A Thursday night several months ago, I had a session with a client. Her father, who was in spirit, stepped forward to share messages with her. During the session, he showed me a brown and white feather. It was rather large; about 12 inches in length and while there was white rippling though it the majority of the feather was a deep brown like worn leather.
He told me that this feather was a sign he gave his daughter to let her know that he was with her. My ego butted in since I had never seen a feather like this before; I wasn’t sure if they were real, and told her I wasn’t sure about the validity of this message, but that is what her dad was showing me. She said it made perfect sense she saw them all the time. Not that I said this out loud, but I didn’t really believe it, I hadn’t ever seen anything like that. The reading continued on as they do, but I still held onto the fact that I hadn’t ever seen a feather like that before.
The next day we left on a camping trip and that Saturday morning my husband and I took a walk on the beach as my aunt and uncle were with us and agreed to watch the kids. I was excited! It was like a little mini date; with four kids those are hard to come by.
As I was walking, each step I took I saw one of the feathers that the father had shown me during the reading that Thursday night.
I was in awe.
I saw one every few steps. Over and over again I was shown this feather.
Now, I am going to digress for a second. My husband was with me and he has never seen me do a reading and he still believes in coincidence. I have learned that there are no coincidences. Each event happens on purpose and with purpose. And of course, like any good wife I could not resist to take this opportunity to let him on what I thought was a message from spirit straight to me. Obviously to remind me not to doubt their messages and to keep my ego quiet.
I turn to him and say, “Can you believe this? Look at these feathers. These are the feathers I was telling you about. I have never seen them before and now there are right in front of me with each step I take.”
“We are at the beach and there are a lot of birds here. There are going to be feathers everywhere.” He answers with the tone that sounds just like an eye roll.
As we pass another one, I speak up again.
“Right in front of my foot and nowhere to each side? Really? What will it take for you to believe this isn’t a coincidence?” Exasperation saturating each word.
“There would have to be a big, dead, brown bird right in front of me to believe that.” He says with a laugh.
We continued down the beach and there were more feathers. I was disappointed I had left my camera back at the trailer and could not take any photos, but I have also learned that is how miracles work; we often have to believe without proof. After looking at the tide pools for a bit we turned back.
We began to follow our exact footprints back the way we came. There are no other people on the beach that day since it is pretty overcast and dreary. It is late fall after all.
As we are walking, I start to see a large mass ahead of us. As we near closer to the mass we notice it is in fact an animal. As we come upon it we are able to decipher exactly what it is.
A big, dead, brown bird.
Yep, a big, dead, brown bird and it is right next to our footprints. It was not there on the way out. I give my husband a look and take a mental note not to leave my phone behind anymore. Man, I wish I had a picture of this! I know, I know, I tell spirit…I am not supposed to have to prove these things. I am just supposed to accept them as they come.
“That is a dead bird,” he says.
“Don’t look at me. That bird’s life is on you.” I say.
He walks over to the bird and apologizes.
“Now do you believe there are no coincidences?” I ask.
“I will give you a 60/40 chance on that one.” He answers as any good husband would, but I can tell this one shook him a bit more than that.
You ask and you shall receive. Spirit messages are everywhere and the more you pay attention; the more you are open to them, the more they reign down on you with abundance. Even when it is a big, dead, brown bird.
So I am reading a little Gabby Bernstein and really focusing on preparing to go back to doing readings on a regular basis.
I am supposed to be vulnerable here, to speak the truth. It isn’t always easy to bear your soul, but it’s what I said I would do.
The truth is I am afraid of failure. I never wanted to be the medium that couldn’t give someone a reading.
And that happened.
And it was awful.
Worse than I imagined.
But I lived.
And I have done successful readings after said failure.
Still, fear grips me every.single.time.
As I stopped today and spent time in meditation reflecting on Gabby’s words; a lightbulb of clarity clicked on in my soul.
These words tumbled out of me…
God called me to this task on purpose. I cannot fail as long as I make my best forward effort. He has given me divine love. With divine love I am unstoppable. I have faith He will lead me where I need to go. I am loved completely and trust that I will be guided to do the most good with my life. I choose to learn through love.
This doesn’t mean the fear is gone, but it does mean I can look at it and call it by name. It does mean that I can face it and move beyond it.
Thanks, Gabby. Thanks, Universe. Thank you, God.
Choosing to learn through love and I hope you are, too.
P.S. Hopefully divine love includes not going to hell for spelling Mother Teresa’s name wrong. Whoops.
I guess my first memory of spirit is when I was two. There was a man in my room. He seemed harmless, but was a tall, balding, thin old man that would come in my room near bedtime each night. Sometimes I would wake up and he would just be there. Even though I could see him clearly I knew he didn’t quite belong. I would go get my mom and beg her to stay and sleep with me. She never saw what I did, but sometimes would stay in my room to calm me back to sleep.
Many years later I would see a picture of my great-grandfather and the mystery of who was in my room each night was solved.
We moved to Spokane when I was three and things got crazier. We happened to live in a neighborhood with a great deal of negative activity. There was a house at the top of the street that a nasty old woman lived in. Funny enough I asked my parents about this house just a few weeks ago and they said it never existed; but I could see it plain as day. It must have been a house that was there before they built our neighborhood. She was not happy to have all the houses nearby and it wreaked havoc. Her negative energy drew in other negative energy.
It was at this house that I was chased to my room regularly by what I would call a demon. It was just a negative male spirit who would appear like a large black dog with red eyes and chase after me down the hall. I know that sounds crazy, but if there were a good sketch artist at hand I could still describe the form precisely.
This is also the house where I had my first dream that relayed to me how I had died in a past life. I watched my lifeless young body be thrown into a pit with other bodies. We were diseased and had to be disposed of after our death. We were all thrown into this pit without a marker. It was somewhere outside of Austria.
Not too long after that we moved to Colorado, I started kindergarten. The bus stop was at the top of our street and after my baby sister was born I often had to walk home by myself. A man with cowboy boots with spurs would often follow me home. He scared me because I didn’t recognize him and I asked him to stay further behind me and to please make the spurs quiet. He obliged like a good cowboy and continued to stay behind me for many many years. He followed me many places and didn’t like when I was left alone.
While all of this seemed normal to me a part of me knew not everyone; especially adults could see what I could see. Many of the kids around me could see things, too even though we didn’t discuss it. I did tell my BFF in kindergarten. But by first grade no other kid that I knew could see the things I could.
We were at recess one day when I turned to my friends and asked whose dad that was on the playground. There was a man in his forties watching the kids play. None of them saw who I was talking about, not one. That is when I decided it was time to stop talking about what I could see to anyone else.
It would be at least ten years before I spoke to anyone besides family about what I could see again.
“If people enjoy what you’ve created, terrific. If people ignore what you’ve created, too bad. If people misunderstand what you’ve created, don’t sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you’ve created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motive, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest – as politely as you possibly can – that they go make their own [flipping] art. Then stubbornly continue making yours.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
Elizabeth Gilbert and my sweet wise-owl friend who lent me Ms. Gilbert’s book just might have given me the best gift ever; a permission slip to stop caring what people think. How liberating is that?!
It is probably about time that I say out loud and with full certainty I absolutely love speaking with spirit. I never stopped acknowledging or talking to spirit because I liked it. It was comforting and in all reality built my faith more than any church I have attended. Using my gift is like fully breathing. It is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes or the color of my skin. Fear kept me back from using it publicly for 35 years. How silly! How immature! Who cares what other people think?
I mean really.
Here I was saying I was the biggest skeptic in the room and then feeling hurt when people would say things like, “It was wonderful. 90% of what was said made perfect sense”. I would hang on to that 90% like what the hell – why do they need a claim to 10% was pure nonsense?! Well of course they did because I set the example! So stupid.
I let my fear of what other people thought be my own crutch. And I hate crutches! I will be that old lady on her scooter with a souped up engine and streamers on the handles. Did I mention it will also most likely be hot pink with glitter? Well it will and I will ride it and laugh with pride. Because who cares what other people think?
Well guess what – if I don’t care what other people think and if I really dig down deep; I am not skeptical at all. The most amazing things have happened when I have freed myself from doubt and embraced my gift with my whole heart.
Like this week for example, I was struggling because I was giving a damn what people thought. Reacting to the output of my work – which I cannot control by the way – I can only do the work and what happens after is not my responsibility. I have nothing to do with how people interpret what is said or their experience with my specific gift. I can only do it to the absolute best of my ability and with the purest of heart and then continue on doing the work.
But I digress, I was struggling with things and you know what? The universe answered. It always does. Each reading this week offered me insight.
I had read that speaking to the dead was a sin and not a gift from God. There was discussion that said that when these spirits come through they say everything is all right and then basically you are off the hook to live a good and decent life. That is not the case! The readings this week reinforced that. Spirits came forward to talk of how they have to pay for their mistakes, how they are held accountable. Others came through talking of how they get to meet with religious leaders of all faiths. How they come together to teach other souls how to continue grow spiritually even in heaven. They talk of a hierarchy of things. There are angles that come through that bring words of praise and compassion, but also talk of caution of our faults.
But most importantly, my faith, what I experience as God is present in every single reading. I don’t allow anything different. That is all that matters. I know that and so who cares what other people think? That isn’t my problem; it is theirs. I can only control my reaction and I chose not to react. I chose to continue on with my principles and faith as I see fit.
But above all else; I know that without a doubt something miraculous is happening when I give a reading. There are things I cannot possibly know; that the person I am talking to does not know. They have to talk with relatives to confirm. I have even had a reading done myself when the medium knew something I couldn’t and I asked my family to find it to be absolutely true.
So here is the vow I am taking;
I have to share messages from spirit and I have to write. These two things make me whole.
These two things bring me joy and I love them both immensely. I will not let fear rob me of my joy in doing these things.
I will not let perfectionism destroy what I know I am perfectly capable of doing. I will do these things because I love them no matter what may come.
I will not be afraid to look ridiculous or sound foolish. I will speak my truth to the best of my ability. Everyone has that right as a decent human and I do to.
It is what I love to do; it is what I must do.
I will not complain or feel angst over this anymore. I don’t feel angst about it at all; I have only ever had angst because I was worried about what people thought and I really don’t want to worry about that any more. I have enough to worry about and now I can scratch that off my list. No more apologies.
I will believe I am worthy. We are all worthy and so that means so am I.
I speak soul; I offer messages from the other side for healing; I can help those who grieve and it is absolutely as invaluable to me as the air I breathe. I will do it because I adore it regardless of what other people think.
wurd.amen.to new freedom from fear and all that jazz!
Do you ever hit every single red light? I am not talking just in one trip out, but continuously for a week.
Have you been out and about and swore that you saw a passed loved one only to take a second look and it was not them at all? The person didn’t even really look like them all that much, but when you saw them the first time they were a dead ringer.
Do objects in your house, like your keys, go “misplaced” even when you know you put them in specific spot?
Are you frequently changing your lightbulbs? Or do you have lightbulbs that pop?
Do you catch a whiff of a loved ones perfume, cologne, or cigarette smoke from time to time?
Are you electronics always on the fritz?
Do you ever get strong cravings for things that someone that passed loved, but you didn’t really ever like?
Do sightings of birds, insects or specific skylines catch your eye and you just know that your loved one made that appear just for you?
Are you constantly finding specific objects like feathers, buttons, or coins?
These are all common signs from the other side. When I say they are constantly communicating with us; that is not an understatement. I have come across all kinds of signs both through readings and personally.
I have lost all four grandparents and miss them deeply. One of my grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer’s for years before she passed. She raised 6 kids and even though I only have 4, I long for her guidance all the time. For the first three years that we moved to Gilroy and I was carting around my 4 and doing school drop off I would cry once the house was quiet because I just missed her so much and would send my questions to the heavens up to her, but I did not get an answer. I know she was listening; and even answering, but my own pain caused me to miss her signs.
I have been able to open my heart more and more the last two years and with guidance from other mediums have been able to connect to my grandmother more and more. What is odd is I feel her all around me now. But it started with my unusual craving for Diet Dr. Pepper. If you know me I have never liked diet soda. I would drink anything but. Lately however, I have to have Diet Dr. Pepper. I think it is her way of telling me this little drink helped her cope day to day and it can help me, too. I am a bit of a caffeine junky.
I am also constantly craving Doublemint gum. This was her gum of choice. She always had it. It is not my favorite gum, but I feel the need to have some on hand all the time and no other gum tastes as good as that gum. I have been fighting my weight gain and I think this is her way of saying have some gum on hand it helps.
There are so many ways that our loved ones try to come through to help us and guide us. They often literally whisper in your ear to help your intuition know the best choice for your soul. If your gut is telling you something it is wise to listen. If you feel something and can’t explain it – you just know – that usually means something.
There are many ways that signs can be discounted or explained away. That is the easy part. Believing is the hard part. Trusting in something you can’t see; believing in what you know is true even when you can’t prove it. That is what is hard for us; accepting something is real without being able to prove it. Believe anyway.
Spirits have ways of saying hello through numbers. If you are awoken at the same time every night or constantly look at your clock every day at the same time that is your loved one saying hello. If your phone seems possessed and you even receive strange calls and no one is on the other line, your loved one has called to say hello.
Dreams are a common way our spirit loved ones connect to us. Even if the dream doesn’t always make sense and we can’t remember what is said, but everything else about the dream feels so real then you connected with them. We are so open in our sleep and they can reach us a little more easily than when we are awake.
If you aren’t seeing these signs, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It may mean you aren’t ready to see them yet; your pain and grief can block some of these things from sinking in. Your brain is wired to protect yourself from pain and so it creates blocks so that our emotions are safe guarded. Your loved ones are around you. You are a big part of their heaven.
Your loved ones are just a thought away. If you think of them; they receive the call and are right there for you. Always.
I would love to hear about the signs that you have received from loved ones and I know that sharing them will help others, too. So share in the comments or on my FB page. I can’t wait to hear your stories.
First and foremost, I am a deeply spiritual person who has a vast and limitless faith in God. Everything that I am able to carry out in this life is a gift directly from HIM. I rarely openly share my unbounded faith in the Lord. Spirituality is an exceptionally private matter that I feel resides deep within an individual and is not up for dissent from another human being. Each of us has an incredibly unique relationship with faith and spirituality and there are no right answers when it comes to this subject. And so I don’t discuss it usually because it can be a divide; something that we humans use to separate ourselves and that hurts my soul. There is no reason we should be divided over faith. Faith is beautiful, imperfect and immensely personal.
That background needed to be given before I speak more openly about the readings I do and what those experiences have taught me. First, these experiences have taught me that anything is possible and that there is always a divine purpose to the things that happen in our lives.
Secondly, I have learned that I am capable of anything with the right amount of prayer and the ability to follow that faith and intuition.
Allowing myself to follow my faith has led me to so much more than I ever could have imagined in this last year. In my readings, it has become clear that God’s love is unconditional. We are loved beyond what we could ever imagine. God never once gives up on us. That hope that we feel comes from that love. It knows no bounds. We are always enough and each time we get knocked down, God is our biggest cheerleader willing us to move forward and do better. God knows we can.
I have also learned that while there is a plan there is never a good reason we lose someone we love. Nothing that will soothe our human hearts. Somehow, some way when we reach the other side there is an understanding that is awakened in our souls and all is revealed. But there is never a reason that is valid to our human brains and hearts.
What is more, is that I believe all I do is speak another language. I am able to communicate soul to soul. We are all capable of this gift. Each of us has this ability. It is not void or missing in a single one of us. We just forget. The longer our souls spend in a body the more and more our brain and logic takes over. The more and more we operate in the physical realm. But we can all find a way to open up our souls. This is not something exclusive to me. We all have this ability. I just never allowed mine to shut down and continually cultivated the ability to speak with my soul. Just like if you learn Spanish, but you never use it you lose the majority of it. It is just like that. Nothing flashy about it.
What I think is most important are these things: we are loved profusely, we are capable of all things; we are our only obstacle, and while there is no sensible reason to appease our grieving hearts we are forever connected to our loved ones through our souls. We are surrounded by those we love in a more emotional, spiritual plane and they are not as far away as they may seem.
I hope these things that have been revealed to me over the last year through my readings bring some peace to you.
On this Easter morning, I find it fitting to resurrect my blog from the ashes. I have been radio silent since I started my new side business. In the last 10 months I have done over 100 readings for people all over. Some readings were as far as Tennessee and New York while others were right in my own home.
Once I started down this path as a professional medium, it felt like the duct tape came out and that I needed to seal these experiences. Mostly because these aren’t my stories to share, but also partly because I was afraid of how they would be received.
There has been a recent shift and I no longer believe this to be completely accurate. My perspective of these events are mine to share and in some ways need to be shared.
Three weeks ago I had a reading done for myself. I have told you that Allison DuBois did a reading for me when I started this journey 10 months ago and I felt I needed to check in with the other side to see if there were messages for myself that I might have missed along the way.
What transpired was not entirely what I expected. If I am being completely honest, sometimes this feels like a superpower. (Plus as much as I love fairy tales, I love superheroes, too). Any way, I thought one super hero would be able to spot another super hero. This is not the case. At least not so far as I have experienced. Is it a deficiency in a mediums ability to spot another medium; maybe. But I am not entirely convinced.
Any way, it was helpful, but it also made me realize that I don’t need to check in with other mediums to find out what I need to know. I ALREADY KNOW. Mind freaking blowing, I know. We all ALREADY KNOW. We really do; down deep we know the answers to our most pressing soul-searching questions. We know. We just don’t always listen or admit we know.
So, as I turn this short story into a long one, the point is that these are also my experiences to share. Those of you that have pushed me to blog about them you were right. There is a reason that I share though writing and also have this ability to speak to other souls. It isn’t a random occurrence; instead it is exactly the combination the universe wanted.
All of my readings have been intense learning experiences for all the people involved. So I will be blogging again. Telling you my side of the experiences without divulging or revealing the anonymity of my clients. I think it will be good for me to keep a running log of these events and teachings.
I know it isn’t my job to convince the world that heaven is real; as Brene Brown says, I am not a jackass whisperer. This is just a freeing feeling for my soul. I am following my intuition and letting spirit lead as I always do. They want to share as well.
Those that have come before me have paved the path of greater acceptance and maybe by me sharing what I can along the way that will continue for those that follow me.
I guess the good thing you guys is that I am learning something here. Slowly, oh so slowly these lessons are sinking in and leaving me a stronger, wiser human. Not to say I am not making some of the same mistakes twice, I am human after all, but I catch myself in the mistake now and say, “Uh-oh, here I go again.” and I redirect myself, you guys.
That is it, like parenting a toddler, I redirect myself and that is still learning. Catching yourself, being aware and making quicker steps to resolve what is happening. And so with all this wiser knowledge I bring you my November lessons (the wiser in this sentence is intended to be sarcastic, we really need to design some sarcastic font):
1. All the things
So I have a problem that I know all my readers are aware of; I try to do all the things. Before you scold me, listen. I have done all the things so far in life until recently. That is what tricks us into thinking we can do all the things.
As a kid we do all the things. We play, go to school, have friends, spend time with family, play a sport maybe and it is mostly seemingly successful. As a young adult we do the same things and just juggle in some bill paying, house cleaning and in a short time we swap out school and a low paying job for just a job. Then slowly we add in a relationship (for some of us, some people don’t want a serious relationship and that is totally fine) and possibly some kids.
So let’s get to that part for a second. I got married, went back to grad school while I was teaching and had a baby. Now I shifted to working part-time while I did this the second year, but I still juggled all the balls pretty successfully. I added another child and took on an out of the home full-time job and still juggled all the balls pretty successfully. See this tricky life, making you think you can juggle all the things.
Then, I went and had twins. Wha-bam! Balls started falling to the ground all over the place. I was surviving said juggling failures and learning that life is about learning from mistakes and there is beauty in the mess, blah, blah, blah. I know I shouldn’t blah, blah over the sentimental wise stuff, but you have heard all that before in my previous lessons.
So here is where, I got tricked you guys…I had been juggling all the things, I started dropping a few balls thinking oh you are supposed to drop a few it’s okay, and then I started to add more things. A blog, a turtle, a dog, Holiday Cheer, a side business and then it became just sheer chaos.
So here I am neck-deep in the chaos and I am not sure I can let anything go, but taking care of myself at this point. Those of you who see me on a regular basis are seeing that is the case because my weight is back on these days. Mind you, I am also writing this at 4 in the morning while drinking a coke – yep that ball has dropped my friends, and like Jack Handy says, when you drop your keys in hot lava let them go, let them go because they are gone!
I have made some mistakes at work this past week that I am not happy about; mistakes I would not have made four and a half years ago. I wallowed in them a bit, but I learned from them and adjusted things so as not to make those mistakes in the future.
Giving up one of my other things though isn’t really an option for me. I love being a mother. The kids are for the most part doing pretty darn fabulous I might say. Two successful parent conferences, and the twins speech therapist wants me to teach parenting classes, so I must be doing something right even if I do forget to comb both the twins hair most days. I love being a wife and adore my husband. Honey please stay married to me even though I am terrible about refilling the soap – I know that drives you crazy and that you have to do all the dishes all the time – I love you dearly I am just a bad juggler.
I love writing this blog. It is sporadic at times and that is because I am juggling other things, but this is important to me. Writing in here keeps me real, keeps me open and ensures that I continue to shatter the walls of perfection, by just being who I am out loud for all to see. Maybe in me doing that others will, too. Take off your masks and let’s all just be bad jugglers together and help each other pick up the dropped balls.
My side business is my dream job, as hard as it is at times, so I have to keep pursuing that; even if it never pans out more than what I am doing now.
And the day job keeps my family fed, a roof over our heads, and really is a fantastic job because I am able to work from home. I mean really I can’t let either of my jobs go by the wayside.
So, I have decided that I may not be able to do all things well, but I have to keep trying to do all the things I have right now the very best I can. That is all I can do, that and make sure I never let myself get a puppy again. She is cute, but that one really tipped the scales in my time management.
2. Find your tribe
Girls weekend update, for those of you that haven’t heard – it was glorious.
Friendship has always been tricky for me. When we moved away from my soul mate, best friend in the fourth grade I didn’t ever let myself get close to another human like I did with her. This past two years, I have worked to make some solid friendships and rekindle some important, older ones. I have found a tribe of friends that I cannot live without.
These fabulous, amazing, kind, forgiving women are all so important to me. They support my craziness, love me any way (that is a big one because you see from the above lesson I am a horrible juggler which means I can sometimes seem like a flaky friend), and they show up all the time.
I had two of them check in on me this week just to check in! Amazing feeling.
The husband asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I told him I wanted to throw a little party and he about fell off the couch. I am pretty sure the look of shock on his face matched the one he had when my obstetrician told him we were having twins.
But, that is just it; I can’t imagine having a birthday without my people. My people are so much a part of my life now. I love all my people. So if you don’t get an invitation it is because I am a bad juggler and do what my people do: just invite yourselves over for dinner, really that is what my people do and I love them even more for it.
3. It is none of your business what people think of you
One of my dear friends tells me and others all the time, “It is none of your business what other people think of you.” For a while I have to admit this saying bothered me. Not the way that you think either, I wasn’t worried so much about doing certain things because of what people would think of me; I mean I leave the house in sweatpants and a ponytail. I was more worried that people wouldn’t think I was kind. Being kind to others is important to me and that was my worry. I thought if I didn’t always do the right thing by way of being kind or courteous to other people then that was an issue and so I worried about what people thought because I wanted to make sure their needs were being met.
But here is the thing; I am constantly telling my daughter to stop telling everyone else what to do and do what she needs to do and everything will fall into place. That is the same thing as not making it your business what other people think of you.
How is it the same? Well if you just do the best you can and always try to be the kind of person that you want to be then everything will fall into place.
See I have worked at being the kind of human I want my kids to become and in doing that I have made friends and rebuilt old friendships. I have started giving back to other people and always try to put kindness first. Do I sometimes still lose my temper or put my frustration before my compassion – of course. But I try to remedy any issues that may cause and I have learned that even when you make mistakes people see you for what you really are anyway. Be yourself and worry about yourself, the rest will fall into place.
4. Personal Grace
This one is simply said, but difficult to put into practice. I mentioned earlier how I made some mistakes this week, well offering myself grace was incredibly difficult. I had one of my worst bouts with depression in twenty years. I couldn’t offer myself grace or compassion. I was angry, frustrated, disappointed, and well I felt plain worthless. I took that out on those I loved most because when I was feeling those things it was clear to those I live with. They saw it. They felt it.
If instead I I had just said to myself – “you made a mistake, how do you fix it? Okay, let’s fix it and not make the same mistake again” and then moved on – no big deal. It was because I wallowed in it, let myself be so disappointed and frustrated that caused all the trouble.
Grace, offer yourself grace for your mistakes and it really is an easier road.
And that my dear readers wraps up my November lessons. I need to keep on keeping on, offer myself grace because really when I am juggling all the things that is pretty impressive and when something drops I pick it back up again – also pretty impressive. So my life is carefree compared to the struggles of others; it is still my life and my struggles therefore it is okay if I wade through some days instead of surfing the tide. My wise friend who tells me not to concern myself with what others think of me also tells me that everyone is just doing the best they can and I think she might be right about that, too.
Doing the best I can each day,
P.S. I know this shouldn’t be a P.S. but seeing a baby being born is one of the best things ever. My sister had her second baby this month and she let me stay in the delivery room – I know she is amazing – and I was able to see this sweet baby come into the world. Unbelievable, so earth shatteringly cool.
“In Western culture, the ‘miracles’ referenced in scripture seem to have been relegated to the past as if to imply that they were reserved exclusively for certain historical periods.” ― Mark Ireland
I talk to the dead. Since I was two and probably before I have been visited by spirits.
People ask if there are always spirits in a room and the answer is yes. There are just as many spirits in a mall as there are live people at any given time; same with schools, post offices, houses, cars, hiking trails, the dessert.
Can you see animal spirits? Yes. I am often greeted by cats and mostly dogs when I enter someone’s home. Both living and deceased.
A lot of people ask if this has ever bothered me. Do I see it as a gift or a burden. It has never really bothered me; startled me from time to time; unnerved me occasionally and only a very few times actually scared me. I know it is a gift something other people cannot easily do, but I don’t in any way feel special; I am just a girl.
People’s reactions bother me. There anger and disbelief bother me. People tell me not to take it personally, but I do not lie, cannot lie and their outright disdain is sometimes way too much for me to handle. I do feel insulted because never, ever would I want to bring up and discuss a painful loss with another human being for my own profit or benefit. Only have I ever wanted to do this because I thought it may be helpful. Any time a reading does not go well, I want to run and hide and never ever discuss publicly with anyone what I can see. I want to crawl so deep back inside myself that no one will ever see that part of me ever again. The spirits themselves are against that; they are the ones who are constantly saying this is what I am supposed to do and this is a helpful thing, but I would say 90% of the time it doesn’t feel that way. 90% of the time I feel like a crazy person talking nonsense to complete strangers.
Another common question revolves around the spirits themselves. Are there really bad spirits? Just like with people there are good and bad with anything – the same with spirits. There are dark souls. Each soul is on a journey to grow and evolve as a being. Some have a more difficult time than others making the kinds of choices that allow them to be more enlightened. But just like Glennon Melton says, God is forever tries and all soul’s get forever tries to be enlightened souls.
What is heaven like? That is another common question. The best answer that I can give to this question is that heaven has places of pristine beauty and is definitely a place filled with a great deal more peace than Earth. Heavenly beings know no physical pain. I still sense emotional pain from souls but often with a greater understanding to that pain than we have in human form. Heaven is also just another layer in the human world; spirits are around us constantly we are very much a part of heaven.
Do spirits often come to talk with me? Yes.
Do they stop me on the street and ask me to talk to complete strangers? Yes. Spirits are as much a part of my life as the living. Spirits are everywhere in my daily life. I don’t get to pick and choose who I see, but they are there just the same.
Do I think I am crazy? Yes. I am as skeptical as the next person. I am often trying to explain things away and find concrete excuses for the types of things I know or have seen. I am often left with certain things I cannot explain. Having witnesses to these incidents is incredibly helpful because most times I will just discount it to my overactive imagination.
How many mediums are there in the world? Can everyone see spirits? I think everyone is a medium on some level and just like athletes, teachers, chefs, business people, sales people, engineers, etc. some people are just more adept at doing a particular task or occupation in life. We all have the ability to do these things; some of us are just naturally inclined and endowed with certain innate abilities to gravitate and excel at certain things over others.
So many people ask me if spirits can hear their loved ones talk to them and think about them? The answer is yes. And no they do not follow you into the shower. Spirits respect your privacy.
Many people also ask what I experience when I see a spirit. I don’t know all the fancy names of what I can do – I know there are names for each way that you experience spirit, but I am not a student of mediumship in fact I don’t even like the word medium – I would like to be a medium in size, but other than that I don’t really like that word.
But back to the real question: I can see a spirit to the point where I can describe exactly what they look like and pick them out of a picture line up. I can hear them clearly when they speak and even smell the smells they want me to experience. I can taste things and feel things they want me to taste and feel. For example, I have had spirits allow me to feel the softness of a particular blanket between my fingers or smell their favorite food cooking in the kitchen. I experience spirit’s and their energy just as I do the living many times. I have always been able to ascertain the heart or soul of a person only after spending a few minutes with them.
Do I like what I do? That is a difficult question. Some days after bringing someone who is receptive so much hope and peace about the world beyond us, yes I feel like I have done small part to make this world a better place. Days like today after a reading that went completely askew because of doubt and negative energy that clouded judgment and instead of understanding the release of tears and grief it incited anger and resentment; I want to run and hide and never ever talk to any other person about spirits ever again, but I am writing this today because I don’t think I truly have a choice in the matter any more. I truly believe that this is what I am supposed to do, good, bad or indifferent this is a part of who I am and it can no longer be ignored or stifled.
The other day I was asked if I have to go into a trance to communicate with spirit? No, there are no trances involved. I write a great deal during a reading because spirits communicate at a rapid rate. I can often write down what they are trying to communicate faster than I can repeat it. Spirits are pure energy uninhibited by a body and can move and communicate with great speed. Sometimes for them to slow down enough for me to understand them they present images of what they are trying to communicate to me and it is a bit like charades. I often see the things they saw or want me to see so that I can communicate them to their loved ones. They often also say random, nonsensical things that only later come to make more sense.
I know there are many more questions to be answered and that I will probably never be able to fully describe what it is like to have this type of experience, but I am inspired by Mother Theresa and the quote below to keep answering questions and keep trying because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that I was given this gift not only to share it with others but to also try to remove some of the stigma associated with it.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
Today I am thinking lots of things and my blog post might be a big, jumbly mess. But I won’t apologize…if you didn’t want to read it you wouldn’t. (I am trying to stop apologizing so darn much).
Today started with me waking later than usual which meant no run, which meant the nagging about my weight and laziness and no excuses was already buzzing through my brain rapid fire. As I stood in the shower I took deep breaths and did a lot of repeating, “I am enough.”
And, “Right now I am enough.”
And, “God loves me right this minute and that means I am worthy.”
Yes, I am still taking lexapro – this self-doubt happens any way.
Of course from the shower it was straight into mommy world as many of you know…getting breakfast, and kids dressed, and then straight to work. But at 12, I walked away from the screen and made us all lunch and ate it outside in the dazzling sunshine.
I am trying to slow things down and get my joy back. I am not a good routine person and life is very routine these days. So I am trying to remember what takes the stress away. What I like to do and where the joy is. I know that some of you are thinking, “you have to find the joy in the moment.” I agree. However, I also think you need to make room for the joy you want and to make those moments happen.
Anyway, writing used to be a joy for me. Yes, I wrote used to, you read that correctly.
I am sure you noticed I am not writing as often as I was before. I brought this up with my therapist and she asked some questions that led to me thinking about myself of course. That is how the therapy thing works – the therapist asks you a lot of questions to get you doing a lot of thinking. Luckily my therapist also does a good deal of telling out right.
Again, I digress, I told you it would be a jumbly mess…So during our conversation she asked me what I was avoiding? Was I avoiding accepting my accomplishments? Was I avoiding the audience? Was I avoiding myself?
I guess I was avoiding all of that a little. Avoiding myself a bit and what has blossomed out of this blog. This blog, while it still has a relatively small viewership, and I am I am grateful for each and every reader…has created some miraculous things. I started it because I had a dream of being a writer one day, and to also smash the perception others had of me, as well as have a bit of documentation on my journey to be more like the kind of human I want my children to become.
I never expected people to really read it…I started sharing it of course because I wanted people to see the real me…the me underneath the quiet. And when I started writing I had no intention of sharing as much as I have. But when I did start writing it all just started tumbling out and it felt like the right thing to do. To be open and vulnerable and courageous about just being me seemed like the right thing to do.
Recently as more and more people started to talk to me as intimate friends, and don’t get me wrong it is a really cool thing; it also made the shy me; the quiet me want to hide again. Run for the hills and let someone else do the writing and sharing, someone who was good at it and okay with the attention. I just wanted to blend back in with the scenery for a while.
I don’t wear make-up or dress fancy or even fashionable for the most part because I just want to blend in and not be noticed. Drawing attention is not my cup of tea.
This blog had started something else though; I have shared that I am a medium. I have begun doing readings and that drew more attention. Attention I thought I was ready to handle, but I guess I wasn’t. I get asked some pretty hard questions and I don’t have all the answers. Even though this has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember (and that is since I was 2 years old). I don’t understand all the ins and outs. I am still learning. Plus, I am as skeptical as the next person. I am constantly looking for proof as I do my readings. Proof that I am not a loony toon and that the communication that I am able to aid is nothing short of miraculous. Each time I have been surprised at what happens and added that proof to my arsenal, yet I still remain skeptical.
I guess I have come to the conclusion that hiding isn’t really the answer. I have to continue to be open, honest, and share my gift because that is who I want to be. A short escape is definitely necessary, keeping some things to myself is probably a good idea, and one of these days the pieces will all fall into place and I won’t even feel the need to hide any more. Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, but I have always believed you should shoot for the stars and if you land on the moon you did pretty darn good.
Last week, I had an extremely special treat. I had a reading with Allison DuBois. If you don’t know who Allison is; she is the real life medium that inspired the TV show Medium. She is also the woman who I went to see when she came to San Jose this past year. I blogged about it here.
Her readings are quite expensive, but my husband and I decided that while it was a bit out of our budget it was a good investment for my side business and to go ahead and do it.
First of all, if you get the opportunity to have her do a reading for you; I highly urge you to take it. Her husband is her booking agent and he is beyond gracious and just really nice to chat with. She is also spot on. Allison is really good at what she does and the reading is worth every penny.
The pieces that I will share are that she gave me advice as we started talking about my side business. What was really intriguing to me was that the advice that she chose to give was pertinent to me and the types of things that I needed to hear. Advice that would help me the most.
Her top suggestion to me was to “put a price tag on my time”. I have struggled with charging for my mediumship for, well forever. She insisted that I charge and that what I do is not something that just anyone can do. This also fascinated me because I downplay what I can do and often say that everyone can do what I can do. She insisted that I charge, that I was unique and that I have to draw a line and not help friends when they ask for “favors”. She said that they would drain my energy and even if I wanted to help, I had to draw that line. She said if they wanted a reading they had to pay for it; that everyone who wants a reading has to pay for one. She said I needed to draw that line. She ended with, “Your friend will have you on speed dial and call and ask you to find their keys or their cell phone. DON’T DO IT. You need to put a price tag on your time.”
The other item, she discussed with me was to make some policies about how and who I would read. She laid out that I don’t have to take everyone on as a client. I can pick and chose. If there is someone who I don’t think it would be a good idea to read that I don’t have to. This came in handy in a reading already. There was definitely an elephant in the room at my most recent reading and it was a question I didn’t want to answer; so I addressed the elephant and said that I really didn’t want to answer that question even thought I could and that I hadn’t even tried to answer it because I really didn’t want to know the answer myself; I didn’t feel comfortable delivering it. If that reading had been a week earlier, I would have just answered the question feeling that I was obligated. Allison had let me know that I was obligated to answer or read anything that I didn’t feel was right or that made me uncomfortable.
Her advice was plentiful; I have only shared just a couple tidbits here. She was kind, courteous, spent a little extra time with me and told me everything I didn’t know I needed to hear, but that has made all the difference in me moving forward with my business.
One of which was getting my website done – which she stressed big time – I have built my website. The new reading form is up and my URLs should all be redirected and working by Saturday; and my business will be fully functional.
like the whole world is just a little too much, like everything about my world is ant sized in comparison to everything else that is going on. Do you ever look at your hands and they just seem tiny, even though they aren’t? Or do you ever just sit in awe at how so tiny your kids are; that they are just so darn little? I catch myself doing that at least once a day. Sitting in awe of how small everything is. But even though I feel small; I also feel a great weight. A weight that everything that happens in the world is interconnected, linked like one gigantic spiderweb.
I wonder if I think about all these things so much because I see things other people don’t believe in; or are too afraid of to want to hear or talk about. What I experience is out of the “normal” realm for most people. If there such a thing as normal – I am pretty sure there isn’t.
For instance, the other night we went to a fundraiser. It was really nice to be out with our friends. However, there was a spirit that just would not leave me alone. I was compelled to talk to the woman who was associated with that particular spirit, but husband thought it was an all around bad idea. So I ignored the urge to talk to her and it has plagued me ever since. If I am given these gifts; what is it to just have them and not share?
But unfortunately the reverse is also true. Yesterday I did my very first paid reading, so it was the real deal. I was pretty excited about it. I had written 5 pages of info before I even talked to her.
After, I had divulged all the information that I could – mind you, 3 different spirits came through. This reading was still particularly difficult because the person I was reading for was incredibly private and so there were things even the spirits wouldn’t give details about because they wanted to keep those things out of the reading to help their loved one. After the reading I just felt small. Again not sure if what I had told her made any difference.
All the while, I am as certain about doing this as I am that I have two arms. I am supposed to be sharing this knowledge with others.
My courage is roaring today, even though after the reading it was whispering to just keep on trying. Which leads me to the exciting news…
I now have a page where you can get your very own reading scheduled. Click here to check it out. Here’s hoping it becomes what I think it can be.
“If you let people break your spirit and detour you from your path, then you have not been true to yourself or those you’re here to touch, those who believe in you.”
― Allison DuBois
I am not a gambler. Taking a bunch of money and betting it on an unknown outcome. UGH! Then coming home with less – PUH-lease – doesn’t that just sound like a good batch of crazy.
I like to have something for the money I spent. Going to the mall for new shoes or out to dinner with a good friend is a much better way for me to spend a good chunk of change. Six months ago, however, I took a gamble. In December, I bought tickets to see Allison DuBois. They were VIP meet and greet tickets. I just had to see for myself if mediums were the real deal.
I know you are just asking yourself, what?! She claims to be a medium how can she wonder if they are real? Well, I do. I have never met anyone else quite like me. My sisters, dad, mom, and grandmothers all had this ability, but no one ever quite like me or at least as completely open about it as I am. So I was curious to see what it would be like to meet another medium.
So for months I have been so excited about going to see Allison. Nervous with anticipation the day slowly crawled up on me. Today I was beside myself with excitement, but did my best to try to play down my emotions. What if I didn’t get a reading? What if she isn’t the real deal – then what?
Well, I am glad I had realistic expectations.
Let’s just start with I did not get read by Allison DuBois. However, the good news is; she is so totally the real deal. When she was reading the people in the room I could sense a lot of the things she was talking about. Her technique, if you will, reminded me so much of myself and I picked up some great pointers.
One of the things I did before the reading started was to write down impressions of what I was feeling from the spirits in the room. First, I knew that a mother was there to connect with her son who had been hit by a car. He was showing my cars in particular a red car.
Second, I knew there was another woman who had lost a child – a son who had died within the last year or so. I picked up some other things as well, but I knew there was a woman there who had an incredibly sad, sad story and needed to be read. She had lost someone violently to an awful death.
Sure enough, the woman sitting in front of me was read by Allison and her son had died. He had been hit by a red car. In fact, Allison had said that she saw him with cars like race cars; just as I had. She also read the woman who I thought had a very sad story and sure enough her daughter had been murdered. Another woman was read whose son had passed 18 months ago.
When the event was over, I was disappointed. I had paid a great deal of money (for me anyway) to go see someone I looked up to; someone who I hoped would confirm that I had this gift as well. I ran into several of the women who had been read at the event in the restroom and in the parking garage and they were just so kind and there was such an air of peace about them. While my logical mind knew they needed to be read much more than I did; there was still some disappointment on this gamble that I had made to meet Allison and have my hopes confirmed.
On the drive home, the one thought that begins my unraveling rippled through my mind –
“You have nothing to offer anyone.”
And so I began to think I just shouldn’t do any of this medium stuff. I should just walk away from it.
As I sat down with my two pieces of Texas Sheet cake to comfort my damaged ego; I flipped on the TV and there it was… “Long Island Medium”. These types of things are not a coincidence. This got me thinking about how when you know something, you just know it. I shouldn’t be looking for third-party validation; I have to believe this in myself to have the strength to be a medium out loud in the open. People are going to be welcoming, but some people are going to call me a fake; a freak or worse. I need to believe this deep in my soul and know that my ability is real.
So I think I got what I needed from my little adventure today – not exactly what I had hoped or wanted, but I got exactly what I needed and that is the knowledge that this gift is real. That I am meant to do this on a large-scale to bring comfort to others. So I know that yet another adventure I am going to embark on in my living out loud journey is that I am going to pursue being a medium. I am supposed to bring comfort to those that are grieving and my gifts should not go unused.
Sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way that we expect, but if we continue to keep our hearts open and listen to our intuition, including the signals around us we will find the answers that we need. I have a great deal of people who believe in me and others who are counting on me that I haven’t even met yet. I just needed to believe in myself all on my own. I had to be at home, if you will, with following my dreams, and I am now. I am at home.
So I think I may have been wrong. I had written awhile back that I would not do readings. This last Saturday I did my third official reading. Once again, I surprised even myself.
A friend of mine had a friend that wanted to get in touch with someone who passed and I agreed to meet with them. We had a great lunch at a super little restaurant. She was calm and easy going even though I know she wanted to get right to it. It was so nice to have a chance to get to know each other before we started the reading.
Prior to the meeting I wrote down some impressions and did not have high hopes for the meeting because I wasn’t sure what would come through – what I was seeing wasn’t 100% clear and I am always worried what I will be able to offer the living won’t be what they are after. I always have to remind myself that as long as I keep my faith in God and follow the light then the message that will come across is always what is meant to be.
Low and behold her dad came through with flying colors. He had so much to say and I can’t believe I was able to deliver so much of his message to her. It was one of the most amazing, surreal experiences that I have ever had.
What was even more awe-inspiring to me is that her dad had a message for me, too. Near the end of the reading the woman hands me several papers that she wanted me to have. One was a prayer in her father’s handwriting that I hope to share with you all once I get permission from her, but it absolutely reaffirms everything I have felt during my journey to “live out loud”.
In addition was the passage below:
And the last item was the photo at the top of this blog. “Never Give Up!” Just when I was beginning to think I was on the wrong path and that I should stop walking down the path of writer/medium/living out loud rookie – I go out on a limb, meet with this awesome woman and she hands me a message from her father.
I know – “GET OUT OF TOWN” – I am still a little shell-shocked from the whole thing myself.
I know you are thinking – “details. I want details,” but I feel like readings belong to that spirit and their loved one so I don’t feel comfortable sharing a story that isn’t really mine to tell. I will share two things with you though.
One, I often forget 90% of what was said during a reading. It is kind of like an out-of-body experience and you are trying so hard to just focus on the spirit and relay what they are saying that you aren’t actually paying attention to what they are saying. Which in fact is a good thing, because you don’t want to taint what is said so to speak – you need to deliver their message as is without any outside interpretation.
The second thing is – I take on the mannerisms of the deceased. This always happens and I don’t notice it until well into the reading. As I get comfortable with a spirit I start to notice how they stand or sit. I pick up on their gestures and use them while I talk. I am often also able to pick up on their phrasing and inflection.
It was truly an amazing experience and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. Why a regular girl like me gets to be a part of something so much bigger I am not sure, but man do I appreciate every second of it.
Due to some recent questions that I have received about recent posts I thought I would do a little Q & A. If you have a question that wasn’t answered here be sure to leave it in the comments section and I will most definitely get you an answer.
Question:Do you feel sad when you know it’s the last time you will see someone? Scared? Or no because they’re going to a good place and protected?
Answer:I guess I have mixed emotions. Most often I am terribly sad. I guess too, I hope that I am wrong or crazy or both. The last time this happened is when I met JLK. I had never hoped or prayed so hard to be wrong or off my rocker in my life.
The time before that was the last time I spoke to my grandfather on the phone. I was supposed to meet him for breakfast and a snowstorm had come in and I wasn’t going to be able to make it to see him. I heard his voice through the phone and knew that was the last time I was ever going to speak to him. I didn’t want to hang up and I never cried so hard getting off the phone in my whole life. Roughly a week later he had a heart attack and passed away.
What was strange is that I had visited him the day before and on some level I knew that things were off because I stayed all day as long as I possibly could. Even when he fell asleep in his chair; I just stayed and sat with him. I knew that things wouldn’t ever be the same, but I thought it had to do with my grandmother. My grandfather and I had visited my grandmother in the nursing home (she suffered from Alzheimer’s) and I knew when I kissed her good-bye that would be the last time I would see her. For her though, I was happy that her soul would finally be free and in a better place. I was sad for all of us who would miss her, but really glad for her. I hadn’t realized until I spoke to my grandfather on the phone the next day that it would be him that would pass first.
Question:Have you ever thought about making a career out of this gift?
Answer: Yes, but the answer currently is no; it is not something I would do as a career.
Question: Are you the only one in your family that can see spirits?
Answer:No – I will leave it at that for now.
Question: Have you ever seen a negative spirit?
Answer:Yes. I once crossed paths with a man that was killed in a motorcycle accident, and he happened to be a serial killer. He was the only spirit I ever saw rise up from the ground and be a dark almost black figure. All other spirits seem to appear from above and radiate light or be whitish in appearance.
Question:When is the first time you saw a spirit?
Answer: My mom told me I woke her up when I was two telling her there was a man in my room. I remember the first spirits at 3 and then I was 5 when I realized that I was haunted. I often feel like a lighthouse to the spirit world. They know I can sense them and often seem to seek my out as they know I will cross paths with the person they want to deliver a message to.
Question:Can you see whomever you want?
Answer:No. The spirits that I see chose to show themselves to me.
I often talk to my maternal grandmother. She had six kids and I often ask her advice or guidance and I have only ever seen her three times when I wish I could connect with her daily.
The first time was once when she was alive. That may seem odd, but I have a theory about Alzheimer’s and I think that souls of people with Alzheimer’s can actually jump back and forth between heaven and earth, but that is just a theory. Anyway, I dreamt of her the night my grandfather passed away. She was dressing him to go to heaven and told him that she would be right behind him and not to worry. The dream was so vivid. And I knew it was more than a dream because when they realized I was watching it was as if they vanished into thin air. She died about a month after he did.
The next time was when I was getting ready for work. I was pregnant with the twins and she appeared behind me in the mirror just for a second and then was gone.
The last time was in a dream where I had entered a part of heaven I wasn’t really supposed to see. My mom’s cousin who passed came to talk with me and took me to this particular group meeting place. My grandmother happened to be in the adjacent room. I believe she helps trouble souls move up the ranks in heaven ( I will explain that in my next question answer). Anyhow, I had talked with him for what seemed a while when my grandmother entered the room and without saying a word commanded me to leave. I woke up and that is the last time I have seen her.
I can smell both of my grandfathers. I know that may seem odd, but I have found that the energy of our souls can appear in all kinds of ways.
My paternal grandfather also always makes sure I see pennies on the ground. He used to always find pennies when he was living and collect them. Now I always see pennies on the ground when I most need them. I have also had him visit me on several occasions. For awhile he spent a great deal of time around me and stressed that he was worried about my health. I think he helped orchestrate my current working environment because he was worried about my mental health.
But no, I can’t call up the people I want to see. I also try not to push things; I want the spirits to come through with whatever messages they want to pass along without my interference.
Question: What is heaven like?
Answer:I have absolutely no idea. But I do feel like heaven is actually all around us. Secondly, I have a deep belief that there are levels of heaven based on the lessons that a soul has learned throughout its journey so far. I think reincarnation is also involved in this process. Why do I think there is reincarnation, well mostly because I have dreamed of my own past deaths – I only dream about how I have died – I don’t hardly dream about the life itself at all, but each death feels intensely real. I believe that I have died once becuase of a mass type illness – I was buried in a mass grave, once to a guillotine and four times in childbirth to name a few.
Back to levels of heaven; I think our soul is on its own journey and as it grows and learns it moves to different levels within heaven continuing to grow and learn. For example, I think angels are souls that have learned all that they can learn and are using that knowledge to guide other souls.
– If you have more questions let me know. I am happy to answer them. All of what I know though is based on my experience. I used to read a great deal on the subject, but now I feel that it taints my own experiences so I don’t read about it very much any more. I also have no clue how any of it works and am far, far from an authority on the subject, but I am happy to share my experiences and opinions with you all.