An open letter to myself…

An open letter to myself…

The rain came down yesterday. Puddles litter the ground and this afternoon’s storm is imminent. In fact, the call came through while I was at breakfast with a friend that all after school meetings and activities are cancelled, except high school athletics. So I am still waiting to hear from my son’s soccer coach if the game is on this afternoon.

I know it probably sounds silly to most of the world that California towns shut down at the threat of a thunderstorm; it seems silly to us, too but the roads flood fast when it rains here. These mandatory shut downs (not government ones – I am not getting political here) get our family home and cozy. It stops time for a brief moment and I couldn’t be happier. But that isn’t what this post is about.

As I sit here on my planned writing day with papers strewn about and a copy of Hands Free Mama by my side, I am still struggling to complete this post. It is one that needs to be written so I am compelled to keep at it.

This last year, I was introduced to a woman named Michele, by her dad. While that may seem ordinary, it was anything but. See by the time we met, via phone, her dad was already in heaven. (If you haven’t heard how we met you can read my post about it here). I still feel like he continually links us. Whether it is her seeing me on a morning run or an online post that shows how close we live to one another, we still find ourselves being connected.

She has this great online FB community where she writes motivating posts to help others live their best life. You see how we like each other now, right?

Well, one of her most recent asks, was for us to write a letter to our future selves. She said that we had to write a letter to ourself in the future expressing a sense of accomplishment for all we completed the past year. I originally thought this would be easy. But here I sit. With the letter still unfinished.

Writing about my success; that is complicated. More than complicated; arduous. A part of me still can’t think I am a success because I feel like I will jinx the good stuff I have going on in my life right this very instant. And I was taught to be humble, so saying “Hey look what I can do,” makes me cringe. I know you are reading an online blog about myself; the irony of this is not lost on me. So I get that you are thinking this can’t be that hard. But it is!

On the flip side, I could easily list off the things I have failed or what I want to do different next time or how I want to be a better at whatever. But to write a letter to myself about how proud I am of me; that is trickier than it sounds.

However, I think it is important. What we put out into the universe comes back. What we want for ourselves; what we see for ourselves; well that becomes our reality. So this exercise isn’t just for fun; I think it is necessary for my growth over the next year. I am doing it and sharing it in the hopes that maybe you will do the same for yourself. Maybe you will work at manifesting your own dreams this year.

Okay here it goes…

Dear End of 2019 Michelle,

There is so much I have to tell you. I know, no surprise there; we both know how long-winded I can be. 

First and foremost; I want you to know how proud I am of you for holding steady this year. When things got hectic or tough you remembered to consistently show up for yourself. And when life knocked you down you dusted yourself off and tried again. I know how merciless that bully in your head can be; and the fact that you never let her get the best of you; you should feel so satisfied. I am glad that failure wasn’t an option for you.

I know your job is life-breathing for you. You are helping people and doing what you are meant to do; but I also know it is breath-taking in both good and bad ways. Aren’t you grateful that you kept your faith, even on the days when appointments were heavy or they didn’t go your way; aren’t you glad you looked up and remembered whose you are. Always keep that faith. Always remember that God has your back. He is holding you and He held you, even when you thought you were alone or He couldn’t see what was happening. I love that prayer to you isn’t a word or a thing it is an action and you put its power to use. When all else fails, faith seems to center us. 

Girl, this one was hard. You left so much sweat on the floor of 2019. You lost all your extra padding and gained some sure-fire muscle. Look at you! You finished two 5Ks and made sure that you took time to better your health each and every day. But you also enjoyed food and gatherings and didn’t let it over run your life. You found a beautiful balance for your health and your sweet tooth. I bet you feel good in your clothes and are glad to have more energy. Well done, but remember don’t stop. This is lifetime work. Keep getting after it; you have got this.

In, the work world, you did a great job. You are the owner of a successful business. And you decided to take a risk and finally finish that book. The bravery it took to send off your completed manuscript to publishers was impressive. Hang in there. No matter what happens you wrote a whole book and shared it. You should feel content. That is enough. More than enough. Great work. And to top it off you started your own little podcast. You go girl. I know, I know the things that come out of our mouth. We can’t help it. The point is we are not on the sidelines any more watching other people’s dreams come true or hiding our own potential. You are out in the arena making your own dreams a reality and it takes my breath away to see you like this. Remember when we took out that picture of us at three. Remember that smile. You started all this to find that girl again and now you are her. How’s that for success? Let that settle in your bones and savor how that feels. 

Most importantly, you soaked in the sun, spent time watching the sky in wonder, gazed out at the stars, studied your babies’ precious faces and listened to their hearts until you knew them as well as your own, and  you were there for those that needed you most. You took the time to laugh, listen and love. You were present and made your people a priority. Don’t you feel like you added treasured moments to your life? 

All in all you had a productive year where you were a participant in your own life. You put blood, sweat, tears, laughter, love and adventure into 2019. I know you are grateful and blessed for all you have experienced; don’t let that pass you buy. Soak it up. Let it linger on your heart. It’s okay to take a moment and just be. I also know, you will think about what was lost or missed. Try and remember what is, is and what will be, will be. You did what you could. You did the best with what you had. You never gave up. You are the best you, you have ever been to this point in your life and I love you more today than ever. 

Sincerely,

Beginning of 2019 Michelle

My baby girl…

This past weekend I was on a run and Jason Mraz came on my iPod. His lyrics reminded me of my little girl watching a cake bake and I decided I wanted to write her letter.

“If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry ’bout all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go
Of what I know I don’t know
And I know I only do this by

Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
With peace in my soul
Wherever I’m going,
I’m already home
Living in the moment”

Jason Mraz

waiting on the cake

Dear D-Mack,

You can do anything. I love you. You are my baby girl, and I am so glad that you were born.

I lived the first half of my life in fear. So many things I didn’t do because I was afraid. I turned down scholarships, I stayed close to home, I did what was expected of me. I want you to always do what you want to do. When someone tries to tell you, “you can’t” – even if you are the one telling yourself that thinking it is the realistic logical thing to do remember that if you stay static then you are being status quo and you are so much more than status quo baby. So much more.

Other side of fear

A couple of days ago, I ran in the rain. There were only a few of us out there – playing in the rain. It got me thinking about how we bundle up and stay inside. I want you to know that life is full of rain. You go out in the rain and put your face up to the sky baby. Jump in the puddles. If you can learn to love the storm life is going to be so much easier for you and have so much more to offer. Don’t always wait for the rainbow – enjoy the whole storm, every bit. There is so much good in all of it.

keep your spirit

Keep our 3 family rules in mind – they apply all the time in every situation and I promise you these will get you far in life.

1. Treat others how you want to be treated.

2. Always try your best.

3. Use your manners.

Super Girl
Super Girl

Keep your great sense of humor and silly, unique spirit. You bring so much joy to all those around you.

photo(5)

I also want you to know you go this. You can handle whatever it is that comes your way Whether it is:

  • First day of high school
  • First heartbreak
  • Mothering
  • Not mothering
  • Studying for the bar
  • Accepting your first job

God made you just like this on purpose baby and everything that happens you have it. You are so capable of each and everything that life sends your way. And you are never alone. I am always with you – no matter what. I will always have your back, baby. Don’t ever lose your faith.

Just a little word of advice, keep smiling and always smile for the camera. This comes from experience. Take it from the photos below – smiling for the camera is really the better option.

Trying to get out of the picture
Trying to get out of the picture
posing for the camera

It wasn’t so long ago, that I had forgotten who I was and what I was worth. It can be an easy thing to do. If you ever find yourself in the same spot – look around you. I am sure there are things right in front of you that you have forgotten to acknowledge. Give yourself the credit you deserve, give yourself forgiveness and go for whatever you want – the sky is the limit. You can have anything you want – I really believe that anything is possible and mostly I believe in you. Stay true to who you are – don’t let the trends or peer pressure sway you. You are unique and exquisitely made just exactly how you are.

Run in your bright coral pants and cheetah shoes
Run in your bright coral pants and cheetah shoes

Most of all don’t ever lose your spunk, your spirit – you are so beautiful inside and out. You have it all kiddo and I love you.

Spirited, Silly Girl
Spirited, Silly Girl

Live in the moment; with peace of heart, mind and soul.

Love you baby-

Mom

You too readers – live in the moment, with peace of heart, mind and soul.

-M