Pieces…

“Getting found almost always means being lost for awhile” – Anne Lamott

Lately there have been so many ideas whirling and twirling in my head it has been difficult to get them down on paper.

I feel like there are all these pieces of me that have been so spread apart I am not sure how to hold them all together.

Starting this new side business is definitely taking its toll.

I think if it were just a side business and not being an interpreter for the dead it might not be so difficult. For one, you sound loony toons just saying that. Secondly, the living expect so much of the dead. Just because they have died doesn’t make them any different from when they were living. Their soul is still their soul. Also sometimes their message is just that they are still around there may be nothing more than that and it may not be as profoundly said as you hope it will be.

The living also expect so much from me. They expect me to be an all-knowing, all-seeing guru that can tell them whatever it is they want to know. I am human after all and I am just the messenger.

Seeing the dead can definitely make others skittish around you. Most people treat me the same, but some people avoid me or worse – question my character and authenticity.

This piece of me definitely carries a thin glossy line of web to all the other pieces of me. Having such an interesting relationship with death has always made me a tad bit different from other people.

I have a fierce love for my family and would much rather be home with them than anywhere else in the whole wide world. And to say that I am an introvert is an understatement. My time spent with other people is mostly spent in observation mode. I always feel like an outsider.

It’s difficult to explain how doing this work makes me feel. Helping other people in this unique way is indescribable. At the same time, as I help each person I feel like I absorb some of their pain and grief. Lately this weight has left me lonely and lost. I have also been sick so that could be part of why the last three weeks have seemed difficult as well.

When I started doing this, I listened to my heart and acted on intuition. I have continued down that road – running after people to give them business cards because a spirit asks me to and opening up to someone and offering a reading because their deceased loved one haunts my thoughts and dreams. This kind of brave is so very far out of my comfort zone.

I think just the load that I am carrying is weighing me down. I am grateful for this load and how I am able to provide for my family and that I have an abundance so that I can help others. Yet still, sometimes I just feel a little lost, a little shattered and less put together than I would like to be.

Being a medium is what I was born to do; I know it – there are just days when my skin doesn’t feel thick enough, my heart doesn’t feel strong enough, and somehow I wind up swimming in grief wishing for a soft place to land where someone will understand what it is like to talk to the dead just for a few minutes. Where someone will know how to help me and guide me…and I will feel just a little less lost.

I guess the best thing to do is take the advice of someone who has been in my shoes…

“If you let people break your spirit and detour you from your path, then you have not been true to yourself or those you’re here to touch, those who believe in you.”
― Allison DuBois

or maybe just from someone I think is a great writer and speaker…

Brene

 

or my daughter’s current favorite person Taylor Swift and just shake it off because the haters gonna hate.

Sincerely,

 

– not a jackass whisperersignature

December Lessons – an end to 2014

December Lessons – an end to 2014

Hello January

On a recent car trip home my husband asked me to tell him a joke, it was four in the morning and he was trying to stay entertained. I couldn’t remember any jokes so thank goodness for mobile phones and the Internet. Since kids were in earshot I found a clean one I could tell him, I thought I would share it with you.

Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”

Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

While I laughed my head off, my husband just looked at me and rolled his eyes. Needless to say we each have a different sense of humor. I love a good play on words and he likes things that are actually funny.

The point is looking for jokes on our ride home got me thinking how I need to laugh a lot more. So as I reread my 2014 monthly lessons I also noticed that those posts are way too long! So my goal for 2015 is to share a lesson a week – keep it short and sweet and laugh more. And that leads me to today’s post; my December lessons are going to be short and sweet and told through pictures.

1. When life gets tough, throw on some shades and your serious face. If it doesn’t make you laugh someone else will and then all will be right with the world once again.

shades

 

2. Attitude Counts. My second to youngest son has the best attitude ever. So this lesson I learned from him, always try to see the positive side of things. This day is awesome, this is the best Christmas Tree ever, this is the best cup of ice-cold water ever, this is the best morning ever because really there is always an up side even in the darkest moments. And always say “the best ever” it makes a difference, just a word to the wise.

Everything is Awesome

 

3. Go see the lights. Even if it is a thirty-five minute drive and a thirty minute wait, go see the lights. Nike really was on to something – Just Do It! Life is short, do what makes you happy.

Go see the lights

 

4. Take the shot. Now you know I am not a fan of the paparazzi life – there is a limit to how many photos you should take, but you do want to take photos here and there because one day they will be a memory for someone else. So when you do take the shot just take it. It doesn’t matter what everyone’s face looks like or if the pose is just right – you captured the memory.

Just Vogue

 

5. Get down there with them. Sometimes when your almost teenage son thinks decorating the Christmas Tree with the family is just a little too much and plops himself down on the floor – get down there with him. Those moments won’t be there for long so take advantage of whatever you can grab.

Dogs and Dads

 

6. If you must go after the holidays shopping, go in good company. Grandparents are an awesome choice as they spoil the kids silly and you actually can sneak in a little shopping for yourself.

Shopping with grandparents

 

7. Good stories are the best medicine. Read, read and read some more. I loved Anne Lamott’s Help, Thanks, Wow. I am currently reading Small Victories and plan to read Stitches. Her idea of the God Box is something I am going to incorporate into my life. Basically it is a real physical way of giving up what you are frustrated, worried or overly concerned about to God and letting him take over to give you the answer in how to deal with it. This woman is pure poetic genius.

Read

 

8. Take the trip. Even if you are down and out and would rather do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING over your vacation because you are EXHAUSTED from parenting littles, working outside the home, or just plain living life, take the trip anyway. It does your soul good to get out and about. Plus if you are taking the trip with your people it can heal your soul.

Take the trip

 

May 2015 bless you with renewed vigor, a little extra patience, more sleep, and only first world problems,

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