sometimes in violent deaths, angels surround the soul and separate the soul from any physical pain or harm that is happening to the body. The soul is freed from experiencing the actual bodily harm. The soul is aware of what is happening and what transpired, but they do not feel the physical pain as they die.

In a more peaceful situation, there are often heavenly visitors over time that come and prepare the person dying for what is to come. When your body stops working, your soul is carried into the light and lifted up into heaven. I use the word up, but heaven is all around us; somehow, we are a part of heaven already, but when we die, our soul experiences all that heaven has to offer. Heaven seems to be a Garden of Eden suited to each soul’s best interests.

Many people have described seeing a light when they have near-death experiences or encounters with heaven. There is a light. This light is different from any light seen on earth. The light is bright, warm and surrounds heaven and our existence as a soul. The light is the boundary that separates heaven from earth and encases heaven in its glow, bathing heaven in unending light and love.

One of the most common circumstances that I encounter is the guilt that a loved one feels for not being present when their loved one passes away. In these cases, spirit shares with me that it is all the other moments that matter more than that one moment in time. They remember all the times you were there for them, and they are not sad or disappointed that you were not physically there with them when they died. Often some souls want to be alone to cross over and wait for a loved one to leave the room to make their departure into the next life.

Spirits of your loved ones know that you love them. They can feel it in heaven, and they know your thoughts about them. I know that can be scary if you don’t have good thoughts, but they know what you think of them. It isn’t a secret any longer. In healthy relationships, the loved ones who have moved on to heaven know you think of them and wanted to be with them when they passed, and that matters to them just as much. They understand.

Once you leave your body, you move to heaven automatically. There is no such thing as an earthbound spirit. Heaven is automatic. Everyone is in. I know this seems like it can’t be possible, but I will talk about it more in future posts.

While there are common things about death, being surrounded by heavenly loved ones, the bright light and entering heaven, there are unique experiences, too. Each soul shares how they felt about what happened to them and because we are all unique souls these feelings are unique, but overall they are happy and believe they are where they are meant to be. Disembodied souls feel loved, protected and free from pain and other earthly burdens almost instantly.

The important thing about death is we don’t have to fear it. Our loved ones in heaven are waiting for us. We can rest assured that as we comfort those who are getting ready to make the journey to heaven, we can be in the room with them, or they can truly be in our thoughts and prayers. Once they are in heaven, they know that you were with them physically or in thought. What matters most to them is the time that was spent together throughout their lives. Death isn’t the end; it is the beginning of a soul existence; it is just the physical death of our body. Souls live on and can continue to be active in heaven and in our lives here on earth. Love doesn’t die. Souls don’t die. There is more to life than the human experience.

To be continued…

When the Light Goes Out

When the Light Goes Out

His natural, thin-lipped, wide-mouth grin carried so much sunshiny warmth I felt like I had just been placed center stage; in the spotlight. His shoulders were broad, yet slender and tilted forward in a slight hunch. The charcoal gray T-shirt that hung loose on his frame was light and the fabric seemed sheer and soft. No graphics littered the front; just a weathered and worn look that gave the shirt a little edge; making it seem casual and cool at the same time. Justin’s* demeanor and magnetic charm drew me in and made me feel like an old friend at once.

And almost as instantly, my body began to feel as if every ounce of life had been drained from it. There wasn’t any remnant of will to live left in any corner of my being. My arms became leaden weights, and I couldn’t muster the strength to lift them. My legs felt weak and unable to sustain an upright posture. The core of my being felt as hollow as a drum. My voice became suppressed, caught in my throat. It felt useless and strangled. My heart rate began to slow and my vision seemed to turn my perspective bleak like new contact lenses were covering my eyes unable to be removed. I knew Justin couldn’t go on for one more minute. The uselessness of life and the anguish in his heart turned into a roaring wave that was capsizing his life beneath it. His first words were, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t have anything left. I couldn’t stay.”

That Justin had chosen to leave this earth shattered my heart into slivers so small I was going to need a microscope to gather them all back up. Unfortunately, I am not sure all of the shards will ever be recovered. Even more, regrettably, this isn’t the first time I have felt this way. It is too hard to fathom how this light could go out; leave earth and leave the dark, vast blackhole of longing in its place. There will never be a day that someone Justin knew won’t look up and hope to see his light shining here with them. Never. It will forever be missed. A light extinguished too soon.

So many sweet souls have visited me, and their humor, charm, easy-breezy souls feel like a long, loving embrace. And it always takes my breath away that their lives were ended on their terms or by bad choices that left them vulnerable to leaving this world early. 

Suicides are impossible. How do you ever reconcile a life taken so swiftly? So forcefully? With forethought? What do you do when the light goes out?

It’s one of those deaths that leave so many what-ifs in its wake. It feels so preventable. It feels so upside down; the sheer force of trying to turn back time to prevent it leaves you breathless and dizzy. I am not saying other deaths don’t feel this way; it is just one of the types that tears a whole in my being and I feel like a tattered flag that will never fly again. After holding court with these souls, I am so devastated by the wake of grief that is felt here on earth for the loss of these souls; it takes days sometimes months for me to shake off the chill it leaves in my body. This also happens with souls that have been murdered, taken too soon due to cancer, and so many others. This particular cause of death is just raw right now, because of a session earlier this week.

There are roughly 129 suicides a day and it is the second leading cause of death in kids ages 15 to 19 according to the Association for Suicide Prevention.* It just seems so startling to think that the rate keeps increasing and we just aren’t entirely sure why. And so many lives are affected by this it is staggering.

After years of speaking to souls like Justin’s who chose to cross over, I still have no decent comforting words. Souls lost to suicide rip every last piece of hope from my heart because all I want to know is why? How does the God I believe in allow this? God, I adore you, but if you have a plan here, I am pretty positive I can’t understand it. It is so unfathomable, and nothing fills the hole or the guilt quite effectively. I have such a strong urge to try and rectify it, and that means keeping the soul here, helping them find peace here.

Maybe it stings so severely because this could have been me. My life has not been immune to suicidal thoughts. It isn’t this way now, but as a teen I remember how my life hung by a thread most days.

Each soul that I have encountered that has played a part in their demise is at peace in heaven. They are in a place where their pain is quiet, they feel loved, welcomed, they have a sense of home in a way that was hard for them to grasp here on earth. And while that floods me with gratefulness it also drips with misfortune because they leave so much love behind here. So many people that wanted them to feel peace and comfort here on earth.

Justin felt no different. The peace that flooded through his being was immeasurable on a human scale. He radiated pure joy. 

I know that some feel that souls that commit suicide are doomed to eternal damnation. 

But these souls sure don’t feel that way to me. They relay through thoughts, emotions and words that God loves them. Forgives them. That they do all the things souls in heaven tell me they do — reunite with loved ones, visit places all over the world, help other souls, visit loved ones on earth, find everlasting peace.

Sometimes they speak of the ability to take classes on how to better handle addiction, pain, depression so that if they do reincarnate, their souls are free of having to repeat that particular lesson over again. They send signs of hope to family here on earth and are well-adjusted to their fate. They want forgiveness from those the love here on earth. They feel immense remorse for the pain they caused, but few believe that there was an alternative to what happened to them. They use the word inevitable. These souls also share that they feel that there was a call for them to return to heaven; that God was somehow also responsible for their assent heavenward.

But all of these messages time and again still leave my heart feeling barren, vacant, devoid of solace. There is an emptiness that crawls up my spine and into my mind and makes my skin crawl with a pain I can’t entirely escape. Silent tears escape my body for days as it works to release this aching sorrow.

The people here on earth who are suffering the grief of suicide are left with questions, guilt, doubt, and broken hope. Why? How do we move forward and find meaning? I think the answer is going to be unique to each griever. It will match the impact of the physical life lost. It will only be understood by that mourning heart. 

Efforts to thwart suicide are valid. Lives can be saved. Why it doesn’t always work; I guess I will have to have blind faith. God knows what He is doing. Honestly, though, it still isn’t enough. My faith fails to cover the bill sometimes. Sorry, God. I love you, I do. I believe in you. I just can’t always understand, and this gift to communicate with spirits doesn’t seem to give me a more in-depth insight. 

The only thing that is helping me pull myself together tonight is the slight possibility that the messages I am able to translate from their loved ones help my clients. I guess, maybe just maybe, God uses people like me to aid in the healing process. To help loved ones know that there is a heaven, and that love connects us. It cannot be destroyed or cut short. Not all is lost.

Maybe people like me help others understand or have faith that their loved ones are not just dust, but are also alive; risen.

Perhaps it is a comfort to know that their loved ones have found a way to thrive in a place that surrounds us so they can continue to lift, guide and nourish us until we all meet again.

Maybe it is helpful to know that our God is a forgiving God, not a vengeful, punishing God. Our God is a nurturing parent who makes sure we understand and face the consequences of our own actions, but doesn’t kick us out on the street. Doesn’t leave us to fend for ourselves independently, but is always guiding us to the best version of ourselves. He is always guiding us and welcoming us home. And there is never an end to His love.

It still isn’t enough to help alleviate the loss of suicide, but maybe something is better than nothing. The cracks in my heart will remain. I am not sure Justin’s bright smile will ever fade from my memory. His soul shines a radiant light on all it touches even if it is seemingly gone from here; it still exists in heaven.

Most importantly, if you feel like you need help, please get it.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. To learn more about how you can help visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  or https://afsp.org/.

XO-

*The name Justin has been changed to protect his identity and the identity of my clients.

*Data for these statistics comes from the article: 9 Things All Parents Should Know About Teens and Suicide: Talking about it can be hard, but it’s so important. By Anna Borges.

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Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Finding Answers in the Redwoods: A Perspective on Grief

Lately, I have been praying a great deal about what I should be writing about. I know I haven’t been corresponding to you all as frequently as I should. Maybe you haven’t even missed it. I guess I worry about that too much. If there is an audience. That they dwindle or are bored of my words. Which is why the book I was writing has sat untouched for months. And the end of the year, which was my deadline to finish, is far gone.

As with anything more significant in my life, like a calling, writing is one of those things. I can’t ignore its pull. There is a voice that keeps telling me I am supposed to write. And the prayers I pray asking what I should write about; the answer keeps being whispered back to me. I am supposed to write about death.

Talk about a topic that no one wants to hear about. The topic probably stops me from writing sometimes too. It can be too much. In Western Culture, we avoid death. The bad news is it can’t be avoided forever. Some people have less loss in their lives, while others are bombarded with loss. But the one thing we all have in common is that it will happen to everyone at some point.

We also push past grief or side step it if we can. Rush it; try to ignore it. Maybe it is because we think we can outwit it; hide it; escape it. None of those things seem to be true, at least not long term or without significant side effects.

It can be an awkward topic even if you do want to approach it or understand it.

It never occurred to me that it would become such a center point of my existence. I guess I started out like most people do, trying to deny it.

Day in and day out, I work to breathe life into death. It is always my goal as a faith-based spiritual medium to do God’s work and light the way into the darkest corners of our grief and loss so that hope can grow there. But it doesn’t change the fact that our lives continue to be wrapped in it.

One thing is certain, grief doesn’t end. Just like love never dies; grief never ceases. We miss our loved ones and long for them our entire lives.

I think it was Anne Lamott that said, “But what if the great secret insider-trading truth is that you don’t ever get over the biggest losses in your life?” Isn’t that the truth? We never get over the biggest losses in our lives. They shape us, move with us, are in us.

Grief does evolve; I think that might be true.

Last fall I got to spend some days among the Redwood Trees in the Santa Cruz Mountains and they reminded me of grief. They reminded me of us.

Redwood Trees are giant, long-living creatures that tower over everything in a forest, and they force you to take them in. They are hard to ignore. From their strong aroma to their massive size, to the needles and cones that fall from them, you are forced to recognize them, just like grief.

Redwood Trees are also mostly fire-resistant. Did you know that? I didn’t before that visit. Of course, repeated fires can cause damage and create hallows called “goose-pens” that are found around the base. Grief definitely damages us, but we survive, whether we want to or not, and continue to grow around the pain even though the marks of it remain on our surface or maybe even at the root of us for the rest of our lives. Grief goose pens, if you will.

Grief like a Redwood is majestic in its own right because grief is love. Did you know that the germination of Redwood Trees from their seeds isn’t very high? The fastest way to grow a new Redwood Tree is from a stump sprout. Because their root systems are so strong these stump sprouts have a better chance of success because they can easily connect to that strong underground root system. That underground root system is like love. So even though grief looms in our life, seemly crippling us, new roots will shoot up all over and force us to keep moving on, changing our emotions. That is love at work. Love for our heavenly loved one, love for those here that keep us going. Giving hope to new moments in our life. Allowing us to honor and promote our deceased loved ones in the new ways we begin to show up in our changed lives. It is because of them we can grow.

Sometimes grief can wrap us in a fog so dense it is seemly endless. Lonely. But what we often don’t know until this fog of grief has lifted, even if temporarily, is that the harder moments prepare us for the beautiful moments where the most radiant amounts of joy find us. And these intertwined grief-stricken and joy-filled moments create their own forest of memories. Memories that sustain us in the physical world where we breathe life into our loved ones. We carry them with us wherever they go, and so they go on. Grief isn’t just pain, it is a legacy of love that will last for hundreds of years. Just like a Redwood Tree.

Redwood Trees have shallow root systems and these roots can grow to be hundreds of feet long and even intertwine with the trees around them. Just like us. We may not be able to see those surface connections in grief, but we become intertwined with those around us who are also experiencing that loss and pain and we stand along side those that witness our losses and stay connected to them forever.

Redwood Trees do die and they can tumble to the ground. When a Redwood Tree falls it can take other trees with it. Some have described the grunts, cracks, crashes and groans of a Redwood Tree falling as a symphony. What happens when a Redwood Tree falls is that it begins to allow for extra light to reach the forest floor. New trees can begin to grow from the fertilizer that becomes of the decomposing tree. Animals can find homes in the newly fallen tree. The tree may no longer be standing and “breathing” among its peers, but it still provides nourishment and opportunity to the forest it belonged to. Just like us. We will see the dead tree, our lost person, everywhere we step for almost all of our days, but that loss allows us to incorporate that person’s beliefs into our lives or creates a new perspective for us so that we can shine light on others to help them grow and flourish in ways we may not have understood before.

We share stories of our lost loved ones with our friends and family, and they share those stories. Our loved ones in heaven are given new life as they travel through these memories and continue to become a part of new experiences.

We will never stop missing them, but we will go on. We will hurt, but we will grow. And they will live on in us, our stories, and by how we remember them in our actions.

Death is scary. Loss is awful. But lives are beautiful. Legacies are legendary. We can breathe life into the spaces and hollows that grief leaves and learn to live with our losses in a way that can make life sweeter and more full.

I guess, I have to keep writing and talking about death. Life after death both on Earth and in Heaven. I pray it lifts someone up in their pain. I pray they feel heard and loved through their deepest moments of sorrow. I hope that what I do, what I write about makes someone feel a little less lonely. That they maybe can see through the fog of grief for a moment. That they know it will never be the same again, but it isn’t the end either. There are beginnings to still be had. Miracles to see and find. Life continues and death is inevitable. But there is something beyond this place and our souls continue to stay connected to one another. Just like the magic and mystery of a Redwood Forest there is something deeper and indescribable about how life and death intertwine.

Until next time,

What happened when I chose faith over fear

What happened when I chose faith over fear

Recently I was asked to speak at event organized by one of my favorite business owners, Ahnna Goossen. She owns Yoga Bella and the Acupuncture and Herbal Clinic in Gilroy. The evening was a beautiful event that included Qi Gong instruction (there is a class each week at Yoga Bella) and sound healing with the amazing Dallas at S.I.M.M. If you have not experienced a sound bath you are missing out. There are classes at Yoga Bella every other Tuesday with Dallas and I highly recommend trying one. The night ended with a quick little Q & A with yours truly.  I have linked to Yoga Bella and S.I.M.M.’s webpages above so you can check each of them out. Ahnna will be doing a monthly workshop showcasing different speakers and healers. I for one, can’t wait for the next one.

I thought I might share here some of what I shared that night.

For years, and I mean decades, I literally ignored my calling. I hung up on it and blocked it repeatedly before I shifted my perspective and allowed me to become who I was meant to be.

That perspective shift came when I decided to choose faith over fear. I decided to listen to the whispers of my own heart and be my authentic self. I decided to write, and I became a truth-teller. In becoming a truth-teller, I had to tell the truth about what I saw and felt around me.

In deciding to tell the truth, it allowed me to open up and listen to an eight-year-old spirit boy who told me that I was meant to help other spirits like him. And that led me down a path where I decided to believe what I knew was true about God and embrace that He doesn’t make mistakes, he built me this way on purpose with purpose, and I am His vehicle. I deliver the messages He wants me to provide. And that has led me to where I am today. I have chosen faith over fear.

Does that mean that I am going to know what comes next instantly? No.

Does that mean I am going to be the best at what I do right away? No. But with hard work and dedication, I can be great at what I do. And so can you.

Does that mean everything will be perfect every single day? No.

But it is worth it to live outside of your comfort zone and believe that you can do hard things. Believe that you can have the life you want. The rewards outweigh the negative experiences. I can speak from experience on that. There is good, hard, harsh, ugly, and incredible, amazing, miraculous, joy all in the same life.

How do we choose faith over fear?

We listen to our feelings. That doesn’t we mean we ignore logic, it just means we trust what we know and believe to be true in our hearts. The more you listen, the louder that voice gets.

We do things afraid because fear is a liar that will keep us small.

We believe in the impossible. Do you know how many times I have heard that I was crazy, that I am going to hell, that it is impossible to talk to spirit, I have lost count and stopped counting?

Sometimes we want validation before we leap. And like my good friend Heather says, “Validation is only for parking baby!” She might not add the baby, but she is feisty and fun, so I added it for her. We can’t wait for validation, we have to believe those whispers in our heart and have faith we know what we know for a purpose. We feel what we feel for a purpose.

I read something Bob Goff said, which was, “God isn’t surprised we want more confirmation. He just hopes we don’t get stuck waiting for it.”

It is okay to be looking for that confirmation and to appreciate it when we get it, but we can’t sit around waiting, stuck, doing nothing that serves our purpose until we get the affirmation we need. And most of the time we just have to believe we know what we know and that is good enough to take the next step.

We also tend to believe that there is a right path and a wrong path. The truth is there is only one path, a path of life. We have free will and get to decide what we do next, but just because we take the long way or make a mistake doesn’t make it wrong, we are learning along the way. As long as we are not hurting ourselves or others, we are on the right track. That is the only genuinely wrong thing we can do; hurt another soul. And when we do that we have to do what we can to make it right. But I digress. There are nine hundred billion million (yes, I am aware that is not a real number) ways to get from point A to point B in life, and the joy is in the journey. When we surrender and have fun with not knowing what is next, but just allowing ourselves to do the next best thing moment to moment then we usually end up right where we need to be precisely when we are supposed to be there.

Here is what happened when I decided to choose faith over fear and surrender my control. I learned that

  • Heaven is all around us, not some distant far off place. We are a part of heaven.
  • Spirit delivers messages to their loved ones in a myriad of ways and is continually speaking to us whether we think we are hearing them or not. Signs are all around us; you just have to believe in them.
    We are built to understand one another. Soul has a language all its’ own. A soul doesn’t need words to communicate, and that means that our spirit loved ones can communicate with any living thing to get our attention. They are energy, and they can use that energy to connect with us in a multitude of ways. It also means our souls are communicating with one another here. Just because we are in a body doesn’t mean our souls stop talking.
  • Love never dies. We don’t die. Our bodies stop working, but our souls go on and on and on.
  • I can do hard things, and my purpose is to be my most authentic self no matter what. Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.
  • I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

What happened when I started working for spirit; I witnessed miracles. Are there tough sessions? Yes. Are their clients I can’t help? Yes. But like I said before the positive experiences, the lessons learned, far outweigh the negative.

  • My client Donna was able to understand why her daughter’s car crashed the night she died, and finally, this last year visit her daughter’s grave on her 26th birthday and play her favorite song “When the lights go down in the city” and know that her daughter heard her. Donna knew that she could reach her daughter anytime she wanted. Something she hadn’t done in all the years since her daughter passed.
  • Helped my client Lauren connect with and grieve her mother. In fact, her healing led to her building a new business this past year. If you haven’t heard about Cranes for Kristina, you need to check it out. Her Business Facebook page is here. Lauren turned her pain into hope in the form of her beautiful origami cranes and is changing the world every single day she is out in it breathing.
  • My friend Katrina didn’t believe in ghosts. She believed in heaven, but not that spirit was here communicating with us. While we were in grad school, her uncle started visiting me. When I told her what he looked like she didn’t believe it was him until I said, “He didn’t what to tell me this, but he said a tree was involved in his death.” And having never told me about her uncle LaDon being hit and killed by a falling tree branch she nearly dropped the phone.

Fear will bind you to believe in only what you can see. It will keep you in other people’s comfort zones, and there is so much more to life than what we can see and the societal norms we are bound by. My wish for you is that you find your center, your truth-telling, authentic badass, self. That this more profound connection to yourself and your faith lead you to follow your dreams and the life you want to live. That it guides you to a more fulfilling understanding of life and allows you to surrender to living in the moment and making the choices you know to be best for you. Choosing faith over fear leads you to become who you always knew you were.

Until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven – Part 6

Snippets from Heaven – Part 6

She was beautifully out of place.

Sometimes I believe she intended to be.

Like the moon during the day.

-D.R. Via the Minda Journal

When I was little, I just wanted to be the girl next door. You know the one who is unassuming, beautiful yet she doesn’t know it, everyone in the whole town loves her, and at the end of the story, she wins the guy by just being her quirky self. Yeah, that is the girl I wanted to be. It never really happened. I sort of had the invisible part down, but because I kept a part of my soul a secret it was easier to try to hide in plain sight. And, unfortunately, you can’t shine as your quirky self if you are hiding something about your quirky self.

My whole life, I saw, heard, and felt things most other people didn’t believe existed. And I could sense everything about people with one look and never a spoken word. I somehow knew I would never be that girl next door. But that didn’t stop me from hoping.

By the time I was thirteen spirit thought that I was a place they could regularly visit and often they would ask me for help in telling their stories. I tried. I typed (literally typed, on a typewriter) up a story about one girl who died and tried to get it published. I talked to my sisters about the things I saw. But it just kept escalating. Combined with the angst and pain, I felt from others around me, at sixteen I tried to take a bunch of pills and silence everything forever. I couldn’t possibly be supposed to live like this right?

But, as always, God is in charge. The next morning when I woke up, HE was there. His loud voice boomed and told me, “Your life is mine.” I could sense the disappointment. And the voice continued, “Your work isn’t finished yet. I have things left for you to do.”

In addition to feeling extraordinarily guilty and having yet another secret to hide; I now felt that I was for sure crazy. Who hears GOD?! Seriously, now I was broken in all new ways.

I tried to reconcile my outside life with my inside life. I still didn’t talk about it much, but I definitely decided to learn more and put a little more effort into paying attention to what I heard and saw. Most of the time no one wanted to know anything about it, and I knew it was something most people wouldn’t accept.

For most of my young adult life, it was something that I pushed down and left out. I still saw and heard spirit. I could still read people like a book, but the girl next door appeal always won out, and I just tried to be ordinary.

By the time we moved to our small town, I thought maybe I had a shot. It was like a do-over, and I had whole-heartedly decided to keep the other piece of my soul a secret. I would be normal and ordinary like everyone else. Besides, I had my own family now and I didn’t want this to damage the way people saw them, too. And it started to happen, I was fitting in. After, being here for two years, I began to make some friends. The other moms would talk to me at pick up, and I was being invited places. I was so relieved.

Then a little spirit boy decided to change my whole life. I don’t know why I thought any different, I wasn’t in charge. And of course, he was asking me to be anything but ordinary.

Copy of cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out

If you have come to a session, you have heard me tell the Matthew story. (You can also read it here.) Matthew is a boy who visited me after his passing and basically became my teacher. One day six years ago, he told me it was time for me to follow this path and he warned that if I didn’t take care of it; spirit would.

Well, a part of the story I don’t tell is how I quit. Yep, I quit. I shut everything down for six months because of one bad experience, a tremendous amount of doubt, and general life chaos. And most likely my deep-seated need to be the ordinary, girl next door. And if I am being sincere, maybe I was a little glad for the break. As much as I wanted to help; I really didn’t believe I was strong enough. I mean, even though I was removed from the sadness of my clients; how many times could my own heart break? How much sadness and pain can one person carry? Spirit can feel everything, so during the sessions not only do I feel what they are feeling; I experience my client’s pain, too. And then the human side of me is also experiencing what is happening.

For six long months I thought for sure I was going to get to just be me; ordinary and regular, and live a life-like everyone else.

But God wasn’t done with me.

God wasn't done

He isn’t ever done with us. Duh! It was silly to think I still controlled my life. Well, newsflash, we can only control how we react to what happens to us.

Spirits would keep popping up in my life; clients’ stories would break me down. I couldn’t say no to some people and after six months; everyone including my husband thought that I was supposed to be helping spirit and their loved ones here on earth full-time. And the doors of my normal life were closing all around me. My job was changing and my place there didn’t feel like it belonged to me any more.

So, a little over a year ago I quit my day job and opened up my own little business. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I have an -ish ton of faith because otherwise, I am just a crazy girl who hears voices; so I believed anything was possible, but I was still worried.

Since God knew this, the first client he sent to me was Lauren. Immediately her radiant smile and warm heart hit me, and I loved her. She came into my cozy little office, kicked off her shoes and made herself comfortable. And my whole heart breathed a sigh of relief; everything about her was exactly what I needed. While I was still nervous because I didn’t know what to expect, I was so much more at ease. I knew God had sent me the most perfect first client.

We cried, and we laughed. Lauren’s mom came through to her. And while it was a fantastic session filled with immense healing; my heart broke a little because her mother left this earth of her own volition. Now, we have a great deal of upset over things like this in the human world. But, remember, God is forever tries, and heaven is home, so God showers all souls with love. And everything that happens He has a say in. Nothing gets past Him. We talked about that, that day, too.

No soul left behind

Lauren’s mom showed me how Lauren shared her light with other people. How she would take a little bit of it and hand it off to others like hope, and it would spread far and wide. This spreading of light was like the festival of lanterns and one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

I asked Lauren about it at the end of the session, and she told me about how before her mom passed one of the last things they talked about was her mom asking her if she ever heard the song, 1,000 paper cranes. Lauren brushed it off and didn’t think about it again, until after she received the news of her mom’s passing. She listened to the song. It weighed on her heart, and she decided to make 1,000 paper cranes every year to honor her mom. And she was giving some of them away to other people. That was the light I saw spreading. Lauren was turning her pain and her mom’s pain into hope. Literally, an origami crane symbols the mystic legend of the crane’s 1,000 year life span and to give someone a paper crane symbolizes offering hope and healing through difficult challenges.

From that Cranes for Kristina was born. Today that is Lauren’s full-time gig. She is creating cranes every day, giving away a piece of her light to others and offering them hope. (If you come to see me you get to take one with you when you leave, my office isn’t complete without a little bit of Lauren’s light in it.) Lauren doesn’t stop there, she speaks up and out about depression and suicide prevention. Lauren has the most amazing heart and uses her grief as inspiration and motivation to help others.

So while, Lauren’s life has changed over the year since we met; mine has, too.

Moms don’t talk to me at pick up anymore. People recognize me around town, stare and whisper. I am not the girl next door; I am the girl who knows too much. The girl like the moon in the day time, just a little out-of-place.

My heart continues to break in new ways multiple times a day as I sit with people in their pain. And I can’t think of any other thing I would rather do with my life.

My faith has grown exponentially, and control isn’t even in my vocabulary any more except to say it is an illusion. I know I will never be the girl next door and ordinary is out of the question. I think I am okay with that. I wasn’t sure before. Not only because I wanted to fit in; but also because this sadness and heartbreak; I wasn’t sure how much I could take.

In fact, last night a friend and I were talking about how our hearts break faster than they heal and it is all just too much. And how was that possible when at the exact same time we were filled with so much gratitude and love for everything in our lives.

But today, even in the midst of my heart feeling so broken; I thought of Lauren, Kristina, the cranes and the light and love they shine into this world.

I realized then that my heart wasn’t actually healing; it WAS healed AND broken – both at the same time and that is what love is; it is being both broken and healed at the same time.

It is about moving one step more even when we feel like we can’t breathe. It is having the courage to move beyond fear and trusting in faith. It is sitting with the wounded and feeling all the feels knowing that we can rise from that spot. Knowing that love exists in the darkest places and anything is possible. And not being afraid to offer hope and light even when we are hurting, too.

love is

I think love and pain coexist. We are all a little bit of both. And maybe, I am the ordinary girl and also entirely out-of-place different all at the same time. Broken and whole. Love and loss. Death and life wrapped in an extraordinary ordinary package. That is what Kristina showed me Lauren is; it is what so many of my clients are…and their strength in the midst of deep pain constantly leaves me in awe.

I can’t think of anything I want to be more. It’s how I met people like Lauren and learned about turning pain into hope. Sitting in pain with strangers has broken my heart open wide and opened my eyes to the impossible.

I hope to be a person who instead of freaking people out because I can see things they may not believe in; to one day, because I decided to shine my light, become a little bit of hope that we can be broken and healed at the same time; that being out-of-place is sometimes right were we need to be. And that just because I do what I do, doesn’t mean that God isn’t a part of it; that in fact, He is at the center of it. And maybe just maybe, it’s what he wanted all along. Because maybe, just maybe I am supposed to share this with you. So that you know you aren’t alone. So that you know you are extraordinarily ordinary exactly out of place just like you are supposed to be.

cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out

Until next time,

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What is a spiritual medium?

What is a spiritual medium?

There are quite a few people who still ask exactly what I do. Since I get this question quite a bit I thought it would be good to try and define it here on the blog.

Being a spiritual medium is entirely different than just saying you speak to the dead.

In purest form being a medium means that you have the ability for soul to soul communication. We all have that ability; each and every one of us. It took me a while to figure out my own personal definition for mediumship, but after over 400+ readings and roughly 3 decades of experience with spirit; I believe that is what mediumship is. It is the ability to understand and communicate soul to soul.

Souls do not need words to communicate. We can pick up a great deal about one another without even speaking. And I am not just talking about what we see and hear; I am talking about what we feel. This is also different than telepathy or mind reading. Our souls can communicate their needs, wants, fears, hopes, dreams, and memories to one another directly. A soul can communicate and understand without the aid of a physical body, and this is possible if the soul resides in a living body or outside of that in the afterlife.

Spiritual mediums can receive messages from spirit in a variety of ways, and no two mediums are precisely alike just like no two people are exactly alike; unless you want to get technical with identical twins, but even then I would say there are two distinctly different people involved.

Mediums can be clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient, or claircognizant.

Clairvoyant (clear sight) means that one is able to “see” things beyond perceptual sight. So information is perceived or felt through the heart or mind’s eye.

Clairaudient, is you guessed it, the ability to hear messages from spirit. These messages can be impressions in the mind or heard audibly through our human senses.

Clairsentient means that messages can be relayed through feeling both physical and emotional. This type of medium can feel physical sensations that a spirit would have felt in life or even feel these sensations of souls currently in physical bodies.

Finally, mediums that have claircognizance just know things. Messages come through with complete clarity. These individuals know with certainty that someone is lying, they also get ideas readily and easily. Like a lightbulb going off in their heads.

A spiritual medium can have one or all of the abilities in receiving spiritual communication. These gifts can vary or change over time as well. It is also possible to develop and enhance the ability to use these gifts with practice and dedication.

Hallelujah anyway

Hallelujah anyway

Y’all I saw Jen Hatmaker last week on the Moxie Matters Tour, and I just have to say Hallelujah and Amen. She is such a down to earth, genuine human. She showed up sick and tired and persevered through the evening. She is just one of my favorite humans.

The theme of the evening centered around being a good neighbor and what that meant. She used the Parable of the Good Samaritan, Luke 10:25-37, to illustrate what Jesus taught us about being a good neighbor.

See, Jesus tells the story of a man that is robbed, beaten, stripped and left for dead and how a priest and a holy man not only pass him by when they see him; they move to the other side of the street. The person who stops to help the robbed and beaten man is a Samaritan. Now in biblical times; a Samaritan was someone who was cast off and despised. Yet, this is the person who Jesus uses as the helper and caregiver. (If you want to read the verses yourself check them out here.)

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”

I know, I have a blessed and beautiful life. I get that. But Y’all, we every single one of us, have experienced pain. We have all had some form of beaten down-ness even if it is in the metaphorical sense. Jen shared this, and I wholeheartedly agree. Pain is common ground.

For me it has been this journey to be my whole self out loud; to finally follow my calling to mediumship. Even though I know what I am doing is right, it still seems to strike shame, hurt and fear in me.

See I have been talked down to, told I was the devil, said I speak to demons, that I capitalize on other people’s pain. People who love me have said that the only reason they believe me is because it is me. While that is nice; it still means that what I have been asked to do; called to do, is something vile and wrong in their book; that there is this notion that it is all hooey. That what I do cannot be real.

Even I have doubts; I am human after all, but those doubts don’t come from my soul at all. The shame, fear and hurt all come from human interaction and logic. When I let my soul do the talking, there are no doubts; there is no fear, there is no shame. But when I have to interact with other humans, the lump in my throat stretches, and I can’t seem to get out the words to explain what I do without feeling some shame.

The trick is, I was born this way. Being able to see spirit is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes, bad temper, and the blood that runs through my body. This is me. This is my normal. This isn’t something I created out of thin air. It isn’t even something I can escape. Believe me I have tried. Baptism made it stronger. Hiding didn’t stop what I was seeing it just kept me safe from other humans knowing and their reactions.

I spent most of my life in hiding. Straddling two worlds. Living in them and between them. Being someone different on the inside than on the outside. I know many of you understand this. You get that it sucks big time.

I didn’t want that for my kids. I don’t want that for anyone at all. We should have our inside match our outside. We should be free to be ourselves. We should all love our neighbors as we love ourselves. And for Pete’s sake we should love ourselves.

But it was ironic listening to Jen speak. Listening to her talk about what she felt and how she had dealt with ridicule last year, and I thought; I wonder if you knew who I was, if we were sitting down talking to me, would you accept me? All of me? I didn’t feel like I would be allowed in. OUTCAST. That is how I will forever be branded.

Seeing Jen felt like going to church on a school night. I am not saying it like that is a bad thing. It made me miss a connection to God like that. Now God and I are good. Jesus and I are cool. I think I am okay there, but to have a church and a community that loves God also accept me; those things are mutually exclusive. I don’t believe that there is a church that would welcome all of me with open arms. It stings a little because I feel like that is something missing in my life. Not God or the four walls, but the community of like-minded souls in worship.

I sat in this event thinking I want to be a part of something like this and left feeling like that will never happen. Yes, I know having God love me is enough, but we are all human, and man it would be nice to feel whole and unashamed in a room like that.

It made me think of my event and how the people who have known me all my life, saw proof of things I could not conjure up, research or find out on my own, saw evidence that spirit can speak through me and still somehow wanted more clarification that God was okay with what I do. I can’t give anyone that. It isn’t my place.

I think a part of me felt that if I spoke my truth out loud it would wash away the hurt and the shame and I could be me without feeling wrong somehow. Nope. I will have to defend myself to my dying day.

Dentists, doctors, teachers, stay at home moms, marketers, gardeners, chefs, cashiers they don’t have to hide in shame when they tell people what they do for a living.

Just posting my live event brought out people who thought they could heal me with Bible Speak and damnation. I do not need to be healed. I am already whole. I am a decent person who loves her children, puts time and energy into the community she lives in, has a stable, healthy marriage, is kind to others, and hasn’t ever committed a crime in her life. Okay, okay, I once checked my email on my phone at a stop light; I have a ticket for that, but that is it. And still, I feel like some abomination. It just makes me tired.

I know sometimes it feels like it is only doom and gloom here on the blog, but this is where I can work out my shit. It is in my blog where I can feel all the feels and then get to the other side. I know, some people say you shouldn’t share your story until you are all the way through, but I get stuck in the middle a lot. I get stuck and need to vent to find the light at the end of the tunnel or to see the damn switch on the wall that has been there all along.

Some people told me after seeing me live that they didn’t know I was that funny or they didn’t realize I was that engaging. Well, duh I can’t be myself most places. But there in that room, people bought a ticket to see the real me, and I showed up.

My instinct to hide has been a part of me since I was two years old. I knew I wasn’t like everyone else. I was something different. That is all I have been all my life, something different. I count myself lucky, besides being female, I was able to hide who I was, to escape judgment because my difference is something that couldn’t be seen. And yes, I also know that I chose to speak up, I decided to let this loose. I get it. You can’t have it all.

But I guess because I was straddling both worlds and keeping it secret for so long; I miss my secret hiding place sometimes. I miss a place where I could pretend to feel whole and not have to feel what people think of me.

hallelujah anyway. I choose to stumble forward with as much grace as I can muster and hope for the best.

The good news, I guess, is that I am who I am. I know that my relationship with God is intact. If HE was pissed at me, I am pretty sure I would know it. And if I keep doing what I think is the next right thing that is all I can do. That is all we can ask of anyone. To do the best they can with what they have. So even if I can’t fit in places I would like to, and I might be seen as an evildoer in some circles; I just have to be the best me I can be. That is all I have to offer and at the end of the day that is good enough. So I say, hallelujah anyway. I choose to stumble forward with as much grace as I can muster and hope for the best. I will be a good neighbor and a good human. That is enough and it is okay if I stumble through it. I think moving forward with as much grace as I can muster is A-okay.

Miracles

Miracles

Gratitude is still lingering in our minds as it was Thanksgiving for some of us just a few months ago. I saw the Facebook posts blowing up with the 30 days of thanks. I saw the pictures about being thankful and blessed. Then, December brought us Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Advent, and many more holidays around the world. In our neck of the woods the Holiday Cards come zipping in (mine will be a New Year’s card this year, or around then) and the pictures of families fill them. Smiling kids, dogs, and little notes about what is going on in everyone’s worlds. I love them, cherish them to pieces, but my heart breaks a little when I think of who might be missing from those photos or my friends that will never have a complete family photo ever again. How crushing this time of year can be for some. And with it being January that doesn’t just lift away like a fog; even in our happiest moments; pain becomes a lifeline on our hands, the words on the tips of our tongues we do not speak, and the ache in our heart that never quite goes away.

Some of you have heard me share this story, but I want to share it here again. A preacher shared this at a sermon.

A property owner needed to drill a well. Out came the man with the tools to drill the well. As they began drilling they ran into difficulty because it was winter and the ground was frozen. Frustrated, the land owner was ready to give up, “I guess we will just have to wait until spring,” he said.

“Oh no,” replied the man drilling. “You need to keep drilling. If you find water in the winter you will have water all year-long.”

It reminds me of all of those that are grateful; that have had moments of great loss as well. And that sometimes our hearts are frozen over with the cold grief. While it may seem impossible; we can drill down, even in the winter, even in the bleakest of circumstances; which I know we are hearing about on the news and some of us are living through. We must keep drilling to reach the water; to reach faith and gratitude so that it becomes something we have 365 days a year. So it becomes our habit and pattern of behavior; not just for the end of the year, but all year long. It can be the thing that sits beside us when we have fallen and it can be the voice that whispers us awake again and again. It can be the cheerleader that helps us forge ahead with each step that we take.

When I was very little I knew I was different because I could see and hear things others could not. I learned to keep this part of myself hidden. And when I hid that part of myself it became easy to hide. I have spent the last several years unveiling my hidden pieces. Breaking open and becoming vulnerable. It has been one of the most difficult things to do. And yet it is yielding powerful results in my life; this drilling down. It has led me to things and moments I never dreamed of having.

We burn with divine light

I get to witness miracles. God gave me an amazing gift and I am fortunate enough to help others with it. Even with the joy that comes with what I witness, the weight and sadness of the lives I interact with weigh heavy on my heart. I would much rather my clients loved ones were still physically with them then me have the job that I do. It’s a tough one and most days it makes me feel less than, instead of unique because no matter what I do it will never be enough. That is just the nature of it.

The point is that I suck at this life thing on the regular. I am pretty sure most days I make more mistakes than not, but in the end, I win more than I lose. Breaking myself open to being completely vulnerable has made me unable to sit at many tables; it quickly separates me from people, and definitely makes me an outcast. I am readily seen as different. But aren’t we all seen that way in some realm of our lives?

When I look at my family, my friends and see those family cards flowing in; I can see between the lines. I see the triumphs and the fears; the dark and the light in their lives. We are all just surviving the best way we know how.

It would be a beautiful thing if we stopped using our differences as weapons and instead used them to be the light in one another’s lives. We have one thing in common; each of us is human. Each of us has a beating heart with emotions and a body with basic needs. If we started where we are, THE SAME, and cherished where those similarities ended and made room for everyone at the table that would be a miraculous world. And not just because we would all find a way to coexist; but because when we start to allow miracles into our lives; they start to show up over and over again.

Because I take a blind leap of faith every day – yes, it is blind; there is no way for me to know what I believe is truth – I witness miracles in my work and life every single day; multiple times a day, but I know that is because I believe in something greater than myself; I believe miracles happen every second of every day and I watch for them and give thanks for them. That is what allows their frequency in my life; that I expect them to be there. I know this is not easy for all; believing in something you can’t see is so very hard.

Welcome

Clients of mine often express their struggle to comprehend a session and truly believe what happened was real. Even when we are presented with a direct, divine answer from the universe that there is something greater, that we are not in control, it is hard to believe. I get it. Nothing anyone can do, or anything you witness can force you to believe in anything; you have to choose to believe. But, that is the thing, what I do isn’t about proof; it isn’t about the idea that frequency will make it real and solid; you have to believe on your own.

As always, with what I do and how to explain it; I think of God. I think of Jesus.

Jesus was given to us as a most precious gift and he gave his life for us. He wasn’t invited to every table in life and he isn’t invited to every table in death, as there are people who do not believe in him. People make a choice to believe or not to believe. Regardless of how others viewed him, he lived his best life, vulnerable, open, and believing in something greater than himself.

When we believe, when we chose to be open, we find the miracles in life; we witness greatness that has no other explanation. I think being vulnerable, open and choosing to believe is enough. It is what I chose each day. Right or wrong it leads me toward faith, miracles and blessings. I wouldn’t choose any other way.

Peace be with you,
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The feather and the bird

The feather and the bird

A Thursday night several months ago, I had a session with a client. Her father, who was in spirit, stepped forward to share messages with her. During the session, he showed me a brown and white feather. It was rather large; about 12 inches in length and while there was white rippling though it the majority of the feather was a deep brown like worn leather.

He told me that this feather was a sign he gave his daughter to let her know that he was with her. My ego butted in since I had never seen a feather like this before; I wasn’t sure if they were real, and told her I wasn’t sure about the validity of this message, but that is what her dad was showing me. She said it made perfect sense she saw them all the time. Not that I said this out loud, but I didn’t really believe it, I hadn’t ever seen anything like that. The reading continued on as they do, but I still held onto the fact that I hadn’t ever seen a feather like that before.

The next day we left on a camping trip and that Saturday morning my husband and I took a walk on the beach as my aunt and uncle were with us and agreed to watch the kids. I was excited! It was like a little mini date; with four kids those are hard to come by.

As I was walking, each step I took I saw one of the feathers that the father had shown me during the reading that Thursday night.

I was in awe.

I saw one every few steps. Over and over again I was shown this feather.

Now, I am going to digress for a second. My husband was with me and he has never seen me do a reading and he still believes in coincidence. I have learned that there are no coincidences. Each event happens on purpose and with purpose. And of course, like any good wife I could not resist to take this opportunity to let him on what I thought was a message from spirit straight to me. Obviously to remind me not to doubt their messages and to keep my ego quiet.

I turn to him and say, “Can you believe this? Look at these feathers. These are the feathers I was telling you about. I have never seen them before and now there are right in front of me with each step I take.”

“We are at the beach and there are a lot of birds here. There are going to be feathers everywhere.” He answers with the tone that sounds just like an eye roll.

As we pass another one, I speak up again.

“Right in front of my foot and nowhere to each side? Really? What will it take for you to believe this isn’t a coincidence?” Exasperation saturating each word.

“There would have to be a big, dead, brown bird right in front of me to believe that.” He says with a laugh.

We continued down the beach and there were more feathers. I was disappointed I had left my camera back at the trailer and could not take any photos, but I have also learned that is how miracles work; we often have to believe without proof. After looking at the tide pools for a bit we turned back.

We began to follow our exact footprints back the way we came. There are no other people on the beach that day since it is pretty overcast and dreary. It is late fall after all.

As we are walking, I start to see a large mass ahead of us. As we near closer to the mass we notice it is in fact an animal. As we come upon it we are able to decipher exactly what it is.

A big, dead, brown bird.

Yep, a big, dead, brown bird and it is right next to our footprints. It was not there on the way out. I give my husband a look and take a mental note not to leave my phone behind anymore. Man, I wish I had a picture of this! I know, I know, I tell spirit…I am not supposed to have to prove these things. I am just supposed to accept them as they come.

“That is a dead bird,” he says.

“Don’t look at me. That bird’s life is on you.” I say.

He walks over to the bird and apologizes.

“Now do you believe there are no coincidences?” I ask.

“I will give you a 60/40 chance on that one.” He answers as any good husband would, but I can tell this one shook him a bit more than that.

You ask and you shall receive. Spirit messages are everywhere and the more you pay attention; the more you are open to them, the more they reign down on you with abundance. Even when it is a big, dead, brown bird.

Be careful what you ask for…

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An intuition filled life

An intuition filled life

At 8 AM; I wiped the sleep off my face, downed the last of my chai latte, said my typical pre-reading prayer and called a new client on the other side of the United States. Even after four years and a lifetime of experience, I still get nervous. My faith is deep and wide and true, but there is still a small part of me that hopes all goes well each and every time.

The reading that took place this early Sunday morning was one of my all time favorites. The sitter (my client), was nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting this appointment for months. We got started with the what to expect mumbo jumbo and spirit started to speak.

Spirit is so unpredictable. They come through with their unique personalities full of love and hope. It still surprises me how much laughter happens during a typical reading. Spirit has waited ages to speak through the microphone of a medium to get messages through to their loved ones. And once that connection is made it is like years of healing take place in under an hour. It’s a miracle. There are no words that accurately capture what happens in that hour; and yet here I am trying to find a way to impart some wisdom and capture what happened in this particular session.

This reading, I still don’t have a better word for these spirit interactions, brought so much out of my client. She like me is intuitive and had spent years ignoring or down playing her intuition because other people didn’t understand the way she made decisions, how she knew things without having any access to the information prior to an event or “knowing moment”.

It filled me with sadness that we aren’t recognizing these talents on a wide level. I know we don’t always understand it and logic rules the western world – don’t get me wrong logic is important, but so is a healthy dose of intuition.

Take for example, a mother and her infant. A worried mom brings her infant to the doctor because she “knows” something is not right. The doctor is not seeing that there is anything physiologically wrong with said infant, but the mother knows that there is. She is adamant that her child is suffering. She demands more tests, second opinions and lo and behold her baby has a severe case of acid reflux or Lyme or food allergies. Our society tells moms to trust their instincts. My friends these instincts are intuition.

My long winding point is intuition is getting a bad wrap and we need to trust that spidy-sense we get deep in our stomach that makes us feel like something is off or like something is just right. It is okay that we can’t explain it more than – it just feels right! That should be enough.

We ask our children to trust the feeling that if someone makes you uncomfortable in any way to physically change your proximity to that person and not ever be alone with them. Or at least I do and we should all trust our feelings even when they don’t make logical sense.

Intuition is our soul sending messages to our brain. It is trying to give us information when logic may not be enough or even when logic is failing us and we need to know the truth another way. Through the reading I had that Sunday morning this all becomes apparent. Spirit was validating my client’s feelings and telling her to listen to her intuition, it is her soul speaking. And I am reminded in this small session with her just how important that is for our safety, sanity and happiness.


How does one listen to their intuition or even find it in the first place? It is feeling all the feels. When you make a choice, become conscious of how your body reacts to that choice and then just keep practicing. Does the choice leave you a little off center? Does the choice make you a bit tingly all over and excited about what is coming next? Do you get a deep sense of calm throughout your being after you have made that decision? The more aware you are of how you feel the more likely you are to pay attention to these feelings.

Intuition can be practiced by entering a room and seeing how your emotions and body react to that space. The people you are with; how do you feel about them? What does your body naturally do around those people. If you are tense, there is probably a reason. If you easily relax; there is probably a reason.

Sometimes there is not a peep from intuition to guide you any one way and that is because logic is enough. You have it all figured out. Intuition steps up its game when it is trying to get you to see another perspective or make you take that big leap you are so hesitant to take.

When your soul is whispering to your conscious mind that is intuition and it has a place in our lives. It can keep you out of trouble and lead you into the right place at the right time. When we ignore intuition, our lives seem to be missing something.

Intuition has led me to so much success. Logic alone would not have led me down my current path. Intuition makes us a bit vulnerable which can be scary. Intuition often leaves us without explanation for our actions other than, “it just feels right”. I know some of you don’t need to hear this, but those of you that do, “it just feels right” is enough – no more explanation needed.

Our intuition is enough and it does us good to be in touch with how our soul is interpreting our surroundings and not just our mind. They are two separate things; sometimes they work in concert, but other times your soul wants something your mind can’t quite grasp and that is when intuition takes over. Let it. It doesn’t have to be what wins out, but intuition should at least be considered and trusted as a valid part of our daily lives and how it guides us through our experiences. It is our soul speaking to us after all.

Until next time,

Speaking Soul: How I Discovered I was just a Translator

Speaking Soul: How I Discovered I was just a Translator

“Were you able to determine how the baby died, then?”

“Actually,” the medical examiner says. “That’s more complicated than most people think. We medical geeks make a distinction between the way a person died and the actual change in the body that causes the termination of life.”

Small Great Things – Jodi Picoult

It is easy to poke holes in the messages spiritual mediums deliver. That is not lost on me. Their messages can be vague in some cases and seem to apply in a broad sense. There are exact details given, but spirit does not come forward and say…”Hi, I am Jim. I am Marge’s brother and I died in a car accident on December 12, 1982.” It is frustrating that this isn’t how spirit communication works. I have asked spirit why it doesn’t work this way at least a gazillion times.

“Why the heck do you make this so difficult?” I ask. Never a clear answer. This hasn’t stopped my brain from trying to piece together an answer that makes sense. The beautiful thing about spirit is that it will answer you; you just might have to pay close attention to what information you are given and have the patience to sort through it to find the answer.

As with all great realizations, it took time for me to discover why spirit communicates the way that they do.  Okay, maybe all great realizations don’t take years to discover, some people have found the easy way and realizations happen via Google searches or by asking Siri a simple question. Unfortunately, Siri doesn’t ever answer my questions or understand them correctly for that matter. However, ironically Siri did help. Siri’s inability to understand my request to make a phone call led me to consider how Siri, a machine, translates human language. I mean I am speaking to a machine, after all. It doesn’t understand our language exactly. It is translating it and morphing it into a language it understands.

I mean Siri does say our own words back to us after all. Spirit should do the same, right? But, no that isn’t how spirit communication works. This is how some things work with Spirit. Sometimes I do hear and am able to pick up on exact phrases; whole conversation pieces. On the flip side; there is a ton of information that isn’t ever verbally communicated that I am able to pick up and have to decipher.

But this idea of Siri, Spirit and translation are still rattling around in my head as we head out across the Atlantic Ocean or pond, (I had to refer to it that way so that I wasn’t focused on being in a metal can thousands of feet above a vast ocean for HOURS to get there. I know, I know flying is safer than driving…yadda.yadda.yadda) to Ireland.

While in Ireland, our family had the opportunity to visit a Celtic Club where we learned how to play Irish Games – Hurling, Irish Football, and Handball. We were introduced to these games through a bit of Irish Culture because these games are a way that the Irish people preserve their Celtic Heritage. One of the things that I found illuminating in this brief overview of history was that there are no definite words for yes or no in true Gaelic Irish. There are as many shades of yes and no as there are shades of green across the Emerald Isle. Isn’t that a truly wonderful thing that there are shades of yes and no? Some people like definite, I like the shades of color and variance, open possibilities. The example below from a blog on mindfloss demonstrates an example of how questions are answered with out yes or no directly:

mentalfloss - Irish yes and no
http://mentalfloss.com/article/49480/8-fun-facts-about-irish-language

I started thinking about how words translate from language to language and it occurred to me that being a medium is like being a type of translator. It’s funny that the idea of mediumship being simple translation didn’t occur to me until now. But there it is. Spirit speaks soul and as with any language, translations aren’t exact. Soul is going to have shades and variances that English, Spanish, French, Greek, Gaelic Irish or any other human language might not be able to capture. So of course, spirit isn’t going to come forward and say, “Hi, I am Mary Lawson. I lived 58 years and died of ovarian cancer.” Those are our spoken words. Spirit will have a whole other set of words to describe that experience.

When spirit speaks they try to exude their personality, show the way they looked and share other vibrant characteristics because in the language of soul, that is their name. Duh! I don’t know why it took my so long to see that. And if I were to describe myself to someone the last thing I would use would be my name. I would tell them about me. Yes, we might say our name, but it doesn’t describe who we are, we are more than a name. Especially a soul; it is so much more vast than just a single name.

Our names often mean something or stand for something and spirit may try to describe that instead because that represents more about them than just the name. For example, Briana means strength. So Briana’s soul may come through demonstrating strength and exuding her character rather than simply saying, “I am Briana.” Granted, I get why this would be easier and better for the scientific community, and for our human brains to understand, but this makes perfect sense to me. I have spent years trying to make sense of why and how spirit communicates the way it does and have had little else stand out as a better answer. This right here makes some solid sense.

An additional puzzle piece to solving this riddle came when I was reading Jodi Picoult’s, Small Great Things. A must read by the way. My fave book of summer. While reading, I came across the quote I opened the blog with and wham-o, brilliance like lightning can strike multiple times and often has to, to sink into this thick skull, there it was again a difference in perception and translation.

For soul, the reason the body stops working isn’t translated exactly to what we might determine as cause of death. It is like the fictional character describes, “We medical geeks make a distinction between the way a person died and the actual change in the body that causes the termination of life.” So does soul. They don’t use the actual words, “heart attack”, “Alzheimer’s”, “Parkinson’s”, “car accident”, etc. They give me the feelings that their body experienced and how their body stopped working and then I have to use those items, just like a medical examiner would, to determine what I think cause of death might have been.

So often a soul tells me that their heart stopped or that they had pressure on their chest and had difficulty getting enough air, they had a mass in their body that spread, they were just plain exhausted, or even their heart was in so much pain they could not continue on in life.  The focus for the soul is on the change in the body that caused the termination of life. Which of course makes sense because the body stopped working and the soul had to leave the body behind. A soul isn’t dead. A soul is still living, so it’s not going to say how it died; it didn’t die. Souls refer to themselves as alive.

We often expect spirit to communicate in our human languages and often knock mediums because spirit doesn’t communicate the way we expect it to. That needs to change. Spirit speaks soul. Spirits are no longer attached to a brain that translates their language into words we understand. They are doing the best they can to speak to a medium – soul translator – to help the living understand souls and what life is like without a body.

Spirit speaks soul. A language with a culture, tradition, and history older than time itself – literally. The words soul uses do not have direct translations to human word. We have to change our construct and expectations of how information is transmitted from spirit to human. Soul is emotion based. Soul is intuition. Soul is how faith feels.

All this time I have tried to define a spiritual medium in a way that makes sense to me and it comes down to this: a spiritual medium is a person who speaks soul. Spiritual mediums are able to understand soul enough to translate the messages they receive into human language. They do the best they can, but of course translations are going to be off from time to time. Of course signals can get crossed. For a medium it really is like communicating across radio waves.

Think about it this way, does your satellite radio lose its signal from time to time? Does your power or cable go out? Yup. Yep. Yeppers. Being a medium isn’t much different from that. They are translating one language to another across radio-like signals trying to help people and soul communicate so that they know they are not ever lost to one another. Don’t blame the medium or criticize their efforts; a great deal of solid information is translated clearly, but it isn’t always exact; no fault to either communicating party. They are all doing the best they can.

My hope is that in understanding that soul and humans speak two different languages that humans start to better understand soul and those who speak it fluently. In truth, we all speak soul, most of us have just forgotten how. The more you try the more fluent you become. And I say, don’t knock it until you try it.

Until next time,

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Sitting on the edge

Sitting on the edge

It’s a Tuesday and I don’t even know where to start. There is just so much, too many feels to hold inside my body.

On the surface and mostly, life is good; really, really good.

And yet; there has been something missing lately.

Again don’t get me wrong the plusses in my life are major. For example, being a mom is my favorite and it is all I ever wanted to be. But my first world problems start when I think ahead. My oldest turns 13 in less than two weeks. I turn 40 in 6 months. What is next for me? What do I do when they are grown? I am technically an adult so what do I want for the rest of my life? Do I keep the job I have for the next 20 years? Do I practice what I preach and follow my dreams?

Answers always come. Once you let the universe know what your heart desires the answers come.

There are no coincidences. Everything happens on purpose – there may not be a reason, but there is purpose even if it doesn’t make sense; even if it’s not fair, there is purpose.

How does all this rambling connect? Well, let me share with you a bit about my past week.

This past week I was in LA for work and we had to introduce ourselves by sharing a hidden talent. Should be easy, no problem right. Well my hidden talent can be seen as adverse or cray-cray. This type of professional setting made it feel unsafe to share mine. But in my heart, this just felt wrong and it left a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach I just couldn’t shake for the next several days.

When I started writing this blog and started my journey to my most authentic self it was to break down walls and live out loud. I am tired of hiding; even if it is part-time. I don’t want to be in a place where I can’t be myself any more. In the life I want for myself I don’t have to keep the biggest part of who I am under wraps. But in reality, I am. That is how I live right now. I know I share here, and in my town, but I go to work and am a totally different person with most people. I stay quiet and keep my head down and just try to get through each day. Accounting, sales and marketing are my day job. Me and numbers; I can hear you laughing through the internet. But I get it, I totally get it.

So with the weight of hiding weighing on my mind, I sent a call out to God; a prayer to the universe: Show me the way. What should I do next? And then I wait because that is what you do. You wait and watch, and maintain your steady path until you hear back otherwise.

As we drove home from LA, we passed 3 different psychic studios (not that I am a psychic by any means) but still it is in the same wheelhouse if we are being technical. It felt like an answer that time and time again I would feel drawn to look up and nearby there was a literal sign for a psychic.

As sign after sign passed it made me feel like the universe and God were whispering back (okay slapping me in the face) take the leap; JUMP. And as the great Ron Swanson says, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” Thank you, thank you Parks and Rec; Amy Poehler and cast you make my days complete.

Right now, I am not whole-assing anything. I am half-assing a lot of things and not doing a great job. I am hanging on and it seems grand, I am sure to those outside looking in, but really something is missing and there is too much going on, to do one thing well.

I think it is just about time to make a big change. It’s what the universe and God are telling me, too. To do something about following this dream of mine. And I did meet Amy Poehler…’s star on the way home from LA so anything is possible, right? I mean really, we are going to meet one day and she is going to love me, I just know it! I even visited Beverly Hills for the first time and sat in the bar of the Beverly Wilshire and had a cocktail. I mean come on; I am meant for greatness right? That and two different clients texted me the same week to tell me that multiple people referred them to me and one even said I was famous and couldn’t believe I was coming to her house. WALK of FAME watch out I am coming for you! Am I right? Okay, okay I am humble, I promise. I wouldn’t be here writing about choices if I wasn’t.

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Seriously though; I think it’s time to wrap up this journey of mine in a nice little bow and take that final leap and love who I am; my whole-self and truly live out loud. Be who I am where-ever and whenever. No need to hide that I speak to spirit. I have faith. I trust spirit and I trust God. That is enough and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. God has crazy mad love for me and I should love myself that much, too. So, I think it’s just about time to make a change.

I am over here sitting on the edge, looking down and out and contemplating taking that leap while the universe keeps whispering, “jump.” It’s not a matter of if any more; it’s just a matter of when.

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Until next time or until I jump whichever comes first,

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