Worry, fate and signs from heaven

Worry, fate and signs from heaven

There are moments when I am alone with my thoughts and usually that is a good thing, but sometimes my mind starts to stir with worry. Usually I am pretty good about focusing back in on the present. I know it isn’t healthy to live in the past or too far in the future, but to focus right here in the present. But today my mind wandered to my family. I started to think about my grandparents. Missing them, but that turned my thoughts toward my own future.

Both of my grandmothers had strokes and Alzheimer’s. My mom’s mom had early onset Alzheimer’s and for twelve years she lived with this disease. It struck right at the onset of her retirement; just after all 6 kids were out and on their own. I know it could not have been easy for her. But what I know more than anything is that it would have hurt her so much more to see those she loved in pain. She put everyone else before herself. She was selfless and kind. She was one of the best women I have ever known.

When we had the twins she had already passed and I longed to call her and ask her how she maintained her sanity with six kids. I only had four and I felt like I was barely holding it together. I wanted her advice so badly.

As fate would have it, I I did get the chance to ask my grandfather about her; about how she managed to keep it all together raising six kids the last time I saw him. The twins weren’t even in the picture yet, but somehow I had the wherewithal to ask. He told me he would get home from work and without saying anything she would just go get in the car and drive. He laughed as he said it. He said he always wondered if she would come home.

So there were days as the twins were older about 18 months, Brian would get home and I would just get in the car and drive. Drive and pray to her that I was doing enough; pray for her guidance to watch over me as a parent. To help me through. To know if she lost her cool, to see if she had tricks and tips on how she split herself into so many directions. I wanted to raise my kids to be as kind, honest, and loving as she had raised hers to be.

During this time I dyed my hair dark brown because I didn’t want to have to color it as much. After seeing me a few times, my aunt told me how much I reminded her of my grandma, that having my hair darker I even kind of looked like her. Well if that wasn’t just the greatest compliment I could ever receive!

Over the past six years, I have had some medical hiccups. They can’t pin point any one thing to be wrong, but my whole body is out of whack and we are still trying to figure it out. About six months ago, a growth started on my nose.

The growth turned out to be noncancerous, it is what young children and infants have – we always called them strawberry birthmarks. The technical term is hemangioma and it is a noncancerous collection of blood vessels. It is rare in adults. My grandmother had a growth on her nose that was removed, my mom said she would have likely been my age. I remembered the zigzagged white scar she hated so much, but that I loved because it was a part of her. Sure enough it most likely was the same type of growth.

Thinking about her today, I wondered that if I am like her I have sixteen years until early onset. Sixteen years of a life of remembering. I don’t want my family to see that. I don’t want them to have to take care of me like that. So I started praying to her again. To God. Please don’t let my family suffer that fate, please give them more time. Don’t make them have to watch that. Don’t make my parents have to watch that again. How awful that would be. I know that I can endure anything, but I don’t want that for them. I have seen it and I don’t want that for them.

Do not ask me to remember

As soon as I said my last word of my prayer a white fluffy feather floated past my windshield at the stop sign. I thought there is no way that is a sign even though I have started finding feathers like that recently, still I shrugged it off. The next stop sign there was a hummingbird that hovered above my car. My dad’s dad always sends hummingbirds. The next stop sign a blue jay flew right in front of my car from one tree to the next. My other grandmother sends me blue jays. And I started to think that my fate will be different.

Those signs hopefully will spur me to learn whatever I can and get off my butt and work harder to do what I have to, to out run that fate. Those signs from heaven reminded me that I have a good team up there looking out for me. They will take care of my family and me. They will help us.

These signs gave me hope. These signs helped me realize I do not want to go down without giving myself the best possible chances. So I need to take better care of myself. I think that means more changes and better will power, but there is a damn good reason for me to make those things happen. That isn’t the future I want for my kids and I definitely want to know my grandchildren.

Morbid post I know, but I write here for me to release those things that roll around in my brain. To work through my fears so that I can face them and deal with them. That’s all. I just need to come here to let it all out.

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Thanks for reading if you got this far and don’t worry about me; just venting a fear that wraps hold of my heart from time to time. Today heaven sent me lots of signs to let me know my prayers are heard and that I am loved and cared for. My angels were there to let me know not to worry and to just live.

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What I have learned about Heaven…

What I have learned about Heaven…

One of my clients emailed me this week and asked:

What is your take [on Heaven]?  And what have you learned from being the mediator for spirits?

To answer that question, it is important to get a little back story. I think it is important to understand the source behind my answer.

Becoming a medium wasn’t in my lifelong goals and dreams. It became something I am extremely proud of. It is a gift I hold dear. It has also become my dream to help as many people as possible. To be the best medium that I can be. It is work I take seriously and hold in the highest regard. In my youth; however, it was something I spoke of little and felt more comfortable keeping to myself. 

Now, the road wasn’t an easy one and I often took the path of least resistance in the beginning; I am human after all. But, God asks more of us. God asks us to follow Him into the dark and help shine his light unto the world. I know that is what God has asked of me.

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When I decided to share my gift with the world I was terrified. In fact, I went to see my therapist and discussed this at length with her. In her wise way she told me that the path was already clear and I just needed to see it for myself. She asked me to follow her in a simple exercise. She said, “I want you to close your eyes and just focus on your path.” Over the next few minutes she continued to ask, “Who is leading you? Where are you? What is happening next?”

I closed my eyes, and asked God to guide me and instantly I was in a meadow filled with white and yellow flowers and tall grass. A breeze was gently caressing my cheek and the light that surrounded me was the brightest and warmest I had ever felt. I looked down and I was on an unpaved road; it was packed down beige colored dirt with stones and pebbles, and in some areas the grass had grown high and wild covering the path. I could see no other tracks or footprints on this path.

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http://www.ryylxjw.com/heavenly-wallpapers/41004327.html – original source
When I looked up ahead of me to see who was leading me, there was a man dressed in a white robe with dark flowing hair. He turned back to make sure I was still following and gave me a radiant smile. His eyes were the color of dark, rich honey and they reflected a warmth in his soul. I immediately knew I could trust him. In fact, I felt like I had known him all my life. He travelled the path ahead of me without ever having to watch where he stepped. His sure footed-ness let me know he had travelled this path before.

He stopped every so often and reached out into the grass and each time he did a child rose. He would usher me to touch them on their head just as he did. These children began to flock around me. A sense of purpose filled my soul.

My therapist asked me to open my eyes. She then asked me to relay what I had seen. Just before I opened my eyes, the man nodded at me. He told me it was time.

I know this could have been my imagination working overtime, but what I saw that day, in that moment felt real and tangible. There are still moments I can feel the way the blades of grass brushed against my hand as I passed. I can still see the light shining down and wrapping itslef around me warming and filling my soul. The faces of those children shining up at me and the support as they fell in behind me on the path.

I believe God is leading me down the path toward sharing my gift; I believe God is always guiding me to share the messages he wants delivered through spirit. It is always Him that I ask for guidance and strength to work with both spirit and the people who ask for my assistance. It is always Him.

So, while I may not be an expert on Heaven, I feel that what spirit has shown me is coming directly from the source. What they describe is love. Heaven is love. It is unconditional, ever-growing, never-ending love. Spirit arrives to open arms and they are instantly washed over with love and warmth. It fills their soul to the brim and all fear vanishes.

Heaven is a place where each spirit is welcomed and nourished with all that they need. Everybody is in. Not one soul is left in the dark.

What I have heard in reading after reading is that while Heaven is open to all and everyone is welcome; there are privileges and jobs assigned to a soul based on their journey both here on Earth and in Heaven.

A soul may be required to complete tasks and provide assistance to other souls based on what they have experienced or neglected in this life. While another soul is open to choose and explore Heaven because of how well they lived their life here on Earth. I always get the sense that all is forgiven, but not forgotten. A soul is always required to work through unfinished business and learn valuable lessons that may have been missed or overlooked while on Earth.

I have had the opportunity to speak to hundreds of spirits and all with different ethnicity, religion whether devout or atheist, of all different sexual orientation, all different ages and genders and all of their descriptions of Heaven have the items I discussed above in common.

Jesus came to teach us how to treat one another; how to wash away sins; how not to judge one another. His message was simple; his message was love.

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Heaven is love. It is unconditional and non-discriminatory. Heaven is a place we can all look forward to. But it is also a place where we will be held accountable for how we treated others and we will be lovingly guided to heal our souls and the souls of others we may have affected.

For me, God is everywhere. God is in every church, synagogue, mosque, pew, park bench, school, creek, ocean, river, lake, home, mind, heart, every nook and cranny where there is space; God is there.

Like with anything else that truly matters, we cannot use money or material possessions to purchase our place in Heaven, we have to earn it with our words and actions. We all get a ticket, but that doesn’t mean we get to ride for free. We have to do well here. We have to pay attention here to ourselves and others. We have to lift people up and be a part of a community. God is always paying attention and while we are held accountable for our actions; we are always welcomed home.

So in answer to your question; Heaven is love and we are all welcome there. What we do there is up to us; based on how we lived our life here. We are always forgiven and always welcomed with open arms.

Until next time,

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Do souls die?

Do souls die?

Do souls die?

Do souls and bodies die at different times?

One of my sweetest clients wrote to me the other day and she included these questions in her email to me. She wrote to me about dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. She has witnessed these first hand and wants to know what happens to the soul when bodies are afflicted with these conditions. Many of you know that Alzheimer’s is a disease that hits incredibly close to home for me. So these questions resonated with me and I wanted to answer them here for anyone else that wanted to know about souls, too.

Over the past two and half years I have delivered messages from souls who are still in a body here on Earth. These souls had or have bodies afflicted with mental handicap or illness, Autism, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, strokes, cancer, paralysis, and other conditions in which the body and mind deteriorate and the soul may seem to be trapped.

What I have learned, mind you I am no expert – nor do I presume to be – I am just sharing what my experiences have taught me. In this case it seems that the soul continues to remain vibrant and unscathed by what may happen to the body. Our bodies may not be able to withstand these conditions over time, but our souls can.

A soul is tethered to its body – connected by an invisible pull or in some cases I have seen an actual thread. But this does not mean that a soul exists solely inside a body while it is alive.

Did your mind just explode a bit?

Mine does, too – every. single. time.

So let me explain by example. I have met with clients who have loved ones who are still living and are afflicted with dementia, Alzheimer’s or who may even be in hospice care on the verge of their ascent to heaven. These souls can communicate with me even though their bodies cannot and even though they are still in a living body. Again, a bit mind-blowing. I try to explain it by saying: I speak soul. So I don’t talk to the dead or just deliver messages from heaven – I speak soul. So if your soul chooses to speak to me I can hear it.

So these souls have delivered messages to me about what they want to be buried in, what pictures they would like at their funerals, how they know who is caring for them and the sacrifices that they have made. These souls exist both in and out of their human forms. They can see and feel what is happening around them. They can feel their loved one’s care and concern for them.

It is important to note that these souls do not feel trapped. I have communicated with these souls both before and after they have crossed over and they speak of how they were visited by other souls while they were alive. Somehow their souls exist in both Heaven and Earth. They exist and feel unencumbered.

For example, one spirit came through to me and told me how when he was alive he would often awake in the night and wonder through the house. He was always heading for the front door. He didn’t know why, but we all know that would be treacherous for a man with Alzheimer’s to be on the street in the middle of the night. He relayed to me that spirit loved ones would come to him and would help keep him safe inside his home. They would dance, walk and distract him from his path to the door. From his description of events, it would seem that this idea of a soul being able to experience both worlds – both Heaven and Earth – would seem accurate.

The other item that I think is important to share is this…souls feel no physical pain. Not one soul has ever told me something hurts…instead they always tell me what NO LONGER hurts.

Souls for the most part, are light and at peace. They remember physical pain they experienced, but no longer feel it. I always say it’s like childbirth. Us girls always tell our harrowing stories of childbirth, and yet we do it again and have another one because we remember what it was like, but can’t feel that pain any longer. Or even if you have broken a bone – you remember the pain, but don’t feel it any longer. It is like that.

So if a particular person’s brain failed them at the end of their life, know the soul’s consciousness did not. A soul flows through our bodies, but does not exist because of the body – our bodies are just a casing for our souls – souls have cognition, memory and emotion because they are made up of energy; they do not experience physical pain the way we do.

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I speak soul and it is my understanding that a soul does not die. It can change, evolve, grow, but it does not die. A soul is always becoming, it is infinite. Our souls are always on the horizon of new emotion or understanding.

Souls abhor when I say they are dead or if I describe what I do as speaking to the dead. They ALWAYS correct me – they are LIVING. They exist. Souls are always alive.

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So my sweet, dear client first I am so sorry for your struggles and what your family is going through and what it has been through. I hold space in my heart for you and send healing prayers. Know that even though I may not be right next to you; that I am here step in step with you and if you need someone to just listen; I am here.

But a great woman also told me to not just be sorry, but to be active. So for me, my way of being active was answering this question that you sent to me. My way of being active is sharing what I have learned and to continue to bring some peace to both bodies and souls. May this help answer your questions and bring you some comfort.

Sincerely,

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Life after death

Life after death

 

Life after death…

Heaven…

These beliefs have been a part of the human experience as far back as Egyptian times. And yet there are as many non-believers as there are believers around the world. While these ideas are still shrouded in skepticism there was a recent study conducted regarding the notion of our conscious (the scientific word for our soul) and how long it lasts after death.

In an article published by the Telegraph in October of 2014 by Sarah Knapton scientists surveyed individuals who suffered cardiac arrest. 140 of these patients were surveyed after being resuscitated and they experienced conscious awareness for up to three minutes after they were presumed dead. It warranted enough scientific evidence to continue this study.

It seems my entire existence has been a study of life after death. My first experience with spirit was when I was two. A man would be in my room around bed time or even when I awoke in the middle of the night. My parents couldn’t see him, but to me he was as real as they were.

At three I began to dream about death. My first dream culminated with my lifeless six-year-old body being tossed into a mass grave as I looked on from up above. While that body was not the one my soul was currently living in; I knew it was my body just the same.

These experiences continued throughout my childhood. I would be followed, approached, and awakened by spirits my whole life. I would sense someone’s death before it happened. This was something I did not discuss. You learn early that these are not ideas and experiences people share. You learn early that you are alone in what you can see and experience.

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But I never stopped paying attention to spirit and became obsessed with ghost stories, mediums and I guess in a way death. To me I was closer to spirit than I was most people.

At fifteen I knew what spirit wanted me to do with this gift. I knew what God wanted me to do with this gift; what He had been preparing me for. I was not ready. In fact, it would be many years before I was ready to begin to deliver the messages from spirit to their loved ones.

It was nearly 7  and a half years ago that I did my very first reading. Everything about the experience changed me in many ways. The doubt and feeling that I was crazy would subside substantially. And even more so only a few months later when I saw a medium at a health fair. I sat in the chair across from him and his first words to me were, “You are a medium. You are supposed to being doing what I am doing, but on a much larger scale.”

And so my journey began. Two years ago I began to book readings with people so that I could deliver messages from spirit. Over the next few blog entries I will share some of what I have learned with you. It is what spirit wants me to do. I am being guided yet again to share more and reach more people.

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Heaven is all around us; we are a part of heaven. Spirits are around all the time; everywhere. I see them with you in the mall. I see them at their graves comforting loved ones. I see them shopping with you at the grocery store, in movie theaters, on the sidewalk, in the park, in the front yard, at church, there isn’t a place I haven’t seen a spirit. Spirit easily moves in and out of our lives on a regular basis. After over a hundred readings I can say with certainty that they tuck you in at night; they are at your weddings, parties, holiday gatherings. They gain energy from your joy and love and can literally feel your pain and sorrow.

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The ability to communicate with spirit is a gift, not one that should be taken lightly. It is something we are all capable of to varying degrees. My particular gift allows me to give spirit a voice – I speak soul if you will. I do this for them and for God. God allows me to deliver these messages. It is through Him that this is possible.

Am I still scared to share. Yes. I am still worried that people will look at these writings with closed hearts and minds. Yes. But it is spirit that is asking me to open up even more and I trust in God and in spirit that sharing these experiences will help others a great deal.

Heaven is all around us.

Life after death exists.

For me there are only more answers and hopefully for you, too.

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May God hold you in the palm of His hand

When our loved ones move on to heaven our human hearts want the world to stop. There is a need for everything to be frozen and covered with ash gray quiet. Forward movement seems so unbefitting when we are mourning loss. We yearn for a blanket of stillness to cover the globe and keep us isolated while we adjust to a life where they are no longer physically present. And yet, somehow everything keeps moving,  changing, evolving, growing. There is an abundant amount of laughter and light that seems so out-of-place. For me it seems this must be God’s way of trying to soothe us to let us know that one day forward movement will not seem so odd. His way of reminding us that life is all forward movement. There is no pause button, no still frame except for in our photos and even then sometimes nothing is standing still.

All four of my grandparents are in heaven. My fingers shake as I write this because a world without their stories, advice, unconditional love seems a bit colder, less comforting. As each of my grandparents passed I tried to merge some of who they were into me; into my soul because if I did that then they continued to live. If I have to move forward because of the will of the world and the will of God, then it is my need to take the essence of who they were with me.

Twenty-one years ago, my grandfather (papa) went in for a routine surgery, and then I got the news he wasn’t going to ever leave the hospital again because his body had decided the surgery was not so routine. The day I heard I ran up and down the stairs in our house and did sit up after sit up. I thought if I could feel some physical pain that matched my emotional pain then that would bring harmony and peace. It did not. Time would come to pass and I would learn that nothing brings back the peace you had before you lose someone. Nothing is ever the same. I wish I could have had more wisdom in my adolescent brain that June, but I did not. For my grandfather, who was Irish to the core, I decided to move on with the importance of heritage being a core value.

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Papa, my friend Shannon and I on Antelope Island the summer before my Sophomore year of high school. 1994ish
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At Coyote Reservoir probably 1992
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New Year’s Eve at our house in 1993 probably

He also loved his family fiercely and that too I incorporated into the fiber of my being. I know that he watches over us; his pennies from heaven are everywhere when I need them. He was also a wonderful story-teller. I think that I chose to write again because of a need to make his story-telling live on. Slowly picking up my once abandoned journals after his passing and beginning to fill them with my own stories. His picture sits at my desk and I talk to him every day. The hole he left will always be empty. I wish I had done more to remember all that he was, record his stories, ask more questions, learn more, but I was too naive and young to gather those extra memories of him when I had the chance.

My mother’s father passed on Valentine’s Day almost 8 years ago. It doesn’t seem like that, but time keeps moving propelling us forward. I had been so fortunate to see him two weeks earlier. He lived in Utah, so it was a treat that I was out there visiting friends and was able to escape away for a day and spend it with him. We visited my grandmother. Then, watched a part of the series “Earth”. We made plans for breakfast the next day and I headed back to the house my husband and I were visiting. A freak snowstorm set in that night and I was not able to get back to see him for breakfast. I called to tell him and of course he put my safety first and understood. I told him I loved him and he told me the same. As I hung up, I cried uncontrollably. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I knew I would never hear his voice again. That was the last time we spoke.

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My Grandpa goofing around at my wedding in 2003
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Grandpa toasting at my wedding in 2003
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Grandpa and Grandma together at my wedding in 2003

When my dad called to tell me two weeks later, I sank to the ground in my kitchen. And a cruel joke that on Valentine’s Day he left the Earth, leaving behind the woman he loved so much. My grandfather took care of my grandmother as she struggled through Alzheimer’s for 12 years. His unconditional love became an example to me; to our family to love those dearest to you through anything. His goofy jokes and singing became part of his essence that I needed to carry on. A sign of his hangs in my kitchen, “A good day is not complete without laughter.” That is what I carry with me and try to incorporate into my soul. Also to always drive the back roads, that is where the good stuff happens. There is no need to take the freeway when you can avoid it.

A few short weeks later, the love of his life, my grandmother passed away. My sweet, kind, generous grandmother who fought early onset Alzheimer’s for 12 years went to heaven to be with him. My grandmother was one of the most selfless, thoughtful people I have ever met. When I would complain about how someone being rude or grumpy she would say, “Michelle, they might be having the worst day of their life. Maybe they need a little kindness.” or “You don’t know their story.” This has become a mantra of mine, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to offer kindness no matter what. She had the best giggle and enjoyed her family and grandchildren so much. She was always finding the neatest toys for us to play with. Little People became a favorite of mine for my own children because it reminded me of her house. She also was a writer; she had written for the paper in college for a brief time. She is another reason that I write. Her grace, kindness, and love of knowledge and life I try to absorb in every way.

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My grandma with the love of her life my grandpa in the late 80s. I wish I had more pictures of her before she started to get sick. She loved to giggle and was such a beautiful person.

I call on her daily because she raised six with ease and sometimes I feel like I am drowning raising four and I long to hear her words of wisdom. My drive to help others comes in part from her.

This past Friday, November 6th at 8:15 PM my grandmother went to join my papa 21 years after he passed. That is a long time to be a part from one another, so I know they are catching up on lost time. I am grateful that she can be with him and her brothers and sister that have passed. I know she missed them dearly. But as I stood on the Boardwalk, listening to my dad tell me she had passed, the dazzling sunlight and joyful volleyball games and happy adventurers that passed and buzzed around me seemed so wrong. Why couldn’t everything stop just for a minute; my last grandparent had left this Earth. Why wasn’t there quiet and calm? Why hadn’t clouds at least dulled the blazing sun?

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My grandma and my dad in 2002
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My grandma and me in church 2000
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The summer before my wedding at Los Gatos Opera House 2002
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My grandma as always the life of the party – my wedding 2003

My grandmother talked to everyone. When I would visit in the summer, it would take us an hour or more to get through the aisles in the grocery store. The first time I thought she knew everyone and then I picked up that she was meeting all these people for this first time. She always talked to anyone like a friend, an important note that I need to gather into my soul and become one with so that she can live on through me. She also loved to laugh and was always about a good time; even though she hated parties that were thrown in her honor. It will be good for my soul to laugh even more and something I will fold into the fiber of my being so that she can continue to exist here on Earth. My grandma won everything all the time, so I know the Bingo Game in heaven will be forever changed; she is pretty unbeatable. There was a lot my grandmother didn’t talk about from her past and I know there was a great deal of pain that she carried with her from that. I hope that escapes her soul as she settles into heaven. My grandmother also loved to give back to the community, she helped with Girl Scouts, the Soup Kitchen and her church. I think a part of me knew this was coming, a need to make this year’s 25 Days of Holiday Cheer bigger and grander than the past two years a need to make a mark, a memory in her honor.

Life keeps going. We can’t stop it. We can only join it as best we can. I try to do that with my grief; warp it into a part of the person I loved and use it to move forward and pass that piece of their memory onto others I meet. If I keep pushing them forward with me in the best way I know how, a piece of them will always exist here on Earth.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Until we meet again,

Michelle

I have had rainbows in my clouds

I have had rainbows in my clouds

“To get to experience another day and have the health to dream of the opportunity for more days is a rich and indulgent luxury.”

Over three decades ago on a sunny September morning I skipped into kindergarten. The carpet was a deep red contrasted by the stark white and gray flecked tile that rimmed most of the room. We all had cubbies and while there were tables and chairs we always started and ended our day on the floor sitting in a giant circle. Luckily I attended kindergarten when there was still a great deal of play. The corner of the classroom that housed the play kitchen and a reading loft was glorious. But best of all was the thin, gray-haired, fiercely blue-eyed woman who was my teacher. Mrs. Johnston had a kind and open heart.

In her class, I learned to tie my shoes, to read and write. I also horribly failed cutting. I never could make that black dotted line disappear no matter how hard I tried. She loved  teaching art and giving us time to play. She was also one of the first adults I ever saw openly weep. Our art teacher that year had a heart attack while he was driving home from work and did not survive. As she told our class that he would not be coming back she couldn’t help but shed some tears. It is important to know there are people that care that much about other people.

My sister went on to be in her class and even after we moved away our family still exchanged Christmas Cards with her each year. The exchanging of cards and occasional letters continued every year, even when I was married and had my own family.

This year, four days after Christmas a letter came in the mail. A letter I was expecting, but at the same time had often feared the past three years. At eighty-two years old, Mrs. Ara Johnston had passed away. This summer she had a brain aneurysm and left our world for better one.

Mrs. Johnston's Obituary Photo
Mrs. Johnston’s Obituary Photo

I dreamt of her this summer. You know one of those dreams that seems so real that after you wake you can’t tell if it was a memory or a dream.

In the beginning of the dream I walked into a supermarket through a great wide opening and was blasted with a force of air as I crossed into the threshold of the store. I knew immediately I was in a King Super’s in Colorado. They have huge doors that slide back and stay open. As I was finishing up my shopping I noticed a woman with silver-gray hair in the check out line paying as a young man helped to bag her purchases. I knew exactly who she was without even having to see her face. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen her in 30 years; her kindness and belief in me left such an impression I knew I would always be able to recognize her effortlessly.

I contemplated walking up to her knowing she may not remember me. She taught for over 20 years. I remember thinking how many little faces she must have seen. But I knew I had to see her. So I walked up to her. She had that same sweet smile I remembered and she greeted me with a hearty hello.

She said she knew I was one of her students, but names always escaped her. She said she never forgot a face though and even remembered some of the outfits I had worn in her class. She talked about how she never really left teaching until she had to. She substitute taught after she retired. Always quick-witted, she made to sure to ask me if I had ever properly learned to use scissors. I assured her I had not; I was incapable of cutting a straight line. She gave me a hug and a hearty smile and said she had to be going.

Funny how I thought I would always see her again, but then of course I never did get the chance. Just in my dreams.

So many of the gifts in our life are the people who are put into it. Mrs. Johnston believed in me, as I am sure she did all her students, but I will always remember that she never gave up hope that I could learn something or master some skill. She always pushed me to excel and try more difficult tasks. My love of learning started in that classroom and has continued the rest of my life.

Maya Angelou said, “I’ve had so many rainbows in my clouds…I bring everyone with me who has ever been kind to me…I have most certainly had rainbows in my clouds. The thing to do you see, is to prepare yourself to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud..to be a blessing to somebody.”

Ara Johnston was a rainbow in my cloud, she was a blessing.

Mrs. Johnston as I remember her
Mrs. Johnston as I remember her

Cherish your rainbows and prepare yourself to be a blessing to others; it truly is what matters most.

Love,

Me

 

 

 

Questions and answers

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click for original source

Due to some recent questions that I have received about recent posts I thought I would do a little Q & A. If you have a question that wasn’t answered here be sure to leave it in the comments section and I will most definitely get you an answer.

Question: Do you feel sad when you know it’s the last time you will see someone? Scared? Or no because they’re going to a good place and protected?

Answer: I guess I have mixed emotions. Most often I am terribly sad. I guess too, I hope that I am wrong or crazy or both. The last time this happened is when I met JLK. I had never hoped or prayed so hard to be wrong or off my rocker in my life.

The time before that was the last time I spoke to my grandfather on the phone. I was supposed to meet him for breakfast and a snowstorm had come in and I wasn’t going to be able to make it to see him. I heard his voice through the phone and knew that was the last time I was ever going to speak to him. I didn’t want to hang up and I never cried so hard getting off the phone in my whole life. Roughly a week later he had a heart attack and passed away.

What was strange is that I had visited him the day before and on some level I knew that things were off because I stayed all day as long as I possibly could. Even when he fell asleep in his chair; I just stayed and sat with him. I knew that things wouldn’t ever be the same, but I thought it had to do with my grandmother.  My grandfather and I had visited my grandmother in the nursing home (she suffered from Alzheimer’s) and I knew when I kissed her good-bye that would be the last time I would see her. For her though, I was happy that her soul would finally be free and in a better place. I was sad for all of us who would miss her, but really glad for her. I hadn’t realized until I spoke to my grandfather on the phone the next day that it would be him that would pass first.

Question: Have you ever thought about making a career out of this gift?

Answer: Yes, but the answer currently is no; it is not something I would do as a career.

Question: Are you the only one in your family that can see spirits?

Answer: No – I will leave it at that for now.

Question:  Have you ever seen a negative spirit?

Answer: Yes. I once crossed paths with a man that was killed in a motorcycle accident, and he happened to be a serial killer. He was the only spirit I ever saw rise up from the ground and be a dark almost black figure. All other spirits seem to appear from above and radiate light or be whitish in appearance.

Question: When is the first time you saw a spirit?

Answer: My mom told me I woke her up when I was two telling her there was a man in my room. I remember the first spirits at 3 and then I was 5 when I realized that I was haunted. I often feel like a lighthouse to the spirit world. They know I can sense them and often seem to seek my out as they know I will cross paths with the person they want to deliver a message to.

Question: Can you see whomever you want?

Answer: No. The spirits that I see chose to show themselves to me.

I often talk to my maternal grandmother. She had six kids and I often ask her advice or guidance and I have only ever seen her three times when I wish I could connect with her daily.

The first time was once when she was alive. That may seem odd, but I have a theory about Alzheimer’s and I think that souls of people with Alzheimer’s can actually jump back and forth between heaven and earth, but that is just a theory. Anyway, I dreamt of her the night my grandfather passed away. She was dressing him to go to heaven and told him that she would be right behind him and not to worry. The dream was so vivid. And I knew it was more than a dream because when they realized I was watching it was as if they vanished into thin air. She died about a month after he did.

The next time was when I was getting ready for work. I was pregnant with the twins and she appeared behind me in the mirror just for a second and then was gone.

The last time was in a dream where I had entered a part of heaven I wasn’t really supposed to see. My mom’s cousin who passed came to talk with me and took me to this particular group meeting place. My grandmother happened to be in the adjacent room. I believe she helps trouble souls move up the ranks in heaven ( I will explain that in my next question answer). Anyhow, I had talked with him for what seemed a while when my grandmother entered the room and without saying a word commanded me to leave. I woke up and that is the last time I have seen her.

I can smell both of my grandfathers. I know that may seem odd, but I have found that the energy of our souls can appear in all kinds of ways.

My paternal grandfather also always makes sure I see pennies on the ground. He used to always find pennies when he was living and collect them. Now I always see pennies on the ground when I most need them. I have also had him visit me on several occasions. For awhile he spent a great deal of time around me and stressed that he was worried about my health. I think he helped orchestrate my current working environment because he was worried about my mental health.

But no, I can’t call up the people I want to see. I also try not to push things; I want the spirits to come through with whatever messages they want to pass along without my interference.

Question: What is heaven like?

Answer: I have absolutely no idea. But I do feel like heaven is actually all around us. Secondly, I have a deep belief that there are levels of heaven based on the lessons that a soul has learned throughout its journey so far. I think reincarnation is also involved in this process. Why do I think there is reincarnation, well mostly because I have dreamed of my own past deaths – I only dream about how I have died – I don’t hardly dream about the life itself at all, but each death feels intensely real. I believe that I have died once becuase of a mass type illness – I was buried in a mass grave,  once to a guillotine and four times in childbirth to name a few.

Back to levels of heaven; I think our soul is on its own journey and as it grows and learns it moves to different levels within heaven continuing to grow and learn. For example, I think angels are souls that have learned all that they can learn and are using that knowledge to guide other souls.

– If you have more questions let me know. I am happy to answer them. All of what I know though is based on my experience. I used to read a great deal on the subject, but now I feel that it taints my own experiences so I don’t read about it very much any more. I also have no clue how any of it works and am far, far from an authority on the subject, but I am happy to share my experiences and opinions with you all.

Warm Regards,

M

My friend Death

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click here for original source

Death has been with me for as long as I can remember. Death never ever speaks, but I can always see Death. She is not dark, or hooded, or wielding a weapon as she is often pictured. In fact, she resembles Gwenneth Paltrow. She lingers though; sometimes for years over the souls she is preparing to lead to heaven.

Death isn’t scary or unnerving; Death is calm and peaceful.

Doesn’t mean I would want to go with her anytime soon, nor does that mean I understand how she works. I have just seen her for as long as I can remember. I sense her presence when she is near and sometimes if she happens to be preparing a soul of someone close to me – I don’t even ever have to see her to know what is going to happen next. I almost always know the last time I will see someone.

I don’t think Death gets a fair shake. She doesn’t make the decisions; she just aides in the transfer of a soul. She is a guide; an assistant. She ensures that the soul arrives in Heaven safe and sound. Patient and understanding, quite and calm. She soaks up the anger, resentment, fury, frustration, fear, grief and pain that people throw at her without complaint or judgement.

I just wanted to share my experience with her with all of you so that you could more clearly see her for what she was really like instead of how the world perceives her.