Snippets from Heaven – Part 6

Snippets from Heaven – Part 6

She was beautifully out of place.

Sometimes I believe she intended to be.

Like the moon during the day.

-D.R. Via the Minda Journal

When I was little, I just wanted to be the girl next door. You know the one who is unassuming, beautiful yet she doesn’t know it, everyone in the whole town loves her, and at the end of the story, she wins the guy by just being her quirky self. Yeah, that is the girl I wanted to be. It never really happened. I sort of had the invisible part down, but because I kept a part of my soul a secret it was easier to try to hide in plain sight. And, unfortunately, you can’t shine as your quirky self if you are hiding something about your quirky self.

My whole life, I saw, heard, and felt things most other people didn’t believe existed. And I could sense everything about people with one look and never a spoken word. I somehow knew I would never be that girl next door. But that didn’t stop me from hoping.

By the time I was thirteen spirit thought that I was a place they could regularly visit and often they would ask me for help in telling their stories. I tried. I typed (literally typed, on a typewriter) up a story about one girl who died and tried to get it published. I talked to my sisters about the things I saw. But it just kept escalating. Combined with the angst and pain, I felt from others around me, at sixteen I tried to take a bunch of pills and silence everything forever. I couldn’t possibly be supposed to live like this right?

But, as always, God is in charge. The next morning when I woke up, HE was there. His loud voice boomed and told me, “Your life is mine.” I could sense the disappointment. And the voice continued, “Your work isn’t finished yet. I have things left for you to do.”

In addition to feeling extraordinarily guilty and having yet another secret to hide; I now felt that I was for sure crazy. Who hears GOD?! Seriously, now I was broken in all new ways.

I tried to reconcile my outside life with my inside life. I still didn’t talk about it much, but I definitely decided to learn more and put a little more effort into paying attention to what I heard and saw. Most of the time no one wanted to know anything about it, and I knew it was something most people wouldn’t accept.

For most of my young adult life, it was something that I pushed down and left out. I still saw and heard spirit. I could still read people like a book, but the girl next door appeal always won out, and I just tried to be ordinary.

By the time we moved to our small town, I thought maybe I had a shot. It was like a do-over, and I had whole-heartedly decided to keep the other piece of my soul a secret. I would be normal and ordinary like everyone else. Besides, I had my own family now and I didn’t want this to damage the way people saw them, too. And it started to happen, I was fitting in. After, being here for two years, I began to make some friends. The other moms would talk to me at pick up, and I was being invited places. I was so relieved.

Then a little spirit boy decided to change my whole life. I don’t know why I thought any different, I wasn’t in charge. And of course, he was asking me to be anything but ordinary.

Copy of cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out

If you have come to a session, you have heard me tell the Matthew story. (You can also read it here.) Matthew is a boy who visited me after his passing and basically became my teacher. One day six years ago, he told me it was time for me to follow this path and he warned that if I didn’t take care of it; spirit would.

Well, a part of the story I don’t tell is how I quit. Yep, I quit. I shut everything down for six months because of one bad experience, a tremendous amount of doubt, and general life chaos. And most likely my deep-seated need to be the ordinary, girl next door. And if I am being sincere, maybe I was a little glad for the break. As much as I wanted to help; I really didn’t believe I was strong enough. I mean, even though I was removed from the sadness of my clients; how many times could my own heart break? How much sadness and pain can one person carry? Spirit can feel everything, so during the sessions not only do I feel what they are feeling; I experience my client’s pain, too. And then the human side of me is also experiencing what is happening.

For six long months I thought for sure I was going to get to just be me; ordinary and regular, and live a life-like everyone else.

But God wasn’t done with me.

God wasn't done

He isn’t ever done with us. Duh! It was silly to think I still controlled my life. Well, newsflash, we can only control how we react to what happens to us.

Spirits would keep popping up in my life; clients’ stories would break me down. I couldn’t say no to some people and after six months; everyone including my husband thought that I was supposed to be helping spirit and their loved ones here on earth full-time. And the doors of my normal life were closing all around me. My job was changing and my place there didn’t feel like it belonged to me any more.

So, a little over a year ago I quit my day job and opened up my own little business. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I have an -ish ton of faith because otherwise, I am just a crazy girl who hears voices; so I believed anything was possible, but I was still worried.

Since God knew this, the first client he sent to me was Lauren. Immediately her radiant smile and warm heart hit me, and I loved her. She came into my cozy little office, kicked off her shoes and made herself comfortable. And my whole heart breathed a sigh of relief; everything about her was exactly what I needed. While I was still nervous because I didn’t know what to expect, I was so much more at ease. I knew God had sent me the most perfect first client.

We cried, and we laughed. Lauren’s mom came through to her. And while it was a fantastic session filled with immense healing; my heart broke a little because her mother left this earth of her own volition. Now, we have a great deal of upset over things like this in the human world. But, remember, God is forever tries, and heaven is home, so God showers all souls with love. And everything that happens He has a say in. Nothing gets past Him. We talked about that, that day, too.

No soul left behind

Lauren’s mom showed me how Lauren shared her light with other people. How she would take a little bit of it and hand it off to others like hope, and it would spread far and wide. This spreading of light was like the festival of lanterns and one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

I asked Lauren about it at the end of the session, and she told me about how before her mom passed one of the last things they talked about was her mom asking her if she ever heard the song, 1,000 paper cranes. Lauren brushed it off and didn’t think about it again, until after she received the news of her mom’s passing. She listened to the song. It weighed on her heart, and she decided to make 1,000 paper cranes every year to honor her mom. And she was giving some of them away to other people. That was the light I saw spreading. Lauren was turning her pain and her mom’s pain into hope. Literally, an origami crane symbols the mystic legend of the crane’s 1,000 year life span and to give someone a paper crane symbolizes offering hope and healing through difficult challenges.

From that Cranes for Kristina was born. Today that is Lauren’s full-time gig. She is creating cranes every day, giving away a piece of her light to others and offering them hope. (If you come to see me you get to take one with you when you leave, my office isn’t complete without a little bit of Lauren’s light in it.) Lauren doesn’t stop there, she speaks up and out about depression and suicide prevention. Lauren has the most amazing heart and uses her grief as inspiration and motivation to help others.

So while, Lauren’s life has changed over the year since we met; mine has, too.

Moms don’t talk to me at pick up anymore. People recognize me around town, stare and whisper. I am not the girl next door; I am the girl who knows too much. The girl like the moon in the day time, just a little out-of-place.

My heart continues to break in new ways multiple times a day as I sit with people in their pain. And I can’t think of any other thing I would rather do with my life.

My faith has grown exponentially, and control isn’t even in my vocabulary any more except to say it is an illusion. I know I will never be the girl next door and ordinary is out of the question. I think I am okay with that. I wasn’t sure before. Not only because I wanted to fit in; but also because this sadness and heartbreak; I wasn’t sure how much I could take.

In fact, last night a friend and I were talking about how our hearts break faster than they heal and it is all just too much. And how was that possible when at the exact same time we were filled with so much gratitude and love for everything in our lives.

But today, even in the midst of my heart feeling so broken; I thought of Lauren, Kristina, the cranes and the light and love they shine into this world.

I realized then that my heart wasn’t actually healing; it WAS healed AND broken – both at the same time and that is what love is; it is being both broken and healed at the same time.

It is about moving one step more even when we feel like we can’t breathe. It is having the courage to move beyond fear and trusting in faith. It is sitting with the wounded and feeling all the feels knowing that we can rise from that spot. Knowing that love exists in the darkest places and anything is possible. And not being afraid to offer hope and light even when we are hurting, too.

love is

I think love and pain coexist. We are all a little bit of both. And maybe, I am the ordinary girl and also entirely out-of-place different all at the same time. Broken and whole. Love and loss. Death and life wrapped in an extraordinary ordinary package. That is what Kristina showed me Lauren is; it is what so many of my clients are…and their strength in the midst of deep pain constantly leaves me in awe.

I can’t think of anything I want to be more. It’s how I met people like Lauren and learned about turning pain into hope. Sitting in pain with strangers has broken my heart open wide and opened my eyes to the impossible.

I hope to be a person who instead of freaking people out because I can see things they may not believe in; to one day, because I decided to shine my light, become a little bit of hope that we can be broken and healed at the same time; that being out-of-place is sometimes right were we need to be. And that just because I do what I do, doesn’t mean that God isn’t a part of it; that in fact, He is at the center of it. And maybe just maybe, it’s what he wanted all along. Because maybe, just maybe I am supposed to share this with you. So that you know you aren’t alone. So that you know you are extraordinarily ordinary exactly out of place just like you are supposed to be.

cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out

Until next time,

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Snippets from Heaven – Part 5

Snippets from Heaven – Part 5

Sometimes the people we love most in the world leave it too soon in ways that leave us wondering if it could have been different. Whether it is an accident because of poor decisions, just an accident or an intentional act; loved ones here ponder alternative possibilities. Often, spirits with these types of circumstances surrounding their deaths will step forward and claim some responsibility for how they left this Earth when speaking to their loved ones through me.

To be the spokesperson for these souls is often gut-wrenching because these souls have some guilt for causing pain and their loved ones are also plagued with guilt and what ifs. Always these encounters are healing.

We have to remember God has unconditional, undying love for each of us – no matter what we do here. Now, don’t get ready to rob a bank or anything, we are most definitely judged by the choices we make here and have to remedy those in heaven, but God loves you. He loves us all. And God gladly welcomes all souls into heaven when we welcome him into our lives; even in the afterlife.

Snippets from Heaven Part 5 figure 1

I want to share a session with you today that includes a young spirit who stepped forward during that session and took responsibility for his death, even though it was an accident. This piece is a little different from the ones before it in the series because as I was writing it, the spirit who is the subject of this piece visited me and wanted some things added. So this piece is written by myself with a little help from a ghostwriter (pun intended).

It was a Sunday in late October when I met Robin and Steve. One of my long-time clients gifted them a session with me.

I had a drive on my hands to get to their home, so in addition to my nerves being jittery because I had to drive CA 152 a windy narrow road over the hills to Santa Cruz; I was nervous about the session. I always am. I am just as surprised as my clients are by how a session goes. But I get even more nervous when it is a gift; because I represent the person who gave the present as well.

In any event, I arrive at a quaint, artsy home, and am greeted by a delightful, cherry Robin and a reserved and somewhat skeptical Steve. But both are gracious, none the less, and warmly welcome me into their home.

As the session starts (and remember my memory is always a bit fuzzy on these) a young man steps forward. He is handsome and strong, and right away I like him. He seems familiar like I know him somehow. (In fact, I had met him at a prior session, but I don’t realize this until the end of the session when Robin helps put all the pieces of our visit together). His charm captivates his listeners, as well as, his fun-loving sense of humor. He quickly takes over the entire session and what he wants to say seems to fly out of my mouth with rapid speed.

He does speak about his death. It is something that weighs on his heart. He continues to explain that he didn’t always make good choices in life, but he knows he was a good person. And I can feel that about him. He apologizes to Robin and Steve for his passing. It wasn’t intentional, he says, but he stills feels like it is his fault. And he continues to thank Robin and Steve for caring for his dog and for loving him so deeply.

 

At this, they bring the dog inside the house, and this German Shepherd warms to me pretty quickly. I can sense that the dog is aware of Andrew’s presence. We become friends.

This young man starts back up again and tells Robin and Steve he is thrilled for the arrival of his new nephew and how excited he is for his brother. There is so much he has missed in person, but he wants them to know he has seen it all from his side of life. Then, he mentions he likes to send monarchs to visit and tell his family hello. His humor is felt throughout the session, and we laugh as much as we cry. At one point, I say that I wish I had a big brother like him and he responds by slapping me on the back and says, “You want a brother, sure I will be your brother.”

Copy of Snippets from Heaven Part 5 figure 2

The session goes over our scheduled time as they usually do when I have such a dynamic, electric spirit with tons of energy and loads to say. I learn through the session that the entertaining soul I am speaking with is Andrew, Robin and Steve’s son. It is never lost on me the depth of pain that bereaved parents experience. Nor is it lost on me that my journey into this profession started with a little boy who wanted me to speak to his parents and continues with so many children who visit me and ask me to speak to theirs. Andrew was no exception. He had shown up at an earlier session I had with the client who gifted Robin and Steve the reading with me. Andrew had messages for his mom then, and he found a way to get me to his parents directly that Sunday in October. Children who leave Earth too soon for our standards always find a way to reconnect with their grieving parents.

The takeaways from this session that Andrew wants to share with you are these:

  • We all make mistakes, and we are all forgiven. God loves us so much. Andrew wants each of you to know that.
  • Our loved ones in heaven consistently send messages. What I didn’t even know during this session was that Robin had already planted specific plants to attract butterflies to her yard. She didn’t even know if it would work. But here Andrew was telling her during this session that indeed he was sending her butterflies. She has been caring for caterpillars and watching them turn into butterflies this month; almost a year after our initial session. And of course, they are monarchs.
  • Spirit knows what is going on in your lives. They are alive and a part of our lives here, too. Death stops our bodies, but not our souls. So the nephew Andrew spoke about was just a tiny nugget and the sex of the infant wasn’t discovered until one month after my visit when Robin sent me the ultrasound photo with the message, “IT’S A BOY!” Something Andrew happened to already know during the session a month earlier. And again Andrew, proved this to his mom when several months later he spoke up at an event I had and thanked his mom for letting his dog roam around the house more often. She was shocked! Andrew knew all about the big and little things going on in their lives from his view in heaven.
  • Most importantly, Andrew says, love never dies. It grows and changes even after we have left our bodies. But it never dies.

Copy of Copy of Snippets from Heaven Part 5 figure 3Andrew is so special to me because he helps to heal his parents’ grief from heaven. He always lets Robin know he is near and still has his charismatic and playful attitude. And he may have adopted me for real because monarchs show up around me often. In Hawaii, we had several monarchs following us daily. One day five monarchs flew and circled us. I shared a bit about Andrew with my kids and said he was the one sending the butterflies to say hello. So any time we saw the butterflies in Hawaii this summer my kids would yell, “There’s Andrew, mom!” Here is a quick clip of three of seven butterflies that came and circled above us during our lunch one day.

Our loved ones may feel lost to us, but we are never lost to them. They use all of their energy to try to help us understand that. Thank you for allowing me to share Andrew with all of you. He hopes that what he has shared here will help others feel their heavenly loved ones and be able to connect to them more deeply. And a very special thank you to Robin for giving me permission to share my version of this story and her Andrew with all of you.

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God bless you all,

Michelle and Andrew

Snippets from Heaven: Part 4

Snippets from Heaven: Part 4

On the first day of March in 2015, I met with Peter* (Names have been changed to protect the identity of my client). I know Peter’s sister, and she arranged the session for him. I knew some things about him beforehand, but none of that prepared me for what was to come in that session.

I had only been seeing clients for just under a year, and I was still shaky. I met Peter at his home, and as we started the session, I just kept trying to keep my nerves in check. Men tend to be more skeptical, and for some reason, I feel like I am under a magnifying glass of introspection in a session with someone skeptical. I am better now. In the beginning, it was beyond hard to deliver the messages with my unsteady voice and worried mind.

The session began, relatively flawless. Peter and I spoke with a soul from heaven who Peter knew through the war. Peter is a soldier. He had spent several years in the Middle East in combat. His translator, who had passed, came through to speak to Peter and offer him comfort. His translator’s objective was to try to ease any guilt, Peter might have had about his passing.

What happened next, shook me in a way I will never find the right words to explain. I froze. The soul that had entered the room resembled the statue that hung from a cross at St. Olaf’s where I went to church with my grandmother. I was terrified and awed all at the same time. How could this be, kept running through my mind as I tried to hold my composure.

Some sort of sacrilege must be occurring; was all I could think. How could I say I was seeing someone who looked and sounded like Jesus? How was that possible? Only priests have a direct connection to God, right? How was Jesus standing there? How could I tell Peter this is who wanted to speak to him? Starting with, “I know this sounds crazy, but…” seemed like a massive understatement. I still don’t remember how I initiated that introduction. I think I said, “I think this is Jesus that wants to speak to you. I know I already sound crazy because I say I can talk to ghosts and I am probably hallucinating, but I can’t explain who else this could be. He looks just like him.”

What surprised me the most is that Peter was open and willing to believe that Jesus was in the room with us. He told me to, “Go for it” and just tell him what this spirit had to say. I was seeing it and still in utter awe and disbelief.

The soul who looked like Jesus started to tell me what to say and out of sheer obedience to my faith I just spoke his words. He told Peter that Peter could go back to the front lines of the war if he really wanted, he would not be stopped. The spirit continued to say with such force I was afraid myself, that Peter’s life belonged to Him and that if Peter went back to the front lines that Peter was coming home and not in a box, but he would live and he would not be happy about his condition. This soul told Peter how vital his life here on Earth was, and that he had good work left to do. This spirit that resembled Jesus commiserated that life was hard and that trials are challenging, but that Peter was to stay here and do the work required of him. Jesus and God were the only ones who could determine when Peter joined them in heaven, no matter what Peter thought. I am sure I am summarizing this, but this is what I remember most.

It took me a second to regroup. Peter noticed and patiently waited.

“Did all that make sense?” I asked him. Still stuck in a surreal sense of denial.

“Yes,” Peter said, “I want to go back to fight, and I want to be on the front lines because I don’t think I can live like this any longer. It is so hard to be here.”

I was dumbfounded. What do you say at that moment? I am not even sure what I said or if the soul resembling Jesus spoke again. I know that Peter and I spoke a great deal and our session was more prolonged than per usual. I know I left hoping that, that soul and the messages shared had helped heal Peter’s heart somehow.

Believe me, I know this story is a leap. Who knows what will happen to me once this is in cyberspace. What I do know is this, the theme of this session and the story is supposed to be shared. Could I just make Jesus show up – no, that isn’t how this works. Do I claim to have a direct connection, no. I pray just like anyone else and hope my words move from my lips to God’s ears. I am not someone special, I just witnessed something miraculous. And that miracle is this; God is in us. God is with us. We belong to Him. No matter our trials or our defeats; whatever life hands us; He is there. Bearing witness; holding us and our pain and celebrating when we are victorious. We are never alone. We are never forsaken. And the story of our hearts and our prayers are always heard. And they are answered or unanswered for His divine purpose; which is for our best good, no matter what we believe.

And if I am keeping it real and sharing what else I think matters from this session, it is this:

Why wouldn’t Jesus show up? He died for our sins. He gave his life so that we could have eternal life. He loved children, the elderly, sick, destitute, and everyone in between. He wasn’t afraid to talk to anyone, even if society deemed them unfit somehow. In fact, I believe from what I have read in the Bible, and what I know of Jesus that those who were lost, wayward, cast out, forgotten, they were his favorite. The more human you were, the more he loved you and loved on you. Why wouldn’t he show up for each and every one of us? Why is it so hard for some of us to believe that he is right here with us? Peter didn’t have a single problem accepting Jesus was in that room. Not for a minute. And after years of thinking back on this moment; I can’t see why he wouldn’t have shown up for Peter. I don’t believe that Jesus would ever turn his back on anyone. He loved even the one person who betrayed him.

So I think what we need to remember is how much we are loved. How much God and Jesus or whatever deity you pray to is watching over each of us. Loving us and guiding us. We are all connected to one another and to the greater good. So whether you believe this or not; isn’t the purpose. What I hope you walk away from when you read this is that you are worthy. Jesus would show up for you in a heartbeat, without a second thought. He doesn’t need you to believe he would. He just shows up.

I am afraid to put this story out there, have been hesitant to tell it for years. And you know what? Jesus was frightened when he was here, but he did what was right anyway. He did what he was asked anyway. It isn’t up to me to keep this to myself and not share it with the world where it might do someone else some good. I can handle scorn, disbelief, sideways glances, and even those that pray for my soul thinking that my sharing this puts me in harm’s way. God loves me. Jesus thinks I am pretty awesome. And in the end, that is what matters to me above all else.

I hope you know how much you are loved by this universe. How precious and perfect you are. How everything came together over millions of years to create precisely you. That you and just being you is your sole purpose on this planet. There is no one else like you. That is all you have to be. And it is more than enough.

Until next time,

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My first reading.

My first reading.

This is a story that is told multiple times a week. Details are omitted to scrunch it into the allotted time. It is the story I tell before each reading; the story of how I got started doing readings for other people. I want to share it here in its entirety because I think just once it needs to be written down with all the details in place.

It was a regular day like any other. I was in grad school and had made a great friend. The kind that you meet and you already feel like you have known each other a hundred years. We had most of our classes together. We talked about lots of things; I had my first child in grad school and she had been teaching longer than I; married longer than I. She always had the best advice; but one day our conversation turned to one of her students. A student that had leukemia. An eight-year-old little boy whom she tutored. I had no idea when we started talking about Matthew the impact he would have on my life.

As my friend shared her worries and experience with Matthew and his family, I shared more about my gift with her. Opening something inside of myself I had held so close. Trying to share what little wisdom I had to bring comfort to the unthinkable situation that was facing this family, facing Matthew.

Matthew gained his angel wings in July of 2007.

A few months later my friend told me that I should share my gift with this family. That they needed my help.

Crazy town; I told her. Crazy people do things like that. I didn’t think I could help and I was sure that if I did everyone would think I was crazy. No one can talk to spirits for real. The things that happened to me were just random and I wasn’t about to do them out loud in front of the world. I played small and it suited me just fine. I had a sweet little life at this point. Two kids and a new job; I was moving forward into my sweet, quiet life comfortably.

So, I told her no. I thought that would be the end of it.

Sometimes you don’t hear when God is laughing at you. Chuckling at the notion that you think you have some control over what you are meant to do.

God and Matthew had different plans for me. Matthew was helping Him put those plans into motion.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear

Matthew began to show up everywhere. He was in my car; my kitchen, woke me up at night because I kept having the same dream. I would reach out for a tombstone that wasn’t there and carved into the rock were symbols I didn’t recognize. Each night I would trace them with my finger drawing symbols into a phantom tombstone.

Finally, I asked Matthew what he wanted. He had a family that loved him, why in the world was he spending all this time around me?

He asked me to talk to his mom. He asked me to help his family. Said he had something for his sister and turned into a butterfly and fluttered away.

Well, crap.

God knew if He sent me a child I would listen. God knew if He sent me a small boy that I would say yes. That with shaky legs, sweaty hands and my stomach in knots I would drive 40 miles into unknown territory and try to help this boy reunite with his family.

Arriving made everything worse. Encountering the eyes of this mother and father who had lost half their hearts and a whole child to Heaven was almost unbearable. What if this didn’t work? What if I was crazy? What if I just heard and saw things that didn’t really exist? I started praying in my head like a crazy woman. Dear God, please let me help this family. God please let this bring them some comfort. God please let this be real. God please don’t let this family down.

It took a good twenty minutes to get comfortable. Twenty minutes of small talk and looking at a few pictures. Matthew showed up right away, but I had never seen energy move so fast. I couldn’t slow him down enough to hear what he was saying. And then something shifted.

I started to hear him clear as day. I started to see him in his blue striped shirt and the wide grin expand across his face. He told his family about things he did in the house to let them know he was around. He described the item that he was buried with since I would have no idea what it was or how to pronounce what it was called. Matthew relayed to me the item he wanted his sister to have. He shared things he hoped for his family and wanted for the future.

We drove to his grave because of my dream. I had chills over my whole body as I stepped into the reality of that dream. Stepped into a solid, tangible reality I had only seen in dreams. I explained to them about the symbols Matthew wanted on his tombstone. His dad drew multiple samples on a napkin; skeptical trying to prove this was really happening; only one set of symbols represented what I had verbalized to them. Without hesitation, I pointed to the second set of symbols. The ones I had traced into stone night after night in my dream. Those were the ones. The ones Matthew wanted on his stone.

Heaven isn't some far off place. Heaven is all around us. You are a part of your loved ones heaven. Spirit is constantly sending signs to us to let us know they are there.

Then a little dog showed up and of course it had been theirs. Of course, that dog was with their son playing chase and being a constant companion.

That day changed my life. That day put me on a course with God’s plan for me. It unfurled my path; a path I had refused to step onto for 15 years.

When I was fifteen a line of spirits formed around me. A line. They would reach out one by one; tell me I was going to help them and I would shake it off. It couldn’t be. How could I tell people out loud this is me? I talk to dead people, seriously? I couldn’t handle the criticism. I wasn’t ready.

I wasn’t ready that day either and it would be about five years after this first reading for strangers that I would help other people out loud. Matthew never gave up. He would visit from time to time and nudge me down this path. Encourage me to keep the channels open; to pay attention to spirit.

When I first started giving readings he would be there with me. Cheering me on. Letting me know I was right where I was supposed to be. Eventually he handed those reigns off to my loved ones, but from time to time he still peeks in; still says hello with that wide grin across his face and his head tilted slightly to the right. Always dressed in the latest trends and his jet-black hair just a bit spiky in front. It always makes me smile.

Spirit speaks to us through a variety of ways. If you believe a sign came from a loved one; than it did.

Matthew helped me get to where I am today. Matthew taught me how to listen. He helped me understand how this gift would work. Reaffirmed that as much as I am here to help the living that I work for spirit. That I am here to translate the messages of spirit to their families. When I give a reading I always let spirit lead. Spirit starts with their agenda, their messages; and those messages may not always be what their loved one may want to hear, but without fail they are always what their loved one needs to hear. Without fail loved ones end up finding a way to make sense out of the words and pictures that spirit gives to me. Spirit finds a way to make me feel both physically and emotionally what they want me to translate. God always leading the way; allowing this miracle.

I hope that what I do; that each reading pays Matthew back somehow. That he knows that this is how I say thank you. That I am forever grateful for his determination and patience. That it is not lost on me that a boy, not yet nine, changed my life in such a profound and wonderful way. Thank you, Matthew and thank you sweet family who welcomed me into their lives unsure of what that day would hold. Thank you all for changing my life and being the first step on my journey. Thank you for sharing your son with me and with the world.

Thank you,

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What I have learned about Heaven…

What I have learned about Heaven…

One of my clients emailed me this week and asked:

What is your take [on Heaven]?  And what have you learned from being the mediator for spirits?

To answer that question, it is important to get a little back story. I think it is important to understand the source behind my answer.

Becoming a medium wasn’t in my lifelong goals and dreams. It became something I am extremely proud of. It is a gift I hold dear. It has also become my dream to help as many people as possible. To be the best medium that I can be. It is work I take seriously and hold in the highest regard. In my youth; however, it was something I spoke of little and felt more comfortable keeping to myself.

Now, the road wasn’t an easy one and I often took the path of least resistance in the beginning; I am human after all. But, God asks more of us. God asks us to follow Him into the dark and help shine his light unto the world. I know that is what God has asked of me.

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When I decided to share my gift with the world I was terrified. In fact, I went to see my therapist and discussed this at length with her. In her wise way she told me that the path was already clear and I just needed to see it for myself. She asked me to follow her in a simple exercise. She said, “I want you to close your eyes and just focus on your path.” Over the next few minutes she continued to ask, “Who is leading you? Where are you? What is happening next?”

I closed my eyes, and asked God to guide me and instantly I was in a meadow filled with white and yellow flowers and tall grass. A breeze was gently caressing my cheek and the light that surrounded me was the brightest and warmest I had ever felt. I looked down and I was on an unpaved road; it was packed down beige colored dirt with stones and pebbles, and in some areas the grass had grown high and wild covering the path. I could see no other tracks or footprints on this path.

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http://www.ryylxjw.com/heavenly-wallpapers/41004327.html – original source

When I looked up ahead of me to see who was leading me, there was a man dressed in a white robe with dark flowing hair. He turned back to make sure I was still following and gave me a radiant smile. His eyes were the color of dark, rich honey and they reflected a warmth in his soul. I immediately knew I could trust him. In fact, I felt like I had known him all my life. He travelled the path ahead of me without ever having to watch where he stepped. His sure footed-ness let me know he had travelled this path before.

He stopped every so often and reached out into the grass and each time he did a child rose. He would usher me to touch them on their head just as he did. These children began to flock around me. A sense of purpose filled my soul.

My therapist asked me to open my eyes. She then asked me to relay what I had seen. Just before I opened my eyes, the man nodded at me. He told me it was time.

I know this could have been my imagination working overtime, but what I saw that day, in that moment felt real and tangible. There are still moments I can feel the way the blades of grass brushed against my hand as I passed. I can still see the light shining down and wrapping itself around me warming and filling my soul. The faces of those children shining up at me and the support as they fell in behind me on the path.

I believe God is leading me down the path toward sharing my gift; I believe God is always guiding me to share the messages he wants delivered through spirit. It is always Him that I ask for guidance and strength to work with both spirit and the people who ask for my assistance. It is always Him.

So, while I may not be an expert on Heaven, I feel that what spirit has shown me is coming directly from the source. What they describe is love. Heaven is love. It is unconditional, ever-growing, never-ending love. Spirit arrives to open arms and they are instantly washed over with love and warmth. It fills their soul to the brim and all fear vanishes.

Heaven is a place where each spirit is welcomed and nourished with all that they need. Everybody is in. Not one soul is left in the dark.

What I have heard in reading after reading is that while Heaven is open to all and everyone is welcome; there are privileges and jobs assigned to a soul based on their journey both here on Earth and in Heaven.

A soul may be required to complete tasks and provide assistance to other souls based on what they have experienced or neglected in this life. While another soul is open to choose and explore Heaven because of how well they lived their life here on Earth. I always get the sense that all is forgiven, but not forgotten. A soul is always required to work through unfinished business and learn valuable lessons that may have been missed or overlooked while on Earth.

I have had the opportunity to speak to hundreds of spirits and all with different ethnicity, religion whether devout or atheist, of all different sexual orientation, all different ages and genders and all of their descriptions of Heaven have the items I discussed above in common.

Jesus came to teach us how to treat one another; how to wash away sins; how not to judge one another. His message was simple; his message was love.

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Heaven is love. It is unconditional and non-discriminatory. Heaven is a place we can all look forward to. But it is also a place where we will be held accountable for how we treated others and we will be lovingly guided to heal our souls and the souls of others we may have affected.

For me, God is everywhere. God is in every church, synagogue, mosque, pew, park bench, school, creek, ocean, river, lake, home, mind, heart, every nook and cranny where there is space; God is there.

Like with anything else that truly matters, we cannot use money or material possessions to purchase our place in Heaven, we have to earn it with our words and actions. We all get a ticket, but that doesn’t mean we get to ride for free. We have to do well here. We have to pay attention here to ourselves and others. We have to lift people up and be a part of a community. God is always paying attention and while we are held accountable for our actions; we are always welcomed home.

So in answer to your question; Heaven is love and we are all welcome there. What we do there is up to us; based on how we lived our life here. We are always forgiven and always welcomed with open arms.

Until next time,

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Do souls die?

Do souls die?

Do souls die?

Do souls and bodies die at different times?

One of my sweetest clients wrote to me the other day and she included these questions in her email to me. She wrote to me about dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. She has witnessed these first hand and wants to know what happens to the soul when bodies are afflicted with these conditions. Many of you know that Alzheimer’s is a disease that hits incredibly close to home for me. So these questions resonated with me and I wanted to answer them here for anyone else that wanted to know about souls, too.

Over the past two and half years I have delivered messages from souls who are still in a body here on Earth. These souls had or have bodies afflicted with mental handicap or illness, Autism, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, strokes, cancer, paralysis, and other conditions in which the body and mind deteriorate and the soul may seem to be trapped.

What I have learned, mind you I am no expert – nor do I presume to be – I am just sharing what my experiences have taught me. In this case it seems that the soul continues to remain vibrant and unscathed by what may happen to the body. Our bodies may not be able to withstand these conditions over time, but our souls can.

A soul is tethered to its body – connected by an invisible pull or in some cases I have seen an actual thread. But this does not mean that a soul exists solely inside a body while it is alive.

Did your mind just explode a bit?

Mine does, too – every. single. time.

So let me explain by example. I have met with clients who have loved ones who are still living and are afflicted with dementia, Alzheimer’s or who may even be in hospice care on the verge of their ascent to heaven. These souls can communicate with me even though their bodies cannot and even though they are still in a living body. Again, a bit mind-blowing. I try to explain it by saying: I speak soul. So I don’t talk to the dead or just deliver messages from heaven – I speak soul. So if your soul chooses to speak to me I can hear it.

So these souls have delivered messages to me about what they want to be buried in, what pictures they would like at their funerals, how they know who is caring for them and the sacrifices that they have made. These souls exist both in and out of their human forms. They can see and feel what is happening around them. They can feel their loved one’s care and concern for them.

It is important to note that these souls do not feel trapped. I have communicated with these souls both before and after they have crossed over and they speak of how they were visited by other souls while they were alive. Somehow their souls exist in both Heaven and Earth. They exist and feel unencumbered.

For example, one spirit came through to me and told me how when he was alive he would often awake in the night and wonder through the house. He was always heading for the front door. He didn’t know why, but we all know that would be treacherous for a man with Alzheimer’s to be on the street in the middle of the night. He relayed to me that spirit loved ones would come to him and would help keep him safe inside his home. They would dance, walk and distract him from his path to the door. From his description of events, it would seem that this idea of a soul being able to experience both worlds – both Heaven and Earth – would seem accurate.

The other item that I think is important to share is this…souls feel no physical pain. Not one soul has ever told me something hurts…instead they always tell me what NO LONGER hurts.

Souls for the most part, are light and at peace. They remember physical pain they experienced, but no longer feel it. I always say it’s like childbirth. Us girls always tell our harrowing stories of childbirth, and yet we do it again and have another one because we remember what it was like, but can’t feel that pain any longer. Or even if you have broken a bone – you remember the pain, but don’t feel it any longer. It is like that.

So if a particular person’s brain failed them at the end of their life, know the soul’s consciousness did not. A soul flows through our bodies, but does not exist because of the body – our bodies are just a casing for our souls – souls have cognition, memory and emotion because they are made up of energy; they do not experience physical pain the way we do.

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I speak soul and it is my understanding that a soul does not die. It can change, evolve, grow, but it does not die. A soul is always becoming, it is infinite. Our souls are always on the horizon of new emotion or understanding.

Souls abhor when I say they are dead or if I describe what I do as speaking to the dead. They ALWAYS correct me – they are LIVING. They exist. Souls are always alive.

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So my sweet, dear client first I am so sorry for your struggles and what your family is going through and what it has been through. I hold space in my heart for you and send healing prayers. Know that even though I may not be right next to you; that I am here step in step with you and if you need someone to just listen; I am here.

But a great woman also told me to not just be sorry, but to be active. So for me, my way of being active was answering this question that you sent to me. My way of being active is sharing what I have learned and to continue to bring some peace to both bodies and souls. May this help answer your questions and bring you some comfort.

Sincerely,

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Life after death

Life after death

 

Life after death…

Heaven…

These beliefs have been a part of the human experience as far back as Egyptian times. And yet there are as many non-believers as there are believers around the world. While these ideas are still shrouded in skepticism there was a recent study conducted regarding the notion of our conscious (the scientific word for our soul) and how long it lasts after death.

In an article published by the Telegraph in October of 2014 by Sarah Knapton scientists surveyed individuals who suffered cardiac arrest. 140 of these patients were surveyed after being resuscitated and they experienced conscious awareness for up to three minutes after they were presumed dead. It warranted enough scientific evidence to continue this study.

It seems my entire existence has been a study of life after death. My first experience with spirit was when I was two. A man would be in my room around bed time or even when I awoke in the middle of the night. My parents couldn’t see him, but to me he was as real as they were.

At three I began to dream about death. My first dream culminated with my lifeless six-year-old body being tossed into a mass grave as I looked on from up above. While that body was not the one my soul was currently living in; I knew it was my body just the same.

These experiences continued throughout my childhood. I would be followed, approached, and awakened by spirits my whole life. I would sense someone’s death before it happened. This was something I did not discuss. You learn early that these are not ideas and experiences people share. You learn early that you are alone in what you can see and experience.

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But I never stopped paying attention to spirit and became obsessed with ghost stories, mediums and I guess in a way death. To me I was closer to spirit than I was most people.

At fifteen I knew what spirit wanted me to do with this gift. I knew what God wanted me to do with this gift; what He had been preparing me for. I was not ready. In fact, it would be many years before I was ready to begin to deliver the messages from spirit to their loved ones.

It was nearly 7  and a half years ago that I did my very first reading. Everything about the experience changed me in many ways. The doubt and feeling that I was crazy would subside substantially. And even more so only a few months later when I saw a medium at a health fair. I sat in the chair across from him and his first words to me were, “You are a medium. You are supposed to being doing what I am doing, but on a much larger scale.”

And so my journey began. Two years ago I began to book readings with people so that I could deliver messages from spirit. Over the next few blog entries I will share some of what I have learned with you. It is what spirit wants me to do. I am being guided yet again to share more and reach more people.

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Heaven is all around us; we are a part of heaven. Spirits are around all the time; everywhere. I see them with you in the mall. I see them at their graves comforting loved ones. I see them shopping with you at the grocery store, in movie theaters, on the sidewalk, in the park, in the front yard, at church, there isn’t a place I haven’t seen a spirit. Spirit easily moves in and out of our lives on a regular basis. After over a hundred readings I can say with certainty that they tuck you in at night; they are at your weddings, parties, holiday gatherings. They gain energy from your joy and love and can literally feel your pain and sorrow.

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The ability to communicate with spirit is a gift, not one that should be taken lightly. It is something we are all capable of to varying degrees. My particular gift allows me to give spirit a voice – I speak soul if you will. I do this for them and for God. God allows me to deliver these messages. It is through Him that this is possible.

Am I still scared to share. Yes. I am still worried that people will look at these writings with closed hearts and minds. Yes. But it is spirit that is asking me to open up even more and I trust in God and in spirit that sharing these experiences will help others a great deal.

Heaven is all around us.

Life after death exists.

For me there are only more answers and hopefully for you, too.

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Allowed…

Allowed…
teresa caputo
Teresa Caputo – Long Island Medium
allison dubois
Allison Dubois

 

James Van Praagh
James Van Praagh

What do all three of these people have in common?

If you said mediums, you are correct. But what is more important is that these individuals have paved the way for someone like me to be more accepted by society. I know a great deal of non-believers and believe me that is what kept me from talking about what I could do for years. I thought people would think I was crazy; they would say horrible things about me.

I am sure that is coming, but so far when I talk about how I am able to communicate with the deceased it is well received. I am grateful to the three mediums pictured above; they have paved the way for this gift to be more allowed in society and more accepted. I am grateful that I can be myself and tell others what I experience.

I never would have thought that I would be trying to figure out how to start my own “practice”, if you will, so that I could do readings for others, but here I am taking the first steps at creating my own business. Sounds like crazy talk, but it will be a reality. Sometimes we are given a gift and we have to honor that gift even if we are afraid of where that will take us.

Baby steps into an unknown future. I am scared and excited all at the same time. I also like how “allowed” sounds a lot like “out loud”. Nice that those two go hand in hand.

We can do hard things

We can do hard things,

M

Never give up…

Never Give Up!

So I think I may have been wrong. I had written awhile back that I would not do readings. This last Saturday I did my third official reading. Once again, I surprised even myself.

A friend of mine had a friend that wanted to get in touch with someone who passed and I agreed to meet with them. We had a great lunch at a super little restaurant. She was calm and easy going even though I know she wanted to get right to it. It was so nice to have a chance to get to know each other before we started the reading.

Prior to the meeting I wrote down some impressions and did not have high hopes for the meeting because I wasn’t sure what would come through – what I was seeing wasn’t 100% clear and I am always worried what I will be able to offer the living won’t be what they are after. I always have to remind myself that as long as I keep my faith in God and follow the light then the message that will come across is always what is meant to be.

Low and behold her dad came through with flying colors. He had so much to say and I can’t believe I was able to deliver so much of his message to her. It was one of the most amazing, surreal experiences that I have ever had.

What was even more awe-inspiring to me is that her dad had a message for me, too. Near the end of the reading the woman hands me several papers that she wanted me to have. One was a prayer in her father’s handwriting that I hope to share with you all once I get permission from her, but it absolutely reaffirms everything I have felt during my journey to “live out loud”.

In addition was the passage below:

Sharing

And the last item was the photo at the top of this blog. “Never Give Up!” Just when I was beginning to think I was on the wrong path and that I should stop walking down the path of writer/medium/living out loud rookie – I go out on a limb, meet with this awesome woman and she hands me a message from her father.

I know – “GET OUT OF TOWN” – I am still a little shell-shocked from the whole thing myself.

I know you are thinking – “details. I want details,” but I feel like readings belong to that spirit and their loved one so I don’t feel comfortable sharing a story that isn’t really mine to tell. I will share two things with you though.

One, I often forget 90% of what was said during a reading. It is kind of like an out-of-body experience and you are trying so hard to just focus on the spirit and relay what they are saying that you aren’t actually paying attention to what they are saying. Which in fact is a good thing, because you don’t want to taint what is said so to speak – you need to deliver their message as is without any outside interpretation.

The second thing is – I take on the mannerisms of the deceased. This always happens and I don’t notice it until well into the reading. As I get comfortable with a spirit I start to notice how they stand or sit. I pick up on their gestures and use them while I talk. I am often also able to pick up on their phrasing and inflection.

It was truly an amazing experience and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. Why a regular girl like me gets to be a part of something so much bigger I am not sure, but man do I appreciate every second of it.

Never give up-

M