A Thursday night several months ago, I had a session with a client. Her father, who was in spirit, stepped forward to share messages with her. During the session, he showed me a brown and white feather. It was rather large; about 12 inches in length and while there was white rippling though it the majority of the feather was a deep brown like worn leather.
He told me that this feather was a sign he gave his daughter to let her know that he was with her. My ego butted in since I had never seen a feather like this before; I wasn’t sure if they were real, and told her I wasn’t sure about the validity of this message, but that is what her dad was showing me. She said it made perfect sense she saw them all the time. Not that I said this out loud, but I didn’t really believe it, I hadn’t ever seen anything like that. The reading continued on as they do, but I still held onto the fact that I hadn’t ever seen a feather like that before.
The next day we left on a camping trip and that Saturday morning my husband and I took a walk on the beach as my aunt and uncle were with us and agreed to watch the kids. I was excited! It was like a little mini date; with four kids those are hard to come by.
As I was walking, each step I took I saw one of the feathers that the father had shown me during the reading that Thursday night.
I was in awe.
I saw one every few steps. Over and over again I was shown this feather.
Now, I am going to digress for a second. My husband was with me and he has never seen me do a reading and he still believes in coincidence. I have learned that there are no coincidences. Each event happens on purpose and with purpose. And of course, like any good wife I could not resist to take this opportunity to let him on what I thought was a message from spirit straight to me. Obviously to remind me not to doubt their messages and to keep my ego quiet.
I turn to him and say, “Can you believe this? Look at these feathers. These are the feathers I was telling you about. I have never seen them before and now there are right in front of me with each step I take.”
“We are at the beach and there are a lot of birds here. There are going to be feathers everywhere.” He answers with the tone that sounds just like an eye roll.
As we pass another one, I speak up again.
“Right in front of my foot and nowhere to each side? Really? What will it take for you to believe this isn’t a coincidence?” Exasperation saturating each word.
“There would have to be a big, dead, brown bird right in front of me to believe that.” He says with a laugh.
We continued down the beach and there were more feathers. I was disappointed I had left my camera back at the trailer and could not take any photos, but I have also learned that is how miracles work; we often have to believe without proof. After looking at the tide pools for a bit we turned back.
We began to follow our exact footprints back the way we came. There are no other people on the beach that day since it is pretty overcast and dreary. It is late fall after all.
As we are walking, I start to see a large mass ahead of us. As we near closer to the mass we notice it is in fact an animal. As we come upon it we are able to decipher exactly what it is.
A big, dead, brown bird.
Yep, a big, dead, brown bird and it is right next to our footprints. It was not there on the way out. I give my husband a look and take a mental note not to leave my phone behind anymore. Man, I wish I had a picture of this! I know, I know, I tell spirit…I am not supposed to have to prove these things. I am just supposed to accept them as they come.
“That is a dead bird,” he says.
“Don’t look at me. That bird’s life is on you.” I say.
He walks over to the bird and apologizes.
“Now do you believe there are no coincidences?” I ask.
“I will give you a 60/40 chance on that one.” He answers as any good husband would, but I can tell this one shook him a bit more than that.
You ask and you shall receive. Spirit messages are everywhere and the more you pay attention; the more you are open to them, the more they reign down on you with abundance. Even when it is a big, dead, brown bird.
At 8 AM; I wiped the sleep off my face, downed the last of my chai latte, said my typical pre-reading prayer and called a new client on the other side of the United States. Even after four years and a lifetime of experience, I still get nervous. My faith is deep and wide and true, but there is still a small part of me that hopes all goes well each and every time.
The reading that took place this early Sunday morning was one of my all time favorites. The sitter (my client), was nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting this appointment for months. We got started with the what to expect mumbo jumbo and spirit started to speak.
Spirit is so unpredictable. They come through with their unique personalities full of love and hope. It still surprises me how much laughter happens during a typical reading. Spirit has waited ages to speak through the microphone of a medium to get messages through to their loved ones. And once that connection is made it is like years of healing take place in under an hour. It’s a miracle. There are no words that accurately capture what happens in that hour; and yet here I am trying to find a way to impart some wisdom and capture what happened in this particular session.
This reading, I still don’t have a better word for these spirit interactions, brought so much out of my client. She like me is intuitive and had spent years ignoring or down playing her intuition because other people didn’t understand the way she made decisions, how she knew things without having any access to the information prior to an event or “knowing moment”.
It filled me with sadness that we aren’t recognizing these talents on a wide level. I know we don’t always understand it and logic rules the western world – don’t get me wrong logic is important, but so is a healthy dose of intuition.
Take for example, a mother and her infant. A worried mom brings her infant to the doctor because she “knows” something is not right. The doctor is not seeing that there is anything physiologically wrong with said infant, but the mother knows that there is. She is adamant that her child is suffering. She demands more tests, second opinions and lo and behold her baby has a severe case of acid reflux or Lyme or food allergies. Our society tells moms to trust their instincts. My friends these instincts are intuition.
My long winding point is intuition is getting a bad wrap and we need to trust that spidy-sense we get deep in our stomach that makes us feel like something is off or like something is just right. It is okay that we can’t explain it more than – it just feels right! That should be enough.
We ask our children to trust the feeling that if someone makes you uncomfortable in any way to physically change your proximity to that person and not ever be alone with them. Or at least I do and we should all trust our feelings even when they don’t make logical sense.
Intuition is our soul sending messages to our brain. It is trying to give us information when logic may not be enough or even when logic is failing us and we need to know the truth another way. Through the reading I had that Sunday morning this all becomes apparent. Spirit was validating my client’s feelings and telling her to listen to her intuition, it is her soul speaking. And I am reminded in this small session with her just how important that is for our safety, sanity and happiness.
How does one listen to their intuition or even find it in the first place? It is feeling all the feels. When you make a choice, become conscious of how your body reacts to that choice and then just keep practicing. Does the choice leave you a little off center? Does the choice make you a bit tingly all over and excited about what is coming next? Do you get a deep sense of calm throughout your being after you have made that decision? The more aware you are of how you feel the more likely you are to pay attention to these feelings.
Intuition can be practiced by entering a room and seeing how your emotions and body react to that space. The people you are with; how do you feel about them? What does your body naturally do around those people. If you are tense, there is probably a reason. If you easily relax; there is probably a reason.
Sometimes there is not a peep from intuition to guide you any one way and that is because logic is enough. You have it all figured out. Intuition steps up its game when it is trying to get you to see another perspective or make you take that big leap you are so hesitant to take.
When your soul is whispering to your conscious mind that is intuition and it has a place in our lives. It can keep you out of trouble and lead you into the right place at the right time. When we ignore intuition, our lives seem to be missing something.
Intuition has led me to so much success. Logic alone would not have led me down my current path. Intuition makes us a bit vulnerable which can be scary. Intuition often leaves us without explanation for our actions other than, “it just feels right”. I know some of you don’t need to hear this, but those of you that do, “it just feels right” is enough – no more explanation needed.
Our intuition is enough and it does us good to be in touch with how our soul is interpreting our surroundings and not just our mind. They are two separate things; sometimes they work in concert, but other times your soul wants something your mind can’t quite grasp and that is when intuition takes over. Let it. It doesn’t have to be what wins out, but intuition should at least be considered and trusted as a valid part of our daily lives and how it guides us through our experiences. It is our soul speaking to us after all.
“Were you able to determine how the baby died, then?”
“Actually,” the medical examiner says. “That’s more complicated than most people think. We medical geeks make a distinction between the way a person died and the actual change in the body that causes the termination of life.”
Small Great Things – Jodi Picoult
It is easy to poke holes in the messages spiritual mediums deliver. That is not lost on me. Their messages can be vague in some cases and seem to apply in a broad sense. There are exact details given, but spirit does not come forward and say…”Hi, I am Jim. I am Marge’s brother and I died in a car accident on December 12, 1982.” It is frustrating that this isn’t how spirit communication works. I have asked spirit why it doesn’t work this way at least a gazillion times.
“Why the heck do you make this so difficult?” I ask. Never a clear answer. This hasn’t stopped my brain from trying to piece together an answer that makes sense. The beautiful thing about spirit is that it will answer you; you just might have to pay close attention to what information you are given and have the patience to sort through it to find the answer.
As with all great realizations, it took time for me to discover why spirit communicates the way that they do. Okay, maybe all great realizations don’t take years to discover, some people have found the easy way and realizations happen via Google searches or by asking Siri a simple question. Unfortunately, Siri doesn’t ever answer my questions or understand them correctly for that matter. However, ironically Siri did help. Siri’s inability to understand my request to make a phone call led me to consider how Siri, a machine, translates human language. I mean I am speaking to a machine, after all. It doesn’t understand our language exactly. It is translating it and morphing it into a language it understands.
I mean Siri does say our own words back to us after all. Spirit should do the same, right? But, no that isn’t how spirit communication works. This is how some things work with Spirit. Sometimes I do hear and am able to pick up on exact phrases; whole conversation pieces. On the flip side; there is a ton of information that isn’t ever verbally communicated that I am able to pick up and have to decipher.
But this idea of Siri, Spirit and translation are still rattling around in my head as we head out across the Atlantic Ocean or pond, (I had to refer to it that way so that I wasn’t focused on being in a metal can thousands of feet above a vast ocean for HOURS to get there. I know, I know flying is safer than driving…yadda.yadda.yadda) to Ireland.
While in Ireland, our family had the opportunity to visit a Celtic Club where we learned how to play Irish Games – Hurling, Irish Football, and Handball. We were introduced to these games through a bit of Irish Culture because these games are a way that the Irish people preserve their Celtic Heritage. One of the things that I found illuminating in this brief overview of history was that there are no definite words for yes or no in true Gaelic Irish. There are as many shades of yes and no as there are shades of green across the Emerald Isle. Isn’t that a truly wonderful thing that there are shades of yes and no? Some people like definite, I like the shades of color and variance, open possibilities. The example below from a blog on mindfloss demonstrates an example of how questions are answered with out yes or no directly:
I started thinking about how words translate from language to language and it occurred to me that being a medium is like being a type of translator. It’s funny that the idea of mediumship being simple translation didn’t occur to me until now. But there it is. Spirit speaks soul and as with any language, translations aren’t exact. Soul is going to have shades and variances that English, Spanish, French, Greek, Gaelic Irish or any other human language might not be able to capture. So of course, spirit isn’t going to come forward and say, “Hi, I am Mary Lawson. I lived 58 years and died of ovarian cancer.” Those are our spoken words. Spirit will have a whole other set of words to describe that experience.
When spirit speaks they try to exude their personality, show the way they looked and share other vibrant characteristics because in the language of soul, that is their name. Duh! I don’t know why it took my so long to see that. And if I were to describe myself to someone the last thing I would use would be my name. I would tell them about me. Yes, we might say our name, but it doesn’t describe who we are, we are more than a name. Especially a soul; it is so much more vast than just a single name.
Our names often mean something or stand for something and spirit may try to describe that instead because that represents more about them than just the name. For example, Briana means strength. So Briana’s soul may come through demonstrating strength and exuding her character rather than simply saying, “I am Briana.” Granted, I get why this would be easier and better for the scientific community, and for our human brains to understand, but this makes perfect sense to me. I have spent years trying to make sense of why and how spirit communicates the way it does and have had little else stand out as a better answer. This right here makes some solid sense.
An additional puzzle piece to solving this riddle came when I was reading Jodi Picoult’s, Small Great Things. A must read by the way. My fave book of summer. While reading, I came across the quote I opened the blog with and wham-o, brilliance like lightning can strike multiple times and often has to, to sink into this thick skull, there it was again a difference in perception and translation.
For soul, the reason the body stops working isn’t translated exactly to what we might determine as cause of death. It is like the fictional character describes, “We medical geeks make a distinction between the way a person died and the actual change in the body that causes the termination of life.” So does soul. They don’t use the actual words, “heart attack”, “Alzheimer’s”, “Parkinson’s”, “car accident”, etc. They give me the feelings that their body experienced and how their body stopped working and then I have to use those items, just like a medical examiner would, to determine what I think cause of death might have been.
So often a soul tells me that their heart stopped or that they had pressure on their chest and had difficulty getting enough air, they had a mass in their body that spread, they were just plain exhausted, or even their heart was in so much pain they could not continue on in life. The focus for the soul is on the change in the body that caused the termination of life. Which of course makes sense because the body stopped working and the soul had to leave the body behind. A soul isn’t dead. A soul is still living, so it’s not going to say how it died; it didn’t die. Souls refer to themselves as alive.
We often expect spirit to communicate in our human languages and often knock mediums because spirit doesn’t communicate the way we expect it to. That needs to change. Spirit speaks soul. Spirits are no longer attached to a brain that translates their language into words we understand. They are doing the best they can to speak to a medium – soul translator – to help the living understand souls and what life is like without a body.
Spirit speaks soul. A language with a culture, tradition, and history older than time itself – literally. The words soul uses do not have direct translations to human word. We have to change our construct and expectations of how information is transmitted from spirit to human. Soul is emotion based. Soul is intuition. Soul is how faith feels.
All this time I have tried to define a spiritual medium in a way that makes sense to me and it comes down to this: a spiritual medium is a person who speaks soul. Spiritual mediums are able to understand soul enough to translate the messages they receive into human language. They do the best they can, but of course translations are going to be off from time to time. Of course signals can get crossed. For a medium it really is like communicating across radio waves.
Think about it this way, does your satellite radio lose its signal from time to time? Does your power or cable go out? Yup. Yep. Yeppers. Being a medium isn’t much different from that. They are translating one language to another across radio-like signals trying to help people and soul communicate so that they know they are not ever lost to one another. Don’t blame the medium or criticize their efforts; a great deal of solid information is translated clearly, but it isn’t always exact; no fault to either communicating party. They are all doing the best they can.
My hope is that in understanding that soul and humans speak two different languages that humans start to better understand soul and those who speak it fluently. In truth, we all speak soul, most of us have just forgotten how. The more you try the more fluent you become. And I say, don’t knock it until you try it.
It’s a Tuesday and I don’t even know where to start. There is just so much, too many feels to hold inside my body.
On the surface and mostly, life is good; really, really good.
And yet; there has been something missing lately.
Again don’t get me wrong the plusses in my life are major. For example, being a mom is my favorite and it is all I ever wanted to be. But my first world problems start when I think ahead. My oldest turns 13 in less than two weeks. I turn 40 in 6 months. What is next for me? What do I do when they are grown? I am technically an adult so what do I want for the rest of my life? Do I keep the job I have for the next 20 years? Do I practice what I preach and follow my dreams?
Answers always come. Once you let the universe know what your heart desires the answers come.
There are no coincidences. Everything happens on purpose – there may not be a reason, but there is purpose even if it doesn’t make sense; even if it’s not fair, there is purpose.
How does all this rambling connect? Well, let me share with you a bit about my past week.
This past week I was in LA for work and we had to introduce ourselves by sharing a hidden talent. Should be easy, no problem right. Well my hidden talent can be seen as adverse or cray-cray. This type of professional setting made it feel unsafe to share mine. But in my heart, this just felt wrong and it left a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach I just couldn’t shake for the next several days.
When I started writing this blog and started my journey to my most authentic self it was to break down walls and live out loud. I am tired of hiding; even if it is part-time. I don’t want to be in a place where I can’t be myself any more. In the life I want for myself I don’t have to keep the biggest part of who I am under wraps. But in reality, I am. That is how I live right now. I know I share here, and in my town, but I go to work and am a totally different person with most people. I stay quiet and keep my head down and just try to get through each day. Accounting, sales and marketing are my day job. Me and numbers; I can hear you laughing through the internet. But I get it, I totally get it.
So with the weight of hiding weighing on my mind, I sent a call out to God; a prayer to the universe: Show me the way. What should I do next? And then I wait because that is what you do. You wait and watch, and maintain your steady path until you hear back otherwise.
As we drove home from LA, we passed 3 different psychic studios (not that I am a psychic by any means) but still it is in the same wheelhouse if we are being technical. It felt like an answer that time and time again I would feel drawn to look up and nearby there was a literal sign for a psychic.
As sign after sign passed it made me feel like the universe and God were whispering back (okay slapping me in the face) take the leap; JUMP. And as the great Ron Swanson says, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” Thank you, thank you Parks and Rec; Amy Poehler and cast you make my days complete.
Right now, I am not whole-assing anything. I am half-assing a lot of things and not doing a great job. I am hanging on and it seems grand, I am sure to those outside looking in, but really something is missing and there is too much going on, to do one thing well.
I think it is just about time to make a big change. It’s what the universe and God are telling me, too. To do something about following this dream of mine. And I did meet Amy Poehler…’s star on the way home from LA so anything is possible, right? I mean really, we are going to meet one day and she is going to love me, I just know it! I even visited Beverly Hills for the first time and sat in the bar of the Beverly Wilshire and had a cocktail. I mean come on; I am meant for greatness right? That and two different clients texted me the same week to tell me that multiple people referred them to me and one even said I was famous and couldn’t believe I was coming to her house. WALK of FAME watch out I am coming for you! Am I right? Okay, okay I am humble, I promise. I wouldn’t be here writing about choices if I wasn’t.
Seriously though; I think it’s time to wrap up this journey of mine in a nice little bow and take that final leap and love who I am; my whole-self and truly live out loud. Be who I am where-ever and whenever. No need to hide that I speak to spirit. I have faith. I trust spirit and I trust God. That is enough and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. God has crazy mad love for me and I should love myself that much, too. So, I think it’s just about time to make a change.
I am over here sitting on the edge, looking down and out and contemplating taking that leap while the universe keeps whispering, “jump.” It’s not a matter of if any more; it’s just a matter of when.
Until next time or until I jump whichever comes first,
“If there is no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to one another.”
— Mother Teresa
It has been a month or so ago now, but I had a client send a question that I thought you may have stumbled across as well. Sharing it here, with you, felt right.
This client reached out to me because she had been chided on her Instagram account for sharing a spiritual experience. We will call her Monica. Monica received a sign from spirit and she also had a reading that helped her realize that these signs were possible. Someone commented on Monica’s post using Leviticus as a reference basically stating she couldn’t be a good Christian if she sought the services of a medium.
The verse the commenter used was,
“Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.”- Leviticus 19:31
Monica asked how I dealt with things like this when they happened to me or if I had advice for her.
This has no easy answer and maybe there is no answer at all. I prayed on it for some time and one thing is for sure, I know I am not here to debate the Bible. That is definitely not my place. I won’t even begin to try. I can share some important things that mediumship and life have taught me, though. Some of what I shared with Monica, I will share here with you today in case you have wondered about this dilemma yourself.
Here are some of the important things.
The important thing about life and faith is that we all get to make our own decisions.
The important thing about a relationship with God, the Universe, etc. is that it is between you and God and no one else.
For me personally, the important thing about my mediumship gift is that it has brought me closer to God. I hear Him crisper and clearer than ever before. That can’t be a bad thing.
The important thing about answers is we don’t have all the answers and we might not ever in our lifetime.
There is bad in everything, but the important thing is, there is way more good in everything. It is all perspective.
The important thing about grace is that we should offer it to ourselves and others.
The important thing about what other people think about us is none of our business.
When people try to steal our light, our joy, the important thing is that we recognize and acknowledge it and then do not let them take that from us.
I try my best to live with a Jesus heart and a deep faith in the Lord. I hear His voice in my heart and it guides me to the next best choice. He knows my heart better than anyone else and the important thing is that is what matters. The good news is that goes for you, too.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what other people think, do your best, you won’t have all the answers, but offer yourself and others grace in finding your way because we belong to one another; that’s the important thing.
This is a story that is told multiple times a week. Details are omitted to scrunch it into the allotted time. It is the story I tell before each reading; the story of how I got started doing readings for other people. I want to share it here in its entirety because I think just once it needs to be written down with all the details in place.
It was a regular day like any other. I was in grad school and had made a great friend. The kind that you meet and you already feel like you have known each other a hundred years. We had most of our classes together. We talked about lots of things; I had my first child in grad school and she had been teaching longer than I; married longer than I. She always had the best advice; but one day our conversation turned to one of her students. A student that had leukemia. An eight-year-old little boy whom she tutored. I had no idea when we started talking about Matthew the impact he would have on my life.
As my friend shared her worries and experience with Matthew and his family, I shared more about my gift with her. Opening something inside of myself I had held so close. Trying to share what little wisdom I had to bring comfort to the unthinkable situation that was facing this family, facing Matthew.
Matthew gained his angel wings in July of 2007.
A few months later my friend told me that I should share my gift with this family. That they needed my help.
Crazy town; I told her. Crazy people do things like that. I didn’t think I could help and I was sure that if I did everyone would think I was crazy. No one can talk to spirits for real. The things that happened to me were just random and I wasn’t about to do them out loud in front of the world. I played small and it suited me just fine. I had a sweet little life at this point. Two kids and a new job; I was moving forward into my sweet, quiet life comfortably.
So, I told her no. I thought that would be the end of it.
Sometimes you don’t hear when God is laughing at you. Chuckling at the notion that you think you have some control over what you are meant to do.
God and Matthew had different plans for me. Matthew was helping Him put those plans into motion.
Matthew began to show up everywhere. He was in my car; my kitchen, woke me up at night because I kept having the same dream. I would reach out for a tombstone that wasn’t there and carved into the rock were symbols I didn’t recognize. Each night I would trace them with my finger drawing symbols into a phantom tombstone.
Finally, I asked Matthew what he wanted. He had a family that loved him, why in the world was he spending all this time around me?
He asked me to talk to his mom. He asked me to help his family. Said he had something for his sister and turned into a butterfly and fluttered away.
God knew if He sent me a child I would listen. God knew if He sent me a small boy that I would say yes. That with shaky legs, sweaty hands and my stomach in knots I would drive 40 miles into unknown territory and try to help this boy reunite with his family.
Arriving made everything worse. Encountering the eyes of this mother and father who had lost half their hearts and a whole child to Heaven was almost unbearable. What if this didn’t work? What if I was crazy? What if I just heard and saw things that didn’t really exist? I started praying in my head like a crazy woman. Dear God, please let me help this family. God please let this bring them some comfort. God please let this be real. God please don’t let this family down.
It took a good twenty minutes to get comfortable. Twenty minutes of small talk and looking at a few pictures. Matthew showed up right away, but I had never seen energy move so fast. I couldn’t slow him down enough to hear what he was saying. And then something shifted.
I started to hear him clear as day. I started to see him in his blue striped shirt and the wide grin expand across his face. He told his family about things he did in the house to let them know he was around. He described the item that he was buried with since I would have no idea what it was or how to pronounce what it was called. Matthew relayed to me the item he wanted his sister to have. He shared things he hoped for his family and wanted for the future.
We drove to his grave because of my dream. I had chills over my whole body as I stepped into the reality of that dream. Stepped into a solid, tangible reality I had only seen in dreams. I explained to them about the symbols Matthew wanted on his tombstone. His dad drew multiple samples on a napkin; skeptical trying to prove this was really happening; only one set of symbols represented what I had verbalized to them. Without hesitation, I pointed to the second set of symbols. The ones I had traced into stone night after night in my dream. Those were the ones. The ones Matthew wanted on his stone.
Then a little dog showed up and of course it had been theirs. Of course, that dog was with their son playing chase and being a constant companion.
That day changed my life. That day put me on a course with God’s plan for me. It unfurled my path; a path I had refused to step onto for 15 years.
When I was fifteen a line of spirits formed around me. A line. They would reach out one by one; tell me I was going to help them and I would shake it off. It couldn’t be. How could I tell people out loud this is me? I talk to dead people, seriously? I couldn’t handle the criticism. I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready that day either and it would be about five years after this first reading for strangers that I would help other people out loud. Matthew never gave up. He would visit from time to time and nudge me down this path. Encourage me to keep the channels open; to pay attention to spirit.
When I first started giving readings he would be there with me. Cheering me on. Letting me know I was right where I was supposed to be. Eventually he handed those reigns off to my loved ones, but from time to time he still peeks in; still says hello with that wide grin across his face and his head tilted slightly to the right. Always dressed in the latest trends and his jet-black hair just a bit spiky in front. It always makes me smile.
Matthew helped me get to where I am today. Matthew taught me how to listen. He helped me understand how this gift would work. Reaffirmed that as much as I am here to help the living that I work for spirit. That I am here to translate the messages of spirit to their families. When I give a reading I always let spirit lead. Spirit starts with their agenda, their messages; and those messages may not always be what their loved one may want to hear, but without fail they are always what their loved one needs to hear. Without fail loved ones end up finding a way to make sense out of the words and pictures that spirit gives to me. Spirit finds a way to make me feel both physically and emotionally what they want me to translate. God always leading the way; allowing this miracle.
I hope that what I do; that each reading pays Matthew back somehow. That he knows that this is how I say thank you. That I am forever grateful for his determination and patience. That it is not lost on me that a boy, not yet nine, changed my life in such a profound and wonderful way. Thank you, Matthew and thank you sweet family who welcomed me into their lives unsure of what that day would hold. Thank you all for changing my life and being the first step on my journey. Thank you for sharing your son with me and with the world.
It’s those words that almost ended one of my most important friendships. Those words split my soul. I didn’t think I was needy. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Low self-confidence – yes. I have that. I get that. But I never saw myself as draining or needy. And I never expected to hear that from someone I thought cared about me.
Funny, I haven’t been able to escape those words for over a decade. They hit a chord, deep in my soul.
It is probably true that I seek external validation of my worth. But I am human. And I like to hear that I am good at what I do or that I am loved and appreciated. I guess some people don’t need that to thrive, but it sure helps me be the best me. Those words don’t bother me so much anymore. It is just a part of my human-ness and it is okay to want to hear how other people feel about you. To know that what you are doing makes an impact or that you are an important person in someone’s life. To know you are wanted. That is okay and it doesn’t make you needy; it makes you human.
I also find it a bit ironic that I would get into a career as a medium where people seek validation. A career where you cannot validate its authenticity with tangible proof.
Being released from those words just recently happened. This past weekend I attended the James Van Praagh workshop. At this workshop, he asked us to do a mediumship exercise where we did a reading for ourselves and ask for messages from spirit that we need to hear.
I don’t often ask for messages for myself. I ask to see glimpses of my own loved ones to know they are okay. To feel them around me. Same things everyone else asks, but I don’t ever sit down and try to do an actual reading for myself like I would for a client and this is exactly what James asked us to do.
After lunch I headed outside and said guide me to the spot where I need to be. I kid you not I walked directly to this tree that had a statue of St. Francis of Assisi who is the patron saint of animals. This is my papa’s saint. It is also the prayer that I have been repeating most often. In fact, I had read it three times that morning before attending the retreat and had read it each morning prior to that.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Landing at this spot was no accident. I sat down and found a quiet centered place in my mind and heart and asked for a message from spirit.
The first thing that I saw was an elephant. She was beautiful. She walked toward me and extended her trunk. Her rich brown eyes were deep. I could see each wrinkle in her trunk and could feel her warm breath. Immediately I heard a voice that echoed my own heartbeat. “You are exactly where you need to be.”
A peaceful calm washed over my whole soul.
Then she evaporated and behind her were all four of my grandparents. Each in pairs holding hands, smiling and waving. My papa stepped forward and said, “We all love you and we are all with you.”
My heart nearly exploded. Often I wonder if they are proud of me. I wonder what they think of me sharing my mediumship with others. What they think of me as a parent, friend, daughter, wife, human. In that moment, when I heard his words, my heart nearly exploded because their love washed over me. Completely unconditional. They were so happy and so glad to see me.
I share this experience because I think we all need love and validation. I think each of us needs these things to grow and become the best versions of ourselves. You don’t need to be ashamed of wanting these things or asking for them. You don’t need to wait for someone to tell you to do something nice for yourself; you should just be doing it because you deserve time, attention, and affection as well.
There are many people who do this naturally, but one thing I have learned about parenting and motherhood is often we as parents have to put ourselves last to insure that the needs of those we love are met and accounted for. It is important for us to remember to take a day or an hour or ten minutes and do something that helps remind us that we are loved and nourish ourselves so that we can move forward.
You are not needy if you do this. You are human. You are worth it.
What, the what? That’s right it’s time I revisit and review what I have learned, unlearned, or re-learned this past month or so. I am sure that is happening in your neck of the woods, too as our social climate in the US is an interesting one right now to say the least.
And with that said I start with this lesson…
That is right. Evil is man-made. We humans create evil through separation and fear. I truly believe our soul is divine love. Our humanness may try to hide or run from that and live a life guided by fear and fear leads to evil, but our core is love.
When we treat each person with compassion and stop and listen to one another and share our stories that is when we find a way to connect to one another. When we do that then we start to move the world in the direction of good. We need to do that with a level head and compassion. Not raised voices and pointed fingers.
Good starts with us. Not our President, not our neighbor, not the news, not the teachers, not our boss…its starts with us. The only one we should be looking at to start a revolution of kindness is ourselves.
When we choose to learn through love then we choose to act with love. Not everyone is going to react in kind, but most will. I see it every single day. You hold the door open for someone or compliment someone and their whole face lights up.
So as much as we can get caught up in the world and be angry, we need to center ourselves and choose love. If we all did this the world would be an amazing place. But it starts with us.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have had a car cut me off and my first reaction is chicken biscuits what the heck is wrong with that person. But three deep breaths later and I am wondering maybe they were lost, maybe they had a bad day, maybe they didn’t see me. If we choose to see through a lense of compassion and love it makes a big difference. Just like Hannah Montana says…
Come on…some of you must have daughter’s watching the Disney Channel right now… Hannah Montana is back.
And may I digress here just for a second because all the “this is us” talk and TV it has me thinking I am totally enthralled in This is Us on NBC. But what the heck?! They cannot have Jack die in a DUI accident. Really?! Our hero has to go down like that? Please say it ain’t so NBC, please say it ain’t so! I could be wrong and the writers could just have us thinking that, but it would break my heart into itty bitty bits because Jack is my favorite character in a long, long time. He reminds me of Atticus Finch a bit.
Which leads me into the next lesson so I can keep it light and not think about Jack’s fate.
I relearn this one probably every single week. Maybe even day by day, but my grandfather who passed away 9 years ago used to say, “A good day is not complete without laughter!”
My goals for 2017 even have learn a joke a day on them. It doesn’t happen every day, but I try. Also, did you know you can ask Alexa to tell you joke? She is pretty darn funny. For example, what do call a pig that does karate?
Wait for it…
Wait for it..
A pork chop.
Okay, so I may be the only one that likes corny humor. My all time favorite joke is…
How do you make a tissue dance?
Wait of it…
Wait for it…
You put a little boogie in it.
Hey I am a mom of four under 12 cut me some slack.
For those of you a bit older I found this on the Internet the other day…
Don’t ask me, I am not a dipshit cross my heart and pinkie swear. But when I did send this to a friend to make him laugh he asked a guy he works with who chews tobacco and the answer was two. Yep, that is right there is answer to every question people. But it’s funny stuff and so is life. So, hold on to your humor and don’t let go, it can get you through a lot of tight jams.
I am going to bring it down to a serious note for a second. My next lesson relates to one of my favorite Amy Poehler quotes, “Great people do things before they are ready.”
And no this doesn’t have to do with learning how to navigate the myriads of roundabouts our town just installed. Seriously if I wanted to live and drive through windy roundabouts I would have moved to England, but I digress again.
Recently I went to see psychic medium James Van Praagh. He is a medium I have watched and read about since I was in my early teens. When I went to see him he mentioned a workshop coming up nearby and I looked into it. It wasn’t too pricey so I decided to go.
I was nervous out of my mind and scared to walk into a room full of people I didn’t know. But I showed up any way.
It was mind-blowing.
He asked me to come up on stage in a room full of people to give my very first live reading! On a stage. With an audience, full of people.
Yep, he called me up on stage just like I dreamed he would and then I gave a reading. It wasn’t my best because I was nervous out of my mind, but it was life changing. And fun! I used my humor and my bravery together.
So, my advice to you is show up and do the things because your dreams can literally come true. For realsies; I am living proof.
Of course, the girl who got up after me was all of like 25, thin and super-hot so there might always be someone younger and cuter than you right around the corner, but that is why we need humor and love to keep going no matter what.
So keep choosing to learn through love, have fun and laugh along the way and be ready to show up before you are ready because bravery yields results.
This past week I started reading Rick Warren’s A Purpose Driven Life. See, I think we all want to define our purpose. After watching his TED Talk, I was intrigued. It is a 40 day challenge of sorts going through a chapter a day. Day 2 had me pretty excited. With a title like, “You Are Not an Accident” I am thinking it will help bring me clarity with my purpose. Warren writes, “God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes.”
Well, that is good news.
See, in my life I have been fighting against feeling like a crazy, freak of nature for 39 years. My first memories of conversing and experiencing spirit were at two. I saw a man in my room that I later recognized as a great grandfather. Spirit was a large part of my existence. But if you hear voices, society tells you are crazy. If you speak to the dead you are a sinner and most likely a con-artist or really crazy.
So hearing that God doesn’t make mistakes; something I believe, but reading it in print makes me feel more at ease. I was made on purpose for a purpose. My intuition tells me it is to use this ability to help people. It is to comfort those that are grieving.
But, alas, by Day 3 I find the hiccup; using a psychic is a “dubious method” to find purpose in life.
Granted, that isn’t my intent when I share my gift, but sometimes spirit is trying to guide you towards your best self and those ideas are shared.
Still my heart sinks. Why can’t God and Mediums coexist?
My heart and soul knows that God loves me. My heart and soul knows that God made me just this way on purpose. I know it isn’t my business what other people think. I know I shouldn’t care. But I do. I care that something I hold so dear is seen as such fraud, a con. I know there are people who are frauds and cons; that happens in every single profession.
Then, I sort of surfed YouTube looking at some medium videos and guess what? There were serval videos that literally were created to just debunk mediums that are on TV or do Stage Shows. One magician, who used to con people as a “medium” shared his tricks. I wanted to throw up. It made me sick to my stomach. But we can’t look away from a train wreck can we?
I know there are greater problems in the world. That this silly doubt and quest of mine to find like minded, authentic mediums is not important in the scheme of things and shouldn’t really weigh in on what I choose to do going forward, but it still keeps creeping up. It still enrages me that we can’t be taken at our word.
There is so much in this world we still can not prove. There is still so much we do not know for sure. My ability to receive messages from the other side astounds me. It doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t be possible, but it is. Maybe there will never be proof in this life. Maybe I am a dubious sinner or a God created miracle exactly on purpose. I choose to believe the later. I chose to believe we can’t prove faith and we don’t have to. I choose to keep going down this path to see where it leads, because each step I take leads me to one miracle after another. Each step I take leads me to be more me than I was the day before.
Bottom line, I know some people need proof, but in the end I don’t need tangible proof. I know what I know and that is good enough for me.
So I am reading a little Gabby Bernstein and really focusing on preparing to go back to doing readings on a regular basis.
I am supposed to be vulnerable here, to speak the truth. It isn’t always easy to bear your soul, but it’s what I said I would do.
The truth is I am afraid of failure. I never wanted to be the medium that couldn’t give someone a reading.
And that happened.
And it was awful.
Worse than I imagined.
But I lived.
And I have done successful readings after said failure.
Still, fear grips me every.single.time.
As I stopped today and spent time in meditation reflecting on Gabby’s words; a lightbulb of clarity clicked on in my soul.
These words tumbled out of me…
God called me to this task on purpose. I cannot fail as long as I make my best forward effort. He has given me divine love. With divine love I am unstoppable. I have faith He will lead me where I need to go. I am loved completely and trust that I will be guided to do the most good with my life. I choose to learn through love.
This doesn’t mean the fear is gone, but it does mean I can look at it and call it by name. It does mean that I can face it and move beyond it.
Thanks, Gabby. Thanks, Universe. Thank you, God.
Choosing to learn through love and I hope you are, too.
P.S. Hopefully divine love includes not going to hell for spelling Mother Teresa’s name wrong. Whoops.
In a few short weeks I will be 39. There are always two ways to look at your life…as a success or as a work in progress. A big chunk of my life is a work in progress and I am okay with that.
I went to school to become a teacher. It’s what I did after I graduated from college fifteen years ago. I have two credentials and a Master’s Degree in Education. When the twins started kindergarten I was going to go back to my calling – teaching. I have been in sales for the last ten years and it has provided well for my family, but I thought that when the time came I would go back to do what I was trained to do.
Well this year I learned that I no longer want to be a teacher. It only took a couple of hours in a classroom to remind me of that. I definitely don’t see me teaching in a classroom any time soon.
As most of you know, I also started a side business about 3 years ago. Well this year it was really taking off. I thought that was great because I was helping people. I love helping people. But what I wasn’t noticing was the toll it was taking. Working both day and night my husband and I became passing ships, I was missing a mountain load of bed times, and I was starting to miss family vacations, family gatherings were missed or cut short, I no longer could meet friends or participate in book club, and last but not least I was in the worst physical shape of my life. What woke me up was a couple of rude, unfortunate readings and I snapped. I was done. I never wanted to go out into the night to a stranger’s house ever again to only be hounded or ridiculed or spoken to with little respect. I wasn’t ever going to take precious time away from my family or myself to do that again. You can’t pay me enough to make that happen.
My family has to come first. I don’t want to high-five my husband as he walks in the door at night so that I can walk out. I don’t want to come in late and kiss sleeping kids. If there is one thing that I know is a success in my life it is my family. My husband and my four kids are the most beautiful, wondrous gifts in my life and that is putting it mildly. The time where we are all together under one roof is precious and short.
They have to come first and I must have the health and energy to be there for them, so I took a step back and shut down my side business. A lot of people were unhappy, but I have to put my family first. Their happiness is what matters.
I know I recently wrote about God asking us to go into the dark and shine our light, but I also know God wants us to shine our light into our own families. That is something that is of the utmost importance.
This is what is right for me right now. The world can wait, but my family – my family can not wait one more second. They were super supportive, but it was taking its toll and I won’t let it any more.
So my 39th year may be most selfish, but I think it needs to be. I am going to continue to work my sales job that I never knew I wanted, but that has taught me more about myself and other people than I ever expected all the while providing for my family. I am going to pour myself into my family and last but not least take better care of me. That is what matters.
I can’t do all the things, but I can do the MOST important things. So I am going to do what matters most. The rest can wait.
What is your take [on Heaven]? And what have you learned from being the mediator for spirits?
To answer that question, it is important to get a little back story. I think it is important to understand the source behind my answer.
Becoming a medium wasn’t in my lifelong goals and dreams. It became something I am extremely proud of. It is a gift I hold dear. It has also become my dream to help as many people as possible. To be the best medium that I can be. It is work I take seriously and hold in the highest regard. In my youth; however, it was something I spoke of little and felt more comfortable keeping to myself.
Now, the road wasn’t an easy one and I often took the path of least resistance in the beginning; I am human after all. But, God asks more of us. God asks us to follow Him into the dark and help shine his light unto the world. I know that is what God has asked of me.
When I decided to share my gift with the world I was terrified. In fact, I went to see my therapist and discussed this at length with her. In her wise way she told me that the path was already clear and I just needed to see it for myself. She asked me to follow her in a simple exercise. She said, “I want you to close your eyes and just focus on your path.” Over the next few minutes she continued to ask, “Who is leading you? Where are you? What is happening next?”
I closed my eyes, and asked God to guide me and instantly I was in a meadow filled with white and yellow flowers and tall grass. A breeze was gently caressing my cheek and the light that surrounded me was the brightest and warmest I had ever felt. I looked down and I was on an unpaved road; it was packed down beige colored dirt with stones and pebbles, and in some areas the grass had grown high and wild covering the path. I could see no other tracks or footprints on this path.
When I looked up ahead of me to see who was leading me, there was a man dressed in a white robe with dark flowing hair. He turned back to make sure I was still following and gave me a radiant smile. His eyes were the color of dark, rich honey and they reflected a warmth in his soul. I immediately knew I could trust him. In fact, I felt like I had known him all my life. He travelled the path ahead of me without ever having to watch where he stepped. His sure footed-ness let me know he had travelled this path before.
He stopped every so often and reached out into the grass and each time he did a child rose. He would usher me to touch them on their head just as he did. These children began to flock around me. A sense of purpose filled my soul.
My therapist asked me to open my eyes. She then asked me to relay what I had seen. Just before I opened my eyes, the man nodded at me. He told me it was time.
I know this could have been my imagination working overtime, but what I saw that day, in that moment felt real and tangible. There are still moments I can feel the way the blades of grass brushed against my hand as I passed. I can still see the light shining down and wrapping itself around me warming and filling my soul. The faces of those children shining up at me and the support as they fell in behind me on the path.
I believe God is leading me down the path toward sharing my gift; I believe God is always guiding me to share the messages he wants delivered through spirit. It is always Him that I ask for guidance and strength to work with both spirit and the people who ask for my assistance. It is always Him.
So, while I may not be an expert on Heaven, I feel that what spirit has shown me is coming directly from the source. What they describe is love. Heaven is love. It is unconditional, ever-growing, never-ending love. Spirit arrives to open arms and they are instantly washed over with love and warmth. It fills their soul to the brim and all fear vanishes.
Heaven is a place where each spirit is welcomed and nourished with all that they need. Everybody is in. Not one soul is left in the dark.
What I have heard in reading after reading is that while Heaven is open to all and everyone is welcome; there are privileges and jobs assigned to a soul based on their journey both here on Earth and in Heaven.
A soul may be required to complete tasks and provide assistance to other souls based on what they have experienced or neglected in this life. While another soul is open to choose and explore Heaven because of how well they lived their life here on Earth. I always get the sense that all is forgiven, but not forgotten. A soul is always required to work through unfinished business and learn valuable lessons that may have been missed or overlooked while on Earth.
I have had the opportunity to speak to hundreds of spirits and all with different ethnicity, religion whether devout or atheist, of all different sexual orientation, all different ages and genders and all of their descriptions of Heaven have the items I discussed above in common.
Jesus came to teach us how to treat one another; how to wash away sins; how not to judge one another. His message was simple; his message was love.
Heaven is love. It is unconditional and non-discriminatory. Heaven is a place we can all look forward to. But it is also a place where we will be held accountable for how we treated others and we will be lovingly guided to heal our souls and the souls of others we may have affected.
For me, God is everywhere. God is in every church, synagogue, mosque, pew, park bench, school, creek, ocean, river, lake, home, mind, heart, every nook and cranny where there is space; God is there.
Like with anything else that truly matters, we cannot use money or material possessions to purchase our place in Heaven, we have to earn it with our words and actions. We all get a ticket, but that doesn’t mean we get to ride for free. We have to do well here. We have to pay attention here to ourselves and others. We have to lift people up and be a part of a community. God is always paying attention and while we are held accountable for our actions; we are always welcomed home.
So in answer to your question; Heaven is love and we are all welcome there. What we do there is up to us; based on how we lived our life here. We are always forgiven and always welcomed with open arms.
One of my sweetest clients wrote to me the other day and she included these questions in her email to me. She wrote to me about dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. She has witnessed these first hand and wants to know what happens to the soul when bodies are afflicted with these conditions. Many of you know that Alzheimer’s is a disease that hits incredibly close to home for me. So these questions resonated with me and I wanted to answer them here for anyone else that wanted to know about souls, too.
Over the past two and half years I have delivered messages from souls who are still in a body here on Earth. These souls had or have bodies afflicted with mental handicap or illness, Autism, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, strokes, cancer, paralysis, and other conditions in which the body and mind deteriorate and the soul may seem to be trapped.
What I have learned, mind you I am no expert – nor do I presume to be – I am just sharing what my experiences have taught me. In this case it seems that the soul continues to remain vibrant and unscathed by what may happen to the body. Our bodies may not be able to withstand these conditions over time, but our souls can.
A soul is tethered to its body – connected by an invisible pull or in some cases I have seen an actual thread. But this does not mean that a soul exists solely inside a body while it is alive.
Did your mind just explode a bit?
Mine does, too – every. single. time.
So let me explain by example. I have met with clients who have loved ones who are still living and are afflicted with dementia, Alzheimer’s or who may even be in hospice care on the verge of their ascent to heaven. These souls can communicate with me even though their bodies cannot and even though they are still in a living body. Again, a bit mind-blowing. I try to explain it by saying: I speak soul. So I don’t talk to the dead or just deliver messages from heaven – I speak soul. So if your soul chooses to speak to me I can hear it.
So these souls have delivered messages to me about what they want to be buried in, what pictures they would like at their funerals, how they know who is caring for them and the sacrifices that they have made. These souls exist both in and out of their human forms. They can see and feel what is happening around them. They can feel their loved one’s care and concern for them.
It is important to note that these souls do not feel trapped. I have communicated with these souls both before and after they have crossed over and they speak of how they were visited by other souls while they were alive. Somehow their souls exist in both Heaven and Earth. They exist and feel unencumbered.
For example, one spirit came through to me and told me how when he was alive he would often awake in the night and wonder through the house. He was always heading for the front door. He didn’t know why, but we all know that would be treacherous for a man with Alzheimer’s to be on the street in the middle of the night. He relayed to me that spirit loved ones would come to him and would help keep him safe inside his home. They would dance, walk and distract him from his path to the door. From his description of events, it would seem that this idea of a soul being able to experience both worlds – both Heaven and Earth – would seem accurate.
The other item that I think is important to share is this…souls feel no physical pain. Not one soul has ever told me something hurts…instead they always tell me what NO LONGER hurts.
Souls for the most part, are light and at peace. They remember physical pain they experienced, but no longer feel it. I always say it’s like childbirth. Us girls always tell our harrowing stories of childbirth, and yet we do it again and have another one because we remember what it was like, but can’t feel that pain any longer. Or even if you have broken a bone – you remember the pain, but don’t feel it any longer. It is like that.
So if a particular person’s brain failed them at the end of their life, know the soul’s consciousness did not. A soul flows through our bodies, but does not exist because of the body – our bodies are just a casing for our souls – souls have cognition, memory and emotion because they are made up of energy; they do not experience physical pain the way we do.
I speak soul and it is my understanding that a soul does not die. It can change, evolve, grow, but it does not die. A soul is always becoming, it is infinite. Our souls are always on the horizon of new emotion or understanding.
Souls abhor when I say they are dead or if I describe what I do as speaking to the dead. They ALWAYS correct me – they are LIVING. They exist. Souls are always alive.
So my sweet, dear client first I am so sorry for your struggles and what your family is going through and what it has been through. I hold space in my heart for you and send healing prayers. Know that even though I may not be right next to you; that I am here step in step with you and if you need someone to just listen; I am here.
But a great woman also told me to not just be sorry, but to be active. So for me, my way of being active was answering this question that you sent to me. My way of being active is sharing what I have learned and to continue to bring some peace to both bodies and souls. May this help answer your questions and bring you some comfort.
I guess my first memory of spirit is when I was two. There was a man in my room. He seemed harmless, but was a tall, balding, thin old man that would come in my room near bedtime each night. Sometimes I would wake up and he would just be there. Even though I could see him clearly I knew he didn’t quite belong. I would go get my mom and beg her to stay and sleep with me. She never saw what I did, but sometimes would stay in my room to calm me back to sleep.
Many years later I would see a picture of my great-grandfather and the mystery of who was in my room each night was solved.
We moved to Spokane when I was three and things got crazier. We happened to live in a neighborhood with a great deal of negative activity. There was a house at the top of the street that a nasty old woman lived in. Funny enough I asked my parents about this house just a few weeks ago and they said it never existed; but I could see it plain as day. It must have been a house that was there before they built our neighborhood. She was not happy to have all the houses nearby and it wreaked havoc. Her negative energy drew in other negative energy.
It was at this house that I was chased to my room regularly by what I would call a demon. It was just a negative male spirit who would appear like a large black dog with red eyes and chase after me down the hall. I know that sounds crazy, but if there were a good sketch artist at hand I could still describe the form precisely.
This is also the house where I had my first dream that relayed to me how I had died in a past life. I watched my lifeless young body be thrown into a pit with other bodies. We were diseased and had to be disposed of after our death. We were all thrown into this pit without a marker. It was somewhere outside of Austria.
Not too long after that we moved to Colorado, I started kindergarten. The bus stop was at the top of our street and after my baby sister was born I often had to walk home by myself. A man with cowboy boots with spurs would often follow me home. He scared me because I didn’t recognize him and I asked him to stay further behind me and to please make the spurs quiet. He obliged like a good cowboy and continued to stay behind me for many many years. He followed me many places and didn’t like when I was left alone.
While all of this seemed normal to me a part of me knew not everyone; especially adults could see what I could see. Many of the kids around me could see things, too even though we didn’t discuss it. I did tell my BFF in kindergarten. But by first grade no other kid that I knew could see the things I could.
We were at recess one day when I turned to my friends and asked whose dad that was on the playground. There was a man in his forties watching the kids play. None of them saw who I was talking about, not one. That is when I decided it was time to stop talking about what I could see to anyone else.
It would be at least ten years before I spoke to anyone besides family about what I could see again.
“If people enjoy what you’ve created, terrific. If people ignore what you’ve created, too bad. If people misunderstand what you’ve created, don’t sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you’ve created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motive, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest – as politely as you possibly can – that they go make their own [flipping] art. Then stubbornly continue making yours.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
Elizabeth Gilbert and my sweet wise-owl friend who lent me Ms. Gilbert’s book just might have given me the best gift ever; a permission slip to stop caring what people think. How liberating is that?!
It is probably about time that I say out loud and with full certainty I absolutely love speaking with spirit. I never stopped acknowledging or talking to spirit because I liked it. It was comforting and in all reality built my faith more than any church I have attended. Using my gift is like fully breathing. It is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes or the color of my skin. Fear kept me back from using it publicly for 35 years. How silly! How immature! Who cares what other people think?
I mean really.
Here I was saying I was the biggest skeptic in the room and then feeling hurt when people would say things like, “It was wonderful. 90% of what was said made perfect sense”. I would hang on to that 90% like what the hell – why do they need a claim to 10% was pure nonsense?! Well of course they did because I set the example! So stupid.
I let my fear of what other people thought be my own crutch. And I hate crutches! I will be that old lady on her scooter with a souped up engine and streamers on the handles. Did I mention it will also most likely be hot pink with glitter? Well it will and I will ride it and laugh with pride. Because who cares what other people think?
Well guess what – if I don’t care what other people think and if I really dig down deep; I am not skeptical at all. The most amazing things have happened when I have freed myself from doubt and embraced my gift with my whole heart.
Like this week for example, I was struggling because I was giving a damn what people thought. Reacting to the output of my work – which I cannot control by the way – I can only do the work and what happens after is not my responsibility. I have nothing to do with how people interpret what is said or their experience with my specific gift. I can only do it to the absolute best of my ability and with the purest of heart and then continue on doing the work.
But I digress, I was struggling with things and you know what? The universe answered. It always does. Each reading this week offered me insight.
I had read that speaking to the dead was a sin and not a gift from God. There was discussion that said that when these spirits come through they say everything is all right and then basically you are off the hook to live a good and decent life. That is not the case! The readings this week reinforced that. Spirits came forward to talk of how they have to pay for their mistakes, how they are held accountable. Others came through talking of how they get to meet with religious leaders of all faiths. How they come together to teach other souls how to continue grow spiritually even in heaven. They talk of a hierarchy of things. There are angles that come through that bring words of praise and compassion, but also talk of caution of our faults.
But most importantly, my faith, what I experience as God is present in every single reading. I don’t allow anything different. That is all that matters. I know that and so who cares what other people think? That isn’t my problem; it is theirs. I can only control my reaction and I chose not to react. I chose to continue on with my principles and faith as I see fit.
But above all else; I know that without a doubt something miraculous is happening when I give a reading. There are things I cannot possibly know; that the person I am talking to does not know. They have to talk with relatives to confirm. I have even had a reading done myself when the medium knew something I couldn’t and I asked my family to find it to be absolutely true.
So here is the vow I am taking;
I have to share messages from spirit and I have to write. These two things make me whole.
These two things bring me joy and I love them both immensely. I will not let fear rob me of my joy in doing these things.
I will not let perfectionism destroy what I know I am perfectly capable of doing. I will do these things because I love them no matter what may come.
I will not be afraid to look ridiculous or sound foolish. I will speak my truth to the best of my ability. Everyone has that right as a decent human and I do to.
It is what I love to do; it is what I must do.
I will not complain or feel angst over this anymore. I don’t feel angst about it at all; I have only ever had angst because I was worried about what people thought and I really don’t want to worry about that any more. I have enough to worry about and now I can scratch that off my list. No more apologies.
I will believe I am worthy. We are all worthy and so that means so am I.
I speak soul; I offer messages from the other side for healing; I can help those who grieve and it is absolutely as invaluable to me as the air I breathe. I will do it because I adore it regardless of what other people think.
wurd.amen.to new freedom from fear and all that jazz!